Jersey Shore: Block Party

Out of all the words that get bleeped out —and don’t get bleeped out — on “Jersey Shore,” it was fascinating to learn that the absolute worst thing you can call someone is an “Angelina.”

I’m probably going to keep this season 3 finale recap short because — like every “Jersey Shore” season toward the end — I’m pretty much completely out of gas.

Fittingly, this season finale was filled with goodbyes. The cast said goodbye to each other, Seaside Heights and their sham of a job on at the “Shore Store.” (Ronnie became the latest cast member to sleep through his last shift for good measure…and Danny the boss responded by pouring a bottle of water on him.) On top of that, Ronnie and Sammi said finally said goodbye to their toxic relationship…at least until the group reconvenes in Italy for season 4.

Despite the fact that they’re the worst employees in the world, Danny threw a going away party for the crew. Although some recurring characters showed up — hi, Uncle Nino, who just might really be a pimp…and he’s got the cane to prove it — but I was mostly disappointed that Pauly’s stalker Danielle didn’t put in an appearance. I’m also mildly shocked that no one suffered any piñata-related injuries.

Everyone was allowed to bring guests to their party, and the main conflict came from Vinny’s desire to hook up with Deena’s friend Lisa. Deena strongly objected and said it was because she knows that Snooki has feelings for Vinny so she didn’t want to allow one of her friends to hook up with him. Vinny got annoyed, threw out the word cock blocker about 15 times and compared her to Angelina.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Deena as upset as she was when she got called “Angelina.” (Um, hello?!) I’d be offended to. Putting the fact that Snooki likes Vinny aside, why was it so difficult to understand that maybe Deena just didn’t want Vinny hooking up with her best friend? One upside of this season coming to a close is that Vinny’s descent into total douche territory goes into hiatus for a few months. (Come on, Vin! You’re supposed to be “the normal one.”)

J-Woww had considerably better luck in the relationship department. She and Roger had a borderline adorable conversation in which they agreed to become exclusive with each other. (Boyfriend/Girlfriend!) Things got considerably less adorable when Roger tried to call in sick to work and J-Woww kept yelling in the background, but Roger’s now dating a millionaire, so I’m sure he got over it.

Of course, like much of “Jersey Shore” these past two years, it was all about Ronnie and Sammi.

The episode picked up where last week left off: with Arvin on the phone and informing Ronnie that he’d made out with Sammi one time.

Sammi, as she did with the texting, went into “deny, deny, deny” mode before she finally admitted that she and Arvin HAD made out about two years ago when she was 21. Again, this is NOT a big deal and she did nothing wrong! I don’t understand why she felt she had to lie about this in the first place. I’m guessing by this point complete and utter mistrust has become second nature for these two, and they now lie to each other out of habit.

Things didn’t get better when Sammi was hanging out with some male friends (the nerve!) while Ronnie was scowling and hovering in a corner.

It all culminated in one epic, final fight that left Sammi yelling to Ronnie that “My biggest regret in my life is you!” Ronnie, meanwhile, was reduced to a puddle of tears as he tearfully ran outside with help from The Situation. The reaction shots from all the individuals and couples in the house to Ronnie and Sammi’s fighting were priceless. I’m not even sure if they were actually reacting to the fighting or if it was creative editing, but I enjoyed it nonetheless.

It was Sitch, in fact, who rightly pointed out that this final Ronnie/Sammi fight was pretty much summed up by the final poop one of J-Woww’s dogs (was it “Juicebox”?) took on the carpet.

All the spectacular, depressing fighting Ronnie and Sammi did was the equivalent of them pooping on season 2 and 3.

Even after all that, Sammi seemed willing to get back together. So it was up to Ronnie to finally declare that the relationship was over. And he did after some back and forth. At least until Italy. (Ugh!)

And so every cast member packed their stuff and headed home. But not before Snooki told us her presidential platform. So if you want house music bumping from ever car stereo and a universally pale U.S. populace, you know what to do in 2012.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you ever work in a flower shop? (Get those tu-lips over here! [Cringe!]) Did anyone else think that Danny hated Rush, the Canadian band, when Ronnie wore that Rush T-shirt to annoy him? Finally, if you could have Ron or Sam back, which would you pick? (Like Snooki, I’d go with Ron for the unintentional comedy…but don’t tell Sam I said that.)