America's Next Top Recap: Hang Time

Last week we got Benny Ninja. This week the models dressed up as ninjas for their photo shoot. (And never the twain shall meet.)

We also learned the latest episode of “America’s Next Top Model” would feature the customary go-sees after a few of the girls misinterpreted the Tyra Mail clue in a truly spectacular fashion. (Then again, this show just might be crazy enough to feature a bumper car challenge.)

Instead, the “driving” part of their clue referred to using a car to manage Los Angeles’ notoriously beastly traffic to make the five stops on their go-sees. Somewhat taking the environment into account, the models traveled in pairs: Kara-Jennifer, Rae-Sundai, Brittany-Erin and the Dream Team, aka Laura and Nicole (my two favorite remaining contestants). I think a little more time could/should have been dedicated to watching these two try to figure out a parking meter.

This time the go-sees had a bit of a twist for our petite models. One stop had a casting call for television (Models MUST be able to provide believable British, Minnesota and “Hood Rat” accents), while another simply had the girls displaying jewelry. (Pierce those ears, ladies!)

This being go-sees, we also had the obligatory team that came back late. No matter what mode of transportation (car, boat, walking) or what country they’re in, there’s always some knucklehead model/team that gets back late. I’m honestly convinced that even if all the go-sees took place in the same office building, someone would manage to come back late.

This was an especially bad season, er cycle, to be back late given that the entertainingly prickly Sean Patterson, head of Wilhemina modeling, had CLEARLY stated that he hates models who are late. Sundai and Rae (who apparently drives like my grandma) were the targets of his ire. On the flip side, Nicole impressed the designers she visited enough to earn the win, and a piece from their collections.

Not much drama at the house, other than the inexplicably overconfident Kara guzzling a whole gallon of Haterade. For some reason, she was obsessed with Nicole. She hated that Nicole had the social graces of a fetus (huh?!) and that her monotone meant that she was slow. Not only is that a ridiculous statement, but it’s not even original as the same ignorant complaint was brought up a few weeks ago.

In fact, I have a feeling Nicole is the smartest one in the bunch. For the week’s photo shoot, the models would be dressed up as ninjas (the outfits were terrific) and photographed in three different poses, including an airborne one that required a harness. I think the concept behind the photo shoot was good, but the end result was a bit underwhelming. It didn’t really look like the girls were in “action” at all. It looked like Tyra picked three separate (“Here’s your best”) shots.

Nicole was up first and, instead of going for the coolest weapon, simply selected a sword, which left her a free hand, and allowed her to move easily. For her efforts, Nicole earned best picture. (It also happened to be my favorite of the bunch.)

The only misstep on Nicole’s part (at least in the judges’ eyes) is her “lack of personality.” (Cut to Kara with an “I told you so” expression on her face.) Here’s what the judges don’t get — Nicole’s monotone weirdness IS her personality, and what the judges really seem to be asking for is that Nicole act like a bubbly idiot. Nicole is infinitely more interesting than most of these girls (what do you know about Jennifer other than she’s Asian and that lazy eye thing?) and her weirdness actually seems to be throwing others (like Kara) off their games.

My other favorite pictures this week came from Laura (pictured, right, who appears to have a split personality — country bumpkin/killer nunchuck model) and Brittany. Still, my favorite Brittany moment came at the end of the episode when Tyra made a comment about her top being too low-cut. During Kara’s emotional elimination, the camera cut to Brittany, whose chest had been blurred out, despite the fact that nothing obscene could be seen since, frankly, there just isn’t that much there.

The worst of the bunch were, obviously, Kara (honestly, you could tell she was going home from about the 20-minute mark - good riddance!) and Sundai (who seems to be getting a little worse), who also comprised the bottom two.

It’s not even really a question of whether or not Sundai can win (she can’t) — it’s more like, “Will she be around for the inevitable trip abroad in the next few weeks?” (It’s gonna be close.

So what’d you think of this episode? What kind of social graces DOES a fetus have? Who takes their shoes off and puts them on a table? (Other than Brittany?) Anyone else happy to see Fo from last cycle getting work as a model? (In a related story, has anyone seen or heard ANYTHING from winner Teyona?) Finally, could there be anything better than a Laura/Nicole finale?)