American Idol: A Nuyorican Episode

At first I thought it was sort of a jip that the New York and Puerto Rico auditions were forcibly crammed into one hour.

Then again, I’m biased. I’m from Puerto Rico and I was hoping it would get the full “Idol” production the way a metropolis like Jacksonville already has. I also felt that New York HAD to have a lot of great undiscovered talent to offer, right?

Of course, after actually watching the episode, I understand the decision. If THAT’s the best that New York and Puerto Rico really have to offer, then they deserve to be shoved into the same episode. (They could’ve thrown in the poopy San Francisco auditions too while they were at it.) Featuring Puerto Rico and New York also makes sense given that there are probably just as many Puerto Ricans in New York as there are in Puerto Rico.

It’s just a shame that the show doesn’t appear to have found the potential Latin superstar it was looking for, the closest we got was Jorge Nuñez (pictured, right), who sang “My Way” in Spanish and “What a Wonderful World” in English. I’d definitely stop short of calling him “brilliant” the way Randy did, and his voice is definitely more generic-sounding in English, but he could potentially corner the Latin market if Hispanic viewers decide they want a Latin Idol.

Then again, his competition from San Juan was pretty weak. Let’s be honest here: Monique Garcia Torres got through because she has an adorable little brother who has all the charisma and confidence she needs. (Trend alert: People will start bringing their cute kids/siblings to auditions next year.) Meanwhile, I actually like Patricia Lewis Roman a lot more than the judges did. The problem was that she committed an unforgiveable sin on “Idol” and tried to sing Whitney. Personally, I thought she sounded very strong, but the judges are right in that, no matter who sings, they’re going to pail in comparison. Despite her unfortunate song choice, I felt like she should’ve clearly (not barely) been put through.

The other shame of Wednesday’s audition is that we had to wait until the very last audition episode to see the funniest train wrecks (saving the best of the worst for last). Or at least the funniest INTENTIONAL train wrecks.

It’s one (cruel) thing to parade delusional hopefuls out there who have no idea they can’t sing, and it’s another to put through attention-whores whose shtick ends up falling flat. However, I thought Joel Contreras and Nick “Norman Gentle” Mitchell were both genuinely funny attention whores.

Contreras (pictured, left) had me as soon as he started his impromptu scream-o song about an oblivious guy making ice cream. I didn’t care for the jumping into walls or cars, but his Guy-Pod thing (including surprisingly genuine clicking noises) was a nice touch. The icing on the cake was the lion puppet and a quick rendition of “Circle of Life” (I’m down for any “Lion King” reference), though Simon wasn’t nearly as amused.

Norman Gentle, on the other hand, was probably trying too hard with the Richard Simmons-lite act (headband and too-short shorts) and his “Ryan and Simon” are gay joke is about two years too old, but I thought he was amusing too. I don’t remember a contestant dipping his toes into both audition categories (complete disaster and serious audition) so successfully. I agreed with Kara that he was entertaining and didn’t have a shot in hell in the competition. The difference is, to me, that means I wouldn’t have sent him through. (I’m glad these audition episodes are over since Kara lost credibility with each one.)

The rest of the New York auditions weren’t that much better. The standout was definitely Jackie Tohn, who brought a husky, strong tone to “I’m Yours” that kinda made Jason Mraz sound like a wimp. However, I worry that Jackie might be another one of those “Is she good or is she just different” contestants. Her second, original song was more encouraging.

There was also Melinda Camille who had some vocal problems on “Feeling Good”, but thoroughly delighted the judges with her positive energy and tales of nude dancing, so they let her through.

After sprinting through three more successful, encouraging auditions (who needs to see those, right) we got the return of Alexis Cohen, who apparently did NOT go into “actressing.”

She came back with a softer look which made her look considerably less like Willem Dafoe. Unfortunately, she also came back sounding even worse than she did during her unsuccessful audition. After her failure to do “Like a Prayer” justice, we just knew it was only a matter of time before her next meltdown and she didn’t disappoint, giving Simon the middle finger. I bet a lot of people who meet Simon feel like doing that. In the end, I didn’t enjoy Alexis’ appearance as much as I did the first time – the sequel’s rarely as good as the first.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you wish we had seen more of New York and/or Puerto Rico? Are you glad audition season is over? Finally, who are you looking forward to seeing again at Hollywood Week?

Hell's Kitchen: Feeling Powerless

“Hell’s Kitchen” returned to our TV’s last night earlier than usual (the show’ usually on in the summer, and I couldn’t be happier).

This is probably my guiltiest pleasure show, which is saying something because I watch a LOT of bad shows. This is a bad show people. It’s a joke of a cooking competition – when I want to watch a serious cooking show, I’ll flip on “Top Chef” for 20 minutes, get bored and then find something else to watch, sorry – and it’s basically extended humiliation porn.

However, I love watching it! I think “Hell’s Kitchen” is one of the top 5 comedies on TV. My feeling is that if you’re stupid enough to audition for this show (especially if you haven’t figured out that you should know how to make risotto, Colleen), you deserve to get yelled at.

So it was with glee that I watched the highlights (or are they lowlights) from previous seasons and hints of what’s to come before we were abruptly dumped into this year’s batch of contestants, which we were told was the best batch of cooks and would give us the most amazing season of “Hell’s Kitchen”. Of course, the bar isn’t exactly very high – in fact, I’m pretty sure we could just step over the bar.

Then again, things actually looked semi-encouraging after each chef made his or her signature dish and Ramsay was actually liking them, throwing out phrases like “delicious” and “perfectly cooked.” Of course, all “Hell” broke loose shortly thereafter and the insanity continued all the way through the dinner service.

Since there were so many people to meet so quickly in this first episode, I’ve decided to give my ridiculously early first impression as to who can actually win this thing and who has no chance.

COULD POSSIBLY ACTUALLY WIN THIS THING

Ben: Scored points with me for representing the audience by barely being able to keep a straight face while Ramsay was tearing into people during the signature dish challenge. Most importantly, he’s pretty much the only guy who appears to have a clue in the kitchen.
Coi: Seems halfway competent, and appears to have a little Ramsay in her after the way she tore into Lacey for not having her prep down. On the flip side she’s more likely than most to have a meltdown.
Carol: Ramsay loved her signature dish, and if the whole “Hell’s Kitchen” thing doesn’t work out, she could potentially have a backup career as a waitress. An 80 percent positive rating is not bad at all.
J: I have no idea how good of a cook he is, but I LOVED that, during elimination, he clarified that Seth was the FIRST candidate for elimination and not the second, as Seth had claimed.
Andrea and Ji: Kept their heads down and mostly exuded an air of competence rarely seen on this show. Must avoid the “too boring for TV” tag Fox places on contestants.

PROBABLY CAN’T WIN

LA: Seems like a cool enough person, but the first thing she told us about herself is that she’s a lesbian (which she felt the need to declare after Ramsay gave her goosebumps). It’s not a good sign if that turns out to be the most interesting thing about her. Also, there’s a chance Fox and this show could be slightly homophobic (see a few paragraphs down regarding the end of the episode).
Giovanni: Sure we didn’t get to see him cook, but we got to see that he’s a whiner (we get it, you’re not a waiter – try to do a good job anyway!) My girlfriend Erica thinks he should have his Italian chef card taken away for not knowing what polenta was (she instantly knew it was cornmeal.)
Charlie: I’m probably just being shallow, but I just can’t see the dude with the tattoos and (formerly elongated) beard running (or pretending to run) one of Ramsay’s restaurants. Then again, I could totally be off since this IS a ridiculously early first impression.
Paula: To be honest I don’t remember a single thing about her, but flying under the radar has its merits.

NO CHANCE TO WIN

Lacey: She dominated the screen time in this episode, first by saying she wanted to prove to people she wasn’t “just another pretty girl trying to be a chef.” Now, I haven’t exactly won any modeling competitions lately, but this statement was still laughable. Does she have reverse funhouse mirrors in her house? To me, she kinda looks like Anne Hathaway in a fat suit. (Is that too mean? Erica thought I was being too mean – to Anne Hathaway!)
Of course, Lacey followed it up by being lazy, quitting, binge eating a hot pocket and being a general pain in the ass. Say hello to season 5’s villain.
Danny: It’s not as much the backwards camouflage hat that make him look like he’d serve you a squirrel as it is the fact that he admittedly is a bit mouthy. If he gets into an argument with Ramsay, he’ll lose.
Robert: Seems like a nice guy, but let’s be real here. He’s on the show to see how creative Ramsay can get with his fat insults. (Sample from last night: the dish is clumsy – like you!)
Colleen: Arguably the biggest train wreck last night. The inexperienced chef/cooking instructor (huh?!) sassed Ramsay about his manners, botched risotto and confused salt for sugar. She’s the contestant most likely to poison a customer.
Seth: Ramsay’s already dubbed him “Forest” and when someone nicknames you after a character who’s probably at least a little mentally challenged it’s not a good thing. The problem is that the name perfectly fits Seth.
Wil: Is the least likely contestant to win ONLY because he was eliminated last night?

Let me explain what I mean. Sure, Wil got flustered in the garnish station, but every other time we saw him, he seemed like a reasonable, hard-working individual who was eager to learn. So, of course, when it came down to the choice between Wil and Seth (who may or may not be a bit mentally handicapped) Ramsay eliminated Wil because – well, I’m not actually sure why the hell he booted Wil.

