American Idol: The Semifinalists Are...

How do you know when a new season of “American Idol” is officially underway? When you start yelling at the television!

(Also, when you start yelling at the person next to you without even realizing that your voice has gotten too loud and despite the fact that the person next to you didn’t do anything. Sorry, Erica.)

I may or may not have done this myself during Wednesday night’s unveiling of the remaining singers that would make up season 9’s Top 24.

Overall, most of the contestants you expected to make it to the semifinals made it through, accompanied by a few singers who were apparently recently added to the season 9 cast given the fact that no one’s ever seen them before.

There was also one notable (and cruel) elimination and, for the second night in a row, a booted contestant who, for the last few minutes they would spend in the country’s consciousness, chose to do away with any semblance of dignity.

Allow me to give you my very brief thoughts on Wednesday night’s (mercifully ONE-hour telecast) before I break down each of the 17 singers who advanced to the semifinal rounds.

- I kind of hate almost every guy in the semifinals. (More on this later.)

- Usually, the show manages to create some sort of drama over which guy and which girl will get the last spot in the semifinals. Wednesday night was NOT one of those times. In the Andrew Garcia/Thaddeus Johnson showdown, it was painfully obvious who was going through (that’d be the super-likable guy who’s had a healthy amount of screen time AND hasn’t had a bad performance yet) and who was going to end up crying in a bathroom stall as his mom tried to console him (ugh).

The female showdown wasn’t much better. It doesn’t matter that Haeley Vaughn isn’t ready for the big stage and arguably hits more bum notes per capita than any other semifinalist. She’s an appealing girl with an appealing story and she was certainly getting in over Tori Kelly, who was mostly notable for the white streak in her hair that made her look like Rogue in the animated X-Men cartoon I used to watch. A Haeley Vaughn/Angela Martin showdown would’ve been MUCH more suspenseful. Speaking of which…

- If Kara wanted to make Angela sit on her own seat’s armrest and act like some weird Santa Claus figure before delivering the bad news, that’s one thing. But, for God’s sake, tell the long-suffering (three seasons worth of heartache) girl that she didn’t make it right away instead of dragging things out! The whole thing seemed disingenuous. It’s as if Kara was more worried about the judges looking mean for cutting this emotionally-fragile girl, than she was about Angela herself. (I actually think Kara genuinely felt bad for her, but this is just how it came across.) Also, this was SO over-the-top that I’m not even sure Paula would’ve pulled that move.

Anyway, let’s get down to the business of breaking down our season 9 semifinalists.

-As my girlfriend Erica so helpfully reminded me, this was MUCH more of a casting special for a TV show than it was a legitimate music competition results program. I get that, I really do. However, that doesn’t make up for the fact that, with the exception of Andrew Garcia, EVERY SINGLE ONE of the male semifinalists is best known for something other than their musical prowess on the “Idol” stage.

To wit:

- Alex Lambert: I’m assuming he was included in the hopes that people will get confused and believe they’re voting for Adam Lambert. Best known for being yelled at by Mary Powers during group week.

- Tim Urban: Best known (by me at least) for butchering David Cook’s “Come Back to Me” during Hollywood Week. Best known by everyone else for replacing the booted Chris Golightly in the semifinals.

- Jermaine Sellers: Great audition. Now is best known for throwing his band under the bus. I hope they play his entire semifinal performance in the wrong key, just to screw with him.

- Joe Muñoz: The male winner of the 2010 “Who are you? Who-who, who-who?” semifinalist award.

- Tyler Grady: Actually seems like a pretty decent singer (“Let’s get it on” audition, and “Home” Hollywood Week performance), but Kara has decided that he will henceforth be known as “70’s” guy.

- John Park: Haven’t heard a peep from him since his audition, but let’s be honest? Do you remember what song he sang or do you remember that Shania Twain complimented his “bottom end.”

- Needless to say, I’m considerably more excited about the girls. I already touched on Haeley, so let me quickly break down the rest.

-Janell Wheeler: Sure, her “Love Story” was disastrous, but I wasn’t thrown off the scent — this girl was WAY too good not to go to the semifinals. (Despite the fact that Simon apparently doesn’t care for her.)

- Crystal Bowersox: She and Tyler Grady are tied for the tile of most relaxed person in this competition. Tyler probably wins the tiebreaker following the endearing look on Crystal’s face when she was told 30 million (not three million) watch this show.

- Katie Stevens: 17-year-old girl who sings and behaves beyond her years — but not in a way that makes her seem like a drag. This girl could go far.

-Lilly Scott: Could easily be overshadowed by either her shiny silver hair or her peacock earrings (or both), but refuses to let that happen by being a good, self-aware (realizing her “Rich Girl” wasn’t up to par) singer.

- Lacey Brown: Her “Over the Rainbow” audition remains better than anything any of the guys who advanced on last night’s show (besides Andrew Garcia) have done in their brief “Idol” runs.

- Of course, the female field is not without its faults.

- Ashley Rodriguez: A-Rod LOOKS like your ideal package artist, but she sounds like a great singer’s weaker little sister. (Witness her feeble take on “Battlefield” during the Hollywood round.)

- Siobhan Magnus: I can’t hear anything she’s singing because her outfits are so loud. And awful.

- Michelle Delamar: Female winner of the 2010 “Who are you? Who-who, who-who?” semifinalist award.

- Paige Miles: Runner-up for the 2010 “WAY? WW, WW” semifinalist award.

So what’d you think of the semifinalists? Who do you think got a raw deal? (Angela Martin should’ve been there instead of Haeley Vaughn or any of the guys – besides Andrew Garcia.) Who would you bet your own money on making it to the top 12? (I think you know my answer by now.) Finally, can you believe we’re less than a week away from the actual live shows?!