Fast Five Review

So apparently, Vin Diesel has been going around telling people that "Fast Five" could be an Oscar contender.

The fact that I can’t tell if he’s kidding helps illustrate why I enjoyed this movie so much: I’m not 100% sure if the cast and crew of “Fast Five” are aware of how dopey their movie is.

I have a feeling that director Justin Lin — who helmed the previous two entries in this franchise — and writer Chris Morgan — yes, this movie has a writer, smartass — aren’t being completely serious when they have their two leading men calmly drive off a cliff without getting hurt or when they have a heart-to-heart about fatherhood on a porch.

But the fact that the spectacular action and simplistic dialogue are delivered without a cutesy wink to the audience tells me that everyone behind this movie has a healthy appreciation for a good ol’ fashioned ridiculous action movie. Basically, “Fast Five” accomplished what “The Expendables” couldn’t…and without really trying.

“Fast Five” picks up right where the previous movie left off, with rogue FBI agent Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) and girlfriend Mia (Jordana Brewster) helping Mia’s brother, Dominic (Vin Diesel) make a daring escape as he is being transported in a prison bus. The fact that the escape plan could’ve potentially killed Dominic (that bus flipped over about 25 times) but instead no one was injured (we can’t have the good guys hurting anyone) immediately set the gleefully absurd tone.

The three flee to Rio de Janeiro, where they become entangled with a crooked businessman/crime lord named Reyes after a botched train heist. (By the way, that train sequence really was something to see. Kudos to Lin and his team of stuntmen: I’m assuming they used SOME special effects in this movie, but it was never really obvious.)

Dominic and Brian decide to assemble a team — kind of like a meathead “Ocean’s Eleven” — comprised of characters we’ve met in the previous four movies, so they can steal Reyes’ fortune and retire after one more big job. (Until the next movie.)

Unfortunately for them, they also have to contend with Dwayne Johnson (in the sweatiest performance of the year) as a badass federal agent with an obsession for tight Under Armour shirts who has been tasked with bringing the boys to justice.

Basically, this flick delivers everything you’d ever want from a “Fast” movie, including unintentional (mostly from how slow Vin Diesel speaks) AND intentional comedy (mostly from everything The Rock says).

I already talked about how refreshingly uncomplicated “Fast Five” is, but I think one of the more underrated charms of the entire franchise is the broad appeal of the cast. There’s something for everyone! Not only is there something for men (the cars, the near-silent babes) and women (every male in the cast was either sleeveless or wore T-shirts two sizes too small) but there are black guys, an Asian guy, Hispanic guys and gals, plus whatever the hell Vin Diesel and The Rock are. Hell, there’s even a white guy! (And I can think of fewer white guys who are whiter than Paul Walker.)

The movie also did a good job of giving each cast member of moment to shine, but the ensemble is led by Vin Diesel (who looks like he has to think very hard about everything his character says before he speaks) and Paul Walker (who seems like maybe he should think a little more before he speaks). So it’s only mildly surprising that The Rock (chewing the scenery fantastically) ended up being the best thing in the movie.

Another thing I liked about “Fast Five” is that — unlike say “Battle: Los Angeles” — the movie took full advantage of its setting. Besides the multiple shots of the Christ the Redeemer statue (in case you forgot where we were), the slum-like favelas, the sweat and multiple girls’ asses hanging out made it clear that we were in Rio.

In fact, the only negative I can think of is that, no matter how much fun you’re having, I don’t think ANY “Fast” movie needs to be two hours and 10 minutes long. (A bit too much time spent planning the heist) On top of that, there were long stretches of the movie without the movie’s real star: the cars!

Fortunately, the movie fixes both of these problems when the crew hilariously throws their intricate, complex plan out the window and decides to destroy pretty much all of downtown Rio de Janeiro in the movies exhilarating car chase climax.

“Fast Five” is the best movie I’ve seen this year. Off the top of my head, I can’t think of any other movie franchise that has peaked with its fifth movie.

Fast Five…A-