Dancing with the Stars: Falling Down

Maybe I’m wrong, but I remember Instant Dance week being a lot more fun the first time around.

Last night the five remaining couples on “Dancing with the Stars” each performed a regular routine followed by an “instant” dance to a song they selected after their first performance. Although each couple knew what style they’d be dancing, they didn’t know what song they’d be performing to and had just “minutes” to prepare. (It was more like 50 or 60 minutes, but “minutes” nonetheless.) This is especially challenging because the celebrities are obviously not incredibly familiar with any of the dance styles, so they often take their cues from the music.

Either way, it was disappointing to see that none of the dances lived up to the greatness of Kyle Massey’s instant jive from last season. In fact, this season’s instant dances generally (understandably) thrown-together and messy, but why didn’t they even come close to matching the previous season’s efforts.

I guess we can blame it on a combination of injury and stress. Either way, let’s break down last night’s performances:

Chelsea Kane and Mark: Ok, so it’s not just me. Last night, Chelsea basically begged Mark to stop acting like a dick because it’s making them BOTH look bad. So know I know I’m not the only one who has found Mark particularly insufferable this season.

Even Mark’s waltz choreography was a little too contemporary for my taste (not enough time in hold), it was danced EXTREMELY well and it told a terrific story. (The wave lighting effect in the beginning was cool.)

On the other hand, their Instant Salsa was a mess right from the botched music cue at the beginning. As Carrie Ann pointed out, I didn’t think their dancing went with their music at all. On top of that, it wasn’t much of a salsa. It was more of a Generic Latin Dance 101 punctuated by occasional booty shaking. (Be honest: if someone had told you that was a cha cha cha, would you have noticed that it wasn’t?)

Hines Ward and Kym: Hines had the facial expression (he can do cheese!) and the character down pat as he proposed to Kym in their foxtrot, but I would’ve liked to have seen him be a little lighter on his feet. There were a couple of instances when he was kind of plodding along. Still, the fact that he eventually plods gives Hines’ dancing a masculine quality that didn’t make Carrie Ann’s comparison to Gene Kelly COMPLETELY sacrilegious.

His sloppy feet were also an issue during the instant jive, but Hines once again compensated for any technical deficiencies with winning and infectious enthusiasm and energy. This was especially welcome on a night when celebs were battling injuries, low blood sugar and telling their Pro partners to stop acting like jackasses.

Romeo and Chelsie (pictured, left): I actually thought they had a pretty great tango in the first round, but unlike Chelsea and Hines, they didn’t receive any 10s. Sure, maybe Romeo was visibly breathing a little too hard during his tango, but I loved the intensity of the dance and I REALLY liked that it actually seemed like Romeo was potentially leading her. (We know none of the male celebs actually lead the female Pros when they dance, but this was one of the more credible partnerships.)

I was also loving their Instant Salsa mostly because, unlike Chelsea and Mark, the dance Romeo and Chelsie did actually looked like a salsa you’d see at a club! (It probably helped that they visited a salsa club.) I was disappointed (and shocked!) that Len was the only one who really liked it. It was also a shame that they botched a few moves and got noticeably out of synch toward the end.

Ralph Macchio and Karina: Life imitates art…well, it imitates “The Karate Kid” at least. Ralph ruptured a cyst in his leg and took a pretty nasty fall in rehearsal. (Fortunately, Billy Zabka wasn’t around to “sweep the leg” and further aggravate the injury.) This was our weekly reminder that, even though Ralph may look like he’s 15 years old, he’s actually a 50-year-old man. That being said, I thought he did a very admirable job in his Viennese waltz where I’m assuming he and Karina were supposed to be vampires. (It’s the only explanation for the guyliner and the pancaked-on makeup.) It was also a smart idea to have the smoke machine hide any potentially wonky footwork.

Ralph’s injury didn’t allow him to work on the Instant dance at all, which turned out to be a cha cha cha to “Stuck in the Middle With You.” All these years, I knew the ear slicing scene in “Reservoir Dogs” was missing something…a hobbling Ralph Macchio cha cha cha’ing in the background! I actually appreciated that Karina’s little routine had a story — in a stunning departure, Ralph played a guy who didn’t feel like dancing because his leg hurt, but he did anyway — but his stiffness and the fact that he CLEARLY just wanted to make it to the end ultimately made it uncomfortable to watch.

Kirstie Alley and Maks: Even though she took some truly nasty falls during rehearsal this week thanks to stress and low blood sugar from not eating, I thought Kirstie’s round 1 Argentine tango is the best Kirstie has ever danced on this show. It was probably my favorite dance of the first round and I was almost as impressed by the fact that she didn’t get hurt during either of the two spills we saw her take. (Especially the one off the steps.) At least the mishap was confined to rehearsal this time, instead of the liiiiiiive show.

That didn’t carry over into their instant salsa, which was too slow, plodding and disconnected for my taste. At least we got to hear their dance described as “oily” by Len.

So what’d you think of this episode? What surprising adjective will Len use to describe a couple next week? Why were the instant dances so much worse this season? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I’m betting Ralph’s fans rally to save him, so I’m sticking with last week’s pick and saying Romeo gets the boot.)