Hell's Kitchen: The (Lettuce) Butt of the Joke

The previews for last night’s “Hell’s Kitchen” promised the most “controversial episode EVER!!”

Of course, that turned out to be a total lie, unless you count a double loss during dinner service (not a first or a shocker on this show) or serving the butt of a lettuce (gross, but not exactly shocking for these clowns) as “controversial.” In fact, the biggest controversy for me was that, by the end of the hour, I actually felt bad for Lacey. (Talk about a shocking twist!) I’ll even ignore how she slipped and fell after the week’s challenge and refrain from calling her “Fat Hathaway” for this week — except for just then, of course.

The continuation of this “Hell’s Kitchen” recap wanted to applaud Giovanni for calling out Seth (pictured, left) on his sissy “eliminating the best people” strategy. Then I realized that Steakhouse Chef Giovanni probably deserved to be in the bottom two for his poor performance on steaks last week, so he’d lost a good chunk of his credibility.

This week’s challenge had the chefs making breakfast for youth football and cheerleading squads. Predictably, the blue team cooked for the boys and the red team cooked for the girls. Even more predictably, the challenge was (once again!) freakishly close and (if we’re to believe the editing) came down to the last ticket with the women triumphing. The red team was slowed by a suddenly shaky Coi on pancakes and a typically spacey Coe-lleen, who’d decided to work on her cheerleading routine. However, the men were even more slowed down by Seth, who promised to make scrambled eggs ala Ramsay, but unsurprisingly fell behind since scrambled eggs was the most popular food.

The challenge made me realize the subtle difference between Seth and Coe-lleen: there’s a good chance Seth is actually mentally challenged, while Coe-lleen is likely a 12 year old trapped in an adult body. They’re both incompetent, but for slightly different reasons.

The men did NOT take their first challenge loss well at all.

Ben, who has arguably been the best chef on the blue team but has DEFINITELY been the most intense, lashed out at his team, particularly Danny, who’d claimed he was the strongest cook earlier. This led to a confrontation between the two, featuring the most bizarre and misguided trash talk I’ve ever heard with Ben saying Danny couldn’t “cook his (beep)!” and repeatedly yelling “let’s see you on garnish!” (This wasn’t exactly a showdown on the streets.)

The outburst by Ben appeared to prompt a mini-revolution and an increase in Seth’s line of thinking. Sure, Robert justified his decision to try to get rid of Ben by saying that he had a problem with his intense attitude, but we all know the real reason was that Ben is obviously one of the bigger threats on the blue team.

The red team was rewarded with a mostly uneventful spa outing that was billed as a camping trip. I did like Ramsay faking them out by saying they were going “camping.” The women looked like they were being punished until Ramsay said “camping — Beverly Hills style!” (I KNEW I wasn’t the only city slicker who feels like camping is a punishment.) It was also curious that only the, um, more “bikini-friendly” bodies were featured on camera during the women’s reward. (Thank God the men didn’t win this thing!)

The dinner service didn’t have any special wrinkles, so I really don’t understand why both teams bombed so badly. From what we saw, I thought the men team bombed slightly harder than the women. Of course, the women weren’t without faults with Coi completely forgetting how to cook spaghetti and Coe-lleen being Coe-lleen.

However, EVERYBODY on the men was abysmal. It would’ve been nice to see Ben back up his trash talk, but he failed in almost every aspect, forgetting to prep sauce for the women and butchering a lamb chop. His nemesis Danny didn’t do any better as he failed on the garnish station (I guess Ben was kinda right). J, who performs a lot worse when he refers to himself in the third person, allowed the butt of a head of lettuce to be served (ick). Finally, Seth wiped the pan with the same rag he used to wipe his face (double ick).

Ramsay (with a wonderful look of disgust on his face) declared both teams losers, told them to nominate two people each and yelled at Ben to get out when he tried to clean up one last time.

The men put up Seth (obviously) and Ben (groan) for elimination, while the women put up Coe-lleen (obviously) and Lacey (huh!) It appears Lacey volunteered to put herself up there because the women didn’t want to risk losing Coi, who IS a good cook, but just had a terribly off week. That would make Lacey selfless, wouldn’t it?

Chef Ramsay called Ben’s name, temporarily raising Danny’s hopes, before sending him back to the line and firing Seth, one of his favorite punching bags. I honestly believe if J had been put up for elimination, Ramsay would’ve fired him and kept Seth to kick around for another week. Ramsay even went out of his way to point out what a disgrace it was to serve that butt of lettuce (BUTTHEAD!)

So goodbye Seth. The show will be considerably more competent and sanitary and a lot less (probably) retarded with you gone. Now the blue team will have to deal with Lacey, who was moved there from red. This led Robert to say “now we have to deal with 250lbs of dead weight.” Ouch. Lacey didn't deserve the hate this week. She even shared a high five with Andrea, her nemesis from last week, for a job well done. Also, Robert, look at yourself - pot meet kettle.

So what’d you think of this episode? What’d you think of Robert’s Chef Ramsay impersonation? (I give it a 7 out of 10 — he had the mannerisms and speech pattern down, but sounded NOTHING like him.) Why would a child want Chef Ramsay’s autograph? (If I had young children, I don’t know that I’d let them know who Ramsay is!) Finally, why would you ever eat at “Hell’s Kitchen” unless you WANT to wait two hours for food and maybe be poisoned?

Lost: Dead and Alive

THIS is the episode of “Lost” we’ve been waiting for isn’t it?

Ever since it was revealed Locke was the person in the casket in the final shot from last season, we’ve been waiting for “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham” which would explain how he ended up “dead.”

Maybe it’s the weight of the anticipation (on my part), but, except for a strong scene in near the beginning and a terrific one at the end, the episode was a letdown. In a season with two or three “A” episodes, “The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham” was a “B-/C+” for me.

I guess I was thrown off right from the beginning when the episode focused on the mystery man from the Ajira Airlines flight snooping around an enclosed space and hiding a shotgun from the law enforcement agent that had captured Sayid. (How disoriented was I? I didn’t even realize the man’s whereabouts signaled that flight 316 hadn’t crashed on the main island, but instead these people were apparently on the smaller island a few miles away where Jack, Kate and Sawyer had been held captive until I read it online today?)

Things didn’t get much better with the revelation that the man and woman (Cesar and Ilana) seem to know each other, which instantly brought the unwelcome feeling that we could be in for Nikki and Paolo: The New Class. I know it’s early and these characters might end up being fascinating, but they were definitely giving off a Nikki/Paolo vibe last night.

While I liked that the show didn’t wait until the final moment to reveal that Locke had been resurrected, having the camera swing around the mystery “man in the suit in the middle of the water” was cheesy. It was made even cheesier by having Locke remove a hoodie when he introduced himself. (I know Locke may or may not have mystical powers, but last time I looked he’s not a friggin’ Jedi.) Bad job by Jack Bender, the show’s best director.

One interesting development is the fact that, while Jack, Kate and Hurley landed in the Dharma-era Island, Cesar, Ilana, Locke and others appear to be sometime near the present. The evidence is in the outriggers on the beach (one of which was apparently taken by Lapidus and a mystery woman, who I’m assuming is Sun). Those were likely the same outriggers Sawyer and company found on the beach (along with the Ajira water bottle) when they were travelling through time and appeared to stop by the future.

The show then jumped into an extended flashback of Locke/Bentham’s time off the Island, instead of the usual Island/real-world back and forth. This strategy works when the off-Island portions are fascinating or told in an interesting way (Desmond’s “Flashes Before Your Eyes”), but I just don’t think last night was up to par.

The early scenes showed promise with Locke landing in the desert in Tunisia, having his broken leg fixed in a brutal way and having a chat with Charles Widmore, who had surveillance cameras set up in the Island’s exit point.

Widmore, usually the cold, powerful tycoon, seemed in awe of Locke when speaking to him. He spoke of their meeting in the 1950’s and told Locke he would bankroll his mission of getting everyone back to the Island. According to him, there’s a war coming, and it’s very important that Locke is there so that the wrong side doesn’t win. Widmore also revealed that Ben had apparently tricked him into leaving the Island, which would explain most of the friction between those two.

The issue, as it was last week when Ben and Eloise Hawking had Jack’s ear, is whether Widmore is to be trusted. Are any of these puppet masters worth believing? Widmore’s story seemed credible, but it’s also entirely possible that he’s playing Locke with the “you’re special” thing that everyone knows is totally his soft spot.

