I’ve been watching this show for WAY too long.About 25 minutes into this episode, I correctly predicted that ____ would go home. (Just because I figured it out almost immediately, doesn’t mean I’d spoil it for someone reading this recap that hasn’t watched the episode.) I’m not exactly throwing out my shoulder to pat myself on the back, because it was pretty obvious this “pretty” girl would be packing her bags by the end of the hour. (“Pretty” is just about the worst thing you could be in this twisted world.)
Also, when Tyra dressed up as some of the archetypes who try out for this show — my favorite is the goth chick who is too cool for the competition and isn’t there to make friends — I barely even blinked. Tyra’s brand of crazy is normal to me now.
That costume party was actually the closest thing we’d get to a casting episode since cycle 16’s big twist was revealed to be…no casting episode! (Wah-wah.) Tyra also had a twist up her sleeve for the 14 contestants she had selected as finalists: she threw on a trucker hat, had the camera shoot her in black and white and from the side and Punk’d the finalists into believing they’d been eliminated before revealing that they were, in fact, in the model house!
At this point, I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to the girls who thought they’d actually made the cut. I REALLY hope they were ringers who were in on the joke, otherwise that’s just wrong. (Even for Tyra.) (But then again, if they were ringers, why did we see footage of Tyra deliberating with the other judges?)
Anyway, without a casting episode it was even more difficult than usual to get to know the contestants names and faces. Here’s what I have so far:
Dominique = Maya Rudolph (because of the freckles), if Maya Rudolph weren’t fun. Alexandria = the bossy one. Kasia = fiercely real (this year’s euphemism for “plus-size”, which itself is a euphemism for “a regular person.”) Monique = too sexy (like a mix of Olivia Munn and Megan Fox, but pleasant), which isn’t as bad as being “too pretty.” Sara = rat tail. Mikaela = eyebrows! Finally, there’s Jaclyn, who shattered R&B star Babyface’s record for “Most times being referred to as a ‘babyface.’” Also has a potentially annoying voice that I kind of like.
Model-jewelry maker Erin Wasson (are there any models who are JUST models?) introduced this week’s challenge, a fashion show in which the contestants would be encased in a plastic bubble and walk on a 12-inch-wide runway that extended over a pool of water. (Why waste time getting to the ridiculousness, right?)
Most of the models stumbled around, a couple fell (Dominique had a little fun with her fall), and Brittani was the only one who did a good job, and she was declared the challenge winner. Her reward was a piece of jewelry from Erin Wasson. Oh wait, everyone else got one of those too. Never mind.
The elimination challenge was a photo shoot by Russell James (who had better hair than Wasson) that took place backstage as the girls prepared for their runway show. (Apparently, this is the latest thing in fashion.)
My favorite photos came courtesy of Alexandria (the first photo we saw, and it was such an incredibly strong profile, that it didn’t matter that we couldn’t see her face and that her eyes were closed), Monique (looking delightfully eager while looking up at the camera), Mikaela (making good use of her striking jawline and eyebrows) and Molly (who achieved natural wind-in-the-hair and won Top Photo honors.)
I didn’t flip out for Brittani’s picture nearly as much as the judges did. I admire that she was calm while someone placed makeup inside her eyelid, but that sort of thing creeps me out. (I can’t even watch my girlfriend Erica put on her contact lenses.) I was also disappointed by “fiercely real” Kasia’s photo. It was fiercely blah.
My favorite critique of the night: “That picture looks like a 19-year-old boy with make up on…but that’s what I like about it.” – Tyra to Sara. Of course it is, Tyra.
Not faring so well were Dominique and Angelia, who were CLEARLY the worst two of the bunch. Dominique’s profile picture was totally boring, but at least she has a little attitude that makes her interesting. Also, those freckles.
That meant Angelia, whose picture looked like a Facebook profile pic according to Erica, was sent home. I’d love to tell you more about Angelia, but I don’t remember a single thing about her, other than her becoming the 75th person to claim that she was “America’s Next Top Model” only to be sent home later in the hour.
So what’d you think of this episode? Should Tyra wear a shirt with Nigel’s face on it next week? Where does Andre Leon Talley get off telling Brittani to take her feathered hair clip off when he appeared to be wearing a hand broom on his hat? Finally, who is your early favorite? (Assuming you have one.)
My Ridiculously Early Pick to Win it All this year is: Ondrei. Totally under the radar last night, but has a striking look. (Hey, last year my pick came in second.)
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