Last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model” taught me that “professional tea tray dancer” is a real job.
Who says this show isn’t educational?
We’re down to the final four which means that we’re a couple of week’s away from crowning “America’s Next Top Model”(…who won’t be seen anywhere until the following season’s finale). It also means that there just isn’t that much going on.
So we had the finalists sitting around bed last night with Hannah listing the girls various personality traits. Alexandria is the surfer girl with an edge, Brittani is the trailer park girl and Molly is the mean, scary bitch. (I’m paraphrasing here.) It was unfortunate that Hannah was the one listing everyone’s personality. I would’ve loved to have seen the awkward moment when one of the other girls tried to list Hannah’s (non-existent) personality trait.
After being robbed of that, the girls were summoned by Miss J for tea with Franca Sozzani, the editor-in-chief of Vogue Italia. If we believe the editing, Brittani was pretty much the only girl who bothered to talk, so let’s just move on to the week’s challenge.
In keeping with the tea theme, the girls got a crash course on tea tray dancing from a professional. Well, it was mostly a crash course for Brittani who kept dropping everything in sight while Alexandria and her flat head serenely danced in the background.
It turned out that Brittani was possibly conning the girls because when it came time to perform the tea tray dance for Miss J and bunch of guests, Brittani was a pro. In other news, Molly’s foot got caught on her outfit, and she dropped both her tray and an F-bomb. Meanwhile, Hannah did some hula dancing (which, it turns out, is NOT native to Morocco) and Alexandria dropped everything on the floor after getting over confident and attempting to drop like it was hot. (I guess she literally DID drop everything like it was hot.)
Brittani brought Hannah along with her reward, which was a private runway walking lesson from Miss J. Unfortunately, this “lesson” amounted to little more than Miss J making sour faces at how much Molly sucks at walking.
Dinner time! The girls made their way to a Moroccan souk and snacked on some eyeball and goat brains. Well, most of them snacked down on them. Brittani wasn’t able to keep her goat brains down. (Apparently, the texture of brains is exactly as gross as you’d expect it to be.)
She wasn’t feeling much better during the following day’s photo shoot, but she managed to power through, despite the fact that it was raining. I liked her serene shot more than the judges seemed to, but I agree that the fact that it looked like she was missing an arm was not the best thing in the world.
The shoot — which took place in a medina and was continuation of last week’s Marrakech story (in other words, it was BS) — was dominated by Molly, who appears to become stronger as a model the more she sulks and complains. Hey, whatever works!
That meant the bottom two was comprised of Hannah and her question mark face following a tentative shoot, and Alexandria, who appeared to be playing out some sort of drag fantasy where she was a princess disguised as a man. She also somehow turned Mr. Jay’s gentle advice to let go of her control issues into a proverbial slap to her face.
Even though Alexandria completely tanked her shoot with her uninspired movements/character, I was convinced that personality vacuum Hannah was going home. Since she spoke more in this episode than she in every other episode this season combined, I was sure that she was getting the goodbye edit. Yes, Hannah’s pictures have been stronger throughout the competition, but when has that ever stopped Tyra and company from sending someone boring home in favor of a contestant that will create drama.
On one hand, I’m glad Alexandria’s gone because she was completely insufferable. But I also feel like this season is going to miss her.
So what’d you think of this episode? Did any of the customers in that restaurant actually get any tea? Do you agree with Molly that the challenges don’t really have anything to do with who leaves? (Except for the go-sees…well, yeah! Molly bombed her challenge last night, but got top photo for the second week in a row.) Finally, will the final three do anything interesting? (From the previews, it looks like Brittani might be stepping up to the meltdown plate!)
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