Hell's Kitchen: Unfamiliar Territory

My family was always pretty liberal when it came to cursing around the kids, but I don't even think they would've considered taking me or my little brother Joey to "Hell's Kitchen" for a family night out.

I don't know that either of us would've been eager to order raw chicken or that classic kid's favorite (spaghetti and clams). I'm assuming (hoping) none of the kids could faintly hear Chef Ramsay yelling his creative profanities at the chefs. And I haven't even mentioned the fact that little kids were taken to a place called "Hell's Kitchen" ("Mommy, what is 'hell?'")

Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those people who run around screaming "what about the children?" I just am continuously amazed at the ridiculous situation they keep putting these donkey and donuts ever week.

But let me start at the beginning, which actually began with last week's end (got it?). After an introductory "f--- off" from Ramsay (oh ok, I'm watching "Hell's Kitchen" now, I thought to myself) and calling Bobby a "punk" the chefs thought they were in for a good night's sleep after a disastrous service before they were called back to clean up their mess.

The chefs grudgingly did this, except for Corey, who ditched the cleanup service midway through and went to sleep while still wearing her chef's jacket (ew). Sure, it was a dick move on her part, but it's not really possible for her teammates to hate her anymore than they already do and this wasn't a challenge so there was nothing at stake, so why not?

Next morning, the chef's were summoned and informed that because of their disastrous first three services, they'd be cooking a family menu. I'm sure this was meant to be demeaning to these budding culinary superstars, but I couldn't help but detect a not-so-faint whiff of gratitude and relief.

Of course, it was also time for the week's challenge, in which each of the teams had to make as much usable pasta as possible. Although they were manly men (missed your chance Jason), the guys lost to the girls (led by a furiously cranking Jen) by about a pound, partly due to Craig's incompetence.

As a result, the women got to take the second lame reward in a row, I mean, a trip to the Santa Monica pier.

Beyond all the *beeping* expletives deleted, this episode was interesting in that we saw the emergence of a front-runner and the fall of one contestant considered to be a front-runner (by me at least). Indeed, it DID appear as if Chef Ramsay had taken a particular dislike to Ben and rode him throughout the entire episode (I still don't get why he was the only one who had to shovel horse manure), while Jen (pictured, right) stepped up for the women during the entire episode. Then again, this is "Hell's Kitchen" and she could very well have a breakdown next week. Also, I still wish she wouldn't talk as much. She's annoying.

At the start of dinner service, Chef Ramsay implored the donut Jean-Philippe (or J-P) to take off his tie, while the men tried to prop up Craig at the pasta station. The women took an early lead, getting their appetizers out early thanks mostly to Vanessa, who had managed to stop crying long enough to cook well.

Unfortunately, all that goodwill was sort of derailed when her hand was burned with hot cooking oil and she was taken to the hospital. Ouch! Considering I can't even stand it when a drop of that stuff touches my skin, I'm impressed at how relatively calm Vanessa was. THIS was the time for crying.

Over on the guys side, Matt was not satisfied having only made Chef Ramsay throw up, so he severely undercooked chicken to make as many children and their families barf. He corrected this mistake later when he overcooked some hockey-puck looking hamburgers. Meanwhile, Craig, still looking like E from Entourage and lost without his hat, was still wandering around like an idiot, while Ben and General Bobby inexplicably celebrated toward the end, pissing Ramsay off. Of course, since Chef Ramsay decided to ride Ben this episode, he was the only one who got chewed out.

In the end, the shorthanded women beat the men, and when asked to help the males finish up were brushed away by angry little elf Craig, leading Ramsay to say what we've been thinking watching Craig these past weeks — "Oh my f---ing God".

Bobby was declared best of the worst and nominated Craig and Matt for elimination. Since Chef Ramsay wasn't quite done torturing Ben, he asked him to join the duo and asked why he should stay. I wish Ben had come up with something a little better than cooking being his gift from God and not knowing what else he can do.

Fortunately, that was awesomely overshadowed by Craig's stupidity. Ben said he'd give 100 percent if allowed to stay. Matt creatively upped it to 125 percent. Craig's response? "I don't know percentages — but just over that." So, off Craig went, presumably back to fifth grade, where he'll learn about percentages and cooking pasta.

So what'd you think of this episode? Does Ramsay really want Ben gone or does he really see potential in him (as Ben believes?) Is Jen a legit contender? Finally, would you take your (or anybody else's) kids to eat at "Hell's Kitchen"