To aid his mission, Widmore gave Locke the services of Matthew Abaddon, the shadowy guy who’d freaked Hurley out in the mental health facility and had inspired Locke to go on his walkabout, which is always a thrill because I think actor Lance Reddick is fantastic. Abaddon explained that he was merely someone who helped people get to where they need to be.

It turns out that Widmore probably should’ve sprung for a debate coach or something to help Locke because his efforts to convince people to come back to the Island were weak, resulting in some odd, boring scenes.

The main thing I got out of the Sayid visit in Santo Domingo is that Naveen Andrews’ Spanish isn’t his strong suit. The visit to an oddly cruel and bitchy Kate was mostly a drag. I get that she wanted no part of the Island and wanted to keep Aaron safe, but DAMN! She asked Locke if he ever loved someone, which eventually led Abaddon to tell Locke that his beloved Helen had died. The best part, by far, was his funny visit to Hurley, who was absolutely convinced that Locke was really a ghost.

The visit to Walt was necessary since the character had mentioned to Hurley that Jeremy Bentham had been to see him. The only problem was that Locke never introduced himself to Walt as “Jeremy Bentham” (plot hole!) It’s too bad, because the idea of Locke sparing Walt a return trip to the Island because the kid appeared to have a normal life was kinda touching.

A little after that, Abaddon helped Locke get to where he needed to be by having his brains blow out and making Locke get into a car accident and wind up in the same hospital as an angry Jack. (And the show helped Reddick get to where needs to be - back on "Fringe.")

This emotional scene was somewhat effective, but I was mostly distracted by what was surely the beginning of Jack’s crazy man beard. I did tune back in to hear Jack’s WAY harsh assessment that they weren’t special and Locke was just a lonely old man. Locke DID get the last word in by relaying Christian’s message to Jack (who had probably already been seeing his old man walking around) and eventually inspiring him to go back to the Island.

Locke didn’t know he’d succeeded, so he set about hanging himself until a familiar frenemy jumped in. Ben told Locke he’d (kinda) succeeded, told him he was special (again, Locke’s soft spot) and saved his life. He also learned from Locke about Eloise Hawking’s ability to help them get back to the Island and that Jin was still alive.

It was the former revelation that seemed to make Ben snap and kill Locke. My girlfriend Erica is smarter than I am, totally distrusts Ben, and thinks that Ben killed Locke once he got enough information (about Jin and Ms. Hawking) to be able to convince the Oceanic 6 to come back and didn’t need Locke anymore.

I’m more of a fool and I like to think that Ben was meant to save Locke’s life because, for some reason, a suicide would not be a valid way for Locke to achieve his mission. I also can’t help but think of “Meet Kevin Johnson”, the episode that revealed that Michael would not be able to kill himself until the Island was “done” with him. Maybe Ben intervening was the Island’s way of stopping the suicide, the same way that fiery car crash stopped Jack from jumping off that bridge in the season 3 finale. Then again, if Ben killed Locke because he knew he had to die and that Locke wouldn’t be allowed to kill himself, why did he say, “I’ll miss you John. I really will.”

I know I trashed this episode pretty well, but whatever shortcomings it had was NOT the fault of Terry O’Quinn, who continues to be fantastic as Locke. He’s as adept at playing both possibilities that Locke is either a lonely old man or someone truly special. It’s especially a treat to watch him go at it with Michael Emerson. Cut the Supporting Actor Emmy in half and give it to both of them.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you think Helen is really dead? (I do, but you never know with these people) Were you surprised to see that Locke's legs still worked off the Island? Where did Lapidus and Sun(?) go? Finally, why do YOU think Ben killed Locke?

American Idol: Half Decent

I’ll make the case for why Norman Gentle earned a spot in the semifinals in a few paragraphs.

After last week’s suckfest, Tuesday night’s episode was good enough to inspire votes for five out of the 12 contestants from our household. Of course, the flip side is that we’re going to see exactly how brutal the new semifinal format for “Idol” is, since only three of those singers are guaranteed a spot in the next round.

It wasn’t just the singing that received a major upgrade. After a disastrous episode last week from a production standpoint, the people behind the scenes apparently listened and scrapped the painful parent interviews after each performance (I’m more ok with the camera merely cutting to the emotional parents after each song, instead of having them awkwardly try to pick up the pieces of their kids’ shattered dreams.)

More importantly, I REALLY liked having the order of the judges’ comments switched around. Randy never says anything important, so it was good not to have him always go first, and Paula was forced to form her own opinion a couple of times instead of mimicking what Kara and Randy said. It’s nice to see the most-watched show on TV not be afraid to play around with its format to try to get better.

Like last week, I’ll break down the contestants in categories rating the likelihood they’ll advance to the top 12 Thursday night.

DONE
Jasmine Murray seems like a really nice girl, and the judges certainly met their quota in using the word “commercial” to describe her, but the girl — in what would become a recurring theme — just did NOT pick the right song. Her “Love Song” started too low, became redundant and was not helped by her embellishing to make it interesting. I know she’s scored a decent amount of screen time up to this point, but the female competition last night was too strong for her to advance.

At least Jasmine had some screen time behind her. I don’t believe we’d ever heard Jeanine Vailes sing until she opened her mouth to over sing “This Love.” I certainly understood the girl’s rationale for coming out and overcompensating for her lack of face time, but EVERYTHING about her performance (including the short shorts) screamed “trying too hard.”

Finally, the things I remember about Kai Kalama’s performance were his slightly queasy facial expressions and his weird haircut (neither too long nor too short). Notice I didn’t mention his rendition of “What Becomes of the Broken Hearted.” It’s a nice song, and Kai sang it competently, but it was the first time I actually totally agreed with and was able to visualize Simon’s vintage “cruise ship/hotel singer” critique. That performance SO belonged in a lobby somewhere.

I SHOULDN’T SAY THEY’RE DONE, BUT THEY ARE
Matt Giraud was one of the stars of Hollywood Week, but his “soulful” rendition of “Viva La Vida” was the worst performance of the evening (yes, even worse than Mr. Gentle) and an insult to the word “soulful.” The only reason he’s not in the “Done” category is because of that great Hollywood Week performance of “Georgia, On my Mind”, the fact that the judges like him and that he’s, arguably, the second most popular male singer from last night.

I’m bummed that Matt choked, but I’m even more bummed to put Jesse Langseth here because, as the judges said, she’s pretty cool (but not “too cool for school” in my opinion). She gets major props for taking a song I don’t really care for (“Bette Davis Eyes”) and making it sound fresh and interesting. However, I see her losing votes to Mishavonna “Drops of Jupiter” Henson (both were very good, but not super exciting or memorable) and missing out on the top 12. I really hope she grabs one of those wild card spots.

I SHOULD SAY THEY’RE DONE, BUT THEY’RE NOT
Ok, so the only reason I’m putting Matt Breitzke in here is because I got burned last week by putting Michael Sarver in the “I Shouldn’t Say They’re Done, But They Are” category and underestimating the country’s affection for hard-scrabble working fathers.

Sure, his “If You Could Only See” was good, but if you saw the first five seconds, you saw the entire performance. I literally thought I was watching those five seconds on a (sweaty) loop. I want to say that he’s done because I don’t believe that America has room in its heart for Matt AND Michael Sarver (who Matt outsang), but after last week I can’t.

Then there’s Norman Gentle (pictured, left), rapidly becoming my girlfriend Erica’s favorite. Why would I defend a guy who, in this column, I’ve called a one-joke coward who doesn’t have the guts to perform as himself because he knows he’s not interesting enough? Also, why would I defend him when he essentially did the exact same thing he’s done (same song, same shirt) his entire “Idol” run?

Well, I’m doing it because he brought last night’s show to life! Call it fortunate timing, but Norman performed fourth after three uninspiring screechy performances, and his brand of crazy was exactly what Tuesday’s broadcast needed. In addition, though he whiffed on a big note, he didn’t sound too bad at all. I’m just saying that if he makes it to the top 12, I’d be a lot less outraged than I would’ve been last week. Finally, I have to give Kara a high five for her nice dig about how Norman wears the same shirt every week – like Simon.

THE CONTENDERS
Let’s just give Adam Lambert his spot right away. Not only did the producers put him in the cushy “Danny Gokey Last Performer” slot, but he certainly delivered the goods. It appears that no other singer in this year’s competition can match his vocal range. I’d only advice him to dial it down a bit. I know Adam said he was scaling back last night, but his performance of “Satisfaction” was WAY over the top (but in a fun way). He’s an amazing singer, but I’d like to see him just sing amazingly and not so much clown around with the howling. (Then again, if he’s got it going on like that, I can’t be too mad at him.)

