NFL Week 9 Picks

All right, it’s time to throw out the records (except for mine, 9-4 week, 66-40 overall) because the biggest regular season game in the history of all regular season’s is upon us — 2-5 San Francisco colliding against 1-6 Atlanta in the dirty south. Also, I’ll write a few words about Patriots vs. Colts.

DENVER @ DETROIT
It’s kinda fun to see the Lions as a winning team. All of a sudden QB Jon Kitna doesn’t look like a nutcase for predicting 10 wins, though he still sounds like a nutcase for claiming a miracle took a concussion away earlier this year. Also, Denver is the most competent sucky (or sucky competent) team I’ve seen in years and whenever I pick them, they lose.

SAN FRANCISCO @ ATLANTA
I already wasted more words in the intro on this matchup than it probably deserves.

CINCINNATI @ BUFFALO
My boy J.P. Losman is back at the helm for Buffalo, which is why I’m going with the Bengals to win, even though their defense is a new breed of horrible.

CAROLINA @ TENNESSEE
This’ll probably be the “Zzzzzz” game of the week. I predict a lot of laundry folded and dusting while this game is on. That is if I were watching the damn thing. Oh yeah, I like Tennessee to field goal kick their way to another win.

GREEN BAY @ KANSAS CITY
Holy crap, the Packers are 6-1. Still, the Chiefs atop their division deserves an even bigger HOLY CRAP! Even though Green Bay looked good against Denver, I’m taking the frisky Chiefs at Arrowhead.

SAN DIEGO @ MINNESOTA
San Diego is playing some good and inspired football lately. I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that this is happening after they finally decided to shut their mouths and just play football.

JACKSONVILLE @ NEW ORLEANS
Oooh, it’s Halloween and the Saints are back from the dead at 3-4. I think do what the Bucs (barely) couldn’t last week. Beat a team that has Quinn Gray as their starter.

WASHINGTON @ NY JETS
Right now St. Louis and Miami are slugging it out for the right to call themselves the worst team in the league, but I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if the Jets ran into the ring with a steel chair, took the Rams and Dolphins out and stole the title.

ARIZONA @ TAMPA BAY
The season is unraveling fast. This is a home game the Bucs HAVE to have.

SEATTLE @ CLEVELAND
Since I’m back to disrespecting Seattle, I’m taking the Derek Anderson and the (4-3?!) Browns (who just light people up in the Dawg Pound this year) at home.

NEW ENGLAND @ INDIANAPOLIS
You’re going to hear so much about this game that I’m not going to say anything that hasn’t been said. All I’ll ask is that, if I told you the final score was 48-21, would you be more surprised if the Patriots won or the Colts. Personally, I would be shocked if the Colts were the winner and only slightly surprised if the Pats won by that score. That’s why the Pats are the pick.

HOUSTON @ OAKLAND
Hmmm, these are two teams whose bandwagon I’ve adopted after they looked good early in the season, but stumbled lately. Anybody got a coin? Ok, it was heads — what the hell does THAT mean? I’ll just go with the home team.

DALLAS @ PHILADELPHIA
Philadelphia is probably playing for their season at home against their arch nemesis. I’d love to pick the Cowboys to lose (I just like to that in general), but I like them coming off a bye week. It wouldn’t hurt my feelings one bit to be wrong on this one.

BALTIMORE @ PITTSBURGH
Baltimore is kinda like Denver in their deceptive suckiness. Actually, that’s not true. Baltimore (especially that offense) is much more openly sucky. In a related story, Pittsburgh is pretty good.