Even when this show is kinda bad, it's still unbelievably entertaining.Everyone kept saying that we were halfway through the competition, but I still count that eight of the original 12 contestants were still in it going into last night. Then again, I'm not great at math.
Despite the wonky math, we were treated to Latin night, which promised to be a steamy and red-hot night of television.
What we got was what we've been getting all season — Kristi Yamaguchi dominates, one or two people come close to overtaking her in the overall standings but don't quite make it there, but too many performers are neither good enough nor bad enough to be interesting during their dances, and end up being dull.
I miss Adam Corolla.
Fortunately, everything else that makes "Dancing with the Stars" a singularly outlandish TV experience — the rehearsal packages, the judges comments, the terrible music, the costumes — were all there last night to pick up the slack.
Let's start off with the first performer of the night, who was also my favorite performer of the night — Mario. It wasn't until I saw him light up the dance floor with his samba last night that I realized he'd sort of peaked during the first week of competition. He's come off as desperate the last few weeks, and last night, he was in such dire straits that he did what any of us would've done — turn to Stevie Wonder for inspiration. I'm sure Stevie's seen all of his dances, so he was able to offer reassuring words.
Actually, I don't care what Stevie did for Mario, but it worked. (Maybe I could visit Stevie, and he could help me write better columns.) His samba was smooth and fluid, whereas his dancing was too hard and wild in previous weeks. Now that he's got his swagger back, I hope he doesn't revert to giving off that cocky vibe that sort of got him into trouble in the first place.
The other Latin dance of the evening was the rumba and a few celebrities struggled with it. In fact, the only thing I can really remember about Priscilla Presley's rough and slightly dull rumba was Bruno telling her that her performance portrayed a vibe that made her seem "available, yet reassuringly expensive." That phrase was my second favorite thing of the evening.
My third favorite thing of the evening was Cristian and Cheryl's mini-telenovela during their rehearsal footage, where Cheryl showed off her impressive Spanish skills ("Si"). Unfortunately, their actual dance was sort of a snoozefest. Len's high praise consisted of saying it was "not gruesome", and I tended to agree with Carrie Ann that this couple doesn't really have very good chemistry on the dance floor. My girl Erica is convinced they're hooking up, but I don't really see it.
Was it me or is the show WANTING us to think Shannon and Derek are hooking up. After his now-weekly trip to the hospital (this time for food poisoning) we were treated to a couple of slightly overly lovey-dovey shots of Shannon taking care of Derek and talking about how they've grown to care for each other. None of that really helped her when it came time to shake her hips during their samba in what was a rough and uncomfortable performance. And that was before she nearly passed out from exhaustion during her evaluation.
It was almost as rough and uncomfortable as Marlee's samba, as she had trouble staying in rhythm. Though Marlee is able to shake her hips a lot better than Shannon, her performance was even more uncomfortable to watch, as evidenced by her "thank God THAT'S over look" when she was done. Still, she can take comfort in the fact that she and partner Fabian are probably the most likable duo this season. I mean, flew to Mexico and gave hearing aids to a bunch of deaf kids. How can you compete with that?
Apparently, if you're Tony, you spend a better part of the week teaching Marissa to drop it like it's hot and other stripper moves for their samba. I thought for sure that the judges would rake her and Tony across the coals for not including enough content in their ridiculous dance, but they appear to be afraid of causing Marissa to have a mental breakdown and went WAY too easy on her, giving her straight 8's. That being said, this was, by far, my favorite performance of hers.
Speaking of favorites, the best moment of the evening (hell the season!) came during Jason and Edyta's rumba (pictured, left).
It wasn't anything in the dance itself, which I would've actually given a 10. No, it was the random cut to Len DURING the dance, and the creepy, low-lit expression on his face (pictured, right, in all its glory). I LOVED THIS. Why did the producers decide to cut to a judge during the dance (I can't remember this ever happening?) Do any of the other judges ever look like this while other contestants are dancing? It was absolutely fantastic! So of course, Len (legitimately) calls out Jason (but really Edyta) for posing a bit too much while Edyta danced around him. Come on, Len! You can't look at a bloke like that and then NOT give him a 10.
And now here's the paragraph where I talk about how great Kristi Yamaguchi is. Actually, this week was probably her most successful this season, and it has nothing to do with tying a personal best score of 29.
To me, she's come off as a bit of an ice queen lately, so it was nice to see her embrace a goofy alter ego (Kristiana and Markutio), and see her adorable kids and husband pop in for a visit. These are the kind of things that make her appealing to the many who women who watch this show and who she'll need to win over if she's going to win this competition. Oh yeah, her rumba to John Mayer's "Say" was lilacy-loveliness personified.
So what'd you think of this episode? Are Derek's routines THAT demanding or is Sharon just in really bad shape? How long before Len asks Jason out on a man date? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I've got Priscilla saying bye-bye.)
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