Juno Review

Two months, two starmaking performances.

You may remember me raving about Amy Adams' work in "Enchanted", and now we've got Ellen Page breaking out for very different reasons. While Adams basically brought a beloved archetype — a Disney princess — to life with boundless charm and without a hint of irony, Page (with a big-time assist from first-time screenwriter Diablo Cody) has created a mostly original character.

Page is Juno MacGuff, a 16-year-old who gets pregnant after a one-time sexual encounter with her best friend Paulie Bleeker (Michael Cera). Instead of having an abortion, and being smart enough to know she's not ready to be a mom, Juno decides to give her baby to Vanessa and Mark (Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman), a yuppie couple who've had trouble conceiving.

During the first 20 minutes, with its cutesy animated opening credits sequence, the movie was a bit too precious and "hey, look at me, I'm a cool indie" for its own good. Cody not only wrote Juno as one of those highly articulate characters none of us really know in real life, but, particularly in an early scene with Rainn Wilson from "The Office", it actually seemed like the characters were speaking in code.

I still haven't decided whether I just got used to the rhythm of the dialogue or Cody and director Jason Reitman ("Thank You For Smoking") noticeably toned things down (I think it's probably the latter), but this became much less of an issue as the story took off. Also, there really ARE people this intelligent who talk this way.

Mostly though, that stuff didn't bother me because the movie's great qualities came to life.

Chief among them is how virtually every character is eventually presented in an intelligent and humane way so that, while we may not sympathize with, we can understand their actions. Also, for a movie about an unplanned teen pregnancy, this is done in a very funny way.

Page is great as Juno and conveys the character's funny, smart-alecky side just as well as she handles the more serious dramatic moments (not every actress can do both). The diminutive 20-year-old powerhouse commands every scene she's in without overdoing it and, refreshingly, actually looks like a teenager (unlike all those stars in their late 20's trying to pass themselves off as high school kids).

The rest of the cast is just as good for the most part. My favorite may have been Jennifer Garner, also showing off impressive comedic and dramatic skills, as a character that looked like a caricature, but ended up having great depth. I also liked J.K. Simmons and Allison Janney as Juno's dad and stepmom. These great actors each get one scene to show off what they can do.

I'm a big-time "Arrested Development" fan, so I thoroughly enjoyed Bateman and Cera's work in this movie. Still, I have to agree with my girl Erica's assessment 100% in that both of these two have basically been giving the same performance in everything they do since the show ended. This is especially true of Cera, who repeats his awkward, sensitive guy tics. Bateman, at least, I thought dug a bit deeper to explore a guy hanging on to something that's gone and might not be quite as ready to be a parent as he appears.

In the end, the movie certainly has some quirky touches (randomly odd characters who talk funny, the repeated use of Bleeker's cross country team) that threaten to make it painfully indie. All of that is more than salvaged by a heartfelt script and terrific performances from an incredibly talented cast led by Page in one of the best comedies of the year.

Juno...A-

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Secrets, Santa

Well, in the tradition of Sean getting a blow job from an elf while playing Bad Santa last year, we were once again treated to another typically twisted "Nip/Tuck" Christmas.

(I realize I'm almost two weeks late on this recap, but I've been away on vacation and I just caught the episode last night on youtube.)

While I didn't like this year's episode as much as last year's, you certainly cannot fault the actors and writers for, at least, trying to outdo themselves. Some of the stuff worked, and some of it didn't.

The episode opened with a group of Christmas Carolers called the Spirits coming to McNamara/Troy after being victimized by gang violence. I loved the leader of the group's account of being assaulted because they were wearing the wrong color with the group singing backup. Unfortunately, they kept up the caroler gimmick throughout the whole episode.

It didn't work for me. It was annoying and out of place. It's something that would've been much better suited for "Boston Legal" (which I love), but on "Nip/Tuck" it was kinda stupid.

Fortunately (for me), one of the carolers ended up getting shot after someone came after this week's patient "Duke Collins". Duke came to Sean and told him he'd been shot in the face by a kid who didn't get what he wanted for Christmas. To Sean's puzzlement, Duke forgave the kid. What Duke forgot to mention was that the kid was his son, who he'd abandoned, prompting the boy's mom to take a shot at Duke.

Other than the caroler getting shot, the purpose of this storyline was to mirror was Sean was going through with Matt (pictured, left). Seems as a result of the meth lab fire, he's still alive, but very badly burned. Sean, Christian and Julia interrupted their cutely geeky Secret Santa game to visit Matt in the hospital until Sean doled out some long-overdue, but still harsh tough love on Matt, the screw up.

Sure Sean is absolutely right about Matt continuing to screw up his life by being so impressionable and directionless, but the guy almost died. Thankfully, Matt seemed to have matured considerably by the episode's end. He was aided by Rachel, a fellow burn victim, who seems poised to become the latest female (after Ava the tranny, Ariel the racist, and Kimber the porn star) to dominate and influence Matt's life. At least this time it'll hopefully be a good influence.

Meanwhile, a lot of the episode focused on Christian and Julia's efforts to hide their affair from Sean. I found it a little odd that they seemed to be 100% worried about Sean's feelings, but 0% about Olivia's.

Still, that wasn't nearly as odd as the scene where Sean came home early, Julia hid in the closet, and Christian tried to cover his and Julia's indiscretion by pretending that he was exercising after masturbating. If that wasn't weird enough, Sean then went on to act like this was the most normal thing in the world and insisted he and Christian go Christmas tree shopping. If THAT wasn't weird enough, Christian, trying to get Sean out of there, insisted that he had to masturbate yet again. And if THAT wasn't weird enough, Sean said, he's just wait around until he was done. This scene worked for me, not because of the writing, but because of how truly bizarre it was.

In the end, they got busted because Christian (stupidly) went over the $10 gift limit on their Secret Santa. And because they'd been particularly lovey dovey the entire episode. Sean was upset at first, but I'm glad the writers decided to have him get over it fairly quickly. As Christian said, it's not exactly like this season's stud has been sitting around pining for Julia (who actually looked pretty good this episode).

So what'd you think of this Nip/Tuck Christmas? What is Eden putting in Julia's fruitcake? Is it poison for sure? I like that they're letting this play out for a few episodes. Will Matt finally turn his life around? How freaky deaky was that porn star Christmas party? Does Kimber still love Matt? Finally, how good is John Schneider as porn king Ram?

John's Top 5 Meltdowns of 2007

Since last year's list was such a hit, and since there are still few things I love more than a good old-fashioned meltdown. Here are my faves from this past year:

5. UF's Andrew Meyer at a John Kerry speech: On this list mostly for coining my favorite catchphrase of the year — "don't tase me bro!" Seriously, I use this with my mom, my brother. One time my girlfriend used it excellently after Nikki got tased on "Heroes."

Not your traditional meltdown per se where someone loses control before your very eyes, but how else to describe the behavior of Meyer? After commandeering the microphone and refusing to give it up, this fool became obsessed with nothing but drawing attention to himself, and acting like an annoying, grandstanding nuisance. Also, I don't know where he comes from, but where I come from, when the police ask you to do something, you do it. Did the cops use excessive force? Maybe. Is this one of the funniest videos of the year? Absolutely. By the way, I'm a proud graduate of the University of Florida.

4. Amy Winehouse at the MTV Europe Awards: I like "Back to Black" it's one of my two or three favorite songs off the album of the same name. So I know, for a fact, that the song has actual lyrics, and not the unintelligible gibberish Winehouse delivers in this performance.

This video actually makes me a little sad. It's a shame to see such a talented performer in such a bad way. If she keeps this up, she's going to kill herself and we'll be about eight years away from seeing this performance re-enacted in "You Know I'm No Good: The Amy Winehouse Story."

3. Britney Spears at the VMAs: Sure, you could actually understand what Britney is saying, but I give her the nod over Winehouse for two reasons: 1. At least Amy attempted to actually sing (or mumble) live, whereas Britney lazily sang along to a prerecorded track. 2. Amy didn't look embarrassingly fat. I know the second one is harsh, but Britney REALLY humiliated herself by trying to turn back the clock and be the "I'm a Slave 4 U" Britney of a few years ago. Britney — it's ok that you had a kid not that long ago, it's ok that you haven't lost all the baby weight. But don't slink out on stage, visibly out-of-shape, and try to ridiculously act like a teenager. She was like the old guy at the club.

In fact, Britney probably wins the Overall Meltdown of the Year (with the head-shaving, umbrella wielding), but I wanted to pick just one for the list.