Adam’s lock on the guy’s spot doesn’t bode well for Kris Allen, who favethe most appealing performance of the evening, making the thoroughly cheesy “Man in the Mirror” palatable. He started out a bit shaky, but eventually settled in very nicely. More importantly, he won the Erica “Cutie Award” and might just get enough votes from the ladies’ to advance.

However, I see a woman winning the third spot, which would leave Megan Corkrey, Mishavonna Henson and Allison Iraheta (pictured, right) fighting for two spots.

I’m going to assume that fairness wins as it did last week with Alexis Grace and that Allison will win the woman’s slot for delivering the night’s best and fiercest performance. She literally had two strikes going against her after her terrible interview with Seacrest (making “Idol School” sound like a dungeon) and picking the uber-challenging “Alone.” Of course, singing “Alone” is only a bad idea if you’re not good enough to hit it out of the par, and it turns out Allison is.

So the wild card will come down to Mishavonna and Megan, and I’m actually picking Megan to take it. As I said before, Mishavonna’s “Drops of Jupiter” was a VERY good and interesting take on a very familiar song. However, the judges were oddly cold to it and harped on how old it made her sound. Very strange.

It was almost as strange as Megan’s “dancing.” Megan absolutely made a brilliant choice by singing “Put Your Records On”, and delivered an interesting, quirky performance, but the “dancing” has got to stop. It’s actually so bad that it’s vert off-putting and distracting. The director needs to do they thing they did with Elvis on the “Ed Sullivan Show” where they were only allowed to show him from the waist up because his dancing was deemed obscene. That’s actually the word for Megan’s “dancing” — obscene.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you like the changes to the judging format? Did you love or hate Norman Gentle last night? Finally, which three do you seem going to the top 12?

Nip/Tuck Thoughts: Objects of His Affection

Following a (relatively) serious episode last week, “Nip/Tuck” was back yesterday to reclaim its rightful place as the craziest show on TV. (Take that, “One Tree Hill”!)

In case Christian’s cancer drama and the death sentence that comes along with it (that I’m still not buying) had you bummed, the show gave us a guy having sex with a couch. And with an operating table. (He could’ve at least bought them dinner, right?)

I thought the show would have a hard time topping Sean in a baby diaper from a month ago as the season’s craziest moment, but Dr. Logan Taper — Christian’s would-be replacement — blew the Pampers off that moment. At first, Taper seemed like an ideal candidate to replace Christian, who seemed to be quitting his job surprisingly soon. He and Christian merely seemed like upscale-design-loving kindred spirits.

Then it was revealed that Taper is an objectum sexual, meaning a person who falls in love with and feels a sexual attraction toward inanimate objects. Of course, we all think this is absolutely crazy (because it is!) and it predictably outraged Sean and Christian (pictured, left), who got a nice joke in about liking nice cars, but never sticking his dick in a tailpipe.

But I have to give major praise to guest star Richard Burgi for a brave, zany, funny, and surprisingly touching performance. I like Burgi a lot from his work on “Desperate Housewives” (the most interesting guy Teri Hatcher’s Susan has ever been with), and he delivered the goods last night. I actually felt a little bad for him when Sean and Christian kicked him out. I mean, if he wants to screw a fancy couch (and if the director wants to haunt my dreams with the visual of Taper gently opening up the couch’s cushion) that’s his business. I just wish he’d put a sheet over that thing. Then Taper went and screwed the operating table, and most of my sympathy flew out the window.

While the effort to find a replacement for Christian went awry, the efforts of the patient of the week turned out considerably better.

It was the return of Allegra Caldarello, better known to fans of “Nip/Tuck” (and “Hearts N’ Scalpels”) as the real-life “Pussy Lips.” The previous surgery was mostly an afterthought — except for the hilarious line when Allegra asked Sean how she knew she’d been abused as a child. We all know the whole “abused child” storyline was invented by insane actress Candy Richards, so finding out that she’d actually been abused by her father was probably the first and only time I’ll laugh out loud about anything regarding child abuse.

Allegra’s husband was dying of prostrate cancer and wanted his wife taken care off when he was gone, so he was forcing her to get cosmetic surgery to make her more attractive to potential suitors. If that wasn’t intrusive enough, he brought about the dorky butcher as a potential husband for Allegra after her surgeries. I liked watching Sean somewhat identify with Allegra, who was also having a replacement forced on her before she was ready.

So it was even better watching Sean get surprised and a little discouraged when it turned out that Allegra was actually ok with a replacement husband — as long as it’s a suaver, more attractive older gentleman. I also liked Sean better because he only had a limited number of scenes with the aggressively-edgy Teddy, who actually had her best scene in a bi-curious conversation with Liz. Teddy works a LOT better in small doses. Most of all, I liked the episodes final scene with Sean alone in his office. The poor guy really IS losing everyone.

In case you thought the episode was getting a bit too silly, Liz’s storyline brought things back to earth a bit. Thanks mostly to Roma Maffia, it was done in a compelling way, as opposed to being a total downer.

It turns out that Hurley’s mom from “Lost” is also Liz’s mom and she was in town for her daughter’s wedding preparations. At first, she was thrilled that Liz was marrying a rich, MALE doctor, but watching her criticize Liz’s weight and creepily hit on Christian gave us hints that she wasn’t exactly Mother of the Year.

Everything culminated in Liz’s bridal shower, where Liz’s mom found out that Christian was dying and mom assumed that was the only reason he was marrying her. (Which it kinda is, right?) Liz unleashed a fierce and heartfelt rant about how her mom had never accepted her and how her fellow lesbians in the room had been her real family. I know I make fun of this show for being absurd (because it is), but if FX wanted to put together a Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series Emmy campaign for Maffia, I would suggest they use this scene. She’s excellent and she deserves one of the spots that’s always automatically assigned to two actresses from the brutally awful “Grey’s Anatomy.”

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you prefer your Nip/tuck silly or serious? How do you think the Christian drama will be resolved? (How would you like to see it resolved?) Finally, would you rather have sex with a couch or an operating table?

24: Mole Removal

As the final minutes of hour 10 ticked away, the sun set on Jack Bauer AND on the first portion of season 7.

And I have to say that so far it’s been a terrific success. I don’t know that I’m ready to put it up there with seasons 1 and 5 as “All-Time Great Seasons” of “24” (we might get there yet by the end of May), but I DO feel very confident in saying that season 7 is in the next tier. I’m even more confident in saying that I’d feel this way even if it didn’t follow the atrocious season 6, which was so misguided, that almost anything that followed would automatically look a little better by comparison.

By the end of the hour, Jack had captured his man, exposed the people involved in a government conspiracy, and someone under his care had been killed — it was like an entire season of “24” condensed into 10 episodes! Most of all, I’m loving that there are still 14 episodes to go (starting with a two-hour, unofficial second-half of the season premiere next week), the same way I loved that there were still three more seasons of “Lost” left to go AFTER they’d gotten off the Island.

Things weren’t looking great for our hero at the top of the hour.

Jack and Renee were still detained by the police, while Marika actually made it into Dubaku’s clutches. If you’ve read this recap, you know my biggest, non-Henry Taylor related complaint of this season has been the Dubaku/Samuel/Marika love triangle. Last week, I sort of bought into the Marika character, after she made the brave choice of helping Jack and Renee with their operation. But the fact that Dubaku didn’t immediately shoot her in that alley for her betrayal and take off in his car stretched the boundaries of credibility in a show already known for stretching the boundaries of credibility.

I mean, are we supposed to believe that Dubaku actually loved her? If so, are we actually meant to feel sympathy for the Butcher of Sangala because he has a heart? The whole thing is confusing until you realize the sole reason for Dubaku not killing Marika was because it would be a lot more dramatic for her to die in Renee’s arms.

Jack and Renee caught up with Dubaku’s car thanks to Chloe’s help and some traffic cams. After a Zippy Taxi (huh!) temporarily sidelined Jack and Renee, Marika attacked Dubaku’s driver, resulting in a movie-quality car-crash stunt. The driver was fine until he reached for his weapon and Jack shot him dead. Meanwhile Marika and Dubaku were unconscious. Renee struggled to pull Marika out of the car, and Jack went to pull Renee out of there, but Renee had had enough of Jack’s cold heart and drew her weapon on him. While I worried that Dubaku would wakeup and escape, Jack helped Renee get Marika out of the car just before a cheesy explosion on a green screen background. Overall, a pretty solid action sequence.