I’m guessing Wil’s understated and borderline normal demeanor meant he didn’t make for more interesting TV than Seth (this IS humiliation porn after all). All I know is that Erica took the elimination especially hard, vowing to be done with the show after eliminating the “hot gay guy.” Are you with Erica in that you’re done with the show (and that Wil was hot?)

Also, what’d you think of the rest of this premiere? When Ramsay was spitting his food out during the signature dish challenge, there was a garbage can there, right? Was it fair to let the waiters decide the "winner"? (I didn't love it, but what else could they do?) Why did Wil only spell his name with one “L”?What was the deal with the power outage last night? Was it planned? If it was spontaneous why not stop the competition until the power came back instead of forcing the chefs to work around it? (It was kinda the last nail in their coffin.) Finally, who is your favorite and who is your Lacey, I mean, least favorite?

American Idol: The Nicest Kids in Town

Was that the nicest episode of “American Idol” we’ve ever seen.

Ok, so the producers could probably put together a montage of rejects being polite to the judges from ANY city, but only chose to do so to keep with the “shiny, happy, people” Salt Lake City theme. Nevertheless, the Salt Lake City episode at least FELT like one of the better (if not the best) audition episode we’ve been subjected to, I mean seen, this season. (By the way, sorry this recap is a day late.)

I mean, even the whack job in the bunny costume (pictured, left) was a nice guy and only came off at a about 35 percent pedophile-y, which is surprising for a big hairy guy in a pink bunny costume. (I fear Simon was right to be afraid the whole thing was becoming normal.)

There were definitely some people with top 12 potential in this episode. I just haven’t decided if Frankie Jordan, Megan Corkrey and Rose Flack are all really good singers with a real shot to win or if they just stood out because they have a different sound and broke up the monotony the judges (and the viewers) must be feeling.

For example, I can’t tell if Frankie Jordan is REALLY good and will be able to adapt to all the different musical styles or if she’s just capable of doing a good Amy Winehouse impersonation as she did Wednesday with “You Know I’m No Good.” I’m actually leaning towards her having the goods and I think her biggest obstacle might be the strong whiff of cockiness and the potential backlash from fans given her previous recording experience. She had a song on the “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!” soundtrack – I’d hardly call that the big time, but I know people will hold it against her.

I definitely liked Megan Corkrey, though I’m just not sure I loved her as much as the judges did. I definitely appreciate her bringing something new to the table, with her funky, jazzy inflections on “Can’t Help Loving that Man of Mine”, but I have to question how she’s going to adapt to the different formats on this show. Still, she’s got even more things working in her favor. She seems likable (who doesn’t want to see a single mom struggling with a young kid make it?) and definitely memorable, from her massive arm tattoo to her different musical sensibility. I’m not sure she’s as good as the judges built her up to be, but I appreciate her being different and memorable in a good way, which is the most important thing in these audition episodes.

Then there was Rose Flack, who even Simon admitted that he loved. And how could you not like her – the poor girl lost both her parents when she was 15 and we were treated to her adorable relationship with her new adoptive family. She also had a similar quirky, funky look that Megan did. The problem is that I haven’t mentioned her singing yet, which was cool, but definitely not the first thing you remember about her, which is fine now, but could become a problem when she’s up against serious singers.

Actually, the singer I thought had the most “Idol” potential was the 5’11”, 16-year-old Taylor Vaifauna (pictured, right), who’s already been dubbed Jordin Sparks 2.0. She definitely stands out, and she appears to have the big, adaptable voice for this competition. She sounded great on “Joyful, Joyful.” Of course, the main problem is that she won’t be singing many hymns on the show. Then again, I’m pretty sure she’ll be able to adapt to the show’s format.

If you notice, I’ve only talked about female singers so far. There were a couple of men who made it through the show, but they were considerably less inspiring.

Of course, you couldn’t go to Utah without attracting an Osmond (yes, from THAT Osmond family). He sounded pretty good, though the judges were right in that he added too many unnecessary runs. And his story about overcoming MS is fantastic. Mostly though, I can already see the camera cutting to Donny and Marie Osmond (and company) as David performs on the big stage and comes in 11th place.

The other notables were Austin Sisneros, who just couldn’t pick the right song to audition to despite two tries, but was let through because the judges have decided to send at least more mediocre-at-best people advance than ever. There was also Jarrett Burns, who sang “Put Your Records On” and probably gave the girliest successful audition from a male contestant.

So what’d you think of this episode? Was it just me or was the guy auditioning with his rabbit friend not that bad? (The rabbit gimmick actually ended up killing him.) Who was your favorite of the female singers tonight? Finally, who knew there were Goths in Salt Lake City?

Lost: How to Dismantle a Hydrogen Bomb

When I wasn’t looking, Daniel Faraday (pictured, right) became one of my favorite characters on this show.

Like when he chastised Miles for being overly sarcastic and pessimistic, see, that right there – that’s one of the reasons the quirky scientist has become one of my favorites. I also realized that Faraday’s been doing his best “Jack” impression after the young, snarly British soldier Ellie referred to him as “their leader” (and after Miles quickly gave him up as the group’s leader after two more nameless castaways went the way of Neil Frogurt). Think about it: Faraday’s now the overworked doctor leading a group of disoriented survivors across the Island and harboring a not-so-secret crush on a female companion. Faraday certainly appears to have taken center stage in this season’s action, and Jeremy Davies has certainly proven he’s up to the task.

Still, what I love most about this show is that it has so many rich and compelling characters that it can go a week without showing us a hint of its more signature characters (Ben, Jack, Kate and the rest of the Oceanic 6) and still deliver a fantastic and involving episode. “Jughead” was a welcome, more-focused relief of an episode after last week’s time-travelling, disorienting antics.

That’s not to say there wasn’t stuff in last night’s episode to make you go “hmm.” However, in a show that gets knocked for posing more questions than it answers, I was very satisfied with the sheer number of mini-answers we got last night.

Mini-answer #1: We found out what the right answer was during the “Which of these items belonged to you” test in season 4’s “Cabin Fever.”

Last night we got to see the first (chronological) meeting between Locke and Richard Alpert and we saw Locke give Alpert the compass that Alpert had given him during the last episode (I’ll give your head a chance to stop spinning). We also saw that it was Locke who encouraged Richard to seek young John Locke out in his youth.

At the start of the episode, Locke was still with Juliet and Sawyer and the two British soldiers they’d captured. Locke recognized their old-fashioned weapon was still new (which meant they were definitely in the past), but the two British soldiers quickly became none after the jerkier of the two snapped the neck of the one who had finally stopped speaking Latin and was about to tell Locke the location of their camp and ran off.

Oh yeah, apparently the Brits on the Island are the Others Version 1.0 because they can speak Latin, just like Juliet. Juliet’s nonchalant line about Latin being an “Others 101” course was good, but not as good as her line last year about the Others having psychologists (“It’s very stressful being an Other.”) I’m also liking the smartass chemistry being Juliet’s more subtle brand of sarcasm and Sawyer’s more aggressive smart aleckiness. I don’t know why, but I cracked up when Sawyer chastised Faraday (“You told her?!”) for telling Ellie about their time travelling. Is Sawyer worried other people will think they’re crackpots? I don’t know why, but I thought it was funny.

Either way, I thought it was interesting how the show reinforced that Locke has completely transitioned to the Others’ side and has become further alienated for his former friends. He was eager to talk to Richard and showed no interest in helping Sawyer rescue Faraday and he refused to shoot Charles Widmore as he was running through the jungle.

By the way, did I mention Mini Answer #2: We found out that how Charles Widmore knows about the Island. He was on it as a young man and was one of the Others. It wasn’t exactly a huge shocker, but still. Given that we know Alpert is ageless, who knows how long Widmore was on the Island (hundreds of years) before he was forced to leave (did he have to turn the wheel Ben turned at the end of last season)? Apparently, it was a long time, since he thought he knew the Island pretty well and that no one could track him. If he’s been there a long time, it could help explain his obsession with finding it again.

We got a glimpse of the man in the present in the middle of Desmond’s journey to find Faraday’s mom. The search brought him and Penny and their son Charlie(!) (Aww. They named him after the guy who sacrificed his life to save him – and after Penny’s evil dad) to Oxford where there was no record of a Faraday. Fortunately, Desmond found Faraday’s lab any way and ran into a creepy, but helpful hooligan who pointed him in the direction of Theresa Spencer, the young woman in the photo with Faraday.

After visiting Theresa, Desmond found out that Faraday had apparently tested his time consciousness ray on her (cold!) and found out from her sister Abigail that Charles Widmore was the one paying for all bills. Desmond confronted him and Widmore was surprisingly willing to give him the address of Faraday’s mom as long as he promised to keep Penny safe. Turns out Faraday’s mom is in Los Angeles, which is also where Ms. Hawking is wandering around in monk’s robes in large rooms with large pendulums. Just sayin’

I still can’t help but feel that something horrible is going to happen to Penny, given how she was so disapproving of Desmond’s journey at first, but ended up doing the right thing and standing by her man. (Oh oh.) Unfortunately, they’re going to be heading right to the city where the man who has vowed to kill her is currently hiding.