2. Mike Gundy of Oklahoma State (pictured, right): Football coaches are freakin' crazy. Here Mike Gundy lost in a press conference after a local columnist criticized his quarterback's guts. Not as good as Meltdown Hall of Famer Denny Green's meltdown last year, but still responsible for producing my second favorite catchphrase of the year — "Come after me! I'm a man! I'm 40!"

1. Miss Teen South Carolina: And the weird thing about it is that I was actually watching this pageant when it was on, but I managed to miss her complete mental meltdown because I was upstairs putting laundry in the dryer. So much greatness to choose from here — U.S. Americans. The Iraq and South Africa. Everywhere like such as. Maps. Kudos to Miss Teen South Carolina for having a sense of humor about it, but that doesn't stop this from being the meltdown of the year. I mean, at that point, her brain just completely shut down for those 30 seconds (which probably seemed like 30 minutes) Truly one for the ages.

Did I miss your favorite meltdown? Don't be greedy, go ahead and share.

NFL Week 17 Picks

Other than the first week of the NFL season (where you don't know for sure who's good and who's not), week 17 is the toughest to predict. You don't know who's going to be playing hard, and who's going to be mailing it in (pictured, left).

Even though I had another typical week for me (10-6 week, 141-89 overall), it's going to be particularly tough considering I didn't watch a single game last week (I was too busy running around NYC). Either way, I shall do my best. So for the last time in the 2007 regular season — on to the picks!

NEW ENGLAND @ NY GIANTS
Even with all the talk of who will play and for how long, and who will sit, it comes down to this — New England's backups have always been better or just as good as your guys as long as Tom Brady is piloting the ship.

SEATTLE @ ATLANTA
I'm not even sure why Seattle would send their starters cross country to Atlanta, much less play them. I'm going with Atlanta to pick up a win for interim coach Emmitt Thomas, who they seem to like. But they won't win by much because they're still horrible.

NEW ORLEANS @ CHICAGO
It's the much-anticipated rematch of last year's NFC title game — except for the "much-anticipated" part. Nice job, Bears.

SAN FRANCISCO @ CLEVELAND
I'm still shaking my head over Cleveland's loss to Cincinnati last week. I'm actually taking the newly frisky Niners. Shaun Hill has got this team moving (buh bye, sucky Alex Smith) and Cleveland's D is atrocious.

DETROIT @ GREEN BAY
I see Detroit finally snapped out of their two-month coma last week with a win against KC. Unfortunately, it was much too late and I expect them to lose big to the Pack and a healthy dose of Aaron Rodgers.

CINCINNATI @ MIAMI
I know Cincinnati's been a huge disappointment, and everyone's up on the Dolphins since they actually won a game, but let's try to keep some perspective — they've still won only one out of 15 games people.

BUFFALO @ PHILADELPHIA
It's too bad Philly didn't play the entire season the way they've played the past few weeks. I expect them to finish strong in what is probably Donovan McNabb's last home game in an Eagles uniform.

CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
Carolina is another team that's shown some life toward the end of the season. Also, the Bucs have absolutely no interest in playing any of their important guys to win this game.

JACKSONVILLE @ HOUSTON
I can never pick the Texans correctly, so I'm picking the Jags, so that if the Texans win and finish 8-8 (their first ever non-losing season) it will be a neat little thing for them. Now all they have to do in return is agree to bust out their awesome all-red uniforms full-time instead of the boring dark blue they usually wear.

DALLAS @ WASHINGTON
I'd like to see Washington win and go to the playoffs given all the adversity they've endured this season (the Sean Taylor tragedy being the biggest example) and I think they will, even though Brad Johnson, Terry Glenn and other Cowboys who haven't gotten much playing time this year might make it closer than you think.

PITTSBURGH @ BALTIMORE
For some reason I stopped mentioning who I thought the worst team in the league was a few weeks back, but if Baltimore lost to an 0-13 team, doesn't that make them a strong candidate. You know what? It's between them and Atlanta, but for the sheer disappointment factor, I'm going with the Ravens.

ST. LOUIS @ ARIZONA
Honestly, who cares?

KANSAS CITY @ NY JETS
It's the Herm Edwards Bowl! No doubt, he'll PLAY TO WIN THE GAME, but I'm actually going with the Jets.

SAN DIEGO @ OAKLAND
LT won't play much, but San Diego has two guys (Michael Turner and Darren Sproles) who have rushed over 100 yards when LT has gone to the bench with an early lead. They'll be fine without him.

MINNESOTA @ DENVER
Denver is still dead to me, and Minnesota has, not one, but two very good running backs who will run wild on their terrible rush defense.

TENNESSEE @ INDIANAPOLIS
I know Tennessee controls its own destiny. If they win, they get in the playoffs. What's the deal with people saying a team controls its own destiny? Destiny, by definition, can't be controlled. Anyway, I'm taking the Colts to win because they're always tough in their dome, because their backups (who will play the majority of the game) have gotten a ton of playing time this year, and because I think Peyton Manning will be in there longer than people think since Marvin Harrison might play and attempt to shake some of the rust off his game.

Sweeney Todd Review

I know that "There Will Be Blood" is the name of a forthcoming P.T. Anderson movie, but it could've just as easily been an alternate title for "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street."

Tim Burton's latest collaboration with star Johnny Depp (their sixth) is an adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's dark musical about a mad, vengeful barber and it makes "Sleepy Hollow" (one of Burton and Depp's previous efforts) look like a family film. Oh yeah, it's also one of the year's best movies.

Benjamin Barker (Depp) has returned as Sweeney Todd to exact revenge on the evil Judge Turpin (the ALWAYS slick Alan Rickman), who wrongfully imprisoned him and took away his family. Todd is befriended by Mrs. Lovett (a brilliant Helena Bonham Carter) who just might be a little crazier then Sweeney himself.

Depp acquits himself quite nicely in the lead role though, curiously, a lot of his performance involves quietly brooding. That is, of course, when he's not singing, and, while he doesn't have the strongest voice in the world, I enjoyed his (and the rest of the casts' singing) immensely. Burton seemed to (smartly) emphasize strong performances over great singing — fortunately, he also got really good singing.

As good as Depp was, the real standout for me was Carter as Mrs. Lovett. She provides much of the movie's (dark) humor through her odd devotion to Sweeney ("By the Sea") and her work as a pie maker ("The Worst Pies In London"). I know that Depp and Burton are getting all the awards-season attention, but I'd love to see Carter up for some awards.

The rest of the cast is solid. Though he's oddly not given THAT much to do and we don't know that much about the character (what did he have against Barker to begin with?), Alan Rickman infuses Judge Turpin with that charismatic Alan Rickman sleaze that only Alan Rickman can bring. His performance of "Pretty Women" with nemesis Sweeney was a highlight.

Sacha Baron Cohen pops in as a rival of Sweeney's and brings the funny for a few minutes, but I was really impressed by Ed Sanders as Toby, the boy adopted by Mrs. Lovett into her twisted family. His performance of "Not While I'm Around" was a surprisingly sweet counterpoint to all the murder, mayhem and madness. Not as interesting were Jamie Campbell Bower and Jayne Wisener as a pair of young lovers, but their courtship DOES turn out to be important to the main plot.

Sondheim's bleak and often clever music and lyrics turned out to be a great match for the distinct style of Burton, who did a great job of mining darkly comedic moments as well as the gory ones. The songs are catchy as hell and worked into the dialogue quite nicely. Burton also paints an appropriately gray London, which contrasts nicely with the exaggeratedly red blood that spews from many victims' necks (how DID Sweeney keep getting people to come back?)

Though the violence might be excessive for some (ok, a LOT) I think it's necessary to the story Burton's telling, about how Sweeney has become desensitized to everything in his life during his quest for vengeance.

And while this is some of Burton's best work and he does an excellent job of building tension from scene to scene (I was on edge about 75% of this movie), in the end I was ever so slightly disappointed by how unsurprising it was. What I mean is that, in the end, it was pretty much exactly what I expected a Tim Burton movie to look and feel like.

That's not a bad thing, since Burton is one of my favorite directors, but, at the end of the day, this will just be another really, REALLY good Tim Burton movie, when it could've been something special. My two favorite Tim Burton movies ("Big Fish" and "Ed Wood") are the ones where he reaches for a bit more than some gothic, dark, fairy tale, and does something a bit unexpected while still maintaining the signature style that makes him one of our best directors.

Still, if you like good acting, great music (and you're not too squeamish), you should definitely check this one out.

Sweeney Todd...A-

NFL Week 16 Picks

I'm currently packing and getting ready to go away for one week of vacation. I know, I know, what will you do without me?!