Of course, Jack wasn’t done. He insisted the paramedics revive Dubaku so he could find out the identities of the corrupt officials in the U.S. government. Dubaku mumbled something about a list before passing out and, while the paramedics noticed there was some kind of electronic interference when they were trying to revive him, Jack realized the metallic object causing the interference was the list. Success! Jack curiously entrusted the information to a random police officer who was to bring the intelligence to Moss and Chloe.

Then again, Renee wasn’t done with Jack. After a guilt trip from Marika’s sister, she railed at Jack and repeatedly asked him if he felt nothing. I’d write the exact quotes here, but it’s pretty much the exact same thing she’s been saying for the last four episodes. This week, she DID go “there” with Jack (bring up his dead wife Teri), which, we know from watching Jack almost choke Tony to death, is not a good idea. The scene was well-acted (if not a bit soapy), but it was really more of the same — it was me wishing there was some way for Renee come off as compassionate instead of weak in these scenes. I kinda hope the show is done with Renee for now unless she has something new to bring to the table. (Plus, I think it’d be good for her and/or Dubaku to take a few hours off and maybe make an impact toward the end of the season.)

However, I’m totally ok if the show wants to keep exploring her colleagues at the FBI. Everything that’d been set up with the characters in the FBI office came to a head in last night’s episode. Early on, it was revealed that Erika (pictured, right with Sean) was ALSO a mole along with Sean (yes! I wasn’t TOTALLY wrong). I like the “Scream”-like reveal of two bad Feds because it’s both almost impossible to predict and more sensible. I mean, wouldn’t you WANT two operatives working for you at the FBI instead of one person trying to do it all, if possible?

Fortunately for Sean, Erika was a more unstable mole, so he was able to manipulate her, use her to erase the Dubaku file Jack had recovered AND frame her as the only mole. Honestly, the only person who didn’t see the frame job coming was Erika. He shot and killed her, then shot himself in the arm before Moss and Chloe rushed in to see who was erasing Dubaku’s file.

The show also threw in a couple of nice twists along the way. When Chloe announced the files had been erased, I feared that we’d have another hour of protracted drama with the evil government forces trying to finish Dubaku off in the hospital before he could talk. However, it turns out that Chloe WAS able to recover the files (methinks she thought Sean was shady and just said they couldn’t be recovered for his sake). Finally, when Sean finally got away from Janis and began slipping away from the FBI office, I thought he was going to make it, until Moss grabbed him and threw him against the wall. Sean lawyered up and Moss backed off. Jack would’ve just yelled at him louder.

Instead, we saw Jack in a quiet moment on the steps of the Capitol. He actually seemed to be enjoying himself a bit until Tony (hello again!) showed up to tell him about a new threat courtesy of Dubaku’s boss, Gen. Juma. From the previews, we saw that target is the White House where Sen. Mayer and his aide Burnett are headed. You’ll recall Sen. Mayer was the man who was grilling Bauer during the hearing at the start of the season. However, the big reveal is that his aide Burnett is the smarmy, suited guy who was working with Dubaku. It was a nice twist in that I didn’t see it coming because I wasn’t thinking about it at all BUT it makes sense. Bringing Sen. Mayer back into the fold at the end of the first portion of the season is also a great way for things to come full circle.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did I spoil “Scream” for you in this recap? (If so, it’s kinda your fault — it’s been more than 10 years.) Are you as interested as I am in finding out why Olivia Taylor hates her mom so much? (What bad luck that the one place the Prez claimed was absolutely safe is Gen. Juma’s next target.) Why was President Taylor so hesitant when Bill asked her to help Jack with Sen. Mayer? (Hasn’t he done enough for her?) Finally, after all the sideways glances he’s been giving Jack and his general shadiness, do we really trust Tony?

John's (and Friends') Oscar Picks

Ok, so I’m away from my regular computer. Still, my friend Johnny has

been kind enough to let me use his computer so I could get our SUPER
last-minute Oscar picks in. Let’s get right to it.

BEST PICTURE
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Frost/Nixon
Milk
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire

John and Erica Think: Slumdog Millionaire

Alex Thinks: Milk

Johnny Thinks: Frost/ Nixon

DIRECTOR

David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon

Gus Van Sant, Milk

Stephen Daldry, The Reader

Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire


John and Alex Think: Danny Boyle

Erica Thinks: Gus Van Sant

Johnny Thinks: David Fincher

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Frozen River
Happy-Go-Lucky
In Bruges
Milk
WALL-E


John, Erica and Johnny Think: Milk

Alex Thinks: Wall-E

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Doubt
Frost/Nixon
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire


John, Johnny Think: Slumdog Millionaire

Alex: Benjamin Button

Erica: Frost/Nixon

ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE

Richard Jenkins, The Visitor

Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon

Sean Penn, Milk

Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler


John and Erica Think: Sean Penn

Johnny and Alex Think: Brad Pitt

ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE

Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married

Angelina Jolie, Changeling

Melissa Leo, Frozen River

Meryl Streep, Doubt

Kate Winslet, The Reader


John and Alex Think: Meryl
Streep

Johnny Thinks: Anne Hathaway

Erica Thinks: Kate Winslet

ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Josh Brolin, Milk

Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder

Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Doubt

Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight

Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road


John, Alex, Johnny Think: Heath Ledger

Erica Thinks: Michael Shannon

ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Amy Adams, Doubt

Penélope Cruz, Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Viola Davis, Doubt

Taraji P. Henson, The Curious Case of Benjamin
Button

Marisa Tomei, The Wrestler

John and Erica Think:
Penelope Cruz

Alex Thinks: Amy
Adams

Johnny Thinks: Marisa Tomei

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
The Baader Meinhof Complex
(Germany)
The Class (France)
Departures (Japan)
Revanche (Austria)
Waltz with Bashir (Israel)


John Thinks: Waltz with Bashir

Alex Thinks: Departures

Erica Thinks: Revanche

Johnny Thinks: The Baader Meinhof Complex

ANIMATED FEATURE
Bolt
Kung Fu Panda
WALL-E

We all pick: Wall-E

DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
The Betrayal (Nerakhoon)
Encounters at the End of the World
The Garden
Man on Wire
Trouble the Water

John, Erica and Alex Think: Man on Wire

Johnny Thinks: Encounters at the End of the World

DOCUMENTARY SHORT
The Conscience of Nhem En
The Final Inch
Smile Pinki
The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306

John and Johnny Think: Smile Pinki

Alex Thinks: The Witness

Erica Thinks: The Final Inch

SHORT FILM - ANIMATED
La Maison En Petits Cubes
Lavatory - Lovestory
Oktapodi
Presto
This Way Up

John Thinks: La
Maison En Petits Cubes

Alex and Johnny Think: Presto

Erica Thinks: Oktapodi

SHORT FILM - LIVE ACTION
Auf Der Strecke (On the Line)
Manon on the Asphalt
New Boy
The Pig
Spielzeugland (Toyland)


John Thinks: The Pig

Erica Thinks: New Boy

Alex Thinks: Spielzeugland

Johnny Thinks: Auf Der Strecke

ORIGINAL SCORE
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Defiance
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire
WALL-E

John and Erica Think: Slumdog Millionaire

Johnny Thinks: Benjamin Button

Alex Thinks: Wall-E

ORIGINAL SONG

"Down to Earth" - WALL-E

"Jai Ho" - Slumdog Millionaire

"O Saya" - Slumdog Millionaire


John Thinks: O Saya

Alex and Erica Think: Down to Earth

Johnny Thinks: Jai Ho

ART DIRECTION
Changeling
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
The Duchess
Revolutionary Road

John and Erica Think: Benjamin Button

Johnny and Alex Think: Dark Knight

CINEMATOGRAPHY
Changeling
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
The Reader
Slumdog Millionaire


John and Erica Think: Slumdog Millionaire

Alex Thinks: Dark Knight

Johnny Thinks: Benjamin Button

COSTUME DESIGN
Australia
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Duchess
Milk
Revolutionary Road


John and Erica Think: The Duchess

Alex and Johnny Think: Benjamin Button

MAKEUP
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Hellboy II: The Golden Army


Erica Thinks: Benjamin Button

John, Alex and Johnny Think: The Dark Knight

SOUND MIXING
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Slumdog Millionaire
WALL-E
Wanted

John, Alex and Erica Think: The Dark Knight

Johnny Thinks: Wall-E

SOUND EDITING
The Dark Knight
Iron Man
Slumdog Millionaire
WALL-E
Wanted


John Thinks: Slumdog Millionaire

Erica Thinks: The Dark Knight

Johnny and Alex Think: Iron Man

VISUAL EFFECTS
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Iron Man

John and Erica Think: Benjamin Button

Alex Thinks: The Dark Knight

Johnny Thinks: Iron Man

FILM EDITING
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Dark Knight
Frost/Nixon
Milk
Slumdog Millionaire

John and Erica Think: Slumdog Millionaire

Alex and Johnny Think : The Dark Knight

Hell's Kitchen: High Steaks

It seems like forever since the latest (travesty of an) episode of “Hell’s Kitchen.”