That trip to L.A. may not be the only version of Faraday’s mother that we see. What if Ellie on the Island is Faraday’s mother and that’s the reason she reminds him “so much like someone he used to know”? We’ll probably have to hold off a while until we find out whether that’s true or not since the group time hopped away from 1954 at the end of the episode, but he certainly left an impression on her.

The original Others were pretty peeved with our group of castaways because they believed that they were with the American troops who were planning on testing an H-bomb on the Island. They also didn’t take too kindle to the group of American soldiers, shooting three of them (thanks for the info Miles, and thanks Faraday for unironically asking “did they mention what year it was?”)

Daniel eventually convinced Richard to let him dismantle the bomb by claiming that he wouldn’t detonate it because he’s in love with Charlotte. Awww, but do we believe him? Sure we’ve seen that the two characters are fond of each other, and we’ve seen that he’s shown concern about her condition, but is it love? I find it curious that only Charlotte has been adversely affected by all the time travel. We also learned last night that Daniel doesn’t have the greatest history with women and time travel. Is he somehow responsible (and guilty) for what’s happening to Charlotte? Also, are his actions in the past specifically wiping out Charlotte’s existence (which is why she couldn’t remember her mother’s maiden name) the same way Marty McFly’s actions in “Back to the Future” wiped away the people in that photograph?

Either way, Daniel eventually analyzed “Jughead” and realized that he couldn’t dismantle the bomb so he implored Ellie and the original Other to bury the bomb. It seems like they followed his advice since it appears “Jughead” is the source of electromagnetism in the Swan station Desmond lived in all those years bringing Mini-answer #3. If you remember early on in season 2, Sayid was examining Desmond’s hatch and noticed a section of lead and concrete, which is exactly what Faraday recommended they use.

The episode ended with another time leap and with Charlotte finally collapsing in a heap of blood. Things aren’t looking so great for her.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you miss seeing Jack, Kate and company (like my girlfriend Erica did)? Who do you think Ellie the angry Brit is? Finally, WHEN do you think the castaways are now?

Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: The L Word

I’m guessing Portia de Rossi was too busy to be a regular during the second half of this season.

That’s the only explanation as to why Olivia Lord (pictured, left) would make her season debut last night, act COMPLETELY and distractingly out of character and die off screen.

It’s a shame because I liked the Olivia character and I think Portia de Rossi’s pretty great, so to not have her around will hurt the show a little. However, to bring her back for one episode, have her act like a complete idiot and kill her off hurt the show a lot.

The bottom line is I just didn’t enjoy last night’s episode as much as I should have. It looked great on paper: in addition to de Rossi, the episode also featured a special guest appearance by AnnaLynne McCord as the borderline demonic Eden and Jennifer Coolidge reprising her role as delusional actress Candy Richards.

Coolidge’s antics were particularly disappointing. I just didn’t find the whole “Hot Coco” thing as funny as I should have (or as funny as Dylan Walsh and Julian McMahon found them in the opening scene – they were SO laughing out of character), especially since I think Coolidge is fantastic. I will say that I found “Yo Stink” to be almost as catchy as Nurse Linda did.

I’m also not finding Sean nearly as interesting now that he’s out of his wheelchair. He basically spent the entire episode pining after Julia, which is basically what he’s been doing for five seasons. Still upset over Sean lying to her about being married, Julia announced that she was moving to New York with Olivia. I’ll give Sean credit for manning up and actually expressing how he felt (the way he forcibly kissed Julia was almost hot) instead of meekly standing by.

Before that, he had to perform a series of cosmetic surgeries on Olivia, who had suddenly become incredibly insecure. She also seemed to forget that, as a holistic doctor, she’d all but sworn off Sean and Christian’s work. I know the other character’s addressed this, but the writers never had Olivia explain why she’d reversed her position. Of course, the most maddening thing about all this was the fact that Olivia looked exactly the same as she did before. (The makeup department couldn’t at least make her look slightly haggard to partly justify the surgery?) In fact, my girlfriend Erica pointed out that every procedure Olivia was requesting would be better served if it were performed on Julia. Zing!

Predictably, Sean started fantasizing about killing Olivia on the operating table and she went into cardiac arrest shortly thereafter. It’s worth mentioning again that the show features some of the very best makeup effects because Olivia talking to Sean with the top half of her face peeled off was gross. Eventually, Olivia died and Sean actually started believing that he had something to do with her death before he was let off the hook by the fact that Olivia was taking anti-depressants. Again, not buying it. Olivia’s a doctor. She wouldn’t be stupid enough to take anesthesia if she was taking medicine that could cause an adverse reaction.

Fortunately, this facilitated the (brief) return of Eden, who rolled into town from “90210”, I mean Europe She came by to collect her mother’s ashes and throw them in Sean and Julia’s face (yikes!) She was also able to convince Julia that the reason her mother was depressed was that Olivia was the one who drunkenly shot Julia. Olivia’s behavior in this episode was so bizarre, I actually would’ve believed Eden’s story if I didn’t know any better.

It's a good thing we had Christian and Liz to rescue this episode.

I liked watching Christian attend a breast cancer support group (and network). I’m pretty sure he could’ve found a group that wasn’t mostly comprised of middle-aged women if he wanted to, but I understand the comedic reason for putting him there. Besides, he got to meet and hook up with Roxy St. James, who turned out to be insane.

Roxy’s family had a history of breast cancer and she was convinced she was going to get the disease, so she asked Christian to cut off her breast. Christian couldn’t go through with it, so Roxy decided to make her point by showing up at McNamara/Troy and sawing off her own breast. After I picked up all the vomit from my apartment floor I resumed watching the episode (Kudos to the show for keeping it’s streak alive for having at least one “Holy shit!” moment in each episode – the last episode was Sean in a diaper, of course.)

Meanwhile, Liz was having her own crisis. She was freaking out over the fact that she might be straight after admitting to Christian that she DID have an orgasm. This activated Christian’s prick switch leading to some classic lines describing his “cock’s magical power” and saying “what can I say? I’m the shit!”

I also loved Liz bringing her date Evan (who had some groovy theme music) to rub him in Christian’s face and make him visibly jealous. In the end, Liz realized that the orgasm was specific to Christian and admitted that she loved him, not men. For his part, Christian used the “l” word himself in regards to Liz. He was absolutely right in his speech. Liz gets him and she still loves him. What’s not to like about that?

In the final shot, Liz agreed to stay over for Wilbur’s (and Christian’s) sake and we were lead to believe those two were going to do the deed again. Of course, there’s a zero percent chance Christian and Liz will work as a couple, but I’m going to enjoy watching them try.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Nurse Linda singing along to “Yo Stink” the best Nurse Linda moment? Will Eden really get away with blaming her mother for shooting Julia? Finally, who’s hotter? Julia or Liz? (The answer’s Liz, right?)

American Idol: A Sunnier Outlook in Florida

It’s no secret that this hasn’t exactly been the most electrifying batch of audition episodes in the show’s run.

The two main problems, in my opinion, is that the show hasn’t really showcased enough people with true superstar potential (or maybe they have and it’ll come out on the Hollywood stage) and that the judges have been WAY too generous in letting through borderline/mediocre-at-best contestants. The latter problem has been especially annoying to me since almost all of these borderline people have no chance advancing beyond Hollywood Week, so why are we wasting our time on them.

Then I realized that it may not be so much the judges’ fault as it is the contestants for this show becoming savvier than they ever have.

As I mentioned in an earlier recap, in past year’s, you could pretty much tell who was going to be horrible just by looking at them (how superficial, but true). This year, the task has been almost impossible. Methinks people are intentionally making themselves look a little train wreck-y to 1.) Get the producers’ attention and receive the opportunity to audition for Randa, Paula, Kara and Simon, and 2.) subconsciously lower expectations.

There were two great examples of this last night in the Jacksonville auditions. I mean, did we really expect Joshua Ulloa (the Justine Guarini wannabe) or Julissa Veloz (the latest Latin pageant princess) to be ANY good? Of course not. We thought they’d be delusional messes. So when they unleashed some shockingly decent Marvin Gaye and Whitney Houston, respectively, we were probably more impressed than we would’ve been if they were wearing normal clothes and we weren’t expecting a disaster. That being said, I enjoyed Ulloa’s instrumental sound effects during “Let’s Get It On”, and I actually thought Veloz was one of the evening’s stronger singers. Still, I don’t really expect any of them to advance past Hollywood Week.

At least they were both better than Sharon Wilbur, who actually had an interesting voice when she wasn’t dipping into a Britney Spears impersonation. I’m with her dog (which actually yawned during her audition), and I don’t really expect to see her past Hollywood Week either. Oh yeah, for some reason Paula thought it’d be funny to demonstrate “girl power” by pretending to makeout with Kara (and causing one of her boobs to almost pop out) at the end of this audition. Whatever.

Two people I actually could see making it past Hollywood Week are T.K. Hash (pictured, left) and Anne Marie Boskovich (pictured, right).

It’s not like T.K. Hash is an amazing singer, but he has a good enough voice and, more importantly, serious heartthrob potential. He was the contestant this week who inspired my girlfriend Erica to make her bi-weekly “I think I’ll start dating THAT guy” joke. At least I tell myself it’s a joke. Nevertheless, Simon and Randy WERE right in that his “Imagine” was WAY too overworked. The difference was that Simon said no to T.K. and the Randy-bot said yes. T.K. will probably be fine as long as he learns to tone things down (and stays away from my girlfriend).

