American Idol: Inspiration Date

The judges want Haley Reinhart to win!

I had this “Aha!” moment as I was preparing to write this recap. The plan is to have Randy and J.Lo (but not Steven, because he loves everything) ignore virtually everything having to do with vocal performance whenever Haley sings. This — coupled with the fact that they refuse to criticize anyone else for anything — will infuriate and galvanize fans to vote for her, leading to her eventual crowning as…

…I’m sorry, I just couldn’t keep it up.

You see, in order to execute such a devious scheme, the people involved would have to be smart and cunning enough to pull it off. Now I have little doubt that the members of the current “American Idol” judging panel are incredibly gifted at other facets of life and entertainment. It’s just that they’re uniquely, stunningly bad at judging a singing competition. Well, except for Randy…he appears to be terrible at everything.

Although, there WAS that one time he played bass for Journey. I really wish the show had brought that up before last night! Speaking of last night, the contestants took on two songs. In round 1, they performed a song that inspired them. In round 2, they took on the songbook of Leiber and Stoller. (Don’t worry, I didn’t know who that was either…probably because I’m under the age of 50.)

Now, if I were forced to bet every single penny in my savings account on what each remaining contestant would sing in the first round, I’d guess that James Durbin would sing a rock song from the 80’s, Scotty McCreery would sing an old-fashioned/traditional country song and that Lauren “A-” Alaina would sing a poppier country song/ballad. On the other hand, I’d have absolutely no idea what Haley would sing…and that’s precisely what I love about her. Unfortunately for her, it’s also what the judges hate about her.

James Durbin opened the show with the most spectacular karaoke performance of “Don’t Stop Believin’” you’re likely to see this week. He sounded very good, but I was so overwhelmed by the staggering lack of imagination that the suck-up factor (to Randy) never even came into play for me.

Lauren and Scotty, meanwhile, decided to pay tribute to god and country, respectively. I absolutely hate to sound glib and question how much each of their songs meant to Lauren and Scotty. It’s just that they’re choices for songs that inspire them were so…uninspiring.

I’d give the definite edge to Lauren’s strongly-sung/once-again-short-of-spectacular version of Martina McBride’s “Anyway” over Scotty’s confidently/coolly performed, but less vocally-taxing cover of Alan Jackson’s “Where Were You (When The World Stopped Spinning.) At least we didn’t have to deal with his hyperactive eyebrows in round 1.

Then there’s Haley. Look, no one thinks her performance of “Earth Song” was amazing by any stretch of her imagination. (In fact, it’s probably one of my least favorite Haley performances: I liked the force with which she ended, but the first half was pretty lame.) The problem is that the judges have now openly and almost completely eschewed talking about aspect of her singing to pick apart her song choices. So Haley didn’t sing the song you wanted her to sing…who cares? Do you think I’ve heard even half the stuff Scotty has sung this year? Of course not! Somehow I manage to open my ears and focus on the performance.

What makes it even more maddening is Jennifer’s advice that Haley needs to sing songs that more people know and can connect to. Because what the world needs after “The Sopranos” and “Glee” is the umpteenth revival of “Don’t Stop Believin’” Ick.

Anyway, just like last week the judges over-praised Haley in round 2 after slamming her in round 1. With help from mentor Lady Gaga — who focused on upping the drama on stage with all the contestants — Haley delivered a what was probably the best vocal of the night (right there with Lauren on “Anyway”) and drew a standing ovation from the panel.

When I saw the judges give her that ovation, I reflexively rolled my eyes. Last week, I praised Haley’s “who gives a s--- what you guys think?” face to the judges. That being said, I felt like her talking back to the judges made her look petulant. We all know they’re fools, so mixing it up with them is not worth it. It’s like getting in a debate with Donald Trump.

The best/worst part was the awkward hug that Ryan forced Haley to give Randy. She hugged him the way you’d hug someone who hadn’t showered in two months.

As for the rest of round 2: I’d love to tell you more about Scotty’s performance of “Young Blood”, but I only wrote down the words “CRAZY” and “EYES” in my notes. (In all seriousness, he sounded good…I just wish I’d just been listening to this performance, instead of watching it too.) More importantly, Scotty survived his close encounter with Lady Gaga. (At least I’m pretty confident he’s not going to hell.)

Lady Gaga similarly tried to convince Lauren to live in sin by trying to convince the teenager that saying that she was “evil” was NOT the worst thing in the world. Lauren’s performance was lively and competent, but I didn’t for one second believe that she’s “evil.” The good news is that she’s good person. The bad news is that she’s shown the exact amount of inability to connect to a song that you’d expect from a 16 year old.

Finally, there’s James who closed out the night with a non-hip swiveling rendition of “Love Potion No. 9.” (Despite Lady Gaga’s pleas.) As with most of his performances, it was decently sung with a special emphasis on his beloved high notes and overshadowed by his stage theatrics. I mean, when your performance ends with pyro/firework going off in the background for the 10th time, it just doesn’t have the same impact it did that first time.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who would you rather hang out with in the “Idol’ audience: Casey Abrams or Paul McDonald? Finally, if Lauren was worried about saying she was “evil”, why pick a song that featured the word approximately 97 times?