You might recall last time on “Hell’s Kitchen,” promising chef (who also appeared to be a promising human being) was prodded by the producers to drop out to keep train wrecks Lacey and Coe-lleen around. I mean, she nobly sacrificed herself for the good of the team after injuring her ankle. Yeah, that’s what happened. In case you thought Ji quitting was a spontaneous occurrence, last night’s elimination result reminded us that the show’s producers are not quite ready to let their biggest fools go quite yet.

In the continuation of this “Hell’s Kitchen” recap, I talk about how awesome I think Andrea (pictured, right) is for, once again, reiterating that half of Ji is better than Lacey and Coe-llen combined. I also love her for getting in Lacey’s (fat) face and telling her to get her (fat) ass in gear and wondering why she couldn’t have gotten injured instead of Ji. (Too mean on Andrea’s and my part, I know, since I’m no fitness model, but this girl is just unbearable.) It’s just so hard when you’re “the pretty girl” and everyone hates you.

Of course, I also worry a bit that Andrea’s sanity, since no one’s apparently told her that she’s on a joke of a “reality competition” and she’s taking the entire thing WAY too seriously (more on that in a bit).

This week’s challenge was to correctly identify the cuts of steak on a table and place them in their proper place on prop cows in Hell’s Kitchen. Unfortunately, the chefs were only half paying attention when Scott took them on a road trip to a slaughterhouse to learn everything they needed to know for the challenge, which was stuff they probably should’ve known already, right?

The blue team has apparently been watching the show and pegged Ben as their first competitor ahead of Giovanni, who runs a steakhouse, but didn’t get a chance to volunteer. Ben got all of the cuts right except for one, but Giovanni stepped in and corrected his mistake, and the guys were off to a fast lead.

And then, eventually, Seth happened. He somehow managed weakly ring the bell and get 7 out of 8 cuts of beef on the prop cow wrong, and allowed the women to catch up. J became a favorite of mine again by not referring to himself in the third person this week and for desperately asking, “Seth, what the f--- are you doing?!”

Fortunately for the men, Lacey set the women back, allowing the guys to pull out their third straight win. Off they were to a steakhouse and wine tasting on a private jet, which, mercifully, was able to carry Robert’s weight. Robert announced that he was to be married the following day, and that he’d sacrificed everything for “Hell’s Kitchen.” This led to two thoughts: 1.) I figured he might quit if the guys lost so he could be with his fiancée and 2.) Dude, this is SO not worth it.

The red team was left behind to deal with huge, bloody slabs of beef and to make me snicker by making comments about all the meat in their face. Lacey fell and gave the red team hope that she’d suffered a serious enough injury to make her quit, but it turned out the blood belonged to the beef.

The women (for some reason) eventually had to shovel down all the undesirable part of the cow, leading them all to vomit in a really contrived sequence (even for this show). Still, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy Andrea trying to give a pseudo-inspirational speech while puking into a pot. This girl might have a meltdown before all is said and done, but damn if she isn’t trying to bring this team together.

The dinner service seemed simple enough. Both teams would have two hours to serve a meal revolving around steak, while their opponents worked as the wait staff. Though, I try not to side with Lacey as a general rule, I definitely agree with her that the contestants shouldn’t keep being asked to be waiters. I don’t’ like this trend – that’s not why the chefs are here. They’re here to be humiliated and yelled at on national TV. I mean, they’re here to win a prestigious job in Atlantic City. Yeah that’s it.

The guys took to the kitchen first and were a disaster. Lacey was bad (and predictably lazy) as a waitress, but the guys were even worse in the kitchen. Ben had one of the biggest brain farts I’ve seen on the show from a competent person and decided to make dessert before the first appetizer was out. Giovanni the Steakhouse guy kept botching the steak, and Charlie was a disaster with the shrimp. Still, he wasn’t as bad as Seth, who’d never prepped a steak before, and butchered a filet mignon. This caused Ramsay (who was in fine form last night) to hurl the wasted meat at him, call him a “f---ing bozo!” and led Seth to ask “Where were you a chef? In your parents’ house!?” They didn’t even come close to finishing the dinner service, so Ramsay “shu-tit-down!”

With such a low bar to clear, the women beat the blue team, despite having Coe-lleen’s super short-term memory and possible sabotage by the men, who kept sending back perfectly good pieces of steak in an apparent effort to slow them down (kudos to Ramsay for catching on to this). Despite Andrea’s best efforts, the red team could not complete their service on time, but outperformed the men.

The blue team decided to nominate Charlie and Seth. However, Seth wasn’t going down without a fight, pointing out that Giovanni should’ve been better at the steak station (a valid point) and expressing that he would nominate the strongest person. If I had any respect left for Seth, I would’ve lost it right here. I understand strategy, but I hate it when people on reality shows (especially ones where you have to work as a team) try to get rid of strong individuals because they’re the biggest “competition.” As the philosopher Ric Flair likes to say, “To be the best, you gotta beat the best (woo!)” Also, Ramsay can always sniff out when teams try to do this, and usually sets things right.

J absolutely completed his trifecta of absolute awesomeness last night by absolutely putting Seth in his place when he absolutely tried to interrupt, but Ramsay (and the producers) absolutely made yet another absolutely boneheaded decision by absolutely letting Charlie go. (See, Seth, isn't isn't it annoying when someone talks like this?) Yes, he was an awful waiter, and no, you should never pour bacon bits on a customer, but Seth is FAR worse. However, the show clearly (and correctly) believes that it will just be more fun to mock Seth for a few weeks more so he gets to stay. Like it or not, it’s how the show works. Personally, it gets on my nerves, but then I remember that I laughed my ass off when Ramsay called him a “f---ing bozo!”

So what’d you think of this episode? Did Charlie really deserve to go home before Seth? Who is more hopeless? Seth or Coe-lleen? What will happen first? Lacey being eliminated or Andrea having a stroke? Finally, where does one even get fake prop cows?

Lost: Now Jack's a Believer

Ben did NOT just kill (or try to kill) Penny, did he?!

That’s just one of the many questions spinning through my head after the latest episode of “Lost.” After the outstanding “This Place is Death” last week, I fully expected “316” to dial back the action a bit.

Indeed, the first solid 20 minutes of the episode were heavy on the exposition with Fionnula Flanagan probably overacting a tad in an effort to liven up the sci-fi mumbo jumbo as she explained to her audience (including us at home) how it was possible to get back to the Island. However, by the end of the episode, we realized the show had effectively —and literally — gone back to the beginning. Recreating the shot from the pilot of Jack waking up in the jungle before leaping (again, literally, with an awesome dive!) into action in the opening scene was a nice touch. More importantly, the show introduced more than enough questions regarding characters we already know pretty well to keep us busy for the next month.

The best thing about it is that it just felt right. Putting these characters (or at least three that we know of) back on the Island didn’t feel like the writers had gotten impatient having them apart or anything else that might have felt unnatural. While most of their off-Island adventures were done fantastically well (and last night’s off-Island scenes felt a little creepy or haunting to me), these people just BELONG on this Island, don’t they?

No character personifies that better than Jack (pictured, left).

I thought Matthew Fox (who sometimes gets flack for his acting) was kind of brilliant last night from his very first scene. When Jack woke up in the jungle this time, Fox was able to convey wonder, relief, excitement and joy in his face, which aren’t exactly traits Jack has shown in the past. Later on in the episode, we learned how Jack completed his slow crawl from “Man of Science” to “Man of Faith” (recalling the title of season 2’s premiere), but even before that I knew Jack was “back” as he woke Kate up and rescued Hurley from drowning. Like Locke, Jack is “the man” on the Island. Off the Island, he’s simply “the loser, crazy-bearded man” just like Locke was the “pathetic, crippled guy.”

If you don’t believe me, go back and watch his off-Island scenes, where he’s constantly being chewed out by Kate or playing meek second banana to Ben.

Ah Ben. As if we needed any confirmation, Ms. Hawking reminded us that Ben is “probably not” telling the truth most of the time. In this case, she was referring to whether or not Ben knew about the existence of “The Lamppost.” I won’t bore you with all the details (because I don’t understand them all), but basically Ms. Hawking told our group that a very clever fellow built the Lamppost, which sits on a pocket of electromagnetic energy (like the Island) and she can use it to predict where the Island will be, since it’s always moving. Hawking also said that Jack and company needed to try to recreate the conditions of their original crash as closely as possible or the results could be unpredictable. There was an Ajira Airlines flight to Guam that was supposed to fly them into their 36-hour window of opportunity to get back to the Island.

