Hell's Kitchen: It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Matt World

Previews touted this week's episode of "Hell's Kitchen" as the one in which Matt the Eagle finally loses his mind.

While I'd argue that it's impossible for someone like Matt (pictured, left) — who's already a loon — to go crazy, he and his eyebrows and sweatband sure worked overtime to convince me otherwise last night.

At the end of last week's episode, Ramsay reunited Matt with the men and put Jen back on the women's team. That prompted Petrozza to wonder, "What the hell is Matt still doing here?" while Christina said she was "sick of seeing" Jen. I can't recall ever agreeing with two statements.

Of course, each reunion turned out to be rather pointless as Chef Ramsay blindfolded the chefs, took them to the roof of the restaurant the winner will be running (Lord help those poor customers) and merged the teams into one. Ramsay also showed off a briefcase which allegedly contained $250,000, which prompted Matt to curse with wonder. Apparently, he's the only person in America who actually thought he had a chance of winning that thing (and I'm not just saying that because I've seen the end of this episode). Jen said, "I'm gonna get this or die trying." Personally, I think she'd have a much better chance of winning if the show were called "Be a Bitch or Die Tryin'" and it was hosted by 50 Cent.

The week's challenge (another good one) involved the chefs working on their own for the first time and creating a meal from an assigned ingredient in 45 minutes. Shockingly, most everyone did a good job, except maybe for Corey who didn't use her entire lobster. I mean, Matt's dish didn't make Ramsay barf, which counts as a major triumph. Whenever I think this group of people is starting to put things together (as in this week's challenge) and I feel confident enough to let them run, at least, a Wendy's, something horrible happens — more on the dinner service later.

The winner came down to Christina and Jen, with Jen (and some theatrics, according to Corey) winning a trip to Vegas and a chance to meet last year's winner, Rock (Jen's victory prompted me to imitate Corey's patented "F--- reaction shot"). Jen had to choose one person to bring along and she chose Corey because, um, actually, I don't understand why the hell she chose Corey.

My favorite part of the trip was Corey complaining about Jen being fake even as Corey was acting all excited and buddying up to Jen on her trip, completely oblivious to the irony fairy that flitted in and out of these scenes.

Back in hell('s kitchen), the losers had to unload a delivery of food supplies and Matt went completely nutty, opening cursing his teammates. He especially zeroed in on Christina, who had taken on a leadership role (which the men have shown they need) and handled Matt's insults remarkably well. The irony fairy swooped in and hit Matt the Eagle across the head with her wand when he criticized Christina for all the cellulite on her ass. Bobby was right — our boy was going "Full Metal Jacket" on us.

After a mostly uninteresting visit between Jen's breasts, Corey and Rock, the two women returned to "Hell's Kitchen" for the dinner service, which would also include Jen's winning dish. Meanwhile, Matt and Christina continued to snipe at each other, though, to be fair, Matt was being snippy with everybody.

I love how they had Ramsay come in, pretend to be completely oblivious to these shenanigans and then end up putting Matt and Christina in the same station (meats). Well played, Fox, but I'm on to you.

Whatever goodwill the chefs may have built up during this week's challenge completely vanished during dinner service. EVERYONE was brutal. Petrozza was messy (again). Corey cried and then burned her hand. Matt burned a pan (and probably some steaks). Jen burned rice. Christina watched rice burn and (in a very Petrozza move) tried to cook chicken and steak in the same pan. Finally, Bobby was his usual, blissfully ignorant self, claiming he had no trouble following Ramsay's orders as he screwed them up. In an odd way, he might actually have the mental makeup to make it to the finals — NOTHING fazes him. Whether it's Ramsay yelling at him or, you know, getting a food order correctly, Bobby always meets everything with the same oblivious attitude.

Someone who most certainly does NOT have the mental makeup to win this show is Matt. By the time Ramsay asked him what the order was and Matt responded, "I don't know now", I realized what were seeing last night was the equivalent of his brain frying, melting and then oozing out of his ears.

Eventually, he claimed to have a migraine and was sent upstairs by Ramsay. He was soon joined by the rest of the chefs after Ramsay kicked them all out (but disappointingly refused to yell "shut-tit-down!"). Ramsay asked the team to nominate two people for elimination and then Matt the Eagle asked to have a brief heart to heart. Ramsay told him to act like a man and convinced him not to quit and fight for his spot. I'm convinced Ramsay just wanted the pleasure of firing him. After all, he wouldn't be able to come up with a limerick if he'd just let Matt walk away.

Joining Matt on the firing line for the least suspenseful elimination EVER were Corey (who showed some accountability and put herself up there, unlike other *cough* Jen *cough* people) and Christina, who acquitted herself quite nicely with a genuine speech about how the fact that she's only been cooking PROFESSIONALLY for only three years means she'll only work harder to learn during her time on the show.

So what'd you think of this episode? What's up with the previews for next week with all the models? Which was funnier: Bobby saying "Matt deserves to get kicked off the universe" or Petrozza saying "I'll be relieved when Matt's in a different state — lock the door behind that guy"? Finally, you're going to miss Matt a little, aren't you?