American Idol: A Slight Lack of Imagine-ation

You know how they say that you're either a Beatles guy or an Elvis guy? Well, going into last night's "American Idol" finale, you pretty much knew who you wanted to win — you're either an Archuleta guy (or more, likely, teenage girl) or a David Cook guy.

Airjea[rrrawrearewavm[m!()! Sorry about that. That was me fighting to keep my column after they threatened to take it away for comparing the Beatles and Elvis to Archie and Cookie.

Either way, my point is that, despite the fact that the Season 7 finalists are probably the most evenly matched final two in the show's history (I have them slightly ahead of Ruben/Clay) and that both Davids brought their vocal A game (for mostly unimaginative song choices), there was really nothing either singer could do to persuade fans of the other to change their minds.

Anyway, let's jump right into Tuesday night's show, which opened with Michael "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" Buffer introducing the finalists. As soon as I saw him, I turned to my girl Erica and said "they'd better be wearing boxing robes." And they were! I thought it was a fun little way to relieve the tension the finalists HAD to be feeling as the show shifted to the yooge Nokia Theatre for the finale. After being asked to believe that David A. weighs 100lbs (I say that's generous, j/k), the two touched gloves, and the show went on to beat the boxing metaphor to the ground and making it unfunny. Seriously, I'm convinced that boxing analyst Jim Lampley was actually asked his opinion on an upcoming boxing match and had no idea his (generic) comments would be used on Idol.

Andrew Lloyd Webber (who apparently has a surprising amount of free time on his hands) and Clive Davis mentored the Davids. The first round consisted of songs selected by Davis. He chose "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" for Cook and "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" for Archuleta. The choices were ok, if a bit unspectacular and superficial — it's what any person who hasn't been watching the show would pick for "the rocker" and "the balladeer". Mostly though, my girl Erica had brought up the brilliant point that Davis should've switched the songs he gave each finalist thereby making it more interesting (Archie singing U2 and Cookie singing Elton!).

Despite the fact that each of them sang the hell out of their songs, I was a little too obsessed with the idea that they should've been singing each other's songs. While Simon awarded round 1 to Archuleta, I actually thought he sounded a little weird at times and did NOT agree at all with the assessment that it was his best performance this season. I'd say it was his most emotional and genuine (which I'll take over technical perfection), but I'd still give the edge in round 1 to Cook, who didn't feel the need to reinvent the wheel with the U2 song, but still sang it extremely well while still feeling every word.

I hope you don't mind if I sort of skip over Round 2 quickly, since it featured the truly awful selections from the songwriting competition.

Cook sang "Dream Big", a forgettable mid-tempo rock number that sounds like it belongs on the soundtrack to a romantic comedy starring Hilary Duff (I'm thinking "The Perfect Man"), while Archuleta sang "In This Moment", a cheesy ballad with laughably terrible lyrics. Both satisfied the requirement that a song in the American Idol finale have the words "dream", "moment" or "journey", and both Idols sang their songs reasonably well (though I'd give Archie a definite edge). Even Randy was at a loss for words, muttering "phonebook" and "comfort zone" as his "critique." Simon awarded the round to Archuleta because he felt that Archie's cheese-tastic was a better fit for what the show is about. (Simon didn't appear to realize that by saying this, he was insulting the show.)

The show wrapped up with a contestants choice song, and the Davids did a LOT better with their picks than last week. Well, David Cook did anyway.

I LOVED the fact that, not only did Cookie refuse to go greatest hits on us and sing something he'd performed before, but he chose a relatively low-key Collective Soul song ("The World I Know") and sang it absolutely beautifully. I respect that he chose to forgo the predictably bombastic song that you'd expect an Idol to sing for his last competitive performance on stage. I also completely disagree with Simon's suggestion that Cook should've revisited "Hello" or "Billie Jean" and I dug David Cook's explanation about how the show is a progression from him. I liked that Simon threw him a little wink as a way of sort of saying, "Thank you for standing up for me in a respectful way and not coming up as a whiny brat. I respect your stance."

Archie, as you may have heard, decided to revisit "Imagine", his defining moment this season. I thought this was a terrible idea before he even opened his mouth to sing. Nevermind the fact that he flat-out didn't sing the song as well as he did during the semifinal round — by repeating the same song again, the performance was, by definition, predictable, and it didn't have the same "wow" impact it had the first time he sang it. That didn't stop Simon from declaring the evening a "knockout" for David Archuleta. It also didn't stop me from groaning at another forced boxing analogy.

I really wished Archie had stepped out of his ballad comfort zone at least once during last night's final (and succeeded). In my opinion, David Cook displayed a greater combination of talent and artistry over the course of the season — which is why I (and my girl Erica) cast one vote each for him at 12:36 a.m. before we went to bed. (It was the second time I'd voted and the first since I helped Elliot Yamin outlast Chris Daughtry in Season 5.)

Then again, if Cook doesn't win, I'm not going to be crushed and I'm not going to complain. I think he'll probably be successful no matter what happens. In fact, if Simon's comments after the songwriting competition around are to be believed, Archie's probably a better fit for this show's crown anyway.

So what'd you think of the final episode? Does Michael Buffer have a 9-5 job in between random engagements when he's asked to say his catchphrase? Who do you think sang better last night? Most importantly, who do you think is going to win?

Finally, I'd like to take this moment to thank all my readers for joining me throughout this journey of mine. It's been like a dream! (Seriously though, thanks for reading!)