That doesn't mean I don't have time to sneak in my week 16 NFL picks. I finally got my wish and went something other than 10-6 last week. The problem was that I did worse (7-9 week, 131-83 overall). I'll try to do better this time, and I hope you all have a great week!

PITTSBURGH @ ST. LOUIS
Sure Pittsburgh's had a couple of tough losses in a row, but it just so happens they've been playing two of the best teams in the league in the Pats and Jags (plus they have injury issues). Fortunately for them, St. Louis is NOT among the two best teams in the league.

DALLAS @ CAROLINA
I don't think Jessica Simpson (pictured, left) is going to bother to make the trip to Carolina, so I'll take the Cowboys.

OAKLAND @ JACKSONVILLE
Jacksonville's red hot right now, but I wouldn't put it past Oakland to steal this one (they almost beat the Colts last week). Still, I like Jacksonville to win and clinch a playoff spot.

PHILADELPHIA (upset) @ NEW ORLEANS
I like the way the Eagles played spirited ball against the Cowboys. And although the Saints need this game to keep their playoff hopes alive, I say they crap the bed against Philly.

KANSAS CITY @ DETROIT
Both of these teams are horrible right now, but only one of them has lost six in a row. I won't say who, but it rhymes with Skeetroit.

CLEVELAND @ CINCINNATI
Last time these two teams played, the Browns won 51-45. Cleveland's defense is still slightly better than Cincinnati's, which is pretty much the worst.

GREEN BAY @ CHICAGO
I got the chance to watch Chicago on Monday Night football. And by watch, I mean suffer through. They can't run the ball, they certainly can't pass it, and now they can't even stop anybody. They're like last year's Bucs.

NY GIANTS @ BUFFALO
Just when I proclaim the Giants won't collapse this year, they lose a game at home to the Redskins and a guy (Todd Collins) who hadn't started a game in 10 years. Now they finish out the season at Buffalo (never any fun) and against New England (who'll probably be going for 16-0). Not fun times.

HOUSTON (upset!) @ INDIANAPOLIS
I can already feel myself getting burned on this one (since everyone knows you don't pick against the Colts in their dome), but Houston's looked really good the past few weeks. Also, I'm thinking the Colts will be worrying more about getting healthy for the playoffs than beating Houston.

ATLANTA @ ARIZONA
Probably not a good sign that the first thing that just popped into my head to discuss about this game was that both franchises are based in places that begin and end with an "A". That being said, I think it'd be a lot more interesting to see teams from Alaska and Alabama go at it.

TAMPA BAY @ SAN FRANCISCO
Who was the idiot that had the Bucs finishing dead last in their division? That guy should have his blog taken away.

BALTIMORE @ SEATTLE
Seattle's embarrassingly lost to Carolina last week, but that's nowhere near the embarrassment of losing to 0-13 Miami. The Ravens are officially pathetic.

MIAMI @ NEW ENGLAND
Miami's coming off an emotional win and is looking to keep the Patriots from going 16-0 and preserving the 1972 Fins as the only undefeated team in NFL history. I mean, that's what they're looking to do, but it's not gonna happen.

NY JETS @ TENNESSEE
Tennessee seems to have woken up just in time to try to make the playoffs this year. Meanwhile, the Jets, well, they must be really excited about next season, right? Right?!

WASHINGTON (upset) @ MINNESOTA
Todd Collins has brought some life to Washington. Meanwhile, remember how I said the Bears looked really bad on Monday Night Football. Well, Minnesota didn't look that much better.

DENVER @ SAN DIEGO
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Denver is officially dead to me. That's them flatlining. Then again, they've been pretty lifeless on the field all season.

I Am Legend Review

Will Smith is the biggest movie star in the world right now. At this point, he could sign on to a movie with Lindsay Lohan and people would go.

Being the biggest movie star in the world is nice, but Smith is also one of a handful of actors who are compelling enough to hold your attention when they're on screen by themselves.

That trait serves him well in his latest project, the third screen adaptation of Robert Matheson's novel, "I Am Legend."

Smith stars as military doctor Robert Neville, the last man on Earth after a supposed cure for cancer wipes out the great majority of the human race and turns the rest into bloodthirsty, dark-seeking creatures. Neville, who is immune to the virus, spends most of his time hunting with his pal Sam the dog (in a breakout performance) and fruitlessly trying to cure the virus.

In fact, it's the early scenes with Neville navigating a completely abandoned New York City (except for the occasional wild animals that must've escaped from the Bronx zoo) that are the film's most effective. (bonus points for the fact that it makes you audibly wonder "how'd they do that?")

Smith does some of the strongest acting of his career (outside of his two Oscar-nominated performances, of course) as his character converses with mannequins and struggles to maintain his sanity, while remaining charismatic and someone we root for.

Director Francis Lawrence does a very nice job early on of establishing Neville's (relatively comfortable) existence and also suggesting how such monotony might drive a man crazy. He also does a nice job early on of rendering any dark alley or building in New York city as the scariest place in the world mostly by not showing us all that much. Lawrence and Smith make Neville's fear palpable.

That is until someone tapped the director and star on the shoulder and reminded them that they were making more of a kickass blockbuster and less of a "last man on Earth" character study and the action predictably amps up.

An early sequence with Neville running into a dark building after Sam is effective, but the action sequences toward the end of the film devolved into a predictable shoot-em up. Also, once the monsters are revealed, it's kind of a letdown for me. In my opinion, they were way too athletic and superhuman to the point that they actually looked and acted like the robots in "I, Robot" (which is NOT a compliment).

Basically, I liked them a lot better and they were more effective when I (and Will Smith's character) couldn't really see them.

In fact, without giving too much away, this movie pretty much screws the pooch in its last 25 minutes with a couple of unnecessary and boring additions and a somewhat disappointing and oddly anti-climactic ending.

Still, this one is well worth the price because it's a mostly-smart popcorn flick that has something else going for it: the biggest movie star in the world near the top of his game.

I Am Legend...B

What John Thinks of the Golden Globe Nominations (TV)

Remember how I said that the Golden Globe nominations for movies mostly got it right? Well it's pretty much the opposite of that for the TV nominations. Let's take a look:

BEST DRAMA TV SERIES

Big Love

Damages (pictured, left)

Grey's Anatomy

House

Mad Men

The Tudors

What John Thinks: First off, I LOVE that FX's "Damages" is here (and in later acting categories). Also, I like the effect that effect looks beyond the usual network TV shows to cable (where a lot of the great work is being done anyway). Although I don't mind "Heroes" being snubbed, where the $*W(@ is "Lost"?! Or the final season of "The Sopranos"? Or "Friday Night Lights"? You're gonna leave out all those shows terrific shows in favor of the glorified soap opera that is "Grey's Anatomy"? Seriously? (see what I did there?) I'd take out "Grey's", an up-and-down season of "House" and "The Tudors" in favor of "Lights", "Lost" and "Sopranos".

BEST MUSICAL OR COMEDY TV SERIES

30 Rock

Californication

Entourage

Extras

Pushing Daisies

What John Thinks: A lot of good comedies out there now, but I have to ask: where the hell is "The Office"?! I mean, are they just nominating "Entourage" out of habit at this point? (and I'm a fan of that show). It's also disappointing to not see "Desperate Housewives'" creative comeback rewarded. I'd put in "DH" to replace "Californication", which, from what I can tell is a show about a flawed, but charming David Duchovny getting laid. Only he's not that charming. Finally, no love for "Ugly Betty"? If you can have six drama nominees, you can have a sixth slot for "Betty".

BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES

Michael C. Hall, Dexter

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Hugh Laurie, House

Bill Paxton, Big Love

Jonathan Rhys Meyers, The Tudors

What John Thinks: I can't get too bent out of shape about this category because there are simply too many great actors to fit here. I've got no problem with any of the nominees, although I'd probably add James Gandolfini of "The Sopranos" and Kyle Chandler of "Friday Night Lights" to the list. Hey, if the women can have seven nominees, why not the men?

BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES

Patricia Arquette, Medium

Glenn Close, Damages

Minnie Driver, The Riches

Edie Falco, The Sopranos

Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters

Holly Hunter, Saving Grace

Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

What John Thinks: I don't know too much about the other nominees, but I know that Glenn Close was a powerhouse on "Damages". I also know that I'd take out Arquette or Hunter and replace them with Connie Britton of "Friday Night Lights", the most realistic wife/mom on TV.

BEST ACTOR IN A MUSICAL OR COMEDY TV SERIES

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Steve Carell, The Office

David Duchovny, Californication

Ricky Gervais, Extras

Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies

What John Thinks: I don't get why Jason Lee never gets any love for "My Name is Earl". Personally, I'd take out Gervais (sorry, not a HUGE fan. Don't hit me) and put in Lee.