The best singer of the evening was Anne Marie Boskovich, who, I thought, sounded better on “Bubbly” than Colbie Caillat. The judges REALLY seemed to like her (did you see the smiles plastered on their faces, including Simon?), but asked her to “come back as a different person” after her first audition. Anne Marie was sweet, kind, respectful and complimentary of Kara, so of course she needed to completely change (eye roll!) Thankfully, the major transformation consisted of a taking off her jacket, changing her shoes (we didn’t see them the first time), adding some eye makeup and tussling her hair a bit. Whatever. Either way, Boskovich looks like a solid threat in this competition.

I actually think Michael Perelli would’ve been an interesting addition to the show, had he made it through. He was the nervous guitar playing guy who freaked out once he realized he’d have to sing without his instrument. I actually liked his slightly emo-y/rock sound, but I was mostly glad that the judges actually had a legitimately borderline contestant to argue over. And they said no! At first, I felt bad for the kid, but after watching his immature reaction I agree with Simon — the desperate kid got on my nerves.

The whole thing also led to one of my favorite (non-ironic) Seacrest moments ever. (My favorite ironic Seacrest moment is still high-fiving the blind guy). When Michael pushed his mom away after she tried to comfort him, Ryan said “That’s your mom, you can’t do that.” Right on, Seacrest! (However, I was much less impressed with Seacrest’s video segments in the more rural parts of Jacksonville — why were you lost?! You were in Florida, not the jungles of Costa Rica!)

At least Michael Perelli’s freakout was compelling. Darin Darnell’s crash and burn — he was the really happy kid who got really depressed really quickly when his friend didn’t make it — was just sad.

Still, my favorite of the train wrecks is definitely George Ramirez, the monotone-speaking physics student with the unfortunate beard. I’m not sure why, but the guy just cracked me up. That also may have been the one guy I guessed correctly on when I guessed he wouldn’t be able to sing just by looking at him.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you see any potential “Idols” in Jacksonville? Do you think there’s something to my “lowering expectations” theory? Finally, which stylistic choice is more unfortunate? George’s beard or Randy Jackson’s 80’s high top while playing with Journey? Yikes!

24: A Time To Kill

Can you believe that we’re already a quarter of the way through this season?

I know that it seems like just last week (actually it was TWO weeks ago) that Jack was testifying before a Senate committee and threatening to jam a pen in a bad guy’s neck, but after last night’s episode we’ve already completed six of the seventh season’s “24” hours.

The reason I bring it up is that we can already feel the season start to enter into its next phase. We’ve already had a near-catastrophe and a legitimate catastrophe, as well as the deaths of several semi-major-to-minor characters. It also seems like Jack and Co. are about to catch up with Col. Dubaku (we haven’t even seen his boss, Gen. Juma, this season) and recover the CIP firewall device that’s wreaking so much havoc.

It just FEELS like the season is about to take a completely new direction (toward Juma and the shadowy big bad corporation led by Jon Voight perhaps), which is making the final few hours to wrap up the Dubaku/CIP firewall saga pretty exciting.

As I theorized in last week’s recap, Bill Buchanan and Chloe were nearby to dig up Agt. Renee Walker and bring her back to life (Great hacking cough by Annie Wersching — or the sound department). They brought Renee along in the blue van, and gave her a new “badass female FBI agent” outfit to change into. (They must carry one just in case). Bill also convinced Renee to keep pretending to be dead until they can figure out who’s been compromised at the FBI and other levels of government. (I’m still waiting to find out what happened to Bill that’s made him so much colder — it probably has something to do with his wife, whom he hasn’t mentioned yet.)

The action actually stayed mostly away from the FBI office, and I was ok with that. We only got a brief scene in the beginning with Agt. Moss exploding at Sean after Sean dared to use the past tense in referring to Renee. I have to say, I’m surprisingly finding Agt. Moss more likeable. Maybe not “likable”, but I’m definitely feeling sorry for him that he’s so underqualified and overwhelmed for his job. We’ll go with “sympathetic.”

Also coming early in the episode was the throwdown between Emerson, Jack and Tony. I’m kind of glad that it came that early because, if Emerson is as good as he’s supposed to be, he would’ve already figured out that Jack and Tony were working together (though Emerson thought Jack and Tony were just trying to rip off the diamonds). The show pushed the “Tony will be conflicted” angle a bit too much so when Tony was actually conflicted when the time came to (Jack Bauer scream) “TAKE THE SHOT!” it didn’t come as much of a surprise. In the end, Tony killed Emerson’s henchman and shot Emerson in the neck. Unfortunately, he’s not quite as good a (neck) marksman as Jack so Emerson eventually died.

The one thing I didn’t really get was why Tony was still so gloomy after Emerson died. (I might've felt a little more if Emerson had been interesting.) I mean, I totally get that Emerson grew to be like a brother and Tony felt bad about having to kill him, but the show seemed to be hinting that this could become a problem between Jack and Tony down the line. It just seemed like Tony was blaming Jack. Apparently, when Tony “died”, Emerson’s plan was to use him against Jack, so maybe there WILL be some sort of showdown between the two. Then again, the show could just be showing us Tony’s emotion and humanity, which is in contrast with the way Jack moved on relatively quickly after killing Curtis (No, I’m STILL not over it!) Also, I kinda wish the show would stop explaining how Tony’s alive. My disbelief has been suspended because I’m thrilled he’s back — so just cut it out already!

Jack convined the Matobos to play along with his plan and allow themselves to be taken to Col. Dubaku. Mrs. Matobo was especially eager to make up for opening the panic room door, though I can’t help but feel like her heroic choice is going to end up getting her killed. Stay-at-home mom/techie Chloe added “amateur dentist” to her many titles by adding a tracking device to his teeth. The sequence when Emerson’s boss Nichols showed up to double cross Tony was badass for the way a hidden Jack easily dispatched of Nichols’ henchmen and the way Nichols scurried away with the Matobos. I’m assuming everyone will now hop in the blue van and hope they can get a hold of Dubaku.

Last night’s episode also marked the first time the scenes at the White House were really interesting. President Taylor was still not backing down to Dubaku’s demands, so Dubaku raised the stakes a bit by having two planes crash into each other just southwest of the White House. Despite the mind-boggling precision of the crash, I thought the special effect itself (the silent fireball in the sky) was VERY effective. I also liked the simple, matter-of-fact way those people on the plane were alive one moment and dead the next. There were no scenes of drawn-out drama on the plane where we got to know a single mother and her cute kid or whatever. We didn’t know anybody on that plane, but I still cared that they were dead.

President Taylor quickly called a Cabinet meeting to reinforce that she wasn’t negotiating with Dubaku and that she was holding out hope that the CIP firewall could be recovered. This prompted Secretary of State Joe Stevens to resign (for real this time) and the president’s closest advisors to plot together and try to figure out a way to change her mind. I thought the White House scenes were strong and just as tense as the hour’s shootouts. However, I could’ve done without Taylor’s cheesy speech about why she’s refusing to give in to Dubaku’s demand. It was an ok speech, but it was blatantly a “big moment” for actress Cherry Jones.

At least Jones did more than sit around on a couch for most of the episode. That’s what poor Colm Feore had to do as Henry Taylor sat paralyzed for literally the first 30 minutes. I’m not the only one who thought he looked kinda funny —with his clenched jaw and intense expression — sitting idly on that couch.

Bad Secret Service Guy #2 brought Samantha back to her apartment, where she was startled by Henry sitting there, blabbed for a somewhat extended period of time without realizing something was wrong and got stabbed in the back. I realize that none of us really care about these characters, but that was absolutely brutal. Of course, Bad Secret Service Guy Brian took things up a notch by flipping her over and stabbing her some more.

Since he was too busy brutalizing a defenseless woman, Brian failed to realize that Henry was slowly regaining mobility. He eventually saved up all his strength to strangle Brian and fling the two of them off the second floor (impressive stunt!) before Brian could hang Henry. The actors are doing what they can with this storyline, but it’s still pretty dumb. Watching Henry Taylor slowly regain his motor skills reminded me of watching Wesley slowly regain the use of his limbs in “The Princess Bride” after being brought back to life by Miracle Max. “The Princess Bride” is a great movie that I love, but I doubt the producers of “24” are going for a “fairy tale/comedic” vibe with this storyline.

So what’d you think of this episode? Does Jack EVER miss a shot? (Of course not, he’s Jack!) Were you expecting Bill to stab Renee with the adrenaline shot ala Pulp Fiction instead of simply injecting her?(I wasn’t the only one, right?) How long until Henry can move again? Finally, do you think President Taylor is being too stubborn?

I (Indirectly) Got to (Kinda) Interview Connie Britton!

Ok, not exactly, but still.

Thanks to Entertainment Weekly's Dalton Ross for picking the question I submitted last week for one of the best (if not THE best) actresses on TV right now. The moment comes at about 3:31 in the video. It’s so cool that I’m totally forgiving the common mispronunciation of my last name.

Also, watch “Friday Night Lights”! It’s now on Fridays at 9 p.m. on NBC and it's excellent. I guarantee you’ll love it. (Or your money back!)

What John Thinks...of the 81st Annual Oscar Nominations

Boooooorrrrrriiiiiinnng.

That pretty much sums up my thoughts on this year’s crop of Oscar nominees. In a year with so many terrific and varied films and performances, the Academy’s picks were disappointingly typical, especially in the Best Picture race.

