Much like with "Dancing with the Stars", every season I tell myself I'm not going to get sucked in, and every season I'm sitting there watching the same junk for two hours. (Especially when one of my golden rules is that no reality show should ever, EEEEVVVVEEEERRR be two painfully-stretched out hours long.)But I just can't help myself and, probably, neither can you, if you're reading this "American Idol" themed column.
And you know what? It wasn't bad. Not bad at all. In fact, I actually found myself laughing out loud a few times last night, and actually being invested in the show. You know those instances I'm talking about — they give you a contestant with an appealing/heartbreaking backstory, they may be wearing a questionable outfit which COULD mark them as a nutcase, and, right before they're about to open their mouth to sing, you catch yourself involuntarily hoping that they're good.
That's probably because the producers (wisely) seemed to decide to showcase more of the good singers during the premiere than they have in season's past. That doesn't mean there weren't the usual share of delusional trainwrecks and attention-hungry losers you're always going to get.
Most of those people are so pathetic that I'm not even going to bother mentioning them by name.
And, yes, I'm talking to you creepy stalker guy who incorporated "Columbo" and Peter Falk into a song dedicated to Paula. Why was she laughing hysterically? That guy kinda freaked me out. I'm also talking to you, old guy who looked like my high school biology teacher and snuck into the audition to sing a song called "No Sex Allowed" (worst.song.title.ever). I loved Simon's comment that, because he was over the age limit they couldn't vote — so he didn't get to say "no". I'm also talking to you dorky Star Wars girl, who wasn't all that bad and made some good points about changing what an "American Idol" should be, but undermined herself by dressing like a clown and not even doing up her hair Princess Leia style for real.
Most of all, I'm talking to you, guy wearing a genie costume under a cloak. This guy was the worst of all. Thankfully, the judges tortured this attention-whore a little by making him wax his body (not as funny as the Steve Carell edition) and throwing him out right away. Simon seemed openly disgusted with this guy for wasting their time, which makes me wonder why the producers let him through.
A few bad auditions I WILL mention by name are James Lewis (file under delusional) who took the early lead for funniest bad audition, Temptress Browne, (awesome name) because the linebacker had a touching story about how she was trying out to help take care of her obese mother, and because she auditioned with Dreamgirls' "And I am telling you, I'm not going", but called it "I'm not going nowhere".
Special mention also goes to Alexis Cohen, who I likened to a tranny and the judges likened to Willem Dafoe, and who delivered a decent (if slightly out-there) version of "Somebody to Love". She deserves special mention, not for her profanity-laced tirade (yawn), but for introducing the phrase "I'm going for actressing."
As I mentioned, there was plenty of good last night. I think my personal favorite was Angela Martin (pictured, right), who my sources tell me is NOT the accountant from "The Office", but a young mother/wedding singer whose daughter has something called "Rett Syndrome". This was definitely someone who I was hoping (and so were you, admit it) would be good, and she delivered.
Another one I really liked was the non-showy but still very impressive Junot Joyner who gave Elton John's "I Guess That's Why They Call It the Blues" his own little twist. Unfortunately, for Junot (no, it's Morgan Freeman) "non-showy, but still impressive" has killed good singers on this show in seasons past.
Then there was Kristy Lee Cook, who delivered an amazing version of "Amazing Grace" and is probably the frontrunner after the first episode in the judges' eyes. She's a pretty blonde, who's got the talent. I also liked Brooke White, who auditioned last and sang some Corinne Bailey Rae, not so much because of her fantastic voice, but, as my girl Erica pointed out, she just seemed to be very chill and bring a very calming presence to the crazy proceedings.
There were a few people who got their golden tickets that I wasn't so high on. I mean it's great that Joey Catalano lost 205lbs (which is more than I weigh), but I didn't love his version of "Sunday Morning". Randy was right to point out that, although Chris Watson certainly has the look of a star, he should watch himself with the "uhs" and overall cheesiness. Finally, I just didn't think Melanie Nyema was that good.
So what'd you think of the season premiere? Is Idol back on track or is it too soon to tell? Did you see someone last night who could win the whole thing? Finally, what's worse if you're a woman? Being compared to a tranny or being compared to Willem Dafoe?
(Hope you enjoy those links before they get pulled off of YouTube)
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