Project Runway: Earth, Wind, Fire and (H)Air

When contestants crap the bed in the competition portion of “American Idol”, for example, it’s downright depressing.

On the other hand, when the designers on “Project Runway” screw the pooch on a challenge, it often leads to LOL-worthy moments.

Last night, the nine remaining designers brought the (unintentional) hilarity when they were tasked with creating a look inspired by one of the four natural elements — earth, fire, wind, water. (We “Captain Planet” fans probably noticed the conspicuous absence of “heart” because everyone knows “heart” is lame and not really an element.)

Unfortunately, this week’s challenge was also the annual “Shoving of the Garnier Fructis Brand Down Our Collective Throats” (More than Usual). As a straight guy who’s been recapping “Project Runway” for years, I realize I’m walking a pretty precarious line, but I find these hair and makeup consults to be absolutely unbearable. (Let’s keep the focus on the clothes and the designers, ok?) Fortunately, they’re relatively short. Also, there was a major missed opportunity by not having fun with stylist Philip Carreon’s name. (No, “Carry on, Philip” joke?!)

Jay got to choose his element (wind), and everyone else selected theirs after having their name drawn from Tim’s tasteful velvet bag. This part of the episode ended up being relatively pointless because, with very few exceptions, the designers either chose to eschew a conventional (or sensible) interpretation of their element or they decided to forego color altogether.

For example, I can respect bright color-loving Anthony’s decision to not use red or orange for his fire-inspired dress, but his structural gray and black gown (inspired by ashes) didn’t really seem to have anything to do with anything. Neither did Seth Aaron’s Matrix-y black leather get up (night air — why not?), Jonathan’s “swirl of laughter” (I guess we technically make air when we laugh) or Maya’s allegedly siren-inspired dress.

And yet, there those three were in the week’s top 3. I’m not saying they weren’t deserving (they actually WERE the top 3 — Jay Nicolas’ and Emilio’s looks were a bit too literal, though I suppose we should be happy Emilio actually completed a dress this week), I’m just saying the designers failed to bring it in what could’ve been a really dynamic challenge.

Jonathan — who spoke about breaking away from the pack and becoming a real threat this week — took the win (but no immunity). I have no problem with his victory, even if I didn’t get the whole “laughter” thing, but he DID put a lot of thought into creating a dress that perfectly complemented his model, and there’s definitely something to be said for that.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but I actually might’ve given the victory to Seth Aaron’s out-there black leather get up (it was FANTASTICALLY-made), but I’m not offended or outraged that he lost to Jonathan. As for Maya’s dress — I thought it was a bit boring, and I felt like her arms looked like they were covered in algae. (You can probably tell I wasn’t a big fan.)

Fortunately, the bottom 3 (Mila, Amy and Ben) provided enough comedy to make up for the uninspired top half of the draw.

Well, not so much Mila, who predictably struggled without being able to revisit her black-and-white, color-blocking, mod wheelhouse. (I actually REALLY liked her earth-y vest — too bad she phoned in the rest of the outfit.)

No, I’m talking about Amy’s painfully misguided bowl of hair (pictured, left) vs. Ben’s shark-inspired droopy suit.

Amy (looking like an oompa-loompa next to her ridiculously-tall model) is obviously very talented, but what the hell was she thinking?! In what universe is it acceptable to give your model the appearance of chest hair (or massive armpit hair from certain angles)? Most of all, I feel bad for model Holly. Last week, she endured Emilio’s metal bikini, and this week she sauntered down the runway as if she was going to serve us a plate full of her hair! I shudder to think what she’ll have to wear next week after modeling two of the worst designs this show has EVER seen in consecutive weeks.

All that being said, I’m still perfectly fine with Ben going home (and so is he apparently).

The result isn’t exactly a surprise given that Ben logged more screen time in this episode (including the requisite emotional phone call home) than he had in all previous episodes of this season COMBINED. There was also the matter of his hideous shark suit, which was a boring color, hideously tailored AND tacky. (Michael Kors REALLY hated those shark teeth.)

Let’s talk about the pants for a minute, because I’m having a hard time deciding if it’s worse to make your model look like she has chest hair or a penis. Ben’s model seriously looked like she was packing down there, didn’t she? Yikes. Thank heavens for Michael Kors, who rightly called out the horror of Ben’s “jockstrap pant.”

So what’d you think of this episode? Did the right person go home last night? Just how questionable was guest judge Roland Mouret’s mustache? Finally, who do you think will be next to go home?