BEST ACTRESS IN A MUSICAL OR COMEDY TV SERIES

Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?

America Ferrera, Ugly Betty

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Anna Friel, Pushing Daisies

Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

What John Thinks: This is one of the strongest categories. I'm glad to see Applegate in there for "Samantha" (one of the most watchable shows of the new season), but I'm disappointed not to see any of the "Desperate Housewives" in there. I'd take away Friel and add in Marcia Cross, who is back on the show and better than ever.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A SERIES, MINISERIES, OR TV MOVIE

Ted Danson, Damages

Kevin Dillon, Entourage

Jeremy Piven, Entourage

Andy Serkis, Longford

William Shatner, Boston Legal

Donald Sutherland, Dirty Sexy Money

What John Thinks: Why the hell do they smash together all the supporting actors into one category? I mean, I guess it makes the show shorter. Anyway, I LOVE that Ted Danson is in there, and those two "Entourage" guys always crack me up. Sutherland is good on Dirty Sexy Money, so if I had to cut two, I'd replace Serkis and William Shatner (sorry Denny) with Rainn Wilson of "The Office" and Jack Coleman of "Heroes" (who is looking even better than usual since the show has become stinky)

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A SERIES, MINISERIES, OR TV MOVIE

Rose Byrne, Damages

Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters

Katherine Heigl, Grey's Anatomy

Samantha Morton, Longford

Anna Paquin, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

Jaime Pressly, My Name Is Earl

What John Thinks: Katherine Heigl must have one hell of a publicist. I mean, I generally like her, but she's an overactor of the highest caliber on "Grey". So of course, the Globes choose her over more talented co-stars Sandra Oh and Chandra Wilson. In fact, the only picks I really like are Byrne and Pressly (consistently hilarious). I'd include "The Office's" Jenna Fischer, "Desperate Housewives" newest addition Dana Delaney and "Ugly Betty'"s Vanessa Williams.

BEST MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE

5 Days

Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

The Company

Longford

The State Within

BEST ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE

Adam Beach, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee

Jim Broadbent, Longford

Ernest Borgnine, A Grandpa for Christmas

Jason Isaacs, The State Within

James Nesbitt, Jekyll

BEST ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR TV MOVIE

Bryce Dallas Howard, As You Like It

Queen Latifah, Life Support

Debra Messing, The Starter Wife

Sissy Spacek, Pictures of Hollis Woods

Ruth Wilson, Jane Eyre

What John Thinks: I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't watch miniserie or TV movies nor do I know anyone who does. I'm not even sure why they still make them. Good luck to all the nominees and thanks for giving me a chance to go to the bathroom while your awards are handed out.

What John Thinks of the Golden Globe Nominations (Movies)

I like the Golden Globes.

I mean, what's not to like? They reward both movies and TV (and are WAY ahead of the curve in rewarding newer TV shows than the Emmys), they mostly cut out all the technical categories no one cares about and they give the stars free alcohol the entire night.

Sure, they're not perfect. I think it's kind of weird how they mash together "Supporting Actors" in TV categories, and it's even more of a popularity contest than the Oscars. But who cares, really? It's an entertaining show and a high-profile precursor to the Oscars, coming up in a few months.

What follows are my thoughts on the movie nominations (with "Atonement", pictured, right, leading the way with seven). My TV thoughts will be in a separate column. I'll do my best since I haven't watched every movie (some of them aren't even out yet). As always, if I'm going to say a person or movie deserved to be nominated, it's only fair I take out someone who made the cut. Let's take a look at the nominees.

BEST MOTION PICTURE DRAMA

American Gangster

Atonement

Eastern Promises

The Great Debaters

Michael Clayton

No Country for Old Men

There Will Be Blood

What John Thinks: Right off the bat, I like that there are seven nominees, instead of the customary five. I mean, why not? Only one's going to win at the end of the night, and if there are seven strong enough films to gain recognition, then the more the merrier (it's the holiday season, so I'm feeling generous.

The nom for the Denzel Washington-directed "Great Debaters" is probably the biggest surprise, mostly because a lot of people probably don't realize this movie exists. I like seeing "Eastern Promises" up there (it's gotten lost in the award-season shuffle so far), and the rest of the nominees are strong. I don't really have indefensible snub to complain about here.

BEST MOTION PICTURE MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Across the Universe

Charlie Wilson's War

Hairspray

Juno

Sweeney Todd

What John Thinks: Again, haven't seen "Sweeney" or "Juno", but from what I hear, they've earned their spots on this list. Personally, I'd take out "Across the Universe" (not much of a movie, just a psychedelic collection of Beatles musical numbers) and replace it with "Knocked Up". I'd also replace "Charlie Wilson's War" (which I haven't seen) with "Hot Fuzz". "Knocked Up" and "Hot Fuzz" are the funniest movie of the year, so I figured they'd probably deserve recognition in the comedy category. Also, no offense to "Charlie Wilson", but I'd get him out of there in favor of "Dan In Real Life."

BEST DIRECTOR

Tim Burton, Sweeney Todd

Joel and Ethan Coen, No Country for Old Men

Julian Schnabel, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Ridley Scott, American Gangster

Joe Wright, Atonement

What John Thinks: Nice to see Tim Burton (one of my all-time faves) getting some awards-season love. I love that the Coens are here (and probably the front-runners). I hear Schnabel and Wright did terrific work with their respective movies (I'll probably see "Atonement" soon enough), so, in a tough decision, I'll take out Ridley Scott's very-good-but-not-great work on "American Gangster" and replace him with P.T. Anderson, who ALWAYS has a strong point of view and delivers interesting work. Yes, I just replaced a director whose movie I haven't seen with one whose movie I HAVE seen (and enjoyed). That's how good P.T. Anderson is.

BEST ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE DRAMA

George Clooney, Michael Clayton

Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood

James McEvoy, Atonement

Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

Denzel Washington, American Gangster

What John Thinks: Again, I'm glad the voters remembered Viggo Mortensen's solid work. The rest of the nominees are all solid contenders too, especially Washington and Day-Lewis, who can probably earn award nominations by reading the phone book. You know what? I think we need to come up with a new mundane task to describe someone so fascinating that they make mundane tasks interesting. How about? Washington and Day-Lewis can make fixing a bowl of cereal interesting. Or filling out a cross-word puzzle. Anyway, no major snubs for me to complain about here.

BEST ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE DRAMA

Cate Blanchett, Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Julie Christie, Away From Her

Jodie Foster, The Brave One

Angelina Jolie, A Mighty Heart

Keira Knightley, Atonement

What John Thinks: Well, since I didn't see any of these movies, I'll mostly just tune in to watch Keira Knightley, Angelina Jolie, Jodie Foster and Cate Blanchett because I think they're all really good. Of course that means Julie Christie's mini-comeback performance will probably trump them all.

BEST ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd

Ryan Gosling, Lars and the Real Girl

Tom Hanks, Charlie Wilson's War

Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Savages

John C. Reilly, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

What John Thinks: I have mixed feelings about this category. Personally, I would tend to reward actors who were really funny in their movies. Though Johnny Depp and John C. Reilly are in here legitimately because they're in musicals, the Golden Globes mostly seem to nominate really good actors in movies that are comedies. Obviously, Ryan Gosling, Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Tom Hanks are better actors than Steve Carell of "Dan in Real Life", Seth Rogen of "Knocked Up", and Simon Pegg of "Hot Fuzz"but I would still include the latter group — ESPECIALLY Steve Carell in "Dan In Real Life"

BEST ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE MUSICAL OR COMEDY

Amy Adams, Enchanted

Nikki Blonsky, Hairspray

Helena Bonham Carter, Sweeney Todd

Marion Cotillard, La Vie en Rose

Ellen Page, Juno

What John Thinks: Didn't see Keri Russell in "Waitress" so I can't get too riled up about her not being here. Otherwise, I'm happy with the nominees. Especially Amy Adams who, in my mind, has this award on lockdown (though she faces strong competition from page and Cotillard). Nice to see former Cold Stone employee Blonsky in here too.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE

Casey Affleck, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Javier Bardem, No Country for Old Men

Philip Seymour Hoffman, Charlie Wilson's War

John Travolta, Hairspray

Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton

What John Thinks: Haven't seen most of these performances, but I know this. Javier Bardem absolutely deserves to be here and John Travolta absolutely does not. This is a popularity pick. The best Travolta did in "Hairspray" was not completely embarrass himself (which is tough to do when you're playing an oversized woman). Get him out and put Tommy Lee Jones in "No Country for Old Men" in.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE

Cate Blanchett, I'm Not There

Julia Roberts, Charlie Wilson's War

Saiorse Ronan, Atonement

Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone

Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

What John Thinks: Sorry, Julia, I haven't seen your movie, but this nomination (again!) screams "popularity contest". From what I've heard Jennifer Garner in "Juno" is more deserving. Personally I'd go with either Kelly Macdonald in "No Country for Old Men" or the powerhouse that was Marcia Gay Harden in "The Mist". Yes, "The Mist".

