If you think watching and recapping this show for three years (and five cycles) gives me some sort of keen sense of insight, I’d point you to my season premiere column.I would then point to all the stuff that went down on the latest “Top Model.” After all that, you would point at me and laugh.
I mean, could I have been more wrong? In case you don’t feel like slogging through my insta-disaster of a season premiere recap, I’ll quickly recap: the girl I liked the most got eliminated second, and the girl I like the second most got sent home first. (Hey, I guess it COULD have been more wrong!) Meanwhile, the girl I arbitrarily picked to go home first actually won best photo in the season’s first challenge. (Ok, back in the pits where I belong.)
The episode picked up right where the last one left off – with the models about to do a “nude” photo shoot. (The girls actually got to select one item of clothing from a mannequin to use in their shot, so I do not think the word “nude” means what the producers think it means.)
Jessica may have taken top photo honors (and it wasn’t undeserved), but I actually liked Ren’s shot the best. Her face was so strong that you didn’t even notice she was nude — or maybe that was just me. I thought Tatianna (getting the most coverage out of a scarf) and Brenda also did a nice job.
Still, the unquestioned star of the first portion of last night’s (unnecessarily) 90-minute extravaganza was new judge Andre Leon Talley, editor-at-large at Vogue. (From here on out, I’ll refer to him as ALT, because call him “Andre” or “Talley” feels like I’m short-changing the craziness.)
In case you can’t tell, I’m very excited about the ALT area on ANTM. He’s the opposite of “dreckitude.” Even Tyra thinks he’s crazy! (And that’s saying something.) More importantly, ALT has a mixture of personality and credibility unmatched by anyone on this show besides Tyra. I mean, when the guy with the cape and the lion’s tooth around his neck told Anslee to take off her necklace, I had to laugh. He’s the most exciting addition to this show since Janice Dickinson.
He’s also the only reason Alasia is still in this competition and Gabrielle is not. They were CLEARLY the two worst, but I thought Gabrielle had tons more potential and knowledge (and is 500% less annoying around the house). Still, Alasia’s picture was, at least, interesting in how weird and terrible it was. Gabrielle’s low-key pose, on the other hand, was downright depressing.
Gabrielle was sent packing, and I was left missing the hilariously bad, Auto-tuned exit music from the previous cycle. (I guess you have to be 5’7” and under to be able to hear that music.) I’m being serious – I really miss that song. :(
Anyway, there was little time to grief because we basically had another episode to get through.
Fortunately, Ms. J appears to be taking his/her demotion well and led spirited runway lesson that included showing the girls how to walk and take off a coat in a stylish way. (Not surprisingly, Alasia bombed.) My favorite part came when the girls took their lesson to the streets, strutting their stuff along a NYC crosswalk, much to the hilarious confusion of passerby.
The reward challenge had the models walking in a Rachel Roy runway show. As if the scary (yet relatively lightweight) swinging pendulums weren’t scary enough, the models also had to negotiate about 50 marble steps before reaching the runway.
Simone was up first and got absolutely nailed by the first pendulum, causing me to exclaim, “Oh!” That was nothing compared to poor Alexandra’s walk (pictured, left). I actually yelled out “Oh no!” twice – once when she slipped down the stairs, and another when she got knocked off the runway. (The stairs looked more painful, for the record.) I guess the competitiveness she’s always talking about doesn’t really come into play when you’re facing off against a pair of pendulums and a marble staircase. (In case you care, Brenda won the reward challenge, though I honestly don’t remember much about her walk other than, “She didn’t fall in any way.” She got to keep her Rachel Roy gown.)
Back at the house, Ren, who had previously said she was “too intelligent” for all the other girls at the house (double UGH!), told Alasia to “shut the f--- up.” I’m sure you can guess how well that went over. There was no way for me to care about either person in this fight. Alasis is aggressively annoying, but I’ll still take her over the relentlessly unpleasant Ren (who kinda looks like Megan Fox with her hair slicked back, no?)
Fortunately, (for me) it seems like Ren may be mentally checking out of this competition. You see, it turns out that she wasn’t ready for all the drama with the other contestants. It all makes sense to me — Ren either doesn’t own a TV or has one that doesn’t get the CW, Bravo, Oxygen, VH-I, etc. because it’s obvious she’s NEVER seen this show.
Anyway, the second episode’s photo shoot had the models spraying themselves with blue perfume and trying to get a pretty picture while being sprayed in the face with wind and water. (Seriously.)
The best photo discussion begins and ends with Raina. (Though Krista gets an honorable mention.) Unlike most of the other girls’, the water didn’t appear to bother Raina and she was able to burn a hole right through the camera with her eye(brow)s.
The worst photos belonged to the bottom two (things are lining up so far this cycle): Ren and Naduah. Ren looked like she was ill in her photo (if she ends up quitting, she can no doubt snag the coveted H1N1 campaign), while Naduah’s was comically bad. It was like a bad, scary parody of what a fashion photograph looks like.
Ren got to stay and Naduah was sent home, leaving Raina and company to wonder which parts of her mysterious past were true and which were made-up. (Eh, they’re probably over it.) Personally, I’m disappointed that Naduah turned out to be sort of an insane kook, because I thought she had a strong enough look to go far in the competition.
Shows what I know.
So what’d you think of this episode? Do you like that the girl who wins top photo honors one week gets to partake in the reward the following week? (Since there’s no immunity, and having the photo plastered around the loft is no great shakes, I like it.) Are you enjoying Andre Leon Talley? (How can you not?)Am I the only one who says “ugh” every time Angelea advances? Finally, did you know Naduah grew up in a cult?
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