Desperate Housewives: The Brat Pack

There was a lot of bratty behavior on Wisteria Lane last night.

Sure, it was no big surprise to see a few of the adults on this show acting like children, but, in a shocking turn of events, Susan was NOT the biggest brat on the block.

Of course, it wasn’t for lack of trying.

With her new job as an assistant art teacher taking her away from her son for the first time, Susan had to rely on Mike to watch their son M.J. Or rather she ended up relying on Mike’s new girlfriend Katherine, and her magical land of black jack, homemade brownies and paninis, after Mike kept getting called for an unusually high number of plumbing jobs. Was anyone out there REALLY surprised when Susan eventually flipped out and banished M.J. from seeing Katherine? Sure, you can’t blame her for being freaked out after the kid had a serious enough craving for one of those paninis that he wandered out of his house while Susan was in the shower, but the truly bold and shocking thing to do with this storyline (or any storyline involving Teri Hatcher these days) would’ve been to have her act like a mature adult.

Banning M.J. from Katherine’s house is going to be tricky since Mike is moving in. (Getting rid of his house should free up some of Mike’s money for M.J. right?) I can understand feeling insecure about how her mothering skills stack up against Katherine’s. However, the real problem (other than Mike acting oddly jerky as well) is that Susan was accusing Katherine of deliberately trying to turn Susan’s son against her, whereas I believed Katherine when she said that she was simply “being nice to her boyfriend’s son.” Maybe last season’s Katherine would do something devious like that, but this season’s Katherine is “good”, right? (Unless Susan keeps getting in her face.)

None of this will matter if Dave Williams is able to carry out his plan to make Mike “feel the pain he’s felt.” Unfortunately, the only people feeling the pain lately in this storyline are the audience. I started out the season as a big Dave fan, but the thing has been ridiculously dragged out. All of the Dave/Edie scenes seemed to be part of a different (more boring) show last night. We’ve known what his plan is for a month (which is almost as long as his dead doctor has been communicating with his secretary via text thanks to Dave). It’s time for him to take his shot already. It looks like it’ll happen during that camping trip next episode with Katherine, Mike and Edie. Yes, I said Edie. I know she backed out of the icky camping trip at the last second, but my gut says she’ll show up anyway. (That feeling may or may not have to do with reports that Nicolette Sheridan is leaving the show.)

Other than Susan, Gabby was being her usual, (more appealing) bratty self by whining that she couldn’t get the bracelet she wanted after Carlos’ bonus got suspended. All of that got turned around when he caught Carlos’ boss Brad with another woman and renegotiated a $30,000 bonus. I know that Gabby has always been the materialistic one, but I couldn’t entirely get behind this storyline since Gabby was basically whining about not being able to get a bracelet. It’s one thing when the Solises were struggling to get back on their feet, but am I really supposed to care if Gabby can’t afford yet another accessory.

Also, while it was kinda great to watch Gabby make the cheating boss squirm, her and Carlos had their now-predictable change of heart moment toward the end. The couple felt guilty about keeping the secret from Brad’s wife because she credited them with being good people and asked them to be godparents. I get that Gabby is now a changed (and improved) person with a conscience, but just once I’d like to see a storyline with this formerly-edgy couple where one of them doesn’t turn into a saint by the end of the episode. I realize Carlos and Gabby didn’t say anything last night, but you know they will by the christening. Just take the bonus money and keep your mouths shut — that’s how blackmail works, right?

Over at Scavo’s Pizzeria, it wasn’t exactly a shocker to see Tom act like a little kid. The pizza place was struggling (I still don’t buy the premise that a low-cost pizzeria would be hit THAT hard by the recession — fancier places, maybe) and Tom resorted to having his employees pretend to be customers. While I agreed with his premise that an occupied pizzeria was more inviting to customers, having his employees pretend to be laughing whenever anyone walked by was stupid — and kinda hilarious. To keep costs down, Tom had his (not-at-all) Brilliant Idea #2: enlisting (without paying) his kids to work at the pizzeria. I’m honestly hard-pressed to think of a worse idea from Tom. (As Erica pointed out, why not keep 2 or 3 waiters, instead of the 15 waiters from the start of the episode and leave your family out of this?)

The experiment, predictably, was a disaster (who ordered band-aid with their pizza?) culminating in Tom throwing Porter (or was it Preston) against a wall after the twins threatened to walk out when their schoolmates walked in. While this blog does NOT condone child abuse, I actually LOVED that Tom got into Preston (or was it Porter’s) face a little bit because, let’s be honest: those bratty kids needed to be pushed against a wall a LONG time ago. Eventually, Tom realized his experiment was not going to work and agreed to get rid of the pizzeria. While Tom undoubtedly acts like a fool 75% of the time, this was still sad because the guy was losing his dream.

Another said thing was the story of Orson (pictured, left) last night — just not sad in an “aww” way, but sad in a pathetic way. He was undoubtedly the night’s biggest baby.

After a visit to Andrew and Alex’s place he realized they had a few too many fancy decorations in their apartment and learned Andrew had gotten a raise. He did some amusing detective work. He needed the name of Bree’s childhood pet to get access to her financial records leading to a classic Bree quote of “I don’t have time to think about my hypothetical career in the adult film industry” after he asked her what her porn star name would be.

Eventually, he found out Andrew made twice as much as he did. That’s actually fair when you realize that Andrew appears to be, at least, twice as good at his job as Orson is. I get that Orson is frustrated that he can’t get work, but he really should be thankful that his wife pays him for not doing that much at all. Well, apparently he’s not since it looks like he’s embarking on a career as a petty thief after swiping Andrew’s pen.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who’s Dave going to kill next week (if anyone)? Whose side are you on? Susan or Katherine’s? Finally, what’s your snack of choice? Panini or peanut butter sandwich? (I didn’t grow up in this country, so I’m one of the 20 or so people who think peanut butter is gross!)