Dancing with the Stars: Can I Get a Lift?

Well apparently, I can't get a lift because such a maneuver would jeopardize the integrity of an otherwise honorable and respectable dance competition — in which one of the judges refers to one of the contestants as "Bigfoot in a suit."

Let's hope that the surgical procedure to remove the stick from judge Carrie Ann I-NAH-ba (pictured, left) was a success because her nitpicking about lifts during Monday's paso dobles and Viennese waltzes overshadowed, by far, the best night of dancing this season. I mean, you would think that last night was the first time any of the contestants feet left the ground.

Still, neither the celebrities nor the pro dancers who protested to Carrie Ann's critiques came out looking good. Instead, they mostly came off as whiners and slightly rude, especially when you could clearly see their feet leaving the ground during performances. Bottom line: Carrie Ann needs to lighten up, and the contestants should take the high road and not come off as whiners. No one likes a whiner.

The first offenders were Jane Seymour and pro partner Tony, who may or may not have lifted Jane half an inch off the ground for half a second (2:55 seconds in) during an otherwise terrific waltz. Later, Floyd Mayweather and Karina got busted as they finished their paso doble (Floyd's best dance, by far) with a funky, cool-looking inverted dip.

Toward the end of the show Edyta used Cameron Mathison's body to hoist herself up in the air (though the steps by the stage would've probably worked just as well) during their Superman-themed paso doble to the "Superman Theme" (yes, that performance actually happened), while Jennie Garth was spun off the ground a few inches by Derek during their great paso doble. Yes, I just said "great" and "Jennie Garth" in the same sentence when talking about this show, and she wins the "Marie Osmond Most Improved Award", even scoring a 10 from the suddenly cuddly Len Goodman. I can safely say that next week I'll actually remember that she's on this show.

Speaking of Osmond, she had a solid, but slightly restrained waltz and some genuinely funny comments during her backstage interview where she joked that she'd have to forget a few siblings' names to remember her dances. Like Osmond, Mel B. had a very solid, if unspectacular waltz. Mostly, I'm looking forward to seeing her partner Maksim interact with the Spice Girls next week.

Oh yeah, Sabrina Bryan scored the first perfect 30 of the season, but we already knew she was the best dancer on the show and it was only a matter of time before the judges stopped hating.

Meanwhile, Helio re-established himself as one of the front-runners, closing out the show with a lovely and impressive waltz. Nice job again by partner Julianne of throwing in lots of tricks, though we finally saw that start to take a toll on Helio, who was slightly freaking out. EvenMark Cuban had a charming, but still slightly-clunky, waltz to start off the show. In a night where everyone else was on top of their game, I picked Cuban to go home, but instead it was Floyd who got sent packing. Oh well, now he can go work on his sucky posture and prepare for that pay-per-view fight in December he's been plugging all this time.

So what'd you think of this episode? Was it just me or was each performance shorter than usual? How much longer is Cameron going to milk the whole Superman thing? Finally, although Samantha Harris didn't do anything obviously horrible (other than being her cheesy self), you still liked Drew Lachey better, right?