American Idol: Group Therapy

The original opening line for this recap was going to be “Bikini Girl is a genius — an evil genius, but a genius nonetheless.”

That was when it appeared that the last we’d seen of (or actually heard from) Bikini Girl (pictured, left) was her pathetic, whiny “I only slept two hours” routine to her group before apparently quitting on the competition. I considered that to be a genius move because she’d absolutely maximized and dominated screen time in the early part of the biggest show on TV and didn’t even give the judges (or just Kara) the pleasure of eliminating her or the audience the pleasure of watching her be eliminated.

Then she came back and dragged likable Rose Flack down with her, which led to Rose tearfully declaring “I hated my group so much.” (To be fair though, Rose’s substandard singing and tragic dance moves probably would’ve led to her ouster anyway.)

Of course, Bikini Girl didn’t go quietly — she struck a pose right before she was eliminated, before Simon finally got tired of the whole charade he was helping perpetrate and sent her packing. Was it rude of her to walk out without hugging the girls who’d made it and refusing to make up with them afterwards? Yes. Would it have been better for her to pretend like everything is ok and act like they’re all best friends? Hell no. That snub was the one genuine, non-manufactured moment in Bikini Girl’s entire run on “Idol.” For better or worse, that’s who she really is.

By the way, if you’re wondering why I’ve barely talked about singing when I’m supposed to be writing about a singing competition, it’s because the show barely bothered with the singing themselves. The first half of the show was literally devoted to following all the group singing, team member switching, sleep-deprived, unfortunate choreography drama.

The thing is, I was mostly ok with it.

Here’s the deal: I’m one of the people that gets into the competition aspect of the show with the talented singers. However, it’s been pretty clear from the start of season 8 that the show is definitely leaning toward the, shall we say, “entertainment” aspect of the show by freely and generously letting through questionable-at best vocalists. It wouldn’t be my choice, but it’s the choice the show has apparently made.

So if they’re going to let these jokers through, might as well showcase them during Hollywood Week, right? I mean, isn’t it better that we deal with drama queens like Bikini Girl, Tatianna del Toro, Norman Gentle, Nancy Wilson and co. before we get to the semis and the top 12.

Poor Nancy. As soon as we saw that she was berating her teammates Nathaniel Marshall (for being too melodramatic — which is true) and Kristen McNamara (for resting her voice) for not wanting the “Idol” dream badly enough, we knew that she’d be the one going home. Not that her anger wasn’t understandable (especially when Tatianna tried to join her team and Kristen seemed to let her, for some reason), but her laser-focus (people DO need to rest their voices Nancy!) and her immature response in the end did her no favors in the sympathy department.

Finally, I hope you don’t mind if I just sort of breeze through Tatianna del Toro. She appears to be mildly psychotic and is only interesting to watch because she appears to drive everyone around her crazy. She’s not an amazing vocalist, so why is she still around? Maybe it was because she took the time to thank everyone involved with “Idol” (even the guy who holds the “sound stick”/boom mike). It was almost as rambling as Kate Winslet’s speeches at the Golden Globes (thanks for the joke, Erica!)

In the spirit of last night’s show, I’ll now talk a little bit about the singing, since I’ve dedicated more than half my time on the backstage drama.

The biggest shame of the episode (and Hollywood Week, in general) is seeing the more promising singers — like David Osmond, Deanna Brown and others — get eliminated with little-to-no explanation. Then again, this has ALWAYS been a problem during Hollywood Week, so I can’t really get myself worked up about it all over again this season. As I wrote earlier, the show has made no secret of what it is this season, so I can’t even feign outrage. (You can tell me about how the show needs an overhaul in the comments if you want, but the show is what it is this year.)

From the group numbers we saw, the first group (featuring the rap stylings of India Morrison) won the crowd over (nothing against rap, but does she have any chance of making the semis?) as did the group featuring sorta-frontrunner Danny Gokey and best friend/coattail-ridder Jamar Rogers (though we liked their harmonies, Erica felt they over-sang in their solos to “Somebody to Love”). Besides, their over-singing didn’t get anywhere near Von Smith or even Adam Lambert-on-Wednesday night levels.

It was even more disappointing to see the judges mostly marginalized and sidelined in this episode. Yes, we got a couple of typically snide comments from Simon, and typical useless ones from Simon, but most of their airtime was reduced to out-of-context praise or criticism after they booted or advanced someone. It’s probably not a great sign when the best judge moment was superimposing those red eyes on Paula (pictured, right).

Of course, it wasn’t exactly a shocker when the final two groups of the evening were the most drama-filled ones from the first half hour. Their performances were predictably off (especially the parts where they had to sing together), and the attempts at choreography were unsurprisingly unfortunate (Nathaniel Marshall’s dancing was almost as bad as Rose Flack’s).

Personally, I thought there was more drama watching talented Emily Hughes forget her words (which Simon warned would be the death knell), and get eliminated. I thought she could’ve gone far, but I absolutely understand her ..Hollywood.. ouster. On Tuesday, she panicked and changed her song at the last moment, and last night she just choked. Apparently the producers also thought she had a chance, since they gave her a mini-farewell package. In either case, here was a talented singer who was shown (gasp!) singing AND dealing with the pressure of Hollywood Week. Imagine that.

So what’d you think of this episode? What’s Bikini Girl’s future — Pussycat Dolls-like group or Maxim magazine? (Notice “legitimate singing career” wasn’t one of the options.) Will Emily Hughes’ band take her back? Finally, does this show need an overhaul or are you ok with the Hollywood round so much?