Of course, this was important stuff we were learning, but Flanagan performing her scenes like she was telling a ghost story made them a bit too silly. No wonder Desmond got fed up and stormed out. Seriously though, I think Desmond is more right than he knows in saying that the castaways are really pawns in a major game between Ben, Widmore, Hawking and others (or Others). That being said, do we trust what Hawking has to say any more than we do what Ben says?

Either way, the game play continued as Hawking told Jack that he’d need something of his father’s to put on Locke’s dead body, which would be playing the role of Christian Shephard’s dead body from the original flight. Jack hesitated, but Ben convinced him with a nice speech about how Jack needed to stop being a Doubting Thomas.

Along with Fox, Michael Emerson (who, apparently can’t go more than 5 episodes without getting his characters’ face pummeled in) was outstanding in this episode. (What else is new, right?) It was fantastic to see Ben back in his scheming, lying, selective information revealing glory. He told Jack he had to keep a promise to an old friend, which could possibly mean he had to keep the promise that he was going to kill Charles Widmore’s daughter, who we know is nearby. He was also great in every single one of his scenes on the plane with Jack, lying to him in his sarcastic answer to Jack’s question about how he could read (we know his mother died during childbirth) and suspiciously getting up and walking away right before the plane started rocking and Jack and Co. woke up on the Island. I’ll bet you anything he’s also lying about not having anything to do with Locke’s death.

More interestingly, a couple of moments in his scenes with Jack reinforced the whole “Jack is becoming Locke” theme. Ben showed more than a bit of his jealousy when he pointed out that he got to “stay after school” with Ms. Hawking. This is similar to the feelings he had towards Locke, once Locke was able to communicate with Jacob and became the new “chosen one.”

Speaking of Locke, that character has become so fully-realized over five seasons, that I thought Terry O’Quinn was damn effective even though he didn’t have a line of dialogue. Just lying in that coffin, while Jack put his father’s shoes on him, I DID imagine Locke slyly smiling (not laughing his ass off, as Jack guessed) as Jack came over to “his side”. I also could almost hear his voice as Jack read his simple, sad “suicide” note of “I wish you had believed.”

Well, by the end of the episode, Jack DID believe. Originally, I thought that the scene where he got Christian’s shoes from his outta-leftfield grandfather Ray was a little contrived. However, watching everything and everyone (with a bonus clean-shaven Frank Lapidus — original 815 pilot, if you call — thrown in!) come together on Ajira flight 316, I realized the shoes magically being there, wasn’t so much convenient — it was in keeping with the idea that everything was falling into place to make Jack a believer.

Of course, while that may work for Jack, we, the audience, need some questions to be answered. Such as what (or who) would convince Kate (Evangeline Lilly was quietly fantastic in her few scenes last night) to dump Aaron and want to return? Is it just as simple as she left him with Claire’s mom or is it something else? We’ll have to wait and see because we’re not allowed to bring it up with her.

What about Hurley? What possessed him to come back (after, apparently, being released from prison rather inauspiciously)? I’m going with Charlie, not just because Hurley was rocking a guitar case (that might represent Charlie in the original flight), but because Charlie’s presence has spooked Hurley into action before (recall his high speed chase in season 4’s “The Beginning of the End”).

What about Sayid, seemingly a prisoner, and his apparent (and silent) female captor. I like that Sayid was representing Kate’s predicament from the original flight, but I’m curious to find out what the deal is with his companion and the shadowy guy who gave Jack his condolences.

That reminds me — the transfer of Locke’s body went a LOT smoother than the transfer of Christian’s body, which made Jack beg to the airline attendant. Maybe that difference in circumstances (and others) resulted in the castaways landing in the Island during the Dharma-days, which is apparently where Jin (and I’m guessing the rest of the time travelers) have settled. (Maybe he was on his way to one of those Dharma schoolrooms to teach a young Charlotte how to speak Korean.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Which “clever fellow” do you think built the lamppost? (I’m going with a Dharma-era Faraday, who was also able to find the Island when he was on Widmore’s freighter in the present.) If the Oceanic 6 only had a 36-hour window to get back to the Island, why did the action flash back 46 hours from the opening scene in the jungle? What else do you think Desmond has to do since the Island “isn’t done with him”? Finally, what are your guesses on what drove Kate, Sayid and Hurley to the Ajira flight and where (or when) do you think Sun, Sayid, Ben, Lapidus and the rest of the passengers ended up?

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: A Modest Proposal

I thought that Sean was supposed to be the sensible one and that Christian was supposed to be the reckless, out-of-control, childish one.

Following what was, perhaps, the funniest episode of the season, the show got considerably more serious with Christian’s apparently fatal cancer diagnosis last night. And while it might be WAY too much to call contemplating suicide and rushing into an ill-advised marriage “sensible,” Christian mostly acted like the adult last night while Sean continued to act like an idiot.

I’ll admit that Sean’s adventures with the oh-so-edgy Teddy were partly entertaining — breaking into an open house to fool around DOES sound like fun — but it was mostly a remake of last week’s storyline. Last week, Teddy made him go too far by snapping the picture of Sean with the patient’s penis. This week, Teddy made him take some curiously strong tea and go on some sort of indulgent spirit quest that had him experiencing trippy flashbacks during surgery (pretty much the worst time for that to happen).

In the end, Sean explained that he was too responsible by nature due to him being a surgeon. (So, apparently, anesthesiologists are just wild cards.) I also liked Sean desperately trying to convince Teddy that was edgy by telling her “I had sex with a doll.” If next week’s previews are any indication, he’ll be back on the Teddy bandwagon (and back on Teddy). I hope they throw in a new wrinkle because I don’t want to be complaining once again that it was the same thing.

Sean was much more effective when he stepped up and told Christian that he would never die alone in a touching scene between the two friends near the end of the episode.

Until then, Christian was on a pretty severe downward spiral after finding out that he had less than a year to live. The news was especially crushing after being reminded earlier that morning how much of a horrible person he was after Kimber told Sean that Christian had also injected baby Jenna’s lips. Now he was going to die with everyone in the world hating him.

Except, of course, for the person who always loved and accepted him for being an a-hole.

So off he was to Miami in a ridiculous hat to propose marriage to Liz (pictured, right, with Christian), who was about to be setup by her slightly insensitive new boss. Even though Christian is pretty much a bad person, I believe that, on more than occasion, he’s genuinely tried to become a good one. The tragedy of the character is that his true nature always gets in the way.

Julian McMahon was so good last night that he even convinced me that Christian would be able to convince Liz to come back despite breaking her heart very recently. He even showed enough vulnerability and pain to convince me that Liz (a strong sensible person) would agree to stay with him even after finding out that Christian was dying (a small detail he left out during his proposal). As she said, she was going to end up taking care of him anyway — might as well get a sweet ring out of the deal.

I also liked watching him bond with the “Tree Man” patient of the week, though that might have something to do with the fact that I’ve watched a couple of documentaries on the real-life Tree Man and find his case fascinating.

At first, I was a little surprised that Christian would just pack it in and accept death (he’s not willing to try any experimental treatments). Then I remembered that, as a doctor, he would have a more realistic viewpoint of his chances. More importantly, Christian is WAY too vain to go out slowly deteriorating on a hospital bed.

I do remain curious how the writers are going to get out of this corner. There’s still the remainder of this season to consider and an entire season 6. Will Christian find some sort of miracle cure or will the end of the show coincide with the end of Christian’s life?

So what’d you think of this episode? Did Liz give in (or come back) too quick? Is the office big enough for two anesthesiologists? Finally, though Sean didn’t have to buy the house he had sex in with Teddy, he could’ve at least bought the bed, right?

American Idol: Weak One of the Semifinals

I thought this was supposed to be the part of an “American Idol” season when the good singers showed up.

Sure, there were a couple of good performances, but there were just as many singers ranging from atrocious to forgettable last night which, I guess, is what you get when you expand the semifinal field from 24 to 36. (Apparently, expansion is having a bigger, more damaging effect on the talent level at “Idol” than it has on professional sports.)

In fact, the singing was almost as bad as the production values in last night’s episode. Detractors can say a lot of things about “American Idol”, but one thing it’s had going for it all these years is that it’s a relatively smooth television presentation considering all the chaos that must be going on behind the scenes.

