America's Next Top Recap: Commercial Failure

I don't consider myself a cruel person, but when I saw that we'd be getting the annual "Cover Girl Commercial in a Foreign Language" episode, I was sort of giddy.

Of course, we all knew the girls would struggle to walk, apply lipstick and get their lines out in ENGLISH, so they had no chance taking on a foreign language. That didn't stop me laughing out loud (I refuse to ever, EVER type the online abbreviation for what I just wrote) multiple times during the hour. Part of it was because the girls this season are mostly a snooze, and part of that is that I probably really am a cruel person.

The episode opened with the girls arriving (in their commercial flight) in Rome, the city where a healthy portion of the population rides around on segways. We also got the first laugh out loud moment of the episode when Anya stepped out of the van and "ate it on the ground." I was actually kind of amazed she didn't get hurt since she basically did a face plant on a Roman sidewalk and I was obviously glad that she wasn't hurt.

Last week I wrote that I didn't get the hype around Anya and that I found her to be a little too vacant for my liking. This week we learned that she's probably the nicest person in the history of this show as brought food to and attempted to comfort an ill Fatima. Ok, so I still think she's a little overrated (someone please explain to me why she won the week's challenge over Katarzyna, who put together the coolest outfit, or Fatima), but she's also a genuine sweetheart and a nice person. Then again that fact, and my feeling that she's peaking a little too early before the finale, give her no chance to win.

If Anya is a genuine sweetheart, then Whitney is coming off as, well, the opposite. Thankfully, she only began two statements with, "Being a plus-size model" tonight, but the judges, her fellow contestants and everyone else is beginning to detect more than a whiff of desperation. I like her, but she needs to stop acting like what she thinks a model should act like and just be herself.

Anyway, the girls met up with a gentleman named Claudio who led the girls on segways down Roman streets (take it off of reverse, Kat) and showed the contestants what Italian models clearly posing as regular women would wear. This was all for the aforementioned challenge, during which Gai Mattiolo was overly complimentary of all the girls (except Dominique, who he dubbed "not fresh", before arbitrarily giving the prize (one of his gowns) to the very blond Anya.
After Whitney was done shitting a brick, the girls learned they'd be shooting their Cover Girl spot in Italian.

Is it cruel to make someone learn a script in a foreign language with minimal time to prepare? Yes (even though they can read off of cue cards). Is it entertaining? Hell to the YES!

The absolute worst was Lauren (pictured, left, with Mr. Jay), who apparently became afraid that she would lose some of her so-called punk credibility and launched a campaign to tank the competition this week. She looked like she was miserable being in Rome and randomly started tossing around suitcases while everyone was trying to sleep. She also decided to not even give the commercial a real shot, though her slouched-over, monotone reading was a solid source of comedy.

Dominique (hot tranny overly enthusiastic mess with a scary powdery white face last night) and Anya (just sort of unremarkably bad, lame and spacey) were not as bad as Lauren. Then there's Whitney, who WAY overdid the cutesy act and got killed for it by Jay and everyone on the panel except Tyra. Here's my thought: I 100 percent agree with the idea that it's better to overdo it a bit (or a lot) then to Lauren it up.

The best ("best" being a relative term) were Fatima, who glided through her commercial, and Katarzyna, clearly the most competent of the bunch. So, of course, Tyra thought it was boring.

Then again, Katarzyna HAS been boring this season, er, cycle, but sought to change that this week. I LOVED her correcting Tyra on the continued mispronunciation of her name. Tyra's the host, and she should know how to pronounce people's names by now. Also, Katarzyna brought the matter up in a respectful, non-bratty manner, and Tyra actually turned out looking bad by brushing her off after another mispronunciation. (How annoyed would Tyra be, if someone constantly pronounced her name like Tee-rah?)

The bottom two came down to Whitney and Lauren with Ms. J and the rest of the judges saying Hell to the No to Lauren. It's too bad, because she DID take really good pictures. If she would've acted like she gave a damn, the judges could've eliminated Whitney and gotten the plus-size model out of there (which you KNOW they're dying to do).

So what you think of this episode? How much better is the Italian Mona Lisa Tyra Mail than the stupid crawl the girls were forced to read out loud? Isn't it kind of cool how Paulina pretty much disagrees with everything Tyra says, instead of being a bobblehead doll? Is there anything less punk than constantly talking about how punk you are? Finally, is there anything that can stop an Anya/Katarzyna final? (I've actually got Fatima winning the whole thing — don't tell anyone)