BEST SCREENPLAY

Diablo Cody, Juno

Ethan and Joel Coen, No Country for Old Men

Christopher Hampton, Atonement

Ronald Harwood, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Aaron Sorkin, Charlie Wilson's War

What John Thinks: Unlike at the Oscars, original and adapted screenplays are mashed together here, making things trickier. Still, I'll take out the superstar name again (Aaron Sorkin of "Charlie Wilson's War" and substitute Brad Bird for "Ratatouille" because Anton Ego's speech at the end is probably the best one I've heard all year. Wow, apparently, I really hate "Charlie Wilson's War" (without even seeing it yet).

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

Bee Movie

Ratatouille

The Simpsons Movie

What John Thinks: "Bee Movie" was cute and had its moments, and "The Simpsons Movie" was very funny. But "Ratatouille" is the best movie of the year.

BEST FOREIGN-LANGUAGE FILM

4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days (Romania)

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (France/U.S.)

The Kite Runner (U.S.)

Lust, Caution (Taiwan)

Persepolis (France)

What John Thinks: I've heard good things about all these movies (well, I've heard there's lots of sex in "Lust, Caution" anyway), but the one that sounds the most interesting is "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" because of its true story about a paralyzed man who dictates his memoirs by blinking through the alphabet to his assistant. Oh, who am I kidding, the one I'm interested in the most if the one with all the sex!

BEST SCORE

Atonement

Eastern Promises

Grace is Gone

Into the Wild

The Kite Runner

What John Thinks: To be honest, I don't generally pay attention to movie scores unless they REALLY stand out. Off the top of my head, the recent scores I've noticed are "Brokeback Mountain", "Pan's Labyrinth" and "Notes on a Scandal". Sorry.

ORIGINAL SONG

"That's How You Know,'' Enchanted

"Grace Is Gone,'' Grace Is Gone'

"Guaranteed,'' Into the Wild

"Despedida,'' Love In the Time of Cholera

''Walk Hard,'' Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

What John Thinks: After a few years of relatively weak original songs, this category's made a strong comeback this year. I've said it before, and I'll say it again — if you can't crack a smile during "That's How You Know", then you're a heartless bastard and I feel bad for you. If one song from "Enchanted" had to get nominated I'm glad it was that one. But why did only one have to get nominated? I'd add in the "Happy Working Song" and remove "Despedida" because no one cares about the "Love in the Time of Cholera" movie. Finally, I'm kinda surprised that no songs from "Once" made the cut. Oh well.

Overall, I like the nominations, and I think the best movies of the year were properly recognized for the most part. I was a little disappointed to not see anything for "Dan In Real Life", but I understand that it's a movie only I and about 18 other people really loved.

As I said, I haven't seen a lot of the year-end movies nominated for these awards, and I hope they're really good, because 2007 has left me a bit underwhelmed so far.

So what'd you think of the nominations? Did your favorite movie get left out? Who were you most happy to see included?

Project Runway Rundown: Real Women Have Curves

I have to say, so far the producers behind "Project Runway" are working overtime to make this the most entertaining season yet — so far it's paying off.

Last night, we had a creative, inspiring challenge (particularly inspiring to Ricky, who cried for the 21st time this season), as well as an emotional exit and an unexpected return.

As they were introduced to their models this week the designers again displayed their comically skewed view of the real world as they examined the "regular-sized" silhouette as if it were from another planet. In walked a decidedly unmodel-y group of women and I, along with Young John Malkovich Steven (who, it occurred to me this week sounds just like the Comic Book Guy from "The Simpsons"), assumed the women were related to the designers. I still thought this when I didn't recognize anyone, but stopped believing this was the case when Steven didn't recognize anyone.

Turns out the women had all recently lost a massive amount of weight (969 lbs overall) and the challenge was to collaborate with them and design a new look using material from one of their favorite, but ill-fitting outfits. Brilliant.

With all the excess fabric around, I didn't think the obligatory visit to Mood would be as important until Steven (pictured, left, with his model for the week) decided to discard much of his model's wedding dress and use a black fabric instead (more on THAT disaster later).

First, there were serious issues to deal with as HIV positive Jack was forced to bow out of the competition after getting what he thought was a MRSA infection (a type of staph infection). He seemed like one of the stronger competitors, but obviously the most important thing is that this guy takes care of himself.

Oddly enough, although the designers were bummed that Jack had to leave, they were even happier when they saw that mean jolly Chris March was back in the house. I guess he'd stopped off to get a snack around the corner and hadn't gone far yet (One day, I'll stop making fat jokes at his expense — today is not that day) Besides, he took a shot at himself when he pointed out none of his diets had been as successful as his clients' this week.

And even though I like Chris (and, apparently, everyone else does), the move to bring him back smelled slightly like BS to me. I mean, he was OUT of the competition, and I still don't think he can really win, but I suppose somebody had to design his partner's outfit. Still, I'm glad he was around if only because he finally prompted what has been a sleepy and (gasp!) dull Tim Gunn to come to life, after Tim mentioned that he's made some bad decisions at 3 a.m. ("I really am an old fart. My brain didn't even go there.") Good times.

Then again, given the sailor-themed monstrosity he came up with, his partner may have been better off if Chris hadn't returned.

There were some good looks on the runway. The best were Kevin, who rightly pointed out that he made his model look like one of "Charlie's Angels" and was the most enthusiastic about the challenge in the beginning because he likes to design for "real" women. Presumably he also likes to sleep with "real" women. Because he's straight.

I thought Kevin deserved to win, but it was Christian who got the gold star from the judges (the leggings KILLED Kevin) after designing pretty much the same outfit for the fifth straight week. Still, I have to give him credit for adjusting to some limitations imposed by his partner this week, but I have to take away credit for continuing to overuse the word "fierce". Either way, there's no denying he's a strong contender and has a definite point of view.

Meanwhile, Jillian used very little of the original garment to create her look, but the judges praised her dress anyway, because it was well made and it looked good. On the other hand, Steven only used a bit of his partner's original garment as well — the only difference is that his outfit was NOT well made and it looked AWFUL. Other than that, I liked it.

Michael Kors likened it to a French maid (though I think my girl Erica's assessment of "pilgrim" was more insulting and spot-on), Nina Garcia said it looked like he'd gone from a wedding to a funeral, and Michael Kors made the natural leap that it was a French Maid (or a pilgrim) at a funeral. Meanwhile, I don't think Heidi saw too much through her oversized bangs, and the guest judge from the Gap didn't say anything interesting and just sat there looking like the kid from "Boondocks" (nice catch again Erica).

In the end, during the most predictable reality show elimination since the latest finale of "Top Model", Steven went home over Elisa, who made a dress with too many layers. Goodbye Steven. I'll miss your inherent creepiness, but no one will miss your mediocre Tim Gunn impersonation.

So what'd you think of this episode? Are you glad to see Chris back? Sad to see Jack go? What do you think the regular models do when they have a week off like this? Finally, who do you see as the frontrunner so far? (I've got stealth Rami going far)

America's Next Top Recap: A Stilted Finale

You know, sometimes being completely predictable isn't the worst thing in the world.

For example, going into last night's finale of the ninth cycle of "America's Next Top Model", we all knew Saleisha (pictured, right) was going to win. I think even Jenah and Chantal knew. Actually, Jenah was too busy conveying to the judges that she was "over" this competition (I always thought that whole thing was overblown) and Chantal knew Saleisha would win because she kept saying things like "I worked hard, and I deserve to win", as if trying to convince herself that she deserved to win. It didn't work.

Since Chantal couldn't come up with anything interesting to say, she spouted 20 different variations of "I worked hard, and I deserve to win", while Jenah was busy self-destructing. So it's good that Saleisha won, in what is probably one of the least suspenseful finales in the show's history.

At least somebody fell down. I don't care what ANYONE says — that's always funny.

The episode started with the three ladies shooting their Cover Girl commercial for something call Wetslicks Fruit Spritzers. Try saying that out loud for a second. It doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? I instantly knew the models were in trouble.