All that being said, last night was a disaster all the way around. Everything — from the awkward parent interviews that appear to serve no purpose other than to incite a future screaming match between Simon and an angry mom, to the wrong video packages being queued up, to the random cuts to the ground backstage toward the end of a couple of the performances, to the GAWDAWFUL musical arrangements — was a massive fail.

But you’re not here to read about shoddy production values. Let’s talk about the singers.

The bottom line is that the fans will only be able to put through three singers from last night’s episode. (The rest will have to hope for a wild card spot.) As a result, I’ve divided last night’s singers (which looked like a promising bunch) into categories rating their chances of advancing to the top 12.

DONE
It was not a good week to be named “Steve” or “Stevie” or “Stephen” or “Steverino” or whatever.

Stevie Wright gave the night’s first fully atrocious performance by going with Taylor Swift. I actually thought it was an astute choice since Taylor Swift isn’t the strongest singer in the world (to put it lightly) and a strong singer could do one of her songs justice since Swift IS a good songwriter. However, Stevie, who’s only 17, managed to make “going young” look absolutely absurd. She also appeared to miss her cue to start the verse that was way too low for her. Thanks for playing Stevie.

I had higher hopes for Stephen Fowler, but the guy was doomed before he even opened his mouth thanks to the backing band’s cheesetastic arrangement for “Rock with You.” The actual performance wasn’t any better. My girlfriend Erica fell asleep twice, and I’m not even sure if she was kidding. Bad times for a formerly promising singer. I would bet all the money I have that these two are done.

I SHOULDN’T SAY THEY’RE DONE, BUT THEY ARE
Jackie Tohn led off the night and had the right idea in wanting to energize the crowd, but her “A Little Less Conversation” was much more hot-mess than groovy. Still, her vocals were nowhere near as bad as the workout pants she wore. The only reason she’s not in the “Done” category is because people out there might be into her brand of “kinda crazy.”

I realize it was completely superficial, but going into last night I figured there was room in the next round for Michael Sarver and Brent Keith, but not both of them. After last night, I don’t see either of them going through.

Michael took on Gavin DeGraw’s (overplayed on this show) “I Don’t Wanna Be” and sounded out of breath and brought nothing new to the table. When the best thing anyone can say about you is that you’re a nice guy, I don’t like you’re chances in a singing competition. Brent, on the other hand, had a shot at grabbing the country’s, um, country vote, but delivered an utterly forgettable version of “Hick Town.” However, the interesting thing about the new format is that it increases the chance that these singers only have one chance to sing, and Brent seemed perfectly content to show that he wanted to be a (forgettable) country artist instead of capturing the rest of America’s imagination. (Then again, judging by the pissed off look on his face after Simon’s critique, maybe he’s not so content to be one and done.)

I SHOULD SAY THEY’RE DONE, BUT THEY’RE NOT
The award for worst performance of the evening goes to Casey Carlson (pictured, right). Yes, Stevie and Stephen sounded worse, Jackie looked worse, but Casey was really able to put it all together in terms of sheer awfulness. She sounded terrible, she looked bad (the dancing was embarrassing), and the song choice of “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” was abysmal. I literally could not think of a worse song for her. And it’s not because “Sting is an icon”, but because it’s kind of a stupid song for a girl to sing and is completely unflattering if you’re trying to show your vocal prowess.

Of course, the reason I can’t say she’s done is because people think that she’s hot and might vote for her just to be able to keep looking at her.

The reason, Tatianna del Toro, on the other hand, isn’t done is because fewer contestants have gotten more exposure going into the semifinals. She dialed the craziness WAY down, which was actually a little unsettling. I kept waiting for her (craziness) to strike like a cobra. When she told us that it was our job to keep her dream alive, I said “There’s the Tatianna I know.” Still, the most unsettling thing about her performance was the judges’ admission that they were shocked that she was this good. Didn’t we all know that the girl could kind of sing? Why are the judges surprised? And isn’t their surprise basically admitting that they put her through because she’s a clown and not on singing merit. (I mean, we already knew that, but it’s still a bit confusing.) I would actually listen to arguments that said she was the second best girl last night.

THE CONTENDERS
So that leaves five contenders for three spots in Wednesday’s results show.

Coming into last night’s show Anoop Desai and Danny Gokey would have to have had a meltdown of Casey Carlson-esque proportions to not advance to the semifinal. I’m not sure if either of them were aware of their status as overwhelming fan favorites, but both played it disappointingly safe.

Danny Gokey was the better of the two, delivering a strong version of “Hero.” The main problem I really had with it was that he was singing “Hero” (cheesy! overdone!) and that 3/4 of the judges are still ridiculously overhyping him. I realize the latter is not Danny’s fault, but the way the judges fawned over his “very good, not great” performance was a bit off-putting. Anoop (who looks just like Ray Romano if you think about it) delivered a solid, unspectacular version of “Angel of Mine” that was nice, but not exciting at all. (How generous of him to share top billing with his backup singer?) I think he probably did enough to make it through, but I hope in the future he doesn’t go with songs I can already see him singing on YouTube. I know it’s the first week and he’d want to do something familiar, but he’s going to have to mix it up.

That would leave Ricky Braddy, last night’s surprise out of the mix and hoping for a wild-card spot. And watching the judges fawn over his version of “A Song for You” I think he’d get it. Personally, I thought he sounded good, but I felt like he oversang the song, didn’t really connect to the lovely lyrics at all and was more interested in showing that he could sing — which is fine, since we hadn’t actually heard from him since the audition rounds.

Assuming Danny grabs the lead guy spot, and Anoop grabs the wild card spot, that leaves Alexis Grace and Ann Marie Boskovich fighting for the top female spot.

I’d say Alexis was the real find of the evening, delivering an exciting, impressive performance of “I Never Loved a Man the way I Loved You” and out-Aretha’d Ann Marie’s “Natural Woman.” I can understand the judges’ critique that “Natural Woman” was too big for Ann Marie, but I actually liked her slightly-odd phrasing and off-kilter take. Ann Marie knows she’s not Jennifer Hudson, so she did the song her way, instead of trying to do it like a big, bad singer. Still, I actually think her and Ricky will end up grabbing two of the wild card spots.

Alexis (pictured, left) was clearly the evening’s best female and deserves the top spot. Of course, that doesn’t guarantee that she’ll make it, but I still think she was impressive enough to get the nod. How impressive was she? I actually called and voted for her to help make sure the evening’s best performance was rewarded. If someone like me (I’ve never voted before an “Idol” season finale) was inspired to pick up the phone and vote, my gut tells me other people will do the same. Finally.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you think Ted Danson and Neil Patrick Harris hang out or did they just meet at the show? How do you like your Tatianna — meek, crazy or not at all? Finally, which three singers do you have advancing to the next round?

Heroes: Luke, Where Is My Father?

Well three out of four ain’t bad.

That’s how many storylines in “Building 26”last night’s episode of “Heroes” worked for me last night. Well actually I thoroughly enjoyed one, thought two ranged from “not too bad” to “promising”, and one was a complete and utter disaster.

Let’s get the horrible one out of the way first — I’m talking about Hiro and Ando’s trek to India to stop a wedding, as foretold by Parkman’s drawing.

I get the idea that Hiro had to learn that he could be a hero without his powers, but did it have to be executed through such an oddly ridiculous plot. Hiro was mad at Ando because Ando took it upon himself to stop the wedding of Anna Poora to a jerky local businessman when it was supposed to be Hiro’s destiny. The jerky businessman knocked Ando out with a pot (offscreen) and carried him away (offscreen!) and held him hostage unless the wedding was back on. (Triple huh!) The whole thing was just bizarre.

In the end, Hiro stopped the wedding anyway, the businessman basically gave a big “whatev” before walking away, and Ando was back from wherever the hell he was carried off to (offscreen). Hiro had become annoyed with Ando about robbing him of his destiny, but the couple made up by the end of the episode, so it doesn’t appear like the eventual showdown where Ando kills Hiro was advanced at all. At the end of the episode, Anna notified the duo that a fax had arrived for them from “Rebel” (now faxing in addition to texting) imploring them to “Save Matt Parkman.”

By the end of the night, Parkman appeared to be in decent shape, as he Peter and Mohinder had a drugged H.R.G. in their grasps.

H.R.G. was at a bar drowning his sorrows after being kicked out of his house for lying one (or 1,800) too many times. How rude of Peter, Parkman and Mohinder to kidnap H.R.G. before he had a chance to grow a big, burly beard that would’ve signified how miserable his character was.

