American Idol: Every Now and Then

I feel left out.

I’m pretty much the only person in America who Randy didn’t declare was “IN IT TO WIN IT, YEAAHHHH!” during last night’s episode of “American Idol”.

So, yeah…it turns out the “judging” on “American Idol” this year has been terrible all along. We didn’t notice at first because having Randy and new judges Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez play critical kissy-face with the contestants was a refreshing change of pace from Simon Cowell’s sour puss reign. (And the fact that he’d mentally checked out during last season.)

This year’s judges were gradually exposed as completely useless as soon as the live episodes started, but they were particularly awful last night during “Now and Then” week, which had the contestants singing on current song and another tune from “back in the day.” (At least the parameters weren’t vague.) “Back in the day” turned out to be the 1960’s, though to me, it’s circa 1995. It also turned out that the 1960’s were apparently a much-sleepier time in American history. Each contestant performed an upbeat current number while opting for a slower, classier, boring-er “back in the day” track.

I can’t remember any judging panel anywhere being more off-base than the Idol judges were during their critique of Haley Reinhart’s first song.

For her “Now” song, Haley reached out to Lady Gaga to get her blessing to sing the unreleased “You and I.” Personally, I enjoyed the song (probably because it had more than a hint of Billy Joel to it) and I thought it fit Haley well and that she did a great job with it. Unfortunately, Randy and J. Lo completely ignored her vocal performance and dedicated all their time to berating Haley for picking a song that nobody knows.

Never mind that this isn’t technically true. (The millions of fans who’ve seen Lady Gaga live on tour have certainly heard “You and I.”) You’re not going to believe this, but I have NOT heard every single song that’s ever been recorded. (Shocker, I know.) That means that, every once in a while, I’ll hear a song on this show that I’ve never heard before. And guess what: I’m perfectly ok with that!

Personally, I’d rather someone kick ass on a song I’ve never heard than do a ho-hum job on a song I’ve heard a million times. Plus, even if she WERE singing a familiar song, wouldn’t we want her to do something new with it. (Or, “make it her own” in Idol-speak.) Most importantly — and this may come as a shocker to the judges — when Haley and the rest of the finalists are done with this show, they’re going to be singing original songs (meaning songs we’ve never heard) at some point of their career, right? Why not find out early on how well they can interpret material that hasn’t been done to death? I usually get annoyed when a contestant talks back to the judges during their critiques, but these fools are so off this year that I'm thoroughly enjoying Haley's open disdain for them.

Either way, I wasn’t exactly shocked when the judges slightly over-praised Haley for her very solid take on “House of the Rising Sun.” (Siobhan Magnus did the acapella opening thing on this song just last year, and crushed it too.) Still, the song was a great fit for Haley, and I agree with Jennifer in that she performed it with an extra edge after the judges’ ridiculous comments.

It’s almost as if the judges (and producers) decided that there was no way Haley can win this year the same way they decided that James Durbin should win.

That’s the only explanation for the way they glossed over or ignored the very noticeable vocal imperfections on each of his songs. James singing 30 Seconds to Mars’ “Closer to the Edge” should’ve been a home run, but instead it was a flyball to the warning track. Meanwhile, it’s ok to praise his emotional connection to Harry Nilsson’s “Without You”, but you lose credibility when you don’t point out how off he was at certain points in the song. As my ever perceptive girlfriend Erica points out, James often glosses over the lower parts of songs because he’s in a hurry to power through the higher portions.

I actually don’t have a big problem that he was a bit vocally off last night in exchange for an emotional connection. (Call it the Reverse-Stefano.) I just would’ve been nice to hear the judges advise him to work on keeping his vocal integrity while still feeling the song.

Speaking of feeling the song, I’m pretty sure 80% of the reason I enjoyed Scotty McCreery’s take on “Gone” was because HE was feeling it so much. (Cue single tear drop.) Sure, he had a bit of crazy eye (a tribute to the fallen Casey), but he stretched vocally and the performance was a blast. The same can’t be said for his understated, lovely, but snoozy take of “Always on My Mind”, but you can’t blame him for returning to his sweet spot after his energetic first performance.

Lauren B+ Alaina finally got her grades up this week! I still haven’t seen the performance that tells me she definitely deserves to win this year, but she took a step in the right direction last night. So we’ll just go with Lauren “A-” Alaina for the time being. Her “Flat on the Floor” was stomp-y, confident fun. Meanwhile, her cover of “Unchained Melody” wasn’t exactly country, but her voice’s natural twang gave it that vibe.

Crappy judging alert! Apparently, Lauren was so mind-blowing during “Unchained Melody” (she wasn’t) that the judges refrained from criticizing it. (For example, they could've mentioned Lauren's refusal to even try and sing the song's famous high notes.) Ugh! Why are you three even here? Just get out of there and let audience members Anthony Hopkins, Dax Shepard (“Parenthood”) and Sara Ramirez (“Grey’s Anatomy”, “Spamalot”) sit there instead! (Seriously, how is that NOT a better show?)

Finally, there’s Jacob Lusk. Sure, singing a duet by yourself is kind of a silly idea, but I’m not mad at Jacob for trying it. (Hell, I’ve seen Jordin Sparks sing “No Air” quite well by herself in concert.) I’m mad at Jacob because his performance was a complete disaster! It was SO bad that I actually grabbed two cushions and covered my ears. The judges calling him “one of the best vocalists” to ever hit the “Idol” stage after THAT performance was inexcusable. (I didn’t even mention the foot stomping and the part where it appeared like he was about to drop it like it’s hot. Ewww.)

Obviously, anything short of him coming on stage and farting for 90 seconds was going to sound better than his take on “No Air”, so I have no idea how good his take on “Love Hurts” actually was. I just wish that he’d taken guest mentor Sheryl Crow’s advise more to heart and used his softer delivery in more of the song. (But the guy just can’t help himself.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Will Ryan ever stop referring to Mr. McCreery as “Scotty the Body”? (Just, why?) Where does Sheryl Crow rank among this season’s guest mentors? (More helpful than Babyface, not as amusing as will.i.am.) Is there seriously anyone worse at his or her job than Randy Jackson? Finally, who do you think is going home tonight? (Let me rephrase: Who do you think will join Jacob in the bottom 2 just before he gets eliminated?)