After a visit from Jaslene (thank God we won't have to endure her and her painful Cover Girl ads next cycle), Chantal delivered a typically bubbly, stilted, slightly unnatural commercial. At least she remembered her lines. Jenah completely blanked, forcing Mr. Jay to almost go to cue cards before she miraculously delivered a (slightly condescending) take. The biggest disappointment was Saleisha, who stopped screaming "yay! I'm a Cover Girl!" long enough to stumble over her lines and have a mini-meltdown.

Eventually, she got it back together, and got the most screentime when the actual episode aired during the next commercial break.

Next came the photo shoot, with all three girls doing a nice job. Saleisha was my favorite, followed by Jenah, and Chantal, who basically had a slightly less good version of Saleisha's photo.

At judging, Tyrant, I mean, Tyra and the rest of the judges praised Chantal's look and she was the first to advance to the final runway ("it's the FI-NAL RUN-WAY!!!"). The choice seemed obvious between Saleisha and Jenah, but I thought for a second Jenah saved herself when she finally cried for Tyra (Tyra DOES love to make these girls cry).

This was also the rare meltdown that had a little substance to it. Jenah was worried about being a role model to her sisters (who she raised) and, when questioned about her attitude for the 73rd time, smartly pointed out that she didn't feel a model needed to "spew rainbows" all the time to be considered a positive influence (you hear that, Saleisha?)

It was all for naught, as Jenah was sent home and Saleisha and Chantal advanced to the final runway show, a spectacularly over the top affair that had a couple of hundred performers, many of them on stilts, but no audience that I could see. Except for the judges who made comically dramatic entrances. Nobody does comically dramatic like Tyra Banks. If you saw her hairstyle during the final show you'd know what I was talking about.

For my money, Saleisha would've won this thing hands down anyway, because her fierce (though slightly over the top) walk was miles better than Chantal's stiff gait. And that was before a performer on stilts unfortunately got caught on Chantal's train and fell to the ground, causing her to break character.

In Chantal's defense (yes, I'm defending Chantal), I'm not really sure what she was supposed to do in this situation. If she'd just kept walking, like nothing happened, everyone would be ripping her for being a heartless bitch (well, maybe not "everyone", it's not like people sit around analyzing this show — besides me). She pretty much did as well as you could hope — she showed genuine concern and got back into character as soon as possible.

Since Lisa and Heather didn't appear out of nowhere and take out the final two, tt didn't really matter because Saleisha won in what was probably as predictable a finale as you'll ever get. And that's not necessarily the worst thing in the world in this case. I mean, Saleisha seems like a really nice, charismatic person. But America's Next Top Model? I'm not so sure about that. I will say that she overcame one of the worst haircuts EVER to win.

So what'd you think of the finale and this cycle in general? Why do you think they only showed a few select photos from Chantal and Saleisha's portfolio when comparing the two? Usually they show ALL the photos? What would you have done if you were Chantal and that guy fell while you were walking? Finally, are you looking forward to the next cycle or did the slight air of suckiness from this one kinda throw you off.

Thanks for hanging with me through another cycle. See you next year!

NFL Week 15 Picks

Whoa! I broke new ground last week. Instead of going 10-6 for the 32nd straight week, I did MUCH better (11-5 week, 124-74). With another early-week game (and me in the middle of my deadline) let's get this done in a hurry (that's what she said).

DENVER @ HOUSTON
It's a virtual playoff game as the loser of this one will be eliminated from playoff contention. Then again, let's be honest, the winner of this game is probably not going to the playoffs either, so who cares?

CINCINNATI @ SAN FRANCISCO
Poor NFL Network. I bet this actually looked like a great idea at the beginning of the season. I'm glad I can't watch this game because that way, Carson Palmer and Frank Gore can get together and discuss how they killed my fantasy football team without having me around.

JACKSONVILLE @ PITTSBURGH
Probably the best game on the schedule. Even though they're beat up (and Anthony Smith didn't guarantee they'd win) I'll take the Steelers because they have more firepower on offense.

ATLANTA @ TAMPA BAY
Well damn. I mean, I know it sucks for Atlanta that their coach quit on them. Oh wait, no it doesn't because if Bobby Petrino (pictured, left with Falcons owner Arthur Blank before he ran away) is a Quitty McGiveupalot, and the sooner they got him out of there the better. But it also stinks for the Bucs. Before Petrino quit, the Bucs were going to a play a sorry team that was going nowhere. Now they're playing a sorry team that's going nowhere that wants to show their old coach he made a mistake quitting on them. That being said, I'm still taking the Bucs because Atlanta is REALLY bad.

CAROLINA @ SEATTLE
Psst. Don't look now but Seattle's playing some of the best football in the league. Don't tell anybody.

GREEN BAY @ ST. LOUIS
Say what you will about Brett Favre, but that guy came back from an injured elbow AND a separated shoulder to shred what is allegedly a good Oakland pass defense. Look for more of the same.

BALTIMORE @ MIAMI
I saw an entire Miami game for the first time last week (at Buffalo). They are just beyond pathetic. They're even worse than the Ravens.

NY JETS @ NEW ENGLAND
We all know the Patriots are going to win, but the question is by how much. There's supposed to be heavy snow in New England, which should slow the home team down. I'm seeing a 59-3 score. Bill Bellichik OWNS young opposing quarterbacks.

ARIZONA @ NEW ORLEANS
I like Arizona's defense against New Orleans potent offense more than I like New Orleans' sorry defense against Arizona's offense.

BUFFALO @ CLEVELAND
The second best matchup of the week — this one between two wild card contenders. And if you knew we'd be saying that about these two teams at this point of the year, then you're a lying liar telling lies.

TENNESEE @ KANSAS CITY (upset)
Why do I keep picking Kansas City. They're terrible. This week, it's because I think the Titans had the air taken out of their sails after they gave away, I mean, lost the game to the Chargers last week.

INDIANAPOLIS @ OAKLAND
Watch out for the Colts. They're back under the radar and, more importantly, getting healthier.

DETROIT @ SAN DIEGO
Detroit showed some fire last week against the Cowboys — before they caved and lost the game. I expect them to be discouraged (ala the Titans) and lose big in San Diego (where the Chargers are excellent.)

PHILADELPHIA @ DALLAS
Dallas has this thing on cruise control until the playoffs start. They're so bored that T.O. is now picking fights with Keyshawn Johnson — who is retired. Still, I'd rather watch THAT on ESPN than last year's loudmouthed, wide receiver analyst Michael Irvin acting as T.O.'s publicist. Can you just imagine how unbearable he'd be this year if he were still there with the year T.O.'s having.

WASHINGTON @ NY GIANTS
Even though they're sort of winning by accident, maybe the second half collapse isn't coming this year for the Giants. They'll wait till the playoffs to collapse.

CHICAGO @ MINNESOTA
The Vikings are playing some of the best ball in the league (yes, THOSE Vikings). Meanwhile the Bears are going to their third string QB to start. Lovely.

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Crisis Management

I can't have been the only one last night that thought (or was hoping) they would kill somebody off.

Indeed, a few characters found themselves in mortal peril last night. Fortunately, they included some of the whiniest, most tiresome characters in the show's history, so I didn't really care if they got taken out.

As we saw from the previews for this week's episode, Julia and Olivia were robbed at gunpoint. It was good timing in that the robber appeared just as Julia and Olivia were perhaps about to breakup (about Julia's straightness), but it was bad timing in that Olivia folded like a lawn chair throughout the whole ordeal. In a welcome reversal, it was Julia who was the strong one as Olivia cried virtually the entire time. Nice job out of both Joely Richardson and Portia di Rossi in these scenes, making them feel harrowing even though we all knew they'd probably get away alive last night (though I'll admit to a fleeting moment where I hoped the guy would cap Julia and end all our suffering).

That fleeting moment went away when Julia finally stood up for herself (and for Sean) and told Eden off for having an "affair" with Sean (not sure why it's an affair since neither of them are attached) and messing with her friends. Sure, her threat to have her shipped to boarding school was empty because Eden is 18, but still. In fact, I really enjoyed all the scenes with Julia, Sean and Christian coming together as friends. Those three characters have always been the core of the show.

Of course, all of that got blown to hell in the final scene with Julia running into Christian's manly protective arms. Now it looks like those two are going to start up again, and we're in for some more overdone melodrama there. Yawn. Hopefully, they'll sprinkle in some more gems like Sean chiding Christian for encouraging Julia to get a gun by saying, "This from a man whose idea of responsibility is pulling out." GREAT line.

I'm not sure why the show decided that's the best way to go, especially since last night's episode "Dr. Joshua Lee" was one of the funniest and sexiest of the season.

