Hell's Kitchen: Breasts in Show

So my girl Erica and I were breaking down "Hell's Kitchen" a few hours before last night's episode.

She asked me who I thought would go home and I responded "Bobby. Maybe Petrozza." She then asked who I liked to win the show. After realizing that I wouldn't really want any of the five remaining chefs running my lemonade stand, much less a restaurant, I settled on Corey vs. Christina in the final two, with Christina (pictured, right) winning it all after she teared up, but still managed to stand up for herself during last week's elimination.

Nothing I saw last night changed my mind about what I wrote in the previous paragraph.

Petrozza opened the show by saying "now that Matt's gone, it's anybody's game," and I opened the show by thinking to myself "I'm pretty sure it was anybody's game while Matt was still there." Maybe Petrozza was referring to the fact that Matt the Eagle was about to snap and kill everyone in the restaurant.

Unfortunately, the title of "most likely to snap and kill everyone in the restaurant" has been inherited by Jen. I've already spent WAY too many words describing how awful she is, so I'll just say that I was glad to see everyone else on the show seems to share that opinion.

Another thing I worried about heading into last night's show was how the show would deal with the crushing loss of Matt the Eagle and his priceless facial expressions. Well, quite simply put — boobs!

The challenge this week was for the five finalists to teach a group of students how to cook Chef Ramsay's lobster spaghetti. Of course (since this is Fox) the students were five ridiculously tanned and busty cougars (I figured I'd use the word "cougar" since I'm fairly sure the term is about to be over.) Also, where were the male models for the women? After all, there were three women and only two men in the challenge.

Either way, the chefs began work with their students, who claimed to have never cooked in their lives (how is this possible?) At least Corey's student said she had heard of pasta. Meanwhile, Jen kept trying to cheat by cooking for her student, while Petrozza managed to avoid hitting his student with his erection as he helped her tie on her apron.

The challenge came down to Corey and Christina, with Christina's student edging ahead with the win. This resulted in Corey shooting Christina a dirty look, but NOT (for the third week in a row) in Corey's patented "F---" reaction. Ramsay also gave the cougars cookware they're never going to use in their lives — except maybe as a piss pot for Zeus the dog.

For her reward, Christina got to pick the brains of Chef Ramsay and two pseudo-celebrity chefs whose names I didn't bother writing down during a lunch at Hell's Kitchen. Unfortunately, Jen insisted on horning in on Christina's reward by eavesdropping on her lunch, and I was very disappointed that Ramsay didn't yell for her to "Get out!" Have I mentioned that I hate Jen? Also, Bobby and Petrozza HAVE to be tired of cleaning, right?

After Christina returned from her reward, the show was edited to make Christina sound like a bossy and annoying know-it-all. Nice try, Fox, I'm on to your tricks.

Unfortunately, Jean-Philippe wasn't on to the glass door as he slammed into it right before the start of the dinner service. I was delighted to see this would be the beginning of some relatively extended screen time for Jean- Philippe.

The service started promisingly, with Christina getting the appetizers out, but hit a snag when Bobby and, eventually, Jen started screwing up the steak and fish, respectively. Jen watched Bobby undercook the steak and said "I don't do s--- like that" so, of course, she went on to undercook AND overcook the steak. Nice job out of you Jen.

While Jen struggled with the fish, Jean-Philippe implored his staff to "push the meat", while I tried in vain to not snicker from the sight of Jean-Philippe telling someone else to "push the meat." I also thought it was adorable, later on, how he pretended to be smitten by and attracted to the 12 bikini models. We all know his heart belongs to Chef Ramsay.

Back in the kitchen, Petrozza combined forces with Jen and Bobby to form a powerful Trio of Sucktitude. Trezzie inexplicably brought a fish to the pass way too early causing Ramsay to wrongly chew out Jen, who tried to explain, but got yelled at for talking back. It would've been nice for Petrozza to step up here and admit his mistake, but that guy is such a space cadet, he probably didn't realize what he did wrong.

Still, he's nothing compared to Bobby. While he tried to maintain his air of blissfully unaware cockiness, Bobby finally cracked a little for the first time last night, letting Ramsay's insults get to him.

On the other hand, I loved that Corey acknowledged the fact that she and Christina hate each other (it's true, check the first two episodes), but somehow manage to work together. That's what it's all about — getting the job done when conditions are less than ideal or even if you despise the person next to you.

Christina was deemed the best last night and had to nominate two people for elimination. I initially thought she made a mistake in having Jen (and not Petrozza) join Bobby on the chopping block. (Why'd it have to be the two black people, huh?) But when I thought about it, Jen was actually worse than Trezzie in the kitchen last night.

Still, I KNOW Christina made a mistake by saying Jen should go home over Bobby when Ramsay asked her. That answer was clearly motivated by her personal feelings toward Jen, and since Ramsay usually sniffs that kind of thing out, he fired Bobby anyway.

I have to admit, I'll slightly miss General Black Gordon Ramsay and his wild delusions. Actually, that's not really true — I'm just bummed Jen's still around.

So what'd you think of this episode? Erica and I aren't the only ones breaking down "Hell's Kitchen" when it's not on, right? What's the male equivalent of a cougar? Finally, is there ANYTHING that can stop a Corey vs. Christina final?