I mean don’t necessarily mean any offense toward “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”, “Frost/Nixon”, “Milk”, “The Reader” or “Slumdog Millionaire.” I’ve actually only had the chance to see one of this year’s Best Picture contenders so far, but I plan on seeing them all before the Oscar telecast on Feb. 22 and, for all I know I could end up thinking they were the five best movies of the year.

However, as it stands now, the picks look like they came out of the same overdone Oscar playbook that’s been used for the better part of the last decade. There’s the painfully obvious Oscar-baiting, big-budget prestige pic (“Benjamin Button”), the biopic/true story of a famous figure (“Milk” and “Frost/Nixon”), the Holocaust pic (has this ACTUALLY become a genre?) and the indie sensation that everyone is possibly (probably?) overrating just a tad (“Slumdog Millionaire”, welcome to the “Juno” and “Little Miss Sunshine” club.

What’s especially maddening is that there were actually a couple of big ‘ol Hollywood hits the Oscars could’ve picked for the big race to make things interesting in “The Dark Knight” and “Wall-E.” I wish I could say I was shocked that “The Dark Knight” was left off the Best Picture race (I’ve always had an “I’ll believe when I see it approach”), while Wall-E being relegated to the “Best Animated Feature” race was one of the day’s more predictable outcomes, despite the fact that it’s the best love story of the year (and the last couple of years).

I’m not saying that the Oscars needed to include “The Dark Knight” or “Wall-E” JUST to make things interesting for the casual viewer that may not make it out to theatre to see the prestige pics. The Oscars should ALWAYS be about honoring the year’s best. What I’m saying is that, in my humble opinion, “The Dark Knight” and “Wall-E” WERE among the year’s best, and the MAIN reasons they didn’t get nominated is because a lot of people liked them (the general public can’t know what’s good for them, right?) and they happened to be an action movie and a cartoon, which are, unfortunately, not part of the Oscar playbook.

There WERE a few pleasant mini-surprises in the acting categories. I was happy to see Melissa Leo and Richard Jenkins in the Best Actress and Best Actor race, respectively. (I’m especially happy for Jenkins since I’m a huge “Six Feet Under” fan). However, the rest of the pics were ho-hum. Yes, it’s good to see Mickey Rourke get an Oscar nom, but that was a given thanks to all the awards and nominations he’s picked up so far during awards season. Yes, it was wonderful to see Heath Ledger get a Best Supporting Actor nomination, but, again, it wasn’t exactly a shocker and, after “The Dark Knight” snub for Best Picture, it actually feels more like the measly bone the Academy decided to throw at the year’s biggest movie.

So what’d you think of this year’s Oscar nominations? Anyone you were particularly delighted to see or shocked to see left out?

American Idol: Churchill Ups and Downs

Well, that was better.

Then again an hours worth of footage featuring crowd shots of Louisville, Kentucky’s Churchill Down and Ryan Seacrest making painful horse-related puns would’ve been better than Tuesday’s awful audition episode in San Francisco. Of course, the show couldn’t help but annoy people by having the episode inexplicably run three minutes long and interfere with anyone who wanted to watch the “Lost” season premiere. (How much you wanna bet that overrun was intentional on Fox’s part? And Fox wonders why everyone hates them?)

So last night’s episode wasn’t great, but then again we’re at the point where we’re more than halfway through the audition episodes, the novelty of seeing horrible singers has worn off and we’re ready for the good stuff, right?

Fortunately, we got a decent dosage of the good stuff last night, including three people who are solid bets for the top 36 (and maybe even beyond) in Brent Keith Smith, Leneshe Young and Joanna Pacitti.

Brent Keith Smith (pictured, left) just sort of LOOKS like a guy who’s already a country music singer, so the fact that he’s got a pretty strong voice is a major bonus for him. I disagreed with Simon in slamming his song selection of “Can’t Get Enough” — don’t worry, Simon, there’ll be plenty of times for this guy to sing the “typical” country stuff once the show’s producers get their hands on him. (This is the part where I ignore Kara’s weird shenanigans during the judges’ mini-argument over Brent when she decided going under the table was a good idea.) I also like that the guy simply walked into the audition space and did his space without any faux-emotional video package.

Leneshe Young should go straight to the top 12 solely for giving us an original song (one called “Natty”, no less!) that wasn’t completely horrible (unless you count this one, which I actually like). Leneshe DID get the “emotional” video package, but she didn’t need it. She was one of the few contestants who actually looked and sounded like somebody who could conceivably be on the charts right now. And isn’t that why we’re here?

Finally, there’s Joanna Pacitti (pictured, right), who’s poised to become one of the more polarizing contestants. It has nothing to do with her singing (which was VERY strong, but kind of unremarkable) and more to do with the fact that she was previously signed to a major label record deal.

I know that some people out there have a big problem with contestants who’ve had record deals in the past and would really like “Idol” to be a search for the next truly undiscovered talent, and I get their beef. Personally, I don’t have a big problem with someone having a previous record deal. The bottom line is that they don’t have a record deal now, and a recording artist, or a wannabe recording artist without a record deal can, in my opinion, be just as sad as the guy who’s been singing in bars for a decade or the mom who put her singing on hold to raise kids.

I liken it to contestants on “Dancing with the Stars” who dubiously have previous dance experience and end up losing to a fan favorite who’s a real amateur and showed great improvement. In the end, resentment from fans who want their “Idol” to be a true amateur will probably end up taking Joanna out the same way backlash about a previous deal hurt Carly Smithson last year.

Besides those three, there were a couple more solid contenders. I liked dueling piano player Matt Giraud, though I wouldn’t exactly say he’s quite as good as Elliott Yamin (or anywhere near). They both, however, DO give out that slightly insecure vibe. I didn’t care THAT much for Alexis Grace, whose fiancé was in the military and Simon called very commercial. I thought she was ok, but the most interesting thing about her was when Kara inexplicably told her to go home and make love to her fiancé.

The rest ranged from mildly-entertaining to ho-hum. The latter category featured Mark Mudd, who we’d all been led to believe was the psycho guy with a gun who threatened the judges. Turns out all the mildly-incoherent dude did was tell the judges to “be careful.” I don’t believe for a second he actually meant to threaten anyone, I just think his brain and his mouth weren’t on the same page at that moment.

Then there was Rebecca Garcia, who was voted “most humorous” in her class and butchered “Before He Cheats.” Kara started laughing because she “assumed” Rebecca’s audition was a joke. I don’t buy this for a second either. You can pretty much tell who wants attention and who’s seriously delusional about their talent and this girl clearly believed she could sing. So for Kara to try to act like she thought the girl was kidding with her audition came off as a bit mean and insulting. Mostly it was a lame attempt at humor.

Then again, I don’t think I’ve enjoyed a failed audition as much as Aaron “Woooo!” Williamson’s this year. The dude came in with a bunch of enthusiasm, energized the judges, inspired Kara to almost act out the orgasm scene from “When Harry Met Sally”, and took his rejection shockingly well. Then there was Tiffany Shedd, who said she’d go to college if her audition didn’t work out. Predictably she was terrible, and Paula advised her to follow through on her plans.

See, this show isn’t ALL bad. It’s sending people to college!

So what’d you think of this episode? Is Kara trying to become the loopy judge? Honestly, what is the point of Randy Jackson? Finally, do you see any of the Louisville people making the top 12?

Lost: Live Together, Lie Alone

To paraphrase what Hurley's mom said to her son after his hilarious and rambling recap of all the crazy happenings on the Island the past four seasons: "I believe in this show. I don't understand it, but I believe in it."

That’s pretty much exactly how I felt after last night’s two-hour mind-cluck of a season premiere.

As I’ve mentioned in this recap before, I’m just a dummy who loves to watch “Lost” for its superb storytelling, production values and (extremely underrated) acting and because I love TV. So I’m not the kind of viewer who engages in the show’s tie-in alternate reality/interactive games, nor do I spend an obscene amount of time theorizing about the show’s mysteries. I leave that work to people who are infinitely smarter than I am. (And God bless those people!)

I like watching the show because I love the characters and because I love the way the show explains themes of redemption, faith, fate and other big ideas in the context of an uber-twisty sci-fi yarn.

As a result, last night’s two-hour premiere left me feeling the teensiest bit cold. That’s not to say “Because You Left” and “The Lie” weren’t good episodes (they were very good), but it was definitely hard to get my arms around them. Hell, it was difficult to get my MIND around last night’s episodes, which left me almost as confused as Sawyer, Juliet, Locke and the rest of the crew on the Island must’ve felt when the Island started moving through time. As a result, I slightly preferred the more character-driven “Lie” (which focused more on the Oceanic Six’s mission) to the head trippy first episode (which focused more on the Island).

Still, I’m fully aware that these kinds of episodes are necessary in the show’s overall mission. And I have all the confidence in the world that the people behind the show will dole out enough bits of knowledge and answer enough questions to satisfy us viewers when the time is right.

Of course, it’s not exactly like the show is ALL OF A SUDDEN about time travel. The show’s been dropping hints ever since the season 2 finale, “Live Together, Die Alone” when Sayid, Sun and Jin spotted the gigantic unfinished (or demolished) four-toed statue. It’s just that the time travel thing appears to be all up in our faces for the first time.

