Lost: Accept No Substitutes

No offense to Evangeline Lilly, because I think she’s actually very good on this show, but it’s simply not fair to follow a “Kate” episode with an hour focusing on Locke.

I think I speak for a lot of “Lost” fans when I say it was a “Locke” episode (season 1’s “Walkabout”) that REALLY got us hooked on this show. In fact, my advice to anyone looking to convert a non-Lostie would be to pop in the first disc of season 1.

First, there’s the classic action-packed, two-part pilot, followed by the slightly underwhelming “Tabula Rasa” episode focusing on Kate. Then you get to “Walkabout” - with its revelation that the Island somehow made a wheelchair-bound John Locke able to walk – and you’ve got them for good. (By the way, in light of what we’ve seen so far in season 6, does that sequence of episodes look familiar?)

Well, now I’m all in for the final season. (As if I wasn’t before.) “The Substitute” answered questions about the Island’s mythology (though those answers are almost certainly lies), helped set the stakes for the rest of the season (Anti-Locke and whoever he can recruit to his side against the Temple-bound Others) and delivered a Sideways story that was funny and touching at the same time.

Say what you will about Anti-Locke/the Smoke Monster, but the guy is a godsend for any viewers frustrated by this show’s lack of answers. Whereas his rival Jacob seems content to create lists and shroud everything in mystery so that our castaways have to figure everything out for themselves, Anti-Locke likes to bring everything out in the open for everyone to see. With most of the castaways locked in the Temple, Anti-Locke set his sights on the isolated Sawyer.

I LOVED the fact that even though he was drunk off his ass (and pants-less) Sawyer was the ONLY person who could instantly tell the bald man in front of him wasn’t John Locke. (Even Richard had been fooled at first.) Sure, Sawyer’s assessment that Locke was always scared, even when he was pretending not to be was cruel (and probably a method of projection), but I’ll just chalk it up to Sawyer being an angry drunk.

Anti-Locke convinced Sawyer to come with him by promising to answer the question of why he was on the Island. I now have to pause to praise the excellent acting on this show. And although Terry O’Quinn gave two separate excellent performances last night (did you see Anti-Locke curiously sipping that alcohol in Sawyer’s house?), I believe Josh Holloway should be the show’s next “Best Supporting Actor” Emmy winner. Last night, I saw him smoothly transition from “angry at the world, grief-stricken dude” to “still pissed, but back on my con-man game” guy.

In their travels, Anti-Locke and Sawyer encountered a young boy. Earlier, the boy had appeared to Anti-Locke but had been invisible to Richard. In this encounter, both Anti-Locke and Sawyer saw the blond boy, who no longer had blood on his hands. Anti-Locke looked spooked, but gave chase only to be told “you can’t kill him” by the boy, inspiring Anti-Locke to cry something that is very much Regular Locke: “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”

Two quick things: 1.) In the flash-sideways, we’ve seen instances of the characters recalling their Island lives (Kate almost recognizing Jack, Claire yelling out the name Aaron). I believe this is the first time an Island character has been influenced by their off-Island persona. This is particularly curious in Anti-Locke’s case given that he’s impersonating someone who’s dead. If you believe Ilana, it appears the Monster is stuck looking like Locke, and now it seems like a bit of Locke’s personality is beginning to peek through the Monster’s disguise.

2.) Who do we think the boy is? The easy answer would be Jacob, given his Christ-like resurrection pose and his Others-style wardrobe. Another interesting suggestion I’ve heard is that it’s Aaron (the ages DO appear to matchup). The only problem with that theory is that it makes no sense. (Aaron was last seen off-Island and in Claire’s mom’s hands.)

Anyway, Anti-Locke and Sawyer eventually made their way into a cliff-side cave straight out of “Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.” There was a black stone and a white stone on a scale, and Anti-Locke tossed the white stone (representing Jacob, we can assume) into the ocean, tipping the balance his way. He proceeded to show Sawyer a wall and ceiling full of writing. More specifically, the cave contained the names of (ostensibly) everyone brought to the Island.

