American Idol: Male Pattern Badness

I was actually more entertained by the 12 guys who took the stage Wednesday night than I was by their female counterparts the night before.

Then again, part of the reason for that is the fact that the guys were, overall, more train wreck-y than the bland, boring girls. Oh well, train wreck-y or not, it was a more interesting show. (I especially liked Ellen admitting that the judges can’t always hear what we suffer through on TV.)

Let’s break down who’s in, who’s (likely) out and who’s in between.

WHO’S IN

Casey James deserves to advance simply for keeping his cool even as the audience began to laugh at Kara and Randy’s antics at the judges’ table about a second before he started singing. I was afraid Kara’s faux-crush on Casey would overshadow the guy, but even I wasn’t ready for this level of ridiculousness (at least it allowed Ryan Seacrest to get in a genuinely funny HR joke).

As for Casey’s performance of “Heaven” – I liked that he looked totally comfortable (apparently a luxury this season) and suitably teen-dreamy on stage, and that assuredness carried over to his vocals which, save for a few rough spots in the chorus, were probably the evening’s best. He’s a shoo-in for the top 12, but it’s hard to take him seriously as a contender because the judges aren’t taking him seriously either.

Andrew Garcia was a shoo-in for the top 12 before he opened his mouth to sing last night. He was placed in the pimp spot, but underwhelmed with a sleepy, dreamy, ill-conceived acoustic take on Fall Out Boy’s “Sugar We’re Going Down.” The problem with acoustic-ising this particular song is that, when you slow it down, you realize the words don’t really make too much sense. Fortunately for him, he’s got enough credit in the bank thanks to his “Straight Up” Hollywood Week performance. (Or is it secretly a curse that the judges expect him to live up to that every time?)

I’d guess that Michael Lynche and Aaron Kelly will be in the top 12, despite not necessarily having the talent or confidence, respectively, to be there. I’m sorry, but I simply don’t see ANY greatness in Michael. He’s just a fun guy to have around and his jovial take on “This Love” was a nice pick-me-up and little more. His ceiling is a ninth place finish (though with this sorry crop, that might get bumped up to sixth place). Aaron looked and sounded petrified at the beginning of “Here Comes Goodbye” (do you really want to be singing that dude?), but I give him credit for somewhat pulling himself together to finish decently. However, I’m still not a big fan, I just don’t believe he’s ready this year. (I think Ellen’s ripe banana analogy was a better fit for Aaron than Alex.)

Coming into last night, I certainly wouldn’t have placed Lee Dewyze in this category. I also wouldn’t have placed him in the shoo-in group after actually hearing him sing. (I lost count of how many times he went flat on “Chasing Cars.”) However, Lee DOES have a tone that’s pleasing to my ears and, more importantly, Simon Cowell, who (somewhat inexplicably) crowned him the best singer of the evening, in his corner.

I SHOULD SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY’RE NOT

Randy Jackson (of all people) summed up Tyler Grady perfectly – “style over substance.” Tyler’s take on “American Woman” was simply unpleasant to listen to and watch( with his sub-Jim Morrison moves). He seems more focused on convincingly playing a 70’s rock star than he is with delivering a strong musical performance today. In short, he’s coming off as a poser. Still, he seems pretty popular and I believe he’ll be back next week.

Then there’s John Park, whose performance was hopelessly outdated and downright excruciating at times. For a guy who said he picked that song because it meant a lot to him and his family, he was terribly disconnected throughout. (It also wouldn’t hurt for him to get a haircut that doesn’t make him look like a female anime character.) Hopefully Shania Twain came down the U.S. from Canada last night and was able to vote a LOT. This guy has skills and I think he deserves another chance. (Hopefully he’ll lighten up next time.)

I SHOULDN’T SAY THEY’RE IN TROUBLE, BUT THEY ARE

Apparently, I’ve made enough, “Who the (bleep) is Joe Muñoz?” jokes that my girlfriend Erica pointed out to me that I ALWAYS say that when they show this guy. I promise I’ll remember him after his playful, jaunty take on Jason Mraz’s “You and I Both.” He didn’t knock it out of the park or anything, but his performance was kind of cool and I’m curious to hear what else he can do. However, given that this was his first extended screen time and that he performed in the middle of the show, I could see him getting lost in the shuffle.

I’d also be worried if I were Todrick Hall, who performed in the always-dangerous opening position. To his credit, he wasn’t forgettable. The problem is most people probably remember him as the guy who massacred Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone.” Now, I think Todrick can really sing (and I want to thank him for bringing the spoken word intro into “Idol”), but his remix was simply NOT good. The fact that he was a male covering Kelly Clarkson was enough of a departure – he didn’t need to give it an early 90’s makeover.

I’D PACK MY SUITCASE IF I WERE YOU

Alex Lambert (pictured, right) was the most divisive “Idol” contestant this season (in my home). And it has nothing to do with his mullet!

Erica loves his tone and probably thinks he’s adorable. I think he didn’t deserve to make it through group rounds (he admitted that his defining moment was getting berated on national TV). I also think watching him tremble his way through “Wonderful World” was painful and I simply DO NOT enjoy watching this guy. However, seeing the judges use the kid gloves when critiquing him (and talk about “potential”) makes me think he might get another shot. Maybe next week will be the week someone actually pees his pants on national TV.

That’s bad news for Jermaine Sellers and Tim Urban.

I still believe Jermaine is a talented singer, but he got the over singing bug again and took “Get Here” to a mostly unpleasant place. On talent, I would say he deserves another week or two. However, the fact that he appears to be a total asshole (and is clueless about being a total asshole) is likely not endearing him to the voting public. (Hearing him claim he’s not a diva, but having no idea what the “Idol” musical director’s name was = priceless.)

Finally, we come to Tim Urban, who was thrust into the top 24 at the last minute – and boy did it seem that way. His “Apologize” was absolutely dreadful. He simply didn’t have the falsetto to pull it off, and the whole thing was utterly uncomfortable. It was so bad Erica literally shook her head, got up from our coach and left while he was singing.

True story.

So what’d you think of this episode? Are singer supposed to stick to the melody or rework a song to make it their own? Are Andrew (and Crystal Bowersox to a lesser extent) hiding behind their guitars? Finally, who do YOU see going home?