American Idol: La-La Land

The best part about this episode was that it was only one hour.

Another thing I liked was…no, that’s pretty much it.

Part of the reason I hadn’t written my “American Idol” recaps until (…drivin’ slow on) Sunday morning is because I’d been underwhelmed by Tuesday’s Austin episode, and I’d heard that the L.A. episode was even worse.

They were right!

I don’t understand what happened. Was L.A. really THAT deficient in talent that they couldn’t cobble together a reasonable amount of good singers to put on a one-hour episode? More likely, producers felt the weirdos, delusionals and clowns at the L.A. audition were too good to pass up. (Indeed, instead of a crammed montage of good singers we sometimes get, at one point we got an unholy mash-up of five rejects toward the end of the show, punctuated by a painful-looking split.)

Then again, if you’re one of those people who only watches American Idol to see these jabronis, then you probably robbed this episode. And, I’ll admit I’m not completely immune to their “charms.”

For example, it took a LOT longer than expected for “American Idol” to show someone (in this case, Victoria Garrett) rudely calling out Jennifer Lopez on her dubious singing credentials. (Though I would’ve been more impressed if she’d dared do that to J.Lo’s face.) I also enjoyed watching Tynisha Roches (and her prop mic) chasing Randy Jackson off the judges table. (Sadly, it was only temporary.) By the way, delusional people think Tynisha is batshit crazy!

I also thought BFF Daniel Gomez and Isaac Rodriguez’s auditions were hypnotically bad. The only thing worse was Daniel’s hair. Oh well, at least Isaac has that college education to fall back on. Oh wait…(That sound you hear is Isaac’s mom’s heart breaking.)

Of course, the episode’s two showcase train wreck-y auditions came from Matthew “Big Stats” Frankel and the subtitled Cooper Robinson (pictured, left). Unfortunately, Big Stats’ wannabe-hustler, Chaka Khan-compiling shtick got tedious really quickly. (My favorite part was that he was accompanied by his “homie” Jeremy.) As for Cooper Robinson…yes, the subtitles were hilarious, but the snake pit survivor’s segment was like a nightmarish redux of Larry Platt’s “Pants on the Ground.” Either way, I think it’s sweet that they’re encouraging homeless people to try out.

But what about the “good” singers? Well, let’s run through them as quickly as the show did.

I was most underwhelmed by Heidi Khzam, whose singing was passable, forgettable and completely eclipsed by her belly dancing. (Wait, I just remembered this girl was GREAT!)

Karen Rodriguez was slightly nervous, but still cool and completely pleasant during her version of Whitney Houston’s “You Give Good Love.” Too bad that, like a lot of other singers, her voice was one of the least interesting things about her. I was most struck by the fact that she flew out to L.A. from New York as one of the show’s MySpace applicants. Two questions: 1.) Why make her fly to all the way to L.A. to audition? (Why not Jersey?!) 2.) People still use MySpace? That being said, I like her.

Tim Halperin was another really likable guy. His voice isn’t the strongest, but I completely agree with J.Lo in that he has an appealing and memorable tone, which is pretty crucial for a successful recording artist. I don’t even mind that J.Lo probably said those things because he relentless flattered her.

The best singers of the evening were brothers Mark and Aaron Gutierrez, who harmonized beautifully together during “Lean on Me”, though I’d stop short of calling it “godlike” like Steven did. I would’ve liked to have heard them sing separately, but they were clearly good enough to advance. Also, their voices were the best thing about these guys with very big personalities, narrowly edging out the fact that they look like grown-up versions of Justin from “Ugly Betty.”

So what’d you think of this episode? Am I too being too hard on the Angelinos? Finally, are you looking forward to the start of the Hollywood round next week?