Dancing with the Stars: Threestyle

We’ve almost reached the end of what could end up being the most controversial season of “Dancing with the Stars.”

At least five different people have told me that, “If Bristol Palin wins, I’m not watching anymore.” I’ve also seen that sentiment echoed online countless times.

Here’s what I’m thinking: (Besides, what the hell am I doing talking about “Dancing with the Stars” with so many different people in my life?!)

If Bristol wins, it would obviously be ridiculous (you CANNOT justify it in any way from a technical standpoint, and she doesn’t even seem like she wants to win). It would also be a pretty scary display of Sarah Palin’s ability to mobilize her fan base. (If she can get people to call in and vote on a silly dance show, what else can she do?) Finally, I would keep watching the show because I enjoy it a great deal, and because I don’t believe Palin’s victory would open any sort of Pandora’s box that would allow future teen activist daughters of controversial political figures to win every season of “DWTS” from now on.

In fact, in the year of Gretchen over Mondo on “Project Runway” (and even Lee DeWyze over a pathetic field on “American Idol”), Bristol Palin winning this thing perhaps makes a perverse sort of sense.

But enough about all that — you know how you feel about that topic, and now you know how I feel. Let’s break down the dancing last night (in order of appearance), which featured a “redemption” round and the ever-popular “freestyle.”

Kyle Massey and Lacey: Len stopped by the studio to help Kyle with his “redemption” foxtrot. If you recall, Len hated the original “Charlie’s Angels”-inspired routine, even though there was no way for it not to be incredibly cheesy and 70’s-tastic. I think Len’s visit and his tips for Kyle’s technique would’ve been more welcome a few weeks ago. In my opinion, Kyle has already done a good enough job of shoring up his technique to match the undeniable charisma he’s always had as a performer. That’s probably why I agree with Carrie Ann that the first half of the fox trot was too “Why so Serious?” It seems like he sacrificed some of that spark to deliver a routine that was pleasing to Len (who STILL only gave him a 9!) That being said, I still really enjoyed it, and it’s absolutely ridiculous he wound up with the exact same score as Bristol. (More on this in a moment.)

Their freestyle routine was fun and irreverent (just like Kyle), but other than a few cha cha moves, I didn’t see quite as much actual dancing as I would’ve liked. Still, I forgive them for bringing an incredible amount of energy and some impressive side-by-side moves from Kyle. Also, I could probably go the rest of my life without seeing Len Good man throw up gang signs or say the word “boogaloo.”

Bristol Palin and Mark: I just can’t with this girl anymore. I know she called out her haters during her rehearsal package, but I actually don’t consider myself a hater. I thought she out-danced Brandy last week in the first round, and I’ve never called her a terrible dancer. I just think her lack of energy/enthusiasm for this silly show is a MAJOR drag. This was perfectly encapsulated by the shot of visiting judge Bruno and Mark going crazy in front of a mirror to get her to cut loose and Bristol standing stock still. Her “redemption” dance was the jive, which we know she hates because she’s been quoted as saying “I hate the jive.” The redemption dance was only a slight improvement in that she actually remembered her steps this time and didn’t have to deal with a cumbersome mid-dance costume change. (The dreaded gorilla head DID make a cameo.) There was no bite or power behind her kicks (a requirement in the jive), and I guess her dancing to “Move” from “Dreamgirls” was supposed to be an ironic choice.

Although her freestyle dance was better, things only got more awkward in the rehearsal studio. When Mark told her they’d be performing a freestyle to the “Cell Block Tango”, Bristol informed Mark that she’d never heard of it or seen a Broadway show ever. That’s fine — but why not go on YouTube or maybe express some excitement over trying something you’ve never done before? I mean, you’re in the finals! Why not try to have a little fun with it. Like I said, the routine was ok (could’ve been subtitled “Bristol Palin dancing in a cage!”). However, I mostly think it was a really cool routine (I liked the tug of war portion) that was completely wasted on a totally disinterested person.

Jennifer Grey and Derek (pictured, left): We’ve come to expect the judges to over-score dancers in the finale. Not only are there generally good vibes going around, but the judges often use inflated scores to bolster a bottom dweller (hi, Bristol!) or establish a clear favorite. Now, I think Jennifer has been pretty great all year and deserves to win, but I wouldn’t say she deserved a perfect 60 this week (or last). Unless we’re grading on a curve – this just in…we’re grading on a curve. Anyway, she more than redeemed herself for her previous paso doble, mostly because the original paso doble wasn’t all that bad and was memorable for Carrie Ann’s “You need to calm down” overreaction. That being said, Jennifer (mostly) took Carrie Ann’s advice on her arm movements, but the biggest strength of the routine was (once again) more ridiculously good choreography from Derek.

For her freestyle, Jennifer carried a watermelon (you didn’t they’d wrap this thing up without another oblique “Dirty Dancing” reference, did you?) Despite showing some apprehension during rehearsal, her fun freestyle ended up featuring more tricks and lifts than anyone else’s, and she pulled them off very impressively. Again, nothing too memorable or to make you jump out of your chair – I was mostly glad Derek didn’t break her.

So what’d you think of this episode? How great was it that they showed clips of Marie Osmond’s freestyle during that video package as an example of how the freestyle can totally derail you? Now that we have Jamie Lee Curtis and Melanie Griffith in the ballroom, what 80’s/early 90’s icon can we expect to see next? (Where art thou, Daryl Hannah?) Finally, who ya got? (I’ve got Kyle coming in third, Bristol second so they can milk this as long as they can, and Chosen One Jennifer Grey as the winner.)