American Idol: Semifinal Destination

On Wednesday night we learned the identity of five of the singers who will make up this year’s top 24 on “American Idol.”

Last night — after many slo-mo walks, and many terrible Steven Tyler fake-outs — we learned who’ll be joining them.

Although the two-hour show was unavoidably painful at times, I commend the producers for dedicating more time to the people who made it through and mostly zipping by those who were cut.

In a related story, Happy 25th Birthday to “Rocker” Jessica Cunningham, who was understandably pissed off about being cut just shy of the semifinals, but not too upset to realize that her dueling middle fingers would be covered up by the “American Idol” logo-bubble.

But enough about the losers who didn’t make it! (I know. Harsh.) Instead, here are my quick thoughts on the 19 singers who qualified for the semifinal round last night, in alphabetical order:

Casey Abrams: For once I’m on board with Randy’s absurd hype. Even though we’re at a ridiculously early stage of the competition, Casey may wind up being the most talented musician this show has ever seen. Also, don’t let that distract you from the fact that he’s a great singer. I really hope his reported hospitalization doesn’t mean he’ll have to drop out.

Lauren Alaina: One wrong move and the “American Idol” logo-bubbles were going to be covering up some private parts. I’m annoyed by her a little more each time I see her…not good.

Jovanny Barreto: Jovanny seems like a strong, but unspectacular singer. The nicest thing I can think to say about him is that I appreciate him trying to class the procedures up a bit with his wardrobe.

Kendra Chantelle: Really nice job on Alicia Keys’ “Fallin” (if only I weren’t completely done with that song), but I still think the most interesting thing about her is her name.

Jordan Dorsey: Unlike Clint Jun Gamboa, he didn’t really do much to dispel the notion from Hollywood Week that he’s kind of a dick. Good luck with that.

James Durbin: Last night we heard him sing “A Change is Gonna Come,” just like Adam Lambert did in season 9. James…I’ve seen Adam Lambert, and you sir are no Adam Lambert. (Even though your vocal was kind of incredible.) Either way, stop trying to be Adam Lambert and start trying to be yourself. Also, stop with the fabric tail and stop yelling at me!

Tim Halperin: Still interested to see how if Julie Zorilla’s duet partner during Beatles night can stand out on his own. (Especially now that he knows never to ask a woman her age.)

Stefano Langone: I’m not sure his voice is strong enough to last, and I didn’t think the original song he performed for the judges was very memorable. Other than that, I think he’s great.

Brent Loewenstern: It was down to him, Jacee Badeaux and Colton Dixon (fantastic name!) for the final slot in the top 24. Jacee was told he needed a little more seasoning as a performer. Even though Brent does have a more assured presence on stage than Jacee and has definitely been one of the standouts this year, I wouldn’t have minded if they gave him the “better luck next year” routine in favor of Colton. Mostly because I like typing the name “Colton Dixon.”

Jacob Lusk (pictured, left): True confessions time! You may have noticed that I’ve been extremely reluctant to jump on the Jacob Lusk bandwagon. And, yes, even though I think he’s a double-stuffed ham sandwich when he (over)sings, the main reason I don’t care for the guy is because my girlfriend Erica made a joke about how he looks just like me. I tried to act like I wasn’t offended, but come on! I’m MUCH better looking than this guy!!! I don’t know if you can tell, but it still bothers me. A little.

Anyway, according to Randy his “God Bless the Child” was “the single best performance on ‘Idol.’ Ever.” Ugh! The judges have pegged Jacob as one of the singers they’re going to pimp this year, so I’m guessing he’ll be around for a while.

Scotty McCreery: Apparently, there was only room for one male country singer this season. (Sorry, John Wayne Schulz.) The fact that Scotty can only do one type of music really well isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I think he has the potential to be a really successful recording artist. I just think he’s going to struggle big time to adapt in this competition. Also, 1/4 Puerto Rican? Who knew?!

Thia Megia: Edged out Jessica Cunningham for the final slot on the female side. There’s a decent chance she was hoping to get eliminated so that she won’t have to potentially work with Vocal Coach From Hell Peggi Blu.

Karen Rodriguez: Sang a Selena song — J.Lo sweet spot — very well. (Then again, as long as you don’t ask her how old she is, you’re pretty much in J.Lo’s sweet spot.) More importantly, she proved that MySpace IS still good for something. Oh wait…no it’s not.

Robbie Rosen: His performance of “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word” was very assured and controlled. He sounded great and he’s gaining momentum.

Pia Toscano: Nothing personal against Pia, but she’s a perfect example as to why I’m much more interested in hearing what the men have to offer in Tuesday night’s episode. Gun to your head, do you have ANY idea what Pia’s voice sounds like? To me, the judges did an infinitely better job of picking guys with a wide variety of voices and tones. I can’t say the same for the ladies.

Lauren Turner: She, um, seems like a cool person. I vaguely remember seeing her curly hair during Hollywood Week a few times. Sorry, I got nothin’.

Tatynisa Wilson: Who?! Oh yeah, it’s that person who butchered “I Hope You Dance” that isn’t Scotty McCreery. Wasn’t very impressed by her take on “Unbreak My Heart.” Sorry.

Rachel Zevita: I liked her necklace tie. (Or was it a tie necklace.) I liked her scorching take on “Speechless” even more. The main problem for me was that I wasn’t 100% sure which woman was supposed to be her grandmother, and which was her mother. (That’s probably not good.)

Julie Zorilla: One of the few useful critiques to come out of last night’s cliché-ridden babble is that Julie may have all the tools, but doesn’t seem very connected to what she’s singing. I’m interested to see if Julie can improve in that area.

So what’d you think of this episode? What do you think of this top 24? Finally, if Casey has to drop out, which guy would you like to see replace him? (I vote for Colton over Jacee.)