American Idol: Three's a Crowd

Top 3 Night on “American Idol” is always interesting.

Each of the finalists perform three songs, but two of those songs are selected for them by the producers (in this case, the Jimmy Iovine Round) and by the judges. (But let’s be real…probably the producers again.)

What that means is that we usually get a not-so-subtle clue as to who the powers that be want to see in the finalists. Someone gets a bum song choice here…somebody else gets a gospel choir and/or dramatic lighting there.

I’m happy to report that I detected no such shenanigans during last night’s episode. Well, nothing beyond the judges’ relentless inanity. (And even the cynical part of me thinks the judges backed off of Haley this week so that maybe her fans won’t rally for her as ferociously as they have the last couple of weeks.)

Unfortunately, I also have to report that the episode was extremely light on excitement or any surprises from a musical standpoint: every song chosen by the producers, judges and contestants was pretty much exactly what you’d expect them to pick. (Except for Haley’s Led Zeppelin number, which featured a rockin’ assist from her dad .)

I promise I’m not banging on the “I Heart Haley” drum — I’ll get to her other two performances in a bit — but her take on “What Is and What Should Never Be” was the best performance of the evening. This despite (or because of) the fact that she took a noticeable tumble as she was headed back to the stage after dancing her way around the judges’ table.

I actually wasn’t watching the TV when it happened, and the only reason I noticed something had gone wrong was because she abruptly stopped singing for a second. Still, the way she quickly recovered was impressive and, more importantly, I didn’t see it affect the rest of her song or either of her subsequent performances. But enough about the fall. The song itself was a welcome bust of energy on last night’s “Nashville Star”, I mean “American Idol.” I know the judges are always telling Haley to go for a bluesy vibe, but I thought classic rock looked good on her.

It’s a good thing she “won” Round 1. (Hey, I don’t just ignore the judges when they’re being idiots — I’ve tuned them COMPLETELY out, even when they happen to say something I agree with.

Jimmy Iovince picked Fleetwood Mac’s “Rhiannon” for her, but the only thing I remember is “wind machine.” I also recall Haley not exactly doing a Stevie Nicks impersonation, but instead adopting a more chill vibe in her performance than she normally might. The judges picked Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Now” and Haley did just about as well as you’d expect her to on the chorus. The problem came in the lyrically-tricky run up to that angry chorus, where Haley got noticeably and suspiciously mumble-y.

And now, the country music portion of this recap.

Scotty McCreery opened the night by doing a solid job on Lonestar’s “Amazed.” Guest mentor Beyonce noted that Scotty seemed to be straining during the high notes which made me realize that the reason Scotty feels the need to stretch for those notes is because his efficient excellence isn’t the most thrilling thing in the world to watch. (A less tactful person would simply say that he’s boring.) All I know is that nobody was asking Barry White to stretch for high notes. Then again, he was never on “American Idol.”

For his second song, Scotty switched plaid shirts and delivered his best performance of the night. Jimmy selected Thompson Square’s “Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not” and Scotty was mostly able to maintain control of his crazy eyes and deliver a simple, joyful performance, which he hadn’t really done without bopping across the stage. At the very least, it snapped me out of the stupor that I usually fall into during his performances. (Randy and J.Lo, who are officially now the same person, awarded him round two.)

Unfortunately, I went right back to that stupor for his third song, Kenny Rogers’ “She Believes in Me.” Call me a bad recapper, but I honestly couldn’t tell you a single thing about this performance…other than he was wearing a dark sports jacket and no plaid. (Viva variety!)

Finally, there’s Lauren Alaina, who the judges have so desperately wanted us to believe was American Idol material from the first time they showcased her during auditions. (They’re evil genius plan is actually one step away from working!) The more I listen to Lauren, the more I actually started to believe that they weren’t completely wrong to feel that way. Lauren, indeed, has a fantastic voice and is very technically gifted for somebody who is so young.

The problem is that she has absolutely no idea how to connect to a song, and she also has no clue how to work a crowd or the stage. Beyonce actually touched on this right before her first performance when she told Lauren about the stage persona Beyonce creates for herself. Once again, Lauren either ignored or wasn’t able to apply her mentor’s advice and delivered yet another thoroughly tepid cover of a pop country song by a female vocalist. (This time it was Faith Hill’s “Wild One.”) Does Miranda Lambert feel insulted that Lauren hasn’t tried to sing one of her songs? She’s done practically everyone else?

Lauren’s best performance came during the second round, when she sang The Band Perry’s “If I Die Young.” It was one of the few times she seemed to genuinely connect to the material. In fact, it seemed like she connected SO much that she missed a cue and botched a key change. Still, her recovery was very good and it was still a highlight for her.I can’t say the same for her forgettable, by-the-numbers version of LeAnn Womack’s “I Hope You Dance”, the judges’ choice. Of course, since Haley had unanimously “won” round 1, and Scotty had “won” round 2, it was Lauren’s turn to pull out a “win” and even things out. J.Lo was even nice enough to declare her the winner of round 3 as soon as she was done singing. (I’m sure Haley LOVED hearing that backstage.)

So what’d you think of this episode? What’d you think of Beyonce as a guest mentor? (I thought she was mostly a non-factor who mostly wanted to promote her new video/album, but I find it very telling that a lot of these super-successful artists seem to dig Haley the most. Beyonce even got bleeped out for talking about how she goes “balls out.”) Does Randy get paid by the “In It To Win It”s? Finally, who do you think is going home? Let me rephrase: who do you think will earn the chance to lose to Scotty next week?