Dancing with the Stars: 200th Episode Extravaganza

I think it’s fitting that Cheryl Burke accidentally summed up what “Dancing with the Stars” is all about when she tried (in vain) to get Bristol Palin to do a sexy shimmy during the show’s 200th episode.

“It’s not embarrassing…it’s hot.”

As a “Dancing with the Stars” nerd who has seen every performance episode except this season’s premiere (that’s not embarrassing…it’s hot, right?) I’ll admit to geeking out at seeing past alums return to captain dance teams, serve as guest judges and awkwardly stand up to receive tepid applause.

Last night, this season’s remaining contestants squared off in a team challenge before performing “iconic” routines from years past. Let’s see how they did, starting with the team challenge.

Team Kristi: This team consisted of Rick, Bristol and Kyle and appeared to be at a distinct disadvantage from their more front-loaded opponents. (Both Jennifer Grey and Brandy are probably better than anyone on this team.) I was ready to cry foul until I saw that Kristi Yamaguchi owned the first pick – and selected Bristol Palin. I know Mark Ballas is her guy, but DAMMMNNN!

That being said, I actually quite enjoyed their Michael Jackson-inspired routine. Not surprisingly, their group work was better than their individual segments, with Rick and Kyle standing out and the judges praising Bristol for keeping up (i.e. not completely embarrassing herself) alongside the two female pros.

Team Apolo: Soul patches for one and all! Not that we needed any more proof that Apolo (Not Anton?) Ohno is one of the show’s most popular contestants, but the cheers he got whenever he appeared dwarfed those of pretty much every returning celebrity. The guy is so cool, he doesn’t even have to show up in person to pick his team.

Their rehearsal package for their routine – based on Apolo and Julianne’s “Bust a Move” freestyle – was pretty much a microcosm of what these couples do: Jennifer had to take time off because her body was killing her, Brandy and Maks argued, and Kurt made a joke about how he’s nowhere near the top of the leader board. Team Apolo’s routine was pretty good, but I wouldn’t really say that it was DEFINITELY better than Team Kristi’s. Jennifer, specifically, looked like she was having trouble keeping up during her portion with Derek. Still, the team featured the best two dancers, so you knew they were going to get the higher scores. (Why should the 200th episode be exempt from shady judging, right?)

Kyle Massey and Lacey: True confessions time: my all-time favorite DWTS couple are Mel B and Maks, and my favorite routine is their paso doble, which Kyle and Lacey had to take on. I was happy to see Mel B back on the dance floor (she taught us all the origins of why everyone grabs Tom’s butt) but I was nervous for Kyle and Lacey. Fortunately, they didn’t try to ape the original routine and, instead, adapted it to Kyle’s strength, while still keeping enough of what made the original great. I also enjoyed Kyle’s painted on abs. (Maybe I should stop killing myself every day after work and just get a Sharpie.)

Kurt Warner and Anna: They took on season 2 winner Emmitt Smith’s tango routine, and this is where I first suspected that the show would be stretching the definition of the word “iconic.” I also suspected that each of the guest judges would be awarding 10s after Kurt received one from Emmitt following his slightly stiff, slightly lurching, but oddly-passable tango. (Emmitt actually did make a good point during judging when he pointed out that Kurt brings his shoulder up because football players are taught to protect their necks.)

The highlight with these two, as usual, came during the rehearsal footage, when Anna strapped on a helmet and tried a few drills at an Arizona Cardinals practice. My favorite part was seeing Cardinals receiver Larry Fitzgerald when Kurt stopped by – that’s the happiest I’ve seen him all season.

Bristol Palin and Mark: Bristol and Mark had big shoes to fill in taking on Kelly Osbourne’s waltz – just ask Kelly Osbourne, who told the couple they had “big shoes to fill” during her critique. Alright then. I already lightly touched on Bristol’s blah attitude during the team dance, and she brought said blah attitude to her routine with Mark, who basically guilted her into smiling to mimic Kelly’s joyous original performance.

Bristol smiled for about the first 10 seconds, but then went back to her go-to constipated face and occasionally-forgotten steps. I’m not a hater, but this is a gots-to-go situation.

Rick Fox and Cheryl: Rick put his own twist on Helio Castroneves’ quickstep by wearing a garish green suit instead of Helio’s garish banana-colored suit. The Jolly Green Giant’s quickstep was technically good, not great – good posture, but a little slow for my taste. Anything he did on the dance floor was overshadowed by the crazed look on his face, which was supposed to convey joy, but actually screamed “Why so serious?!?!”

Still, the highlight was when girlfriend Eliza Dushku (Tru Calling in the house!) stopped by rehearsal, said “This is how we rehearse at home”, and straddled Rick. Be honest: for a little more than a second, you thought they were going to have sex.

Brandy and Maks: Gilles Marini seemed to genuinely enjoy Brandy’s take on his “Fever” foxtrot, so why did he only give it a “9”. (I can see why Bristol couldn’t get a “10” from a guest judge…) Brandy looked strong throughout this dance, more secure on the floor and in the performance aspect. I’m guessing Gilles busted out the 9 because of the alleged mistake in front of the judges table (I rewound and I THINK I saw it). I love how Len completely disregarded the mistake, even if it made him seem a little crazy.

Jennifer Grey and Derek: If you’re a fan of this show, and you hear Drew Lachey’s name, you think “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.” That’s just the way it is. Ok, MAYBE you think “Thriller” paso doble. My point is that the tango Jennifer and Derek took on is, at best, the third most popular Drew Lachey routine and not exactly iconic in my book.

The judges tripped over themselves in re-establishing Jennifer as a favorite this season (a phoenix? Really?) She deserved the praise because her tango was really good, but I found myself feeling a little uncomfortable while she was dancing. Jennifer really seems to be struggling physically, and when I watch her dance I can’t help but feel like Derek is going to break her. Sometimes the show throws up contrived obstacles for a season’s front runner, but Jennifer appears to be in real pain, so I don’t think that’s the case. Still, I kind of wish her rehearsal packages didn’t always focus on her ailing health because that’s all I can think about when she performs.

So what’d you think of this episode? Was anyone happier to be back than Cameron Mathison? What did Stacy Keibler and Tia Carerre talk about all night? Finally, who do you think is going home tonight? (It feels like Bristol’s turn doesn’t it? Then again, you could’ve probably said that for the last two or three weeks.)