The names that weren’t crossed out corresponded to Hurley’s famous numbers AND to the people who Jacob had literally touched at some point in their lives. (Except for Kate.) Anti-Locke crossed out Locke’s name (presumably because he’s dead) and informed Sawyer that this was Jacob’s way of bringing people to the Island and selecting candidates to replace him as the Island’s guardian.

When Anti-Locke snapped that the Island didn’t need protecting because it was just an Island, I was reminded of the real Locke blowing up after becoming convinced pushing the button in the Hatch didn’t really do anything. The only difference is that Anti-Locke very well knows the Island is special (hello, he’s a Smoke Monster!!)

My belief is that the cliff side cave is really the Smoke Monster’s home (I thought it was pretty clearly established that Jacob lived in the foot of the statue) and that Anti-Locke is trying to recruit a replacement for himself so that he can finally be free and go home. I also believe Sawyer, although in a dark place, is only pretending to go along with Anti-Locke’s plans for the time being.

Either way, after being cooped up in that dusty temple for the better part of two hours, it was good to get out and explore the Island a bit.

It was also good to get a Sideways story that was worth a damn. I hate to keep trashing Kate, but her Sideways story really didn’t give us any new insight into her character. (She was a fugitive wanted for murder, who was there for Claire when she was going into labor – just like in the original timeline. The only difference is that all this stuff happened off-Island.) I realize I have to let things play out, but the whole thing seemed rather pointless.

On the other hand, we KNEW we were dealing with a slightly different John Locke before that opening, whooshy “Lost” logo crept across our screens. When he fell off his wheelchair and on his face in his front lawn and started LAUGHING, I was shocked! (I was also endlessly pleased to see Helen rush to his side, and not just because Katey Sagal is hot!)

This Locke still worked at a box company with a jerky boss (though not for long), but he seemed a bit more comfortable in his skin. Maybe TOO comfortable. Helen repeatedly encouraged him to contact the nice spinal surgeon he met at the airport, but Locke was hesitant and had come to accept his life as a wheelchair-bound man by proclaiming that there are no miracles. (That’s SO not what the Man of Faith we all know and love would’ve said). Helen assured him otherwise.

I haven’t decided which Locke I like best. The Sideways Locke was more assertive and obviously more content than Original Timeline Locke, who ended up dying miserable, alone and confused. Still, Sideways Locke was missing the believing glint in his eye – the belief being that anything was possible.

Of course, the other big occurrence in the Sideways storylines were all the cameos. At first, I thought they were too cutesy by half. I mean, Rose as a temp company manager delivered a very strong moment, but really?! Rose?! I mean, why stop there? Why not have the black boy who Locke stopped and ask for directions at the end be Walt?

Eventually, I got over it because these Sideways cameos were so damn fun. Hurley, in particular, appeared to have his act together as the millionaire owner of Locke’s box company. I LOVED his kindness and composure when Locke was railing against him for parking his car too close to Locke’s wheelchair access device. I officially can’t wait to see a Hurley-centric Sideways story.

Then there’s that persnickety European Science teacher who hates it when people don’t replace the coffee filter. I don’t know about you, but I started laughing out loud as soon as I heard Ben’s voice. (It was his second funniest moment, following his “John Locke was a better man than I could ever be – and I’m sorry that I murdered him” eulogy.) Locke and Ben’s connection (just like Kate and Claire’s last week) gave me faith that these Sideways storylines are going – somewhere. That faith carries over to the rest of this season.

So what’d you think of this episode? Why did Anti-Locke have Richard hanging from that tree at the start of the episode? What is Ilana going to do with the ashes from Jacob’s fire? How is Locke paralyzed in the Sideways world? (Since his dad is invited to the wedding, I’m guessing he didn’t push Locke out of a window.) Finally, what’s the “weirdest damn funeral” you’ve ever been to?