Dancing with the Stars: Perfect Timing

The "what the hell can we do" expressions on Jason Taylor and Cristian de la Fuente's faces as the show went to commercial following Kristi's freestyle said it all last night.

In what basically amounted to a coronation, Kristi Yamaguchi dominated when she had to (when viewers were voting for the last time) and seems poised to become the first woman since "Dancing with the Stars" first season.

To be honest, it really couldn't go to a more deserving dancer. Stacy Keibler, Mario Lopez, and Kristi Yamaguchi. That's my list of celebs on the show who could easily be mistaken for pros (though it's a bit alarming to note that neither Stacy nor Mario won the whole thing). To try and combat that, we had Kristi and her partner Mark Ballas mention the fact that a woman hasn't won in a long while about 17 times during their rehearsal package. We also had the judges (well, at least Carrie Ann and her "girl power) bring it up.

A little further down, I'm going to show you why it's not necessarily in the bag. (And, no — it's not simply because it would make my ridiculously early pick of Jason incorrect. Although I DO hate being wrong.) But first, let's talk about the, you know, dancing last night!

I loved the idea of having all three finalists dance the same style of dance (the cha cha cha) to the same song at the same time. Although, since this is allegedly a "ballroom dancing competition", I probably would've chosen a ballroom dance, I thought it was a brilliant idea that highlighted each of the finalists' differences. And by "highlighted each of the finalists' differences", I mean, "clearly showed us how much better Kristi is."

When the dancers determined the order they'd be cha cha cha'ing, I chuckled when Jason said he was glad he had to go second because "he could see where the bar was set — and he didn't have to follow Kristi."

Cristian started off the dance (set to a slightly creepy version of "Dancing on the Ceiling") strongly, showing great hip action and we saw how again how much his technique had improved since his injury. Jason followed and was, honestly, kind of a disaster. His arm just hung there, his hips weren't moving and it just wasn't good enough. If the show were still giving out anything lower than an 8, I would've given that dance a 7 (or a 6). Still, in an effort to at least give him a fighting chance of winning, the judges said they felt for Jason because the cha cha cha was clearly not his thing.

Too bad Jason's strategy backfired as Kristi came out like a house of fire and completely obliterated everything that came before her. It was brilliant, and that one minute of cha cha cha was probably my favorite performance from her this season. I also liked the bit at the end where they all came together (and Jason visible messed up), ending in that glorious lift with Jason and Cristian (and his one good arm) supporting Kristi (pictured, left). I love that these three really seem to get along.

Unfortunately, her freestyle was definitely NOT my favorite performance of hers from the season. Yes, it was INSANELY challenging, and mostly well executed, but I saw more than a few missed spots and instances when she was behind the rhythm. Also, as much as I love it when the show brings the crazy, this dance didn't make any sense to me (Mark's fake torso at the beginning really creeped me out). I also didn't get Mark's insistence on doing the backflip (with a little help from Julianne Hough in rehearsals). I mean, how exactly does that showcase Kristi? All that being said, compared to her competitors, I guess Kristi scored a 30 on her freestyle.

I actually enjoyed Jason and Edyta's freestyle just as much, if not more than Kristi's. Sure, it wasn't as technically impressive, but they had a solid (if predictable - hello, "Miami") theme that made sense, and Jason pulled it off quite nicely, even if his routine turned into "look how many lifts we can do." At least, they did them very well (better than Kristi and Mark). I also think Edyta ripping off Jason's shirt at the end was good for another 500,000 votes or so. It would've been nice if Samantha hadn't cut Jason off right as he started to respond to a question of hers backstage. It would've been even nicer if Len hadn't planted the image of him in a thong in our brains.

Cristian, on the other hand, virtually had no hope of keeping up with his competitors lift-wise. Still, his freestyle was solid (if a bit inevitably unspectacular), and I was mostly glad that his left arm didn't fall right off after he dramatically re-injured it in rehearsal. In the end, I was a bit disappointed in his dance — though Cristian is obviously limited, I expected Cheryl (who can definitely choreograph a freestyle) to come up with something better than recycled moves he's already done before.

My only complaint with last night's episode was that it was too short. Couldn't "The Bacherlorette" have waited another half an hour? Like I said earlier, I LOVED the idea of having the three couples dance to the same songs at the same time. However (although, I know they'll be dancing on Tuesday again), why build the final viewer-voted show in a "ballroom competition" around a Latin dance and a freestyle? It would've been perfect if the episode had been was comprised of a freestyle round and a group ballroom dance, in addition to the group cha cha cha.

As it stands now, Kristi appears like a virtual lock to take the trophy home. In fact, I was so curious about how much of a lock she was that I actually followed one of the show's prompts and visited ABC's Web site for an explanation of the voting procedure (scroll down to "The Procedure for Eliminating Couples"). To be honest, I've been watching this show for six seasons and I didn't really exactly how it works.

Here's a quick breakdown: for every couple they take the share they got out of the total points given by the judges on the night, and the share they got of the public's votes on the night and they add these two shares together. The couple with the lowest combined total is eliminated from the show.

So, the judges gave out a total of 163 points last night (Kristi's 60 + Cristian's 52 + Jason's 51). By using the skills I picked up in the one math class I took in college (the bare minimum for my major), Kristi got 37% of the vote (60/163), Crisian 32% and Jason 31%. The share of the public's vote will be added and suddenly Kristi's lead doesn't look so impressive. In fact, if, for example Jason got 40% of the public's vote, and Cristian and Kristi each got 30%, that would leave Kristi with 67% (30% public + 37% judges), Cristian with 62% (30% public + 32% from judges) and Jason as the winner with 71% (40% public + 31% judges).

A difference of only 10% in Jason's (or even Cristian's) favor in the viewer votes might give either of them the title! I felt a LOT better about Kristi's chances before I read the voting procedure.

In fact, because of this, I'm actually going to stick with my prediction of shirtless Jason Taylor taking the title home. What can I say? I'm incredibly stubborn (just ask my girl Erica). Also, until the most talented competitor on the show (or a woman) actually goes ahead and wins this thing, I can't feel good about saying it will happen (despite the fact that the show is kinda fixed, and they appear to want a woman to win). It'll be a damn shame if she loses, because Kristi really did make an effort to bring more personality to her dances toward the end of the season and she succeeded. Then again, if Kristi loses, then I'll be right, so things won't be all bad.

So what'd you think of this episode? What dances DO mix with six-foot, six-inch tall people? How did this year's freestyles compare to year's past? (At least no doll-like movements were simulated.) Where was the "girl power" last year, when Mel B. should've won? Do you think Cristian has a chance to win? Finally, who do you have winning the whole thing?

Also, thank you for reading my ridiculous thoughts on this ridiculous show, including this ridiculously long final column. See you again in the fall!