It’s a good thing Faraday was there to explain to us, I mean to Sawyer and Juliet, what the hell was happening. It appears the Island is skipping from time period to time period the way that Willie Nelson record in the season’s first scene started skipping. I liked the record analogy, but I liked his “time is a street” explanation even better, despite the fact that his “you can’t change the past” credo would apparently be challenged in a little while. (Maybe during his apparent stop at the Orchid station in the 1970's?)

As a result, the castaways were first thrust to the day the Nigerian drug plane landed on the Island That turned out to not be a good day for Locke, who was shot in the leg by Ethan. Locke was having a rough episode overall, finding himself instantly abandoned JUST after assuming leadership of the Others. Shortly thereafter, he was thrust to sometime in the future (the plane was on the ground) and a quick, typically-cryptic meeting with Richard Alpert who seemed to know what was going on, gave Locke the compass (which was one of the items in the “Cabin Fever” test from last year) and notified him that he needed to die in order to save the Island. Thanks, Dick.

Meanwhile, the Sawyer, Juliet, Faraday, Charlotte and Miles hung around the hatch because it was one of the few man-made items that would likely be on the Island over the course of a long period of time. Eventually, they found themselves in the ..Island..’s Desmond-in-the-hatch era, and Faraday was able to confront him alone. He told Desmond that the people on the Island needed help and that he needed to go to Oxford to find Farday’s mother, whose name is — well, we don’t know yet, but I have a feeling we’ll find out soon.

The encounter with Faraday woke Desmond up from his dreams and we were led to believe it was some sort of recovered memory Desmond had somehow blocked out. We all know Desmond and his brain have been through a lot (hello hatch explosion), but I’m more inclined to believe Faraday WAS able to change the past and Desmond’s dream was actually a newly-inserted memory. Either way, Desmond is going to be leaving his boat and Penny temporarily to go to Oxford Meanwhile, I’ll continue to try to shake the feeling that something awful is going to happen to those two lovebirds.

Back on the Island, Bernard was trying to prove to Rose (and annoying new background guy Neil) that he could build a fire. We also learned that Miles’ ability to talk to dead people also apparently extends to dead animals as he brought a boar back to cook. (So do we think he can talk to dead MAMMALS?) If they figure out a way to clean the pork, they can always cook it over Neil’s burning body, since he took a flaming arrow in the chest at the height of his hissy fit. I guess SOMEBODY needed to die to introduce the British guys with the flaming arrows, so why not Neil? It was like the Nikki and Paolo storyline, but compacted to one episode.

Anyway, Sawyer and Juliet were briefly captured by a group of soldiers led by a young Brit accent before they were saved by Locke. This, of course, begs the question of when exactly in the Island’s history the British invasion happened. (You know, Charles Widmore has a British accent —just sayin’.)

Speaking of Widmore, he arranged a meeting with Sun (and re-established his authority) at an airport where she was en route to Los Angeles The two seem to have formed an alliance after Sun announced they both wanted Ben Linus dead. You know Sun means business because now she wears power suits as opposed to the more feminine wardrobe she favored in her pre-Island flashbacks.

The question I have is why would Sun want Ben dead? Sure, there are plenty of people who want the guy dead, but aren’t the freighter guys who Widmore hired to blame for her husband’s death? In season 4’s finale, Sun told her father that there were two people responsible for Jin’s death and he was one of them. Now we’re led to believe that Ben is the other, however, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s just getting close enough to Widmore to exact her revenge on him.

Then again, the other person she blames for her husband’s “death” (Daniel Dae Kim is in the credits) is neither Ben nor Widmore. What if it’s Jack? One of the very best scenes in last night’s two hour premiere was her tense confrontation with Kate in L.A. Kate had done what she does best (RUN!) after two shady lawyers asked for a blood sample to prove she was Aaron’s mom. She met with Sun, who quietly, but devastatingly seem to admonish Kate for not retrieving Sun in the freighter like she said she would. Kate tearfully apologized before Sun told her that she didn’t blame her for Jin’s death. She then added “How’s Jack?” Except that there was absolutely no trace of friendliness in the inquiry.

In case Sun is interested, it turns out Jack’s not doing too well. Sure, the beard is gone and he’s got a new suit, courtesy of Ben, but he may or may not soon be going through drug withdrawal after Ben flushed his pills. I thought the first couple of Ben/Jack scenes dragged a bit other than the shocking way Ben is so firmly in charge and Jack is firmly a mess when you consider their relationship on the Island Things picked up considerably when Ben continued to make his plans regarding Locke’s body, Jack asked him if Locke was really dead and Ben conspicuously ignored the question. Hmm.

You can’t really blame Ben for not stopping to chat. Thanks to help from Mrs. Hawking (you remember her from the jewelry store in season 3’s “Flashers Before Your Eyes”, Ben learned that he has 70 hours to get everyone together for their return trip on the Island. Mrs. Hawking either knows where the Island is now or where it’s going to be in 70 hours thanks to some typically freaky-looking machinery in the basement of what looked like a church. I thought Fionula Flannagan was excellent as Mrs. Hawking and I’m glad she’s back on the show, especially since there’s a decent chance she’ll turn out to be Faraday’s mother. (The meeting between her and Desmond at Oxford would be interesting.)

Ben’s going to have a problem getting everyone back together since Hurley (pictured, left) got himself thrown in jail for four murders (or was it three? Whatever).

Of course, super paranoid and super-icy Sayid is the person who really killed those people, two of whom had been waiting at his not-so safe house after he busted Hurley out of the mental institution. The fight scene with the two thugs was excellent (my girlfriend Erica doesn’t buy Sayid being able to fake being tranquilized) and I especially loved the use of humor (the picture of Hurley holding the gun at the hotel) to balance things out.

In fact, the second episode could probably be classified as “Hurley” episode. With all the time-jumping, I wondered if the show would continue to be able to focus on one character’s story and work off of that. After all, the flashbacks and flashforwards gave us a vision of the past and the future, so I wasn’t sure how things would work now that there’s actual time travel on the show.

As they did with the season 4 premiere, the writers decided to showcase the Hurley character first and it was a smart decision. He’s the comic relief of the show, but he’s also the heart. I also happen to think Jorge Garcia is definitely one of the better actors on the show, equally capable of handling the lighter and heavier moments.

That’s why he can pull off having a fun, cheeky conversation with Ana Lucia’s ghost (who has bangs for some reason and was more helpful in two minutes than she was in all of season 2) and wearing an “I Heart Shih Tzus” shirt just as well as he can having an emotional scene with his mom and his dad. I thought it was kind of sweet that, after Ana Lucia advises him to go to someone he trusts, he went to his dad’s house. Or maybe he just went to his mom’s house and his dad was the only one home. Either way, it was nice to see Hurley’s dad step up and show concern for him.

The one thing I didn’t buy so much was the lie itself, which was the basis of the episode. We opened with the Oceanic Six (and Lapidus and Desmond and Penny) all but agreeing to lie about what happened on the Island The only person who was against lying was Hurley, who didn’t want to deceive anyone and didn’t understand why they had to lie. I kind of agreed with him.

Jack explained that they had to lie to keep their friends safe from Widmore, who had sent people to kill them. However, Widmore clearly already knows about the Island and what it could do, and he appears to know that Oceanic 815 crashed there, which is why he staged the fake wreckage — so he could search for the Island himself. There’s no way Widmore would believe the Oceanic Six’s lie, so what’s the point? Personally, I would lie, but not because I was scared of Widmore hurting my friends (have fun trying to find the disappearing Island, buddy). I’d lie because I’d be afraid of sounding like a maniac.

The moment where Hurley went after Sayid a bit also felt a bit forced and phony. The part where he tells him that one day Sayid is going to need his help and Hurley was NOT going to give it to him seemed out of character and was clearly only placed there to set up the show of Hurley frantically racing to save Sayid’s life.

In the end, Ben caught up to Hurley at his parents’ house after Jack helped revived the “Pakastani on the couch” at a nearby hospital. Unfortunately, Sayid had warned Hurley not to trust Ben, who actually made a super convincing pitch to come back to the Island I knew Hurley wouldn’t buy it since Hurley simply going with Ben would make things to simple. Sorry Ben. At least you didn’t get hit with that hot pocket.

So what’d you think of this episode? Would it be racist of me to assume/think that Dr. Chang’s baby in the season-opening sequence could be Miles? Who do we think those lawyers who came to Kate’s house work for? What do you think makes Desmond so “miraculously special”? Why did the Others disappear (but not Locke) once the Island moved the first time? Is there any way nose-bleeding Charlotte’s not a goner? Is there any way that Sawyer and Juliet DON’T hook up at some point this season? Finally, could this recap had been ANY longer?! (Thanks for reading.)

American Idol: Not Quite A San Francisco Treat

It figures.

Not even a week after singing the show’s praises for showcasing more good auditions than bad ones, the show delivers a time-wasting turd of an episode with the San Francisco auditions. Of course, I can take comfort that if I were literally singing the show’s praises, I’d only have to do a mediocre-to-passable job to be put through to Hollywood.

Then again, not everything about last night’s episode was terrible. I was VERY pleased when I found out that the San Francisco auditions would only be one hour long because no reality show ever needs to be two hours. And after seeing the “talent” on hand, I can see why the producers mercifully decided to chop this episode down from two hours to one instead of, say, the Kansas City episode last week.

