American Idol: Girls Night Off

The word on this street (and at the top of Tuesday’s episode) is that a girl is going to win this season of “American Idol.

I’ve been critical, to say the very least, of the guys in the competition on this very blog, so I was inclined to agree with that sentiment going into the ladies’ first semifinal performance.

Now, I’m no alarmist, but after watching the ladies take the stage — I feel considerably less sure about that. (Let’s say I’m not betting any of my own money on a girl winning.) I’m still a fan of many of the performers, so I’ll chalk it up to nerves (a couple of girls looked downright horrified).

Still, I was disappointed that we didn’t get anything CLOSE to Allison Iraheta coming out of nowhere and tearing up Heart’s “Alone” or Kris Allen coming out of nowhere and becoming my girlfriend Erica’s crush object.

Despite the fact that I’m always embarrassingly off, I’m going to separate Tuesday night performers into those who are shoo-ins to stay, those who should pack their bags and those in between.

WHO’S IN:

Ok, so Crystal Bowersox basically did the same thing we saw her do during her final Hollywood Week performance (but with considerably whiter teeth!) — she whipped out the guitar/harmonica combo and delivered a refreshingly assured performance (this time it was Alanis’ “Hand in my Pocket”).

I realize this isn’t Song Arrangement Idol, but I do have slight concerns as to whether she’ll be able to show the versatility and creativity the audience usually demands of its contestants. (Simon crudely made the not-entirely-inaccurate point that there are millions of girls on sidewalks doing what she does.) However, her cool, confident vibe was exactly what this episode needed after more than a few train wrecks. (More on those later.)

I also don’t think Didi Benami and Siobhan Magnus (pictured, right) are doing anywhere. Didi scored points by being self-conscious about her over-crying and then delivered a version of Ingrid Michaelson’s “The Way I Am” that out-Megan Joyed Megan Joy. Sure, she probably botched the last note, but she was definitely good enough to not be totally overpowered by her loud shirt, so she’ll be back next week.

Speaking of not being overpowered by their loud clothes, Siobhan’s main claim to fame thus far was her awful wardrobe. Now, I’ll know her as the cool girl who sang Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” and appears to be one of the few people in this competition with a strong lower register. (Well, her and John Park.)

Lily Scott didn’t quit reach her Hollywood Week heights, but she gets credit for delivering the first solid performance of the evening (after 30 dreary minutes) and for picking a Beatles song “Fixin’ a Hole” that isn’t completely played out. Also, people will remember the girl with the silver hair.

Finally, I think people will also remember Katelyn Epperly for being surprisingly good (and even a little funky) in her performance of “Oh Darlin’” AND for her mini-spat with Kara who criticized her outfit and (clown) make-up.

I SHOULD SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY’RE NOT

Ok, so we all know Haeley Vaughn is kind of terrible right? However, there are different shades of bad. There’s “aggressively awful”, there’s “so bad it’s strangely good”, etc. Haeley may have invented a new bad — she’s winningly inept. Randy was right to point out that her upper register can be downright unpleasant, but I actually found myself tapping my feet during her take on “I Wanna Hold Your Hand.” I mean, she was having fun, so I was having fun! (That being said, I totally understand if she annoys the hell out of you.) She definitely has another week in her.

The same is probably true for A-Rod (aka Ashley Rodriguez). To recap, she didn’t measure up to Alicia Keys during her audition (“If I Ain’t Got You”), fell short of Jordin Sparks (“Battlefield”) in Hollywood Week, and delivered an underwhelming Leona Lewis cover (“Happy”) on Tuesday. Still, she’s probably this season’s “hot girl”, so she’ll be around next week. (I wonder which diva she’ll fail to live up to then.)

Then there’s Katie Stevens. “Feeling Good” was an uninspiring choice, to say the least. (Two years ago Leslie Hunt and A.J. Tabaldo were eliminated on the same semifinal night for singing that song.) Even less inspiring was her lack of energy, robotic “dancing” and general joylessness. However, the fact that she got the pimp slot (and some extra interview time with Ryan) means the producers want her to stick around for a bit.

I SHOULDN’T SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY ARE

Lacey Brown has been pretty great so far, but her “Landslide” couldn’t have been more disastrous if it had been an actual landslide. What a shame. It was so bad that Simon channeled the Ghost of Paula Abdul and complimented her “nice eyes” to cheer her up.

I’D PACK MY SUITCASE IF I WERE YOU

Two people are going home, and I have three singers left to discuss.

Despite every single factor telling me that Paige Miles is going home (lack of screen time, performing first, a horribly uneven performance, the sound messing up on her "Vote for Me" recap package at the end of the show), I think she’s staying. It’s not because of anything she did in “It’s All Right Now” (her accents were good, but she appeared to neglect everything else). I just can’t get over Simon going out of his way to say that she had the best voice among the females. Besides wanting some of what Simon is smoking, the cranky Brit doesn’t usually go out on a limb like that for a contestant unless he thinks they can go very far. As a result, I’ve got her going further than the first week of the semifinals.

That means I’ve got Janell Wheeler (Tampa!) and Michelle Delamor going home.

I actually wasn’t offended by Janell’s underwhelming take on Heart’s “What About Love.” I liked that it was kind of chill. However, she looked positively terrified on stage and, once again, if you don’t believe in yourself, why should I believe in you? I’ll miss Janell (and her passing resemblance to Jenna Fischer) if she leaves.

Then there’s Michelle Delamor. Sure her take on Alicia Keys’ “Fallin’” wasn’t offensively bad either. However, I can’t for the life of me remember a single thing about it. (This is the girl with curly hair, right?) I mean for someone with no screen time, she needed to make a stronger first impression, in my opinion.

So what’d you think of this episode? Why WAS Ellen moved away from Simon? Was Katelyn really thinking Kara was a “bitch”? (She didn’t deny it.) Why does Simon hate “Battlefield” so much? Finally, who do you see going home?