Dancing with the Stars: Semifinal Four

Last night was the next to last performance show for Season 6 of "Dancing with the Stars." So it's probably not a good sign that the most memorable and entertain thing (by far!) from last night's episode was Len's visit to the remaining four couples — and the return cameo appearance of the unspeakably awesome "DANCMSTR" vanity license plate.

The fact that Len's segment was the best part of a ho-hum semifinal show says more about the safe and vanilla routines (though they were danced very well) than it does about the always entertaining "DANCMSTR" segments.

Also, I'm pretty convinced that the "pick your dances out of a hat" thing was rigged. More on that later.

First, let's get the best part of the episode out of the way. I loved everything about the James Bond-themed segment. I loved that the show got the "DANCMSTR" shot out of the way right away. I loved particular glee Len seemed to take in dancing with Jason (his man-crush). I loved the way he had to dig deep to find something to help Kristi with (the best he could do is instruct her not to hop on a minor move). I loved Cristian asking Len if he was "the girl" while they worked on his samba (and Cristian giving Len a seven). Also, I liked watching Len, Marissa and Tony standing in a straight line and moving their hips in front of the mirror.

Most of all, I loved that the show was able to somehow work in Kym "Boobs" Johnson as Len's girlfriend(?!) If you remember, Kym was Penn's partner and eliminated first (along with Monica Seles). The producers obviously felt it'd been far too long since Kym (and her boobs) had graced the show. Mostly though, I loved seeing that the judges had legs! (Honestly, we only ever see them behind their table).

I suppose I should talk about the dancing at some point. As I mentioned, it wasn't that the performances were bad. It's that they were lacking the "wow factor" the judges kept referring to. Where was the gasp-inducing move or costume? (Ok, so Cheryl's "Satellite" costume sort of covered this base) Where was the out-of-leftfield/atrocious song choice? The judges don't help matters by mostly making themselves a non-factor (seriously, do they even make paddles with the numbers 1-7 for the final few weeks).

It felt like the pro dancers were saving their very best moves and choreography for next week's finals. And since, barring a MAJOR upset, the top 3 is all but guaranteed, why wouldn't Cheryl, Edyta and Mark coast, if only a bit.

We were told at the top that the dancers would be picking their two dances at "random" out of a hat (which looked suspiciously like a giant disco ball) and that they'd no longer be allowed to do their one lift (why was this only a one-week thing?)

If you don't think this show is, at least, a little rigged, take a look at the dances each couple chose at "random." Mark and Kristi got the tango and jive, with the latter dance garnering the season's first perfect score. Jason and Edyta drew the fox trot and paso doble, with the paso doble being the one Latin dance Jason doesn't completely suck at. Cristian and Cheryl got the waltz and samba, which (surprise) allowed Cristian to revisit the dance he got injured doing. Finally, Marissa and Tony got stuck with the quickstep and the rumba. The rumba appears to be the most pain-in-the-ass dance (at least this season) on the show, and it pretty much guaranteed Marissa would end up at the bottom of the leaderboard.

Which isn't to say Marissa threw in the towel. I thought her quickstep was very well done, although I DID notice the botched jeté Bruno pointed out as she was running along Bruno (around 3:29). Meanwhile, other than still lacking a bit in hip action, I thought her Stacy Keibler-assisted rumba(pictured, left since it's probably the last time we'll see her competing on this show) was quite lovely (and my girl Erica LOVED it). Unfortunately, Carrie Ann sort of hated it (by the way, hate = 8 at this stage) and said it lacked the aforementioned "wow factor". I wonder why she decided to pick this dance to unleash her wrath. It was almost as cold as Stacy and Marissa making fun of Tony for his unsexiness.

In my opinion, she could've just as easily picked on Jason's paso doble. One of the more surprising subplots the last few week's on "Dancing with the Stars" is how Jason, a strong contender, is now being consistently out-danced by a one-armed Cristian.

Though I really liked his charming fox trot (heavily featuring his "beautiful lines"), and I thought his paso doble had more dancing content (if less wow!) than his "Monday Night Football" paso, it's starting to look like my boy Jason has hit a plateau. Or maybe he's something for the finals. Hopefully coach/naughty teacher Edyta can motivate him if she makes it through (Dan Marino didn't exactly get the job done). Either way, the judges gave him straight 9s on his paso, despite the fact that he and Edyta clearly did a lift during her floor spin (around 1:52). (How badly do they want him in the final?)

If he makes it there, he'll have strong competition for the right to be outdanced by Kristi in the finals. I actually thought his waltz was nice and a little clunky at times. Mostly I was impressed by the fact that you really CAN waltz to Dave Matthews' "Satellite." I was also mesmerized by Cheryl's dress, which looked like it'd been made on Project Runway. Erica and I were a little scared for him during his samba, but it turned out to be, probably, my favorite dance of the evening. He certainly brought the "party" element to what was described as the "party dance."

Cristian looks like he just figured out that he can actually win this thing and become, in his words, the first Latin winner of "Dancing with the Stars." Well, at least the first Latin winner since Helio about six months ago. Maybe the arm injury affected his memory.

Finally, Kristi did what Kristi does — turned in two professional, technically superior performances. I liked that she and Mark visited a professional (and intimidating) tango class, which gave her helpful pointers which she seemingly went on to ignore. Sorry, but I felt her tango, while spot-on as usual, was still a little robotic and not really too emotional.

Her jive had no chance of living up to her previous perfect performance. I also didn't care for the choice of "Nutbush City Limits" as their song and I agreed with Carrie Ann that she seemed a bit out of synch with the music. It was very good, but she was just slightly off.

So what'd you think of this episode? Can ANYONE (who's not Kristi) perform what would be considered a satisfactory rumba? Who poses the biggest threat to Kristi? Does Marissa have any chance of advancing to the final three?