"I feel like your usual charm wasn't in this column. It kind of left me a little empty. Your recap of Neil Diamond night made me feel like you're not fighting hard enough." – Paula Abdul on the Neil Diamond night recap I haven't written yet.We all saw what happened so let's just jump right into it. It was revealed last night that Paula has the ability to see into the future (maybe she's able to send her consciousness back and forth in time ala "Lost") and decide that she doesn't like performances even before they actually take place.
The revelation came during a funky Neil Diamond performance week that featured several strong if unremarkable musical performances, but was derailed as soon as Ryan announced at the top of the show that the judges would not be commenting until the "Idols" finished their first song.
I was a fan of this strategy right off the bat. The show had to cram 10 performances into a little over an hour (actually closer to 45 minutes when you factor in commercials), and I thought taking the judges (2 out of three of whom are utterly useless) out of the equation until the very end would be interesting. For better or worse (ok, usually worse) I thought it was kind of cool that the musical performances were allowed to stand on their own for a bit before artificially being propped up by or cruelly torn down by the judges and viewers had to figure out who they liked on their own.
Then again, the disaster that quickly ensued probably shows why the show hasn't changed a whole lot in seven years. The most troubling consequence from Paula's mistake is that she appeared to be reading notes when she critiqued Jason's yet-to-happen second song and quickly tried to cover up by saying that she was looking at notes for David Cook.
So if Paula already has notes (or a script) regarding what she's going to say about a musical performance that hasn't happened yet, she's either got her own preconceived notions or she's getting a script to recite from producers. I know we all joke about the show maybe being fixed and CERTAINLY spotlighting certain contestants and pushing them toward the finals, but if the judges are actually being told what to say regardless of what kind of performance the competitors put on, then it's very troubling. We Americans can deal with people who have drug problems, DUI's, etc. But we REALLY hate it when people cheat and, specifically, when things are proven to be fixed. Much less the most popular show in the country.
Then again, Paula's rough night could've been a result of her acting like her loopy self and thinking Jason had sung twice (I'm not really buying that explanation though).
If nothing else, Paula's huge mistake served as a highlight/lowlight for a mostly meh Neil Diamond night. Not that it's Neil's fault. Like Mariah and Andrew Lloyd Webber before him, Diamond (and his weird eyebrows) seemed genuine and helpful.
The problem started right off the bat with Jason who performed a pleasant, but predictable "Forever in Blue Jeans", then followed it up with a downright sleepy "September Morn." Those two performances were just like every one of his finals performances (maybe Paula didn't need to see the future to guess how he'd perform) and Simon was right to call him out — you've gotta do better if you're in the final five.
Jason's "I don't give a damn" attitude is locked in a fierce battle with Brooke's slow descent into a nervous breakdown. She was able to remember her lyrics this week, but Simon was absolutely right in calling her "I'm a Believer" a nightmare. The song was too low for her, and I felt embarrassed for her watching her shake like a leaf, I mean, dance, and pretend to have fun. Her "I am, I said" was a big improvement, but I'm not sure if it's good enough to earn her a spot in the final four.
Actually, I'm betting it is because, while Syesha was probably the strongest vocalist last night, I'm picking her to finally be sent home. Or hopefully, she'll be sent to Broadway since that's where the judges (or at least the people writing their scripts) seem intent on having her wind up. Her "Hello Again" was clearly the best vocal of the night, and she wisely switched it up with the up-tempo "Thank the Lord for the Night Time." I hope I'm wrong, and she gets another week. Simon telling her she might be in trouble is actually encouraging, I think, because (as he probably knows), it'll inspire her fans to vote. Unfortunately, I don't think she has enough fans to get her through.
Then there are the two David's, who, again, took wildly different routes.
Archuleta predictably picked, arguably, the two most popular (and cheesy) songs in the Diamond catalog — "Sweet Caroline" and America", and Archuleda'd them up. Honestly, how he managed to make songs that were already cheesy, even more so is so astonishing, that I actually enjoyed his take on "Caroline" a lot (even with all the unnecessary runs). As far as "America" — I wasn't feeling it as much, and kind of switched off mentally at such an obvious ploy to play up for patriotic votes. I liked him better last week when he reinvented "Think of Me" from "Phantom", even if he forgot the lyrics.
Finally, David Cook is, by far, the contestant who already looks like a professional, chart-topping musician. He took two obscure Neil Diamond songs ("All I Really Need is You" and "I'm Alive") and made them sound like they'd fit right into an album he'd put out in a few months. His vocal wasn't as strong as last week, but he brought back the rock grittiness to his tone and just looked the part of a star.
Hmm. David Cook rocked two performances, Archuleta was cheesy, Syesha got no love, Brooke was jittery and Jason replayed the same performance he's been doing all this time — maybe I could've taken a cue from Paula and written this column before Tuesday night's performances.
So what'd you think of this episode? Was Paula's flub an innocent mistake or proof that the show is fixed? Finally, who do you think is going home tonight?
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