The Bennetts (Mr. Muggles sighting!) began the episode once again trying to lead a relatively normal life in Costa Verde. The problem was that Claire couldn’t let go of the fact that her father was still hunting her friends (she can’t watch the show like we can and see that he probably has a good, ulterior motive) and others like her.

This included Alex, a comic book store employee (another one, “Heroes”?) who was next on H.R.G.’s list and can apparently breathe underwater. (I really hope we get to see that cool effect sometime — and that it doesn’t look stupid.) Claire helped him escape her (non-biological) father’s clutches at his store, and eventually stashed him safely in her closet. Oddly enough, that part wasn’t as weird as that sentence made it sound.

Claire told her (non-biological) mother what H.R.G. had been up to and kicked them out. The scene where Bennett said goodbye to Claire was surprisingly touching. I like that the writers had Claire show some emotion and a bit of regret and sadness for Bennett. He obviously cares about her deeply, so it was nice to see Claire take a break from being over-the-top melodramatic and show some love back. I’ve slammed her in recent weeks, so I should mention that Hayden Panettiere’s acting this week was considerably less atrocious. That’s particularly impressive given that she was playing opposite the best actor on the show in Jack Coleman. (I’m looking forward to the next episode since the previews make it look like it’ll be a mini-showcase for Coleman.)

Meanwhile, in other “Claire’s dad” news, Nathan had to deal with skeptical Abby Collins a new pain in the ass from Homeland Security sent to check in on Nathan’s “heroes collecting” project. Abby is played by Moira Kelly, who I literally hadn’t seen in ten years and is best known (to me) for providing the voice of adult Nala in “The Lion King.” (That’s my bit of daily “Lion King” trivia from me to you.)

Anyway, Abby was ready to shut down the project when she saw a chained Tracy being kept in the tanning room from hell, but Tracy was very conveniently able to escape from her chains and demonstrate her power by killing a random analyst. At first, I thought Abby might have abilities herself, but she seemed genuinely shocked and horrified by Tracy’s demo. The episode also had a nice twist by having Danko (not Nathan) be the one who helped Tracy’s escape attempt. Now Nathan can continue to be conflicted, but not quite evil, while Danko gets to keep hunting heroes. Everybody wins!

However, the biggest winner of the night was the Sylar/Luke (pictured, left) storyline.

The writers still need to be careful not to drag out the whole mentor/apprentice thing too long, but so far I’m kinda loving it. So far, Dan Byrd is striking the right balance between creep and charisma Luke. He’s irritating enough to be interesting, but not so much to annoy you. He’s a combination of the most interesting people with abilities on the show — he has the enthusiasm for discovery that season 1 Hiro had, but the temptation and inclination to not be good that Sylar and other baddies possess. (Leave that boring angst at home.)

He’s also proved the perfect foil for Sylar. Zachary Quinto is at his best when he’s flat out playing a bad guy and not going over the top and trying to be funny (like his “Cake?” like after murdering the lie-detector woman in Volume III). With Luke around to handle most of the comedy, Sylar’s serious badness is funny on its own. The line of the night was Sylar realizing he was a serial killer after Luke pointed out that Sylar has a pattern, collects mementos and goes after certain victims: “Ok, technically I’m a serial killer. Now that we’ve established that, give me one good reason I shouldn’t tear your head open right here.” (However, the use of the "Psycho Killer" song was too much.) Sylar then went on to school Luke on when to use his powers and even went back to rescue him when he got captured. I mean, went back to find out how much the people hunting him knew about him. Right.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is there any significance to the building’s number in the episode title? Is the Sylar/Luke relationship working for you? If Tracy knew she was released on purpose, why did she kill that guy anyway? Finally, after another week, any new thoughts on who “Rebel” might be?

24: The Geek Squad

It’s the showdown we’ve been waiting for since the season kicked off.

No, it’s not Jack vs. Dubaku or whatever other overmatched terrorist has the misfortune of getting in his way. I’m talking about Chloe O’Brian vs. Janis Gold! After a brief sparring session a few hours ago where each admired the other’s skill (well Chloe said Janis was a pain in the ass, which totally counts as a compliment) the two socially-awkward techies were in the same building for the first time last night. The meeting didn’t disappoint with Janis becoming more insecure than ever and Chloe (pictured, right)getting in a couple of good jabs at Larry Moss’s “inefficient” network setup at the FBI office.

After Bill gained control of the White House staff and convinced the president to allow him to drive her to see the badly-wounded, but still alive first gentleman, Bill installed Chloe at the FBI to help Jack and Renee locate Dubaku before he fled the country.

Fortunately for them, Dubaku had to meet with and pick up his outta-nowhere girlfriend Marika, who he really seems to care about, but solely exists to stop Dubaku from leaving the country and getting away from the good guys like a more disciplined terrorist would.

As you can probably tell, I think the storyline is absolutely ridiculous, but I’m willing to roll with it because I get that the writers had to do SOMETHING to stop Dubaku from simply leaving the country. Also, by the end of the episode, I was surprised by how invested I was in what happens to Marika.

It’s not so much because of Marika’s big blowup with her wheelchair-bound sister Rosa, whom she’s obviously resented for a long time. We just met these characters, so it’s hard for me to care about their family drama. What I liked was watching Jack burst through their door after rifling through a dead bad guy’s PDA and finding Marika’s address, commanding them both to get on their knees, and Rosa in her wheelchair looking horrified. I also liked how eventually Jack pulled out his Tender Bauer act to convince Marika to let herself be taken in the clutches of someone she just found out was nicknamed the Butcher of Sangala so that Jack and Renee had a better chance of catching Dubaku. Given Jack’s history with keeping women alive or out of harm’s way, you can’t like Marika’s chances, which is a shame because she seems like a good (delusional) person.

The Tender Bauer act was a bit more jarring when Jack stopped Renee a few minutes later from giving Marika a distress signal and reiterated the season’s theme once again: “We have one job here. That’s to get Dubaku. Outside of that, don’t get involved.” Earlier in the episode, Moss had laid some more guilt at Renee about almost torturing that toddler in the previous episode, so we got to see more of Renee wrestling with her feelings.

As I wrote last week, Annie Wersching isn’t really giving me “conflicted” — she’s coming off more “wishy-washy”. Renee’s conflict about Jack’s methods need to come to a head soon, because we’ve been hit over the head that she doesn’t always approve of his “no matter what it takes” attitude (which apparently includes killing potential assets with kindness). Also, didn’t her big plan involve grabbing Marika’s driver and getting the information out of him? Wouldn’t that require, at least, light torture? What about the feelings of the driver’s wife and toddler? Hypocrite much?

Jack and Renee tracked Marika’s car with Chloe’s help. That was until Janis, fearing that Chloe was there to replace her, blackmailed Sean into helping her hack into the server Chloe was using to help Jack. When a random colleague surprised her, she quickly disconnected, crashing Chloe’s server, and alerting her to the fact that someone was hacking in. At the same time, Jack and Renee were arrested by the metro police given that a warrant was out for their arrest.

That’s fantastic timing for Sean, who issued the warrant and was revealed as the FBI mole. If you read this recap, you know that I would’ve put money on the fact that Erika was the mole. After her scenes last night I was more convinced, since Erika was the one who convinced Janis that Chloe was overqualified for the work she was allegedly doing and freaked Janis out. Now Moss and Chloe will probably think Janis is the mole, while Sean continues to ensure that Dubaku gets away.

Sean and the just-introduced shadowy generic suit guy need Dubaku to get away because if anything happens to him, he will release the names of all the people involved in the government conspiracy. I’m surprised that Sean is the mole, but a bit let down. Between his jerkiness and his office romance, I thought the guy just had too much going on to be a government mole. I’m looking forward to re-watching earlier episodes and looking for hints. Especially given the fact that his wife appeared to be in very real danger a few hours earlier.

Last night also introduced a couple of new characters, while briefly getting us reacquainted with two new ones. It was good to see Morris O’Brian back briefly (and not being tortured) and Chloe’s kid Prescott is surprisingly adorable (hasn’t developed the signature sour face yet).

We also got the return of the most loyal Secret Service Agent EVER in Aaron Pierce, who was dispatched by Bill to notify the First Daughter (no, not THAT one) Olivia about the First Gentleman’s shooting. In her brief scene, Olivia showed she was tougher and more interesting than the First Gentleman has all seasons. It goes without saying that I won’t exactly miss the guy when he’s in surgery for the next 5 episodes, I mean hours. I’m also looking forward to finding out the reason for the obvious friction between Olivia and her mother.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Chloe really THAT famous in the world of “24” or just famous among other techies? Where the hell is Tony hanging around? Finally, will Dubaku kill Marika?