However, if we’re only going to get an hour of “Idol,” why in the world would you dedicate so much of it to boring, pointless, overlong (I’m talking about you Tatian ??) video packages. I swear the show spent the same amount of time showing ??? beat a Rubik’s Cube as they did showing three quick, successful (though unspectacular) auditions of Raquel Houghton, John Twiford and Allison Iraheta. (Don’t worry, I didn’t know their names either, I had to look it up.)

It’s probably not a good sign that the first (and only) singer who has any sort of top 12 potential appeared 48 minutes (yes, I glanced, that’s how bored I was) into the hour-long show in the person of Adam Lambert (pictured, left). His take on “Bohemian Rhapsody” was the strongest vocal performance of the evening by far, but Simon deemed the former “Wicked” cast member too theatrical. Personally, I’d like to see anyone try to sing that song and NOT be theatrical. I think Adam and his early-season 7 David Cook cut could go far in this competition.

After that I really liked — no one. The hype-machine winner this evening was Kai Kalama, who’s been sweetly taking care of his mom. Still, try to imagine he was just another random person who auditioned and all of a sudden his take on “Smoke Gets in Your Eyes” isn’t that impressive. It’s nice, but pretty boring. I’d say he was good enough to go through, but not nearly good enough to justify all the hype.

Speaking of just barely being good enough to go through, let’s talk about Tatiana del Toro and Jesus Valenzuela. Tatiana was the Puerto Rican (yikes, we’re not all like this) actress, model, singer with the psychic and press kit who hijacked the first 10 minutes of the show. Looking at her tragic dress with the unnecessary train and listening to her annoying laugh, I figured there was zero percent chance that she was any good. However, she delivered a shockingly decent version of “I Never Loved A Man the Way I Loved You.” To be honest, I think I was still mostly shocked that she was ANY good.

However, I still say she’s better than Jesus Valenzuela, the most divisive contestant in my apartment last night, splitting the couch in half with me on one side and my girlfriend Erica in the other. I say his uber-whiny voice was simply not good enough for him to be put through, and his most impressive talent is having cute kids to pimp for him. Erica said he was just barely good enough to be put through (especially since they just put del Toro through and has potential to improve, so why not? I said, “This isn’t ‘American Potential’!” Ok, that was seriously lame, but my point stands. When are the judges going to put their foot down, raise the standards and stop letting people get by because they’re just “good enough”? (Or maybe I should be asking, when are the producers going to show us these people?) I thought this show was about finding the next music superstar. And, in my opinion, the likes of Jesus Valenzuela is not it.

Those were pretty much the only lively moments of the night. Unless you subscribe to the producers’ idea of fun and think that showing a guy in a weird coat is a good use of time. If so, you probably also think that showing Akilah Askew Gholston (pictured, right) and her aggressively anatomical approach to singing was a good use of time. The way Akilah seemed to dislocate her jaw while singing kinda freaked me out, but I will give her credit for delivering the line of the night when she complimented Paula by saying she “had a very hit song in the early 80’s.” Ouch.

If you don’t mind, I’m going to go ahead and cut the recap of this terrible episode a bit short. (you didn’t really want to read about it, did you?) I’d like to thank the producers for, at least, only subjecting us to an hour of awfulness instead of two.

So what’d you think of this episode? Is there anything wrong with being theatrical? (I saw a little showmanship goes a long way as long as you don’t overdue it.) Is there any way the city of San Francisco can sue "Idol" for making it look so bad? Don’t you wish Kara had the same tenacity in standing up to borderline contestants as she does to Simon? Finally, is this the worst audition episode ever? (I’d say, “yes”, except that there HAS to be a two-hour episode somewhere that was more miserable.)

24: A Bury Good Episode

Just when I thought I knew exactly where the show was going, Emerson orders Jack and Tony to bury the body.

We’ll get to the terrific final scene in a bit, but first let’s talk about the rest of last night’s episode, which felt like the show was settling into this season’s storyline following last week’s two-night, four-hour marathon extravaganza.

The hour (as always) picked up right where we left off with Jack and Tony working undercover with Emerson’s group as they attempted to break into former Prime Minister Matobo’s panic room to kidnap the man (and his wife) and deliver him to Col. Dubaku.

Meanwhile, Special Agt. Moss continued to be totally undermined and mostly ignored as junior-Bauer badass Agt. Renee Walker (pictured, right) insisted on going after Jack and Tony alone and even turned off her cell phone after admitting to Moss that she tortured the sniper in the hospital. I’m just a newspaper reporter and even I’m a little scared of turning off my phone in case my bosses need me for something. So you KNOW Walker was still seriously steamed about being “betrayed” by Jack.

For extra fun, a representative from the Attorney General’s office showed up at FBI headquarters to grill Moss and techie Janis about Walker’s torturing of the sniper. Eventually, this led to the one cool moment Moss has had all season when he finally stood up to the smarmy douche from the Attorney General’s office who insisted on questioning Janis, despite the fact that Janis was busy working on trying to save Walker’s life. I was happy to see Moss finally stand up for himself and finally show that he’s something even resembling a real leader and not just the stereotypical butthead/authority figure that never listens to Jack and always ends up being wrong. It was almost as good as the quick moment when he bumped into a random female worker and yelled at her. I liked that random (or is it?) funny moment.

I feel that was necessary because the scenes in the FBI office have been missing a little something. Yes, we know that someone there (most likely someone we’ve already met) is working for the bad guys, but other than that, there hasn’t been that much going on that we haven’t already seen on this show to hold our interest. Janis is still mostly Chloe-lite, and her mildly antagonistic relationship with fellow techie Sean has been done before. Meanwhile, we learned last night that, despite his obvious devotion to his wife, Sean is having an affair with his colleague Erica.

I now feel like Erica is the FBI mole. I know I guessed Janis last week, but she really seems WAY too genuinely soft and squeamish to be up to no good. Sean is another obvious candidate, but the guy is already cheating on his wife. How many secrets can they give this guy? I’m going with Erica because she’s still mostly a mystery, but has been introduced, so her being the mole wouldn’t be totally out of left field. (If you’re keeping score at home, in just five episodes I’ve guessed that Walker, Janis and, now, Erica are the mole — if I keep guessing, I’m bound to be right, no?)

As things continue to develop in the FBI office, we only got a quick peek at the White House this week, but it was a strong scene. I liked watching President Taylor assert herself, not give in to Dubaku’s demands, and order the invasion of Sangala. This firmly puts her in the “David Palmer Do the Right Thing” camp. Unfortunately, shortly after her announcement she learned of Matobo’s kidnapping, which is a problem considering a big part of the invasion involved installing Matobo as Prime Minister once the U.S. dispatched of General Juma’s forces. That’s just bad timing. I’m still looking forward to the time when Cherry Jones is asked to do more than fret and yell about not letting innocent Sangalans die. (Relax, prez! It’s not even a real country.)

She’s not having nearly as hard a time as her husband. After getting hard proof that his son was murdered the first gentleman enlisted the help of his (not-so) trusty Secret Service Agent Brian, who claimed he had a friend that could decode the data. Unfortunately, it turned out that Brian (after looking so sinister at the end of last week) brought Henry to his son’s girlfriend’s apartment and slipped a paralytic drug into his drink. The plan is now to bring Samantha to her apartment, kill her, make it look like Henry did it, and then make it look like Henry killed himself (because faux-suicide runs in the family).

Once again, this storyline only has my mild interest (I just don’t care about ANY of these people), but things finally look like they’re picking up next week so we’ll see how it goes then.

Or maybe everything else is being dwarfed by how good this season’s central storyline is. As mentioned before (and as Tony kept helpfully reminding Jack), they HAD to find a way to get Matobo. Since there was no way in, Jack deduced a way to smoke out Matobo and his wife by concocting a very unpleasant gas. I question why anyone would go to the trouble of building such an elaborate safe room only to have it be easily accessible by some random vent, but I’m no engineer so let’s move on.

The plan worked after Matobo’s wife wasn’t quite ready to die in such an unpleasant matter for her husband’s cause. I can’t blame her for wanting to live, but she’s probably going to regret that decision tomorrow. Emerson’s team also picked up Agt. Walker, who’d arrived without backup, and brought her into the van after Jack convinced Emerson to keep her alive so they could find out what she knew.

Renee proceeded to call Jack a son of a bitch about 18 times before Emerson checked with his guy Nichols, who checked with his person in the FBI and confirmed that Walker didn’t know anything else about their evil plans and was expendable.

When Jack took Walker out to that construction site, we knew he’d have some sort of trick up his sleeve, but the way the shot to the neck was executed was still thrilling. Putting the piece of plastic over her body to make it look good was a creepy touch. However, things jumped up a notch when Emerson asked Jack and Tony to bury her. This made me think Emerson is on to Jack and Tony’s game, who kept oh-so-subtly undermining his plans at various points last night. If Emerson is as good as he’s supposed to be, he should’ve sees what Jack and Tony are doing by now. (And judging by next week’s preview, it looks like he has.)

As Jack and Tony shoveled dirt onto Renee’s terrified body (saving the face for last), I kept waiting for Jack and Tony to devise some sort of ingenious way to keep her alive. However, when the silent clock (usually signifying an important character’s death on “24”) counted up to 1 p.m., I figured she was a goner.