Let's talk about the funny first — it was great to see Bradley Cooper back as actor Aidan Stone (pictured, right) who took Sean under his wing after he was having a mid-life crisis of sorts. Basically I loved everything Cooper did and said last night, from hosting a hell-themed party to undergoing a new age-y treatment with Sean (even the yoga in his tiny underwear inside his trailer). I realize Cooper and Oliver Platt as "Hearts N' Scalpels" producer Freddy Prune are busy, in-demand actors, but this show has to find a way to sprinkle them in more often and liven things up.

As for the sexy, well we got not one, but two scorching hot sex montages between Sean and Eden (who was back to her bad girl self after showing her vulnerable side last week). Honestly, it can't really get that much more risqué (on basic cable at least). Of course, Eden dropped him like a bad habit once she'd finally had him and threw in a "gray pubes" burn just for good measure. Second best line of the night. AnnaLynne McCord has been a very nice job in and injected life into a role that's basically the "clichéd temptress". I also loved watching Sean a little later get her back by playing hard to get because Dylan Walsh is an underrated comedic actor.

I'm only going to spend one sentence on this week's patient, a seemingly crazy old man who wanted to have an alien device removed from his back, because it was pointless and completely predictable that, perhaps, he isn't as crazy as we all think.

Then there's Matt and Kimber (damn, this episode was jam-packed!) They actually kicked off the episode by fessing up about their meth-addiction and begging for money and plastic surgery for Kimber so she could return to porn, only to be rebuffed by Matt's dads. Christian's line to Kimber "Your face looks like a frat's couch" was my third favorite line of the night, but eventually Christian did the surgery after Kimber offered to leave Matt. Kimber was appropriately convincing (especially for a porn actress) in her cruel dumping of Matt, though we did see a twinge of guilt. Oh well, whatever. Everything she said (about never really loving Matt) was probably true, so how broken up about it can you get?

Of course, that led Matt, Burger King's latest employee to cook up some crystal meth in a scene I was SURE was going to led to an explosion and the end of Mr. Creepy Eyebrows. Instead, he set himself on fire and took a dive into the pool, Golden God style.

So what'd you think of this episode? Is Matt dead? Would you care at all if he was? Are you excited about more Julia/Christian drama as they try to hide their relationship from Sean (I'm clearly not)? Are Julia and Olivia officially over? Finally, has there EVER been a patient that's been a bigger waste of time? (unless this alien storyline inexplicably comes back) I mean, even the seemingly random ones (like the ventriloquist who wanted to look like his dummy) at least serve as a metaphor of whatever Sean or Christian are going through?

The Golden Compass Review

Maybe we should blame "Lord of the Rings".

Because ever since Peter Jackson's astounding commercial and critical success adapting J.R.R. Tolkien's fantasy series, every other fantasy-themed film (the Narnias and Eragons or the world) has (probably unfairly) come off as a second-rate pretender.

For example, a deathmatch between two armor-clad polar bears should've come off as one of the biggest spectacles of the year. I mean, they're ARMOR-CLAD polar bears. Instead, it's mostly just another nice, well-done sequence (my favorite in the film, by the way) in another special-effects heavy literary adaptation of a beloved fantasy book.

It's not necessarily beloved by me. Now, calm down! I'm not part of the Catholic League or any of the other religious groups who've condemned Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy (and condemned the movie before watching it). I just haven't read the books.

Since I'd never read the books, I was fairly confused early on in the story, which involves a young girl named Lyra (newcomer Dakota Blue Richards in a parallel world living in Oxford's Jordan College. She embarks on an odyssey to rescue her friend and other children who have been kidnapped by a mysterious, oppressive organization called the Magisterium that is trying to stop Lyra's uncle, Lord Asriel (Daniel Craig) from making a potentially life-altering discovery.

Then I realized that the reason I was confused wasn't because I'd never read the books — it was because this isn't a very effective movie. People who've read the books will no doubt debate about in the movie what was included, omitted or different from the book. (So I can't really get into an informed debate as to how all or most of the overtly religious references have been taken out). As for me as a relative newbie — I'm just trying to decide how this works as a movie.

What works is Richards, who proves to be a very capable and likable actress and a strong protagonist. What also works is casting strong actors like Daniel Craig and Eva Green (the great "Casino Royale" duo) in what amount to glorified cameos in this movie. They don't have much to do, but they still make a strong impression. I'm assuming they (especially Craig) probably have bigger roles in the later books/movies.

What worked best of all for me was Nicole Kidman as Mrs. Coulter, who was probably colder than much of the movie's icey setting. Mrs. Coulter takes Lyra under her wing, though it quickly becomes apparent she's up to no good. Kidman (and her fun wardrobe) seems to relish playing the villainess, and her scenes with Richards were probably the movie's strongest.

What sort of worked were the special effects. As I mentioned, some of the wonder is inevitably gone thanks to the glut of fantasy films, but any scene with (the ever-so-slightly cartoonish looking) Iorek Byrnison (voiced by Ian McKellen) was good, as were Lyra's interaction with her dæmon(voiced by Freddie Highmore). In this world, a person's soul lives outside their body as an animal and is called a dæmon(that part is pretty cool too).

What didn't work? Well, other than the jumble at the beginning, there's the title apparatus itself, the alethiometer (or golden compass, for slow people like me). The way Lyra reads the golden compass was confusing and disappointing (considering this is an object coveted by everyone in the movie). The pacing was rushed and disjointed, making the storyline a bit disorienting. More importantly, a lot of important characters aren't properly fleshed out. In addition to Lord Asriel, I feel like I have no idea who the gyptians or Sam Elliott's aeronaut cowboy (wha!?) or the witches were (led by Eva Green's Serafina Pekkala) or what their motivations are to stop the Magisterium.

That's another problem. We're given a very cartoony look at the villainous Magisterium as they wear dark robes, meet in secret and discuss their evil plans. It'd be nice to know about how or why they're so dedicated to their mission, but there's no time.

Sometimes, it just feels like the movie got away from director Chris Weitz, who's previous directing credits include the very entertaining, but decidedly un-epic "American Pie" and "About a Boy".

Finally, in a pretty presumptuous move, the movie (intentionally) fails to tie up a bunch of loose ends in anticipation of sequels. I realize there were "Lord or the Rings" and "Pirates" movies that kinda left us hanging, but the difference between those and "Compass" is that those movies already had sequels (and resolutions) in the can. Judging by its opening weekend gross, a "Compass" sequel is no slam dunk.

And therein lies the problem. While it's entertaining in spurts, and nice to look at, the movie's just not strong enough to stand on its own. It's not strong enough to stand on its own as the start of a potential blockbuster franchise (ala Harry Potter, etc) and it's not strong enough to stand on its own as a kickass fantasy movie. It kinda just leaves you hanging.

The Golden Compass...C+

Enchanted Review

It's not too often you actually get to watch someone become a star.

I watch a ton of movies and I see a ton of good work (and a ton of bad work), but when you see the right actor in the right role and see them command the screen and an entire movie for the first time it's special. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about and you all have your favorites (I can think of Jennifer Hudson in "Dreamgirls" just off the top of my head).

Amy Adams has been around a while. Hell, she's even been nominated for an Oscar already (for "Junebug"), so she's no rookie. She's been a solid actress for a good while, but with her role as Giselle in "Enchanted" she became a star.

Disney's latest is an animated/live-action hybrid that manages to both spoof and celebrate the company's own movie musicals. Giselle (Adams) is banished from her animated home by the evil Queen Narissa (Susan Sarandon), who doesn't want Giselle to marry Prince Edward (James Marsden).

As you've probably seen from the previews, Giselle lands in present-day New York City and meets a kindly lawyer (Patrick Dempsey) with a cute little daughter (Rachel Covey) to help show us his tender side.

I won't tell you what happens from there on out, but you can probably figure it out, since this IS a Disney movie — and I mean that in the best possible sense of the word.

Adams is great as Giselle, who is a combination of Snow White, Cinderella, Ariel, Belle and other Disney princesses. She commits fully to the character and plays it endearingly and without irony, winning us over the way she does the characters in the film. She's got the Golden Globe for "Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical" sewn up and, in my world, would be up for an Oscar.

She's helped along by a few catch and witty songs by Alan Menken (Aladdin, Beauty & the Beast) and Stephen Schwartz that, like the movie, poke fun at Disney musicals, but are also good enough to be part of a Disney musical (like the "Happy Working Song"). My favorite was the park-set "That's How You Know" — if you're not charmed by this sequence (or at least crack a smile) then you're a heartless bastard and I feel sorry for you.

