Project Runway Rundown: Table(cloths) for Too(many of the designers)

You may or may not have heard, but the fifth season of "Project Runway" kicked off last night.

I don't blame you if you hadn't heard because this latest premiere kind of snuck up on me (and I suspect some of you). I'm not saying that I always know what's going on at all times (far from it) , but you'd think a guy who's done episode recaps for the last two seasons (such as moi) would be aware a new season was about to premiere more than a week before it happened.

You've probably heard that this is probably the show's final season on Bravo before it moves to Lifetime in November, so I'm not going to dive into that issue or any conspiracy theories here too much. Some people have whispered that Bravo might lightly sabotage the show (they're losing it anyway), but I'd actually go the other way with that and would like to believe that this season will be strong and have more than its fair share of entertaining "greatest hits" moments, since the show really helped make Bravo.

In fact, we saw that right off the bat with last night's premiere challenge. In a reprise from the series' very first episode, the designers were challenged to make a garment from materials gathered at Gristedes grocery store. Austin Scarlett, that challenge's winner in Season 1, was on hand as guest judge, adding to the feeling of nostalgia. The only noticeable difference was that the designers had $75 to play with this time around instead of $50 (thanks, economy!)

Like last year's premiere, the show bypassed audition episodes and, instead jumped right in with the designers introducing themselves to each other (and us). To me, this is good and bad. It's good because audition/scouting episodes on "Project Runway" are kind of a waste of time — something that looks hideous to me could actually be very chic or couture, and something pretty could just be plain and boring. Also, watching people with ugly dresses just isn't as much fun as listening to people sing badly.

The bad part is that the introductions for the 16 designers felt incredibly rushed, and (without looking on Bravo's site) I barely remember anyone's name. Right off the bat, I thought the black guy seemed cool, I liked the rocker chick (even though she has no chance of winning), thought the African woman seemed interesting, and that the young stubbly guy had promise.

On top of that, most of the people that stood out did so for the wrong reason. These included overly-confident Asian guy, the guy who shamelessly (and creepily) sucked up to Heidi during the rooftop meeting, the overly tanned dude who reminds me of Matthew McConaughey in "Dazed and Confused", and Suede. Tim Gunn has called this the most diverse cast ever — maybe he's referring to the fact that there are not one, but TWO, black women (almost unheard of in mixed gender reality shows).

The rest of the women sort of blended into some weird artsy/quirky, Kit Pistol/Zooey Deschanel mold for me — which is to say none of them really stood out.

Then again, maybe the reason very few people stood out last night in a good way was because they're just not that interesting or creative of a group.

That's certainly the impression we got after watching WAY too many of the designers choose to incorporate table cloth or shower curtains into their designs. In a challenge meant to show a contestant's creativity, it was a disappointing and safe way to go. Fortunately, Tim Gunn told them as much during his visit to the workroom.

Of course, I bet Stella (rocker chick) wishes she had picked up some tablecloth after the garbage bag she chose turned out to be a total waste. Her lack-of-fabric freakout pretty much dominated the screentime during the workroom portion of the episode, but that's fine, because I kind of like her. Maybe she can turn into this year's Sweet P. (who was also eternally flustered). The show also dedicated some time to Jerry's absolutely hideous murderous fisherman outfit (this is where the cockiness started to fade) and Blayne inexplicable outfit (stop trying to make "girlicious" this year's "fierce" dude).

During the runway show, the judges deemed Daniel, Korto and Kelli as the top three, while Jerry, Blayne and Stella were (unsurprisingly) the worst. There were a few other fine garments that I felt were probably disregarded for just being a tablecloth dress. Korto's tablecloth garment, at least, stood out because she was the only one to use fresh produce (I mean, this WAS a supermarket challenge). However, like the judges, I gave the slight edge to Kelli's vaccum bag and bleach minidress over Daniel's plastic cup garment. I can't believe Kelli's dress ended up looking so good.

Of the bottom three, Blayne was spared because his garment was a lot of things, but it wasn't boring (the biggest sin you can commit on this show). That left Stella (who said she'd feel like the biggest jackass in the nation if she went home first) and Jerry (now completely devoid of confidence). Predictably, the judges spared Stella and sent Jerry and his killer dress (see what I did there?) home.

I guess now we know who the biggest jackass in the nation is — at least for one day.

So what'd you think of this episode? Where and how will Blayne tan? Finally, who do you like and who can't you stand already?

For my traditional Ridiculously Early Pick to Win it All, I'm going with Jerell, the former fashion model with a shade of attitude. And since my last two, Ridiculously Early Picks to Win it All have been Rami on last year's "Runway" and Jason Taylor on "Dancing with the Stars", I suggest Jerell prepare his second place speech.