It never fails — if you’re on a reality show and you start talking about how much you miss your kids, chances are you’re going to be re-joining them soon.And so it came to pass in the latest, relatively uneventful episode of “America’s Next Top Model.” But just because not that much happened (besides the girls flying halfway across the world) doesn’t mean there weren’t enough crazy things to marvel at.
But we’ll talk about Tyra’s pants a little later.
The episode started with Ms. J and the girls taking a bicycle ride around beachy Venice before coming upon a bridge and having a gondolier-berating Tyra roll up on them. In case they hadn’t already guessed, (and Chelsey’s barely-contained scream told me she guessed) the girls were going to that other Venice in Italy.
(Cue the jacked up plane graphic with the models’ glamour shots in on the windows.)
The girls were understandably psyched to be in Venice and in their luxurious hotel. The excitement was understandably tamped down when a bird pooped on a few of the girls, mostly catching Liz. Liz, who is already predisposed to complaining, wouldn’t let it go (according to the editing), much to Chelsey’s chagrin. Personally, I think the bird spoke for all of us and was the episode’s MVP.
For the week’s photo shoot, the girls would be posing three at a time with a Casanova. For a second, I was hoping they’d be posing with this guy. Instead, they posed with a male model. Mostly though, I wondered why they were doing the week’s photo shoot so early in the hour. (No challenge this week?!)
The best photo in the group belonged to Kayla. It wasn’t just because she outshined bottom-twoers Liz and Chris, but because her photo was the most self-assured and sexiest of the bunch. Not bad for someone who had a meltdown last week over having to interact with a man.
On the other boat, Ann struggled for what seems like the 10th straight week to get comfortable with the shoot and with the model. (From a logistic standpoint, it doesn’t make much sense to put the tallest person on the floor of a gondola.) That allowed Chelsey (still radiating cool without looking at the camera) and Jane to gain ground on former eventual winner Ann. (Now she’s merely a clear-cut front runner.)
Jane, in particular, is interesting — not because of anything she said (bring up your history degree one more time, please), but because I think she looks the most what people think models look like. I just don’t know if that’s a good thing or if the judges are looking for someone more unique.
Anyway, rain cut the shoot a little short and Mr. Jay informed the girls they’d be moving on to Milan, which my sources tell me is also in Italy and not Japan. (Milan does NOT equal “Mulan”, Liz.)
Once they arrived in Milan, the girls spent their time being underwhelmed by their apartment, which was small by “Top Model” standards, but pretty friggin’ sweet by real-world standards.
That’s when Tyra and the tightest pants I’ve ever seen showed up to give the girls lessons about “slumming it.” I honestly couldn’t tell you anything she said because I was mesmerized by those pants. Why were they so tight? Why were they so high? Why did Tyra decide to show everyone the outline of her vagina?
Anyway, from there the girls met Italian designer Angela Missoni, who put their girls in her winter collection because…actually, I have no idea why the hell she did that. The show worked hard to show us how hot it was in Venice and Milan, so it obviously wasn’t winter over there. Maybe there was a challenge this week after all, and it involved the last girl to pass out winning jewelry.
Angela was joined by her daughter/model/designer Margherita Missoni, who joined the judges panel and apparently became the object of Tyra’s girl-crush.
The result of this week’s panel was painfully obvious. Liz was always going to be the one to go home. Nigel seemed to still be mad at her for laughing her way through last week’s commercial, and Chris’ photo wasn’t even all that bad. (It was an interesting shot — just wrong for this photo shoot.)
In fact, the main source of drama came from whether or not any of the girls would faint, since they were forced to appear at the panel wearing those absurd winter duds. I’m glad no one passed out because I don’t want to see anyone actually get hurt…and because no one can ever top THIS.
So what’d you think of this episode? If you were on a reality show, would you ever mention your kids? How many times can ALT describe Ann as “incandescent” before it stops being amusing? Finally, who do you think is the biggest threat to Ann’s eventual win: Kayla, Jane or Chelsey?
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