Sex and the City: The Movie Review

I have to say, I was one of those people who didn't really buy the ending to six-season run of HBO's "Sex and the City."

I was in the camp that thought it was a little too convenient to have these four flawed, but otherwise strong and independent women neatly paired off and everything wrapped up in a pretty little bow in the end. Eventually, I softened a bit, and I could see the appeal of a fairy-tale conclusion.

Still, with the much-anticipated big-screen version hitting theatres, I couldn't help but wonder (zoom in on my laptop for the next sentence)...what the hell else is there left to cover for a two-hour movie.

The answer, unfortunately, is not that much.

Whenever I watch a movie based on a TV show (especially a recent TV show), I prefer for the movie to take advantage of the fact that it's a feature-length film (think the "South Park" movie) as opposed to feeling like a solid, but overlong episode (think "The Simpsons Movie").

"Sex and the City" is a strange animal in that it falls somewhere in between. The storyline is certainly more epic, with Major Events occurring in the characters' lives, but there's enough of the old TV show (Carrie's narration, the excruciating puns) to keep it from truly breaking out.

The movie opens with a brief and clever opening-credit sequence that recaps each of the four female leads' stories for people who may not be familiar with the show. I would've liked it even better if Fergie's AWFUL "Labels or Love" weren't playing the entire time. Also, that was probably the last time anything in the movie was targeted at new fans.

I actually don't mind the fact that the movie solely exists to please fans that haven't seen these characters in a while. The problem is when a movie's more interested in putting its actresses in outrageous outfits and showing off impossibly stylish apartments than it is in, you know, presenting a compelling and interesting story, it makes for a less than enjoyable time for a non-hardcore "Sex" fan like me. Maybe if the movie theatre I went to served cosmopolitans, I would've had a better time — then again, they charged me $4.25 for a bottle of water, so I'm assuming a cosmo would cost in the neighborhood of $72, but I digress.

It's impossible for me to talk about the movie even a little without revealing certain plot points. I'm not going to give anything major away, but still, consider this your ***MILD SPOILER ALERT***.

The first portion of the movie is dominated by the Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) and Big relationship. Despite appearing perfectly happy, the two spontaneously decide to tie the knot. Unfortunately, circumstances which I won't detail here lead to the wedding not going as planned, and the four women heading to Mexico for some bonding.

It's here that the movie becomes more like a "Sex and the City" episode as we get more into each character's life and conflicts. Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) is still living in Brooklyn with Steve (David Eigenberg), while Samantha (Kim Cattrall) has relocated to Hollywood with actor-boyfriend Smith (Jason Lewis).

While Parker, Nixon and Cattrall do fine work (they DO have some practice playing these characters after all), I found their characters to be thoroughly unlikable. Carrie was particularly annoying throughout. Parker still has GREAT chemistry with Big (still played impressively by Chris Noth with an odd combo of charm and detachment). But the character didn't have her trademark spunk and I feel like Parker WAY overplayed Carrie's depression (I kept expecting her to pull out the "Don't Jump" book Owen Wilson was reading in "Wedding Crashers"). Meanwhile, Nixon did solid work with the movie's most dramatic arc, while Cattrall, as usual, scores the most laughs with her crass comments.

Still, I don't really blame the actresses. I blame writer-director Michael Patrick King, who was making his feature-film directing debut and it shows. The show ended like a fairy tale, so King had to somehow manufacture conflict for the movie. But since this is a movie for the fans, said conflict had to be mostly resolved by the end. Except, of course, in the case of Charlotte (Kristin Davis) — King barely bothered in coming up with a real storyline for her. Fortunately, that didn't stop Davis from stealing almost every scene she was in.

The fact that there had to be conflict leads to numerous retreads and plot inconsistencies. As a result, we have to sit through even more Carrie/Big drama (because six seasons wasn't enough). Also, I personally don't believe Steve would've done what he did to Miranda, and though the result Samantha/Smith relationship makes sense to me, King still managed to make it feel forced.

The movie is actually full of weird contradictions like that one. The movie's biggest problem is that it's too damn long. Still, despite clocking in at 145 minutes, King still manages to shortchange a few of the show's beloved characters. Personally, I would've cut out the visit to the fashion show, the Mexico trip and Jennifer Hudson's character (the scenes with her and Parker are, by far, the most painful). The story would've been pretty much exactly the same and King could've given more time to Stanford, Anthony, Harry and company.

This is probably the most uneven movie I've seen this year, but I'll stop writing now because I don't want this review to become as overlong as the movie.

Sex and the City: The Movie...D+