Except that it wasn’t quite a silent clock. In fact, the last thing we heard was Renee breathing, which makes me think she’s alive after all. I’m guessing the conspicuously-absent-from-this-episode Bill and Chloe are somewhere nearby ready to dig her up (they DID have a tracking device on Tony before).

So what’d you think of this episode? With the president’s deadline up, do you think Taylor will withdraw the troops from Sangala? If Janis knows about Moss’ crush on Renee, she knows about the thing between Sean and Erica, right? Finally, do you think Agt. Walker is dead?

Desperate Housewives: Handy Man-ipulative

“This episode is kind of stupid.”

Sometimes my girlfriend Erica sums thinks up more accurately and succinctly than I can ever hope to. The aforementioned quote is related to her thoughts on “Desperate Housewives” 100th episode, which followed the death of the heretofore unseen handyman Eli Scruggs (pictured, left). The landmark episode was heavy on flashbacks as each of the main characters (sorry Katherine) remembered how Eli had touched their lives.

Erica simply stood up, walked to her computer and started playing games. I, on the other hand, sat through the entire miserably, manipulative hour because I’m a TV masochist that way. In case, I’m not being clear, let me put it this way: outside of the terrible second season, this was the WORST episode of “Desperate Housewives” I’ve seen, which is pretty funny because a quick scan online reveals that people actually think this is the BEST episode of the series. (Then again, maybe I’m just cranky because I sliced my lip open Friday morning and I have 10 stitches in.)

With this being the 100th episode, I can certainly understand the desire from the writers to put a hold on advancing current storylines in favor of looking back at some of the ladies’ origins. Hell, I enjoy watching the housewives’ ever-changing hairstyles and Mary Alice’s yearly on-screen appearances as much as the next “DH” fan. However, my main problem with this episode can, once again, be summed up by Erica.

“If this guy was so important, how come we never saw him before?”

I’m fully aware that we have not met every single person who lives on Wisteria Lane these past five years. But you’d think, over the course of 100 episodes, that we’d at least hear about he guy who helped shepherd Bree’s cookbook empire or the guy who saved Lynette’s daughter’s life! (Felicity Huffman WAS excellent in this scene, as usual.) If this were the second or, maybe even, third season, they could get away with introducing such an apparently pivotal character late in the game, but at this point it’s just absurd.

What was even more annoying was the near-saintliness of the Eli character. (I say “near-saintliness” because even that dude isn’t above passing up sex when a desperate housewife throws herself at him.) For some reason, Eli was always at the right place at the exact right time, and always knew exactly what to say. I know “Desperate Housewives” isn’t winning any believability awards any time soon, but this was really stretching out. I was waiting for the reveal at the end that Eli had some sort of magical powers.

The only thing that could’ve possibly made the character more manipulative is if the show had cast a black actor, making Eli one of those prototypical “wise black man” helpers who are always there to help silly white people. Beau Bridges did a decent job as Eli, but couldn’t you just see Bill Cobbs or James Earl Jones playing the same role?

Still, what’s most infuriating about this episode is that we learned almost nothing new about the ladies we’ve grown to know and (mostly) love. It’s ok with me if the show wants to pause and look back at the ladies origins, but these flashbacks better be worth our time. The one true piece of surprising information was that Edie was once married to a gay gym rat named Umberto.

Other than that, what did we “learn”? We learned that Eli was the one who helped inspire Bree to write her cookbook after first husband Rex shot her down. Unfortunately, this (and Rex’s jerky behavior) felt more like it was shoehorned to give Bree a worthy flashback rather than something that happened organically. We also “learned” that Lynette wanted to stop having kids and go back to work (we knew that since the pilot) and we “learned” that Susan becomes a bawling mess when one of her relationships falls apart. (We figured out that Susan can’t be alone just LAST episode!)

The one highlight was Gabby’s flashback, because it’s always fun to see Eva Longoria Parker playing the bitchier/funnier aspects of Gabby’s personality. We caught up with Gabby a month after moving to Wisteria Lane, but still missing big city life and “doing vodka shots with Kate Moss.” Fortunately for her, Eli scored Gabby an invite in the neighborhood’s weekly poker game before Gabby proceeded to trash all of the ladies small-town lives. The best line of the episode was Gabby saying to Mary Alice that she felt like putting a gun to her own head sometimes. Great stuff. Eventually, Eli encouraged Gabby to straighten herself out and she made things right with a basket of muffins.

Unfortunately, this was the episode’s first flashback and everything went downhill from there. Things ended with Eli’s arrival in Wisteria Lane and with Mary Alice generously offering to let Eli fix her vase and giving the handyman much needed work and referrals.

You could say that Mary Alice saved Eli’s life. Unfortunately, he couldn’t return the favor, as we caught up the two moments before her suicide. Eli could sense Mary Alice was troubled, but still left her alone. From that moment on, Eli vowed to lend a helping hand to everyone he came across who was in trouble.

So we’re meant to believe that’s why Eli was such an influential figure in all the flashbacks we’d seen up to that point. The only problem is that the bulk of those flashbacks took place BEFORE Mary Alice’s death, so the whole “Mary Alice inspired Eli to help people” emotional twist doesn’t really work. Neither does having Bree “fix” the flowers on Eli’s casket — you’re blatantly trying to get a tear out of me, and it’s not going to work, writers.

So what’d you think of this episode? Do you also conveniently have major arguments in front of your handyman? I know Bree and Rex had a troubled marriage, but was he always such a condescending asshole? Finally, since everyone else is LOVING this episode, go ahead and disagree with me in the comments section.

NFL 2008 Conference Title Picks

I’m not smart enough to pick these playoff games.

Sure, three out of four road teams winning in the divisional round kicked EVERYONE’S ass, but I have to say, my predictions (1-3 week, 4-4 playoffs) were particularly —

Hell, I’m not even smart enough to come up with the right word to describe how disastrously wrong they were. (Let’s just go with “my predictions were particularly HIDEOUS.”) Especially bad were my bold predictions (DeAngelo Williams scoring 4 TDs — not so much.)

Of course, I’m not going to let the fact that I was spectacularly wrong stop me from making more picks and sure-to-be-wrong (semi)bold predictions. At the very least, you can check these out on Monday morning and have a good laugh.

PHILADELPHIA @ ARIZONA
I find this game to be incredibly fascinating. Philadelphia is, arguably, the hottest team in the NFL, but Arizona will be back at home, where they’re so comfortable and they’ll have the crowd noise to back them up. If Kurt Warner or Donovan McNabb (pictured, right) advance to the Super Bowl and win, they can pretty much punch their ticket to Canton. The Eagles have been absolutely fierce stopping the run, but, though the Cardinals have realized that they DO have a running game the past two weeks, I get the feeling that Warner won’t have a problem slinging the ball 50 times if they have to. Anquan Boldin should be back for the Cards, while Brian Westbrook is hurting for the Eagles (what else is new, right?)

Most importantly, both of these teams (especially the Cardinals) have been playing incredibly loose the past couple of weeks because few people have expected anything out of them. Now, you could make a case for each team being favored and each team being an underdog, so who’s going to be able to play the “disrespect” card. I’m guessing that’ll be Arizona, since people STILL can’t quite believe they’re this good, because there’s still the faint whiff of 60 years of Cardinals stinkiness, and because sportscasters seem to have visions of an all-Pennsylvania (did you know Philly AND Pittsburgh are both in Pennsylvania?!) Super Bowl already dancing in their head.

So why am I going with the Eagles? Because I believe their defense and their quarterback are good enough to overcome the pressure of being favorites for the first time in weeks. The Eagles have been to 5 of the last 8 conference championship games, and McNabb was injured for a significant portion of the season when they didn’t make it. Despite the very clear “choke” potential, it still feels like this is the Eagles’ time. (Semi)bold prediction: DeSean Jackson will run a kick back for a TD.

BALTIMORE @ PITTSBURGH
Pittsburgh just LOOKED like a Super Bowl team when they laid the smackdown on San Diego, especially in that third quarter when the Chargers only ran one play. Baltimore didn’t look too bad themselves against top-seeded Tennessee. Yes, the Titans killed themselves by turning the ball over, but I don’t exactly remember the ball slipping out of LenDale White or Alge Crumpler’s hands, so kudos to the Ravens for forcing those turnovers. (Ok, so Crumpler’s fumble was particularly awful.)

Both of the regular season Ravens/Steelers meeting were incredibly close, but I still kind of feel like the Steelers are currently the superior team. They certainly have the superior offense. I’m sorry, but the Ravens can’t do ANYTHING on offense. Their best offensive weapon is their defense, which gets them into good field position to make field goals or score touchdowns on short drives. Although Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger certainly has the sort of potential to throw four INTs in a championship game, I’m going to go ahead and predict that he’ll take care of the ball. I’m also going to assume that the Ravens won’t be able to force an obscene amount of timely turnovers like they have the last two weeks.

That’s not necessarily a dis on the Ravens, who HAVE to be worn out. If you remember, they were forced to take their bye all the way back in week 2 because their game against Houston was postponed due to a hurricane. That means they’ve played their physical style of football for 17 straight weeks without a break. Meanwhile, Pittsburgh just had a first-round bye and a semi blow out over the Chargers.

I’m betting those sportscaster ARE going to get that all-Pennsylvania Super Bowl. (Semi)bold prediction: The Ravens won’t score a touchdown.