Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Be Like Mike

Even the boys at McNamara/Troy are not immune to the crappy economy.

Say it ain’t so!

“Nip/Tuck” kicked off the first half of its sixth season last week (I promise I’ll try to do a better job of writing a timely(er) recap in case anyone cares) with the voice of Oscar winner Linda Hunt snarkily detailing how Sean and Christian are now pinching pennies. (My girlfriend said the narration reminded her of a twisted version of the “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” cartoon and I don’t disagree at all.)

Business is decidedly not booming for McNamara/Troy. On top of that, Sean is dealing with expenses related to his ex-wife, kids and new girlfriend Teddy. Yes, I realize Sean actually started dating Teddy toward the end of last season, but seeing as how the show replaced Katee Sackhoff with Rose McGowan without a hint of an explanation, I’m referring to her as his “new” girlfriend. Also gone is the edgy Teddy Sackhoff portrayed, only to be replaced by a disappointingly-bland (so far) McGowan. I know this isn’t the first time a show has recast a role, but, given the show’s plastic surgery subject matter, they could’ve simply said Teddy had to undergo extensive surgery at some point. Oh well.

Meanwhile, last season’s cliffhanger — Christian finding out his cancer was in remission AFTER he married Liz — was tied up almost immediately. The couple quickly broke up after they returned from their honeymoon. I actually sort of followed Christian’s logic that it was for the best since he’d inevitably cheat on her, but Liz didn’t care. She hired a shark of a divorce attorney (played by Barry Bostwick of “Spin City”), while Christian hired Newman (guest star Wayne Knight). Liz is determined to take half of everything Christian owns (including 100% of his boat) as payback for all the women he’s hurt. Once again, I can definitely see where she’s coming from, and Roma Maffia gave another strong performance in the premiere.

I just wasn’t sure I wanted to see our real-life economic problems reflected in “Nip/Tuck”, a show I watch purely for escapist entertainment, given that it stopped being a serious show around season 3. On top of that, as downright deplorable as Sean and Christian’s behavior has been at times, they’re still our boys and I don’t really want to see them down and out for too long. (Where’s the fun in that?) At least the show is dealing with these issues with its trademark weirdness and outrageousness.

I know Mario Lopez gets a lot of flak for being kind of a douche, but I think he did a magnificent job reprising his role as the douche-y Dr. Mike Hamoui (pictured, right). I loved his slo-mo entrance with a girl on each arm before inviting Sean and Christian to a party on his boat. (If the show had used “I’m on a Boat” here, I might’ve fallen off my couch laughing.) Before, he seemed to aspire to be the next Christian Troy, now Dr. Hamoui is thriving on his