As for the rest of the cast, I'm no "Grey's Anatomy" fan, but Dempsey is decent as Robert. He has less to do as the straight man, but his reactions to all the wackiness around him are pretty solid.

James Marsden joins Thomas Jane on my list of guys who should be on Hollywood's A-list. Even though he's stuck playing the "other" guy again (see "X-Men", "The Notebook", "Superman Returns") he throws himself into the role and delivers good comedy relief. With this role (and his role in "Hairspray) and his past action-centric resume, is there anything this guy can't do?

The rest of the cast doesn't fare quite as well. Idina Menzel ("Rent", "Wicked") is woefully underused, while Susan Sarandon was flat-out bad as Queen Narissa. She was neither scary nor charismatic enough to match up to Disney's long history of scary and charismatic villains. The movie's special effects-heavy finale did not work for me at all.

Still, this is just a cute, good-natured flick that fans of Disney movies will probably enjoy (you can also pass the time by trying to spot the homages to past Disney films). As a bonus, you also get to see a real-live movie star being born right before your eyes.

Enchanted...B+

Project Runway Rundown: Out of Style

Sometimes I swear that reality show contestants have never watched a reality show in their lives.

Don't they know that, especially on this show, when you're forced to team up, you should never EVER volunteer to be captain. Sure, if you win, you get a nice little notice a bit of goodwill that will last you maybe one more week. But you still have to deal with managing and "leading" people who are your competitors and, eventually, want to see you go down. Also, if your team fails, you're probably going to be the one to go home.

Well, at least Victorya (pictured, left) seemed to know this.

How else to explain the apparently bossy Queen Victorya not stepping up and accepting leadership of her team, which consisted of Ricky and spacey Elisa, but still trying to run things behind the scene. Sure, it's decent strategy, but it's also extremely gutless. And I hate gutless people. Now I kinda can't stand Victorya. I liked her better when the most interesting thing about her was the stupid way she spelled her name.

After Jack inexplicably switched models with Ricky (homeboy did NOT have a good week), the designers met up with a "familiar face" who brought along some "old friends". And although it turned out to be Nina Garcia and the designers would be working with garish fashion don'ts (like neon, shoulder pads and pleather), they all seemed considerably less horrified than when they had to simply design menswear.

There WAS a nice little twist when Nina announced that they would be partnering up in teams of three. Even though they claimed they tried to team up based on what looks would work together, it seemed to me like people mostly just got together with whoever was in their immediate vicinity (like when you needed a lab partner in high school).

Some of the highlights from the teams working together included the revelation that Ricky can apparently speak "Elisa", as he was able to communicate with her because he's a dancer (hokay). Jillian, who was voted team leader because she's actually into some of the crappy fashion trends they were working with, fretted about Kevin's ability to finish denim shorts. Eventually Kevin came through, though I was disappointed that he didn't attribute his achievement to him being the only straight guy in the competition.

On the other hand, some of the lowlights included Victorya undermining Ricky's leadership at every point (and Ricky being too weak to stand up to her). We also got Christian being cocky some more. He's a good designer, and he makes me laugh just by looking at him and some of the ridiculous things he says, but he's cocky as hell for a designer who's pretty one-note. Also, Steven busted out a truly pathetic Tim Gunn impersonation that left me missing Santino's brilliant take a whole bunch.

In the runway, Jillian's team took the week's victory (I think I actually saw Christian shitting a brick), while Chris was taken to task for not making his collection cohesive (and for a truly awful non-"update" on shoulder pads). Ricky's team joined Chris' in the bottom two, and the judges said Ricky's design was the weakest in the collection (personally, I thought Victorya's superhero-ish outfit was worse).

This was probably the most entertaining judging portion this year as Victorya and Ricky went after each other a bit, though thankfully Victorya DID give Ricky credit for pointing out that maybe squishing her models boobs wasn't the best idea in the world. Then when Heidi asked each designer who should go home on each team, I loved how Elisa refused to pick anyone other than herself (you know you're in trouble when Elisa is the steady one on your team). Also when Sweet P hesitated, I liked how Heidi got momentarily scary when imploring her for an answer.

Eventually, it came down to likable Chris and Ricky. Although Chris's outfit was worse, I kinda expected Ricky to go home, since he's been near the bottom three out of four weeks. Even though I like Chris, I felt he deserved to go home because, you know, his outfit was the worst. Also, the judges smartly recognized that Ricky's outfit probably suffered because he sort of had a horrible team.

So what'd you think of this episode? How many more lives does Ricky have? Isn't Sweet P, and her flustered, self-deprecating demeanor CLEARLY the most endearing contestant on there, now that Chris is gone? Finally, what do you think the big emotional revelation involving Jack will be next week?

America's Next Top Recap: Off the Wall

I mean, if America doesn't give a damn about the final four for Cycle 9 of "America's Next Top Model", then why should I?

How do I know that America doesn't care? Last night, Heather was the winner of the coveted "Cover Girl of the Week" fan voting for approximately the 72nd consecutive week last night. For those of you just joining us, Heather was eliminated last week. I mean, I've never voted for "Cover Girl of the Week" so I didn't even know it was possible for someone who wasn't there to win? Are their names still up there or did people write-in their vote?

I went into last night with half-hearted enthusiasm and I came out with mixed reactions.

Let's talk about the stuff I was enthusiastic for — Bianca is gone. That's about it. I mean, that's a pretty big and significant point, and when it came down to Bianca and Jenah, I surprised myself by how much I was rooting for Jenah.

And it wasn't even because, during the runway challenge, Bianca tricked Jenah into going across the street to look for accessories that weren't there for their outfits. I mean, has Jenah MET Bianca? Why would she trust her? Bianca's a bitch, but that's Jenah's fault for being stupid and believing her. It was because that damn Bianca just would NOT shut up. She had something to say about everything (wonder what her thoughts on Darfur are?) and it was pretty much always inane. That and she completely dissed the heartfelt letter Heather left behind for the girls.

The rest of the episode was just a big bag of "eh". I mean, if the models couldn't get excited (or keep a straight face) during the four beauties show (lamely) presented by Ms. J (who did the thing where he went out of his way to try to properly pronounce Chinese words) and Twiggy why should I care? I DID enjoy Bianca looking around and asking, "is that it?"

The girl's were given one hour to shop for accessories and present their interpretations of the four beauties for a runway show. Fortunately, they appeared to be paying more attention than I was (all I heard was something about a making a flower jealous) because, for the most part, they came up with thoughtful accessories to their outfits. Well, except maybe for Chantal, whose critique consisted of the Seventeen magazine editrix telling her that she liked her yellow shoes. Jenah deservedly won after updating her outfit.

Later, Tyra (pictured, right, taking a picture) made her predictable late-in-the-game appearance to photograph the girls by the Great Wall. I mean, I know that Tyra has some experience as a photographer, but shouldn't such a relatively important shoot (the one before the final) be handled by, you know, a REAL photographer? I get that Tyra wants to spend time with the girls and get a sense of how they are on set, but I just did not get this week's shoot.

They were supposed to be fiercely growling at invaders on the other side of the Great Wall (or something) but what we got were dark pictures where the girls were told to be jumping (for some reason) and we could only see about 23 percent of their faces.

The best (and only good photo) was Saleisha who (surprise) looked at the camera and the worst was Bianca, who managed to blow the one photo shoot where looking like a bitch would've worked for her.

In the end, Bianca was kicked off. Not because she was a she-beast, but because modeling didn't come as naturally for her as it did for the others. WHATEVER. As long as she's gone I don't care. Nigel and the rest of the judges took time out from hating Jenah this week. Instead, Tyra made her cry by making her talk about how much she missed her family before telling her that this was "the best experience of her life". Thank you for telling me what the best experience of another person's life is Tyra. You hadn't done something outwardly crazy in a few weeks. I kinda missed that.

So what'd you think of this episode? Am I the only one who thought that Jenah and Chantal looked EXACTLY like the same person when done up for their Great Wall shoot? Also, I can't be the only one who was completely confused when the judges praised her look in the group picture? What sort of blackmail material does Chantal have on the judges to make them praise her after weeks and weeks of mediocrity?Is there any way in hell Chantal will actually win this thing? Would Chantal be the worst winner in "Top Model" history ? (I'll take this question — yes.) Also, how cool is it that I got to legitimately use the word "editrix" in this recap?

Finally, who ya got? I'm thinking newly-high fashion Saleisha will win and become the first winner of a modeling competition with an ugly bowl cut. Still, I'm voting for Heather, running into the ring, taking out the final two with a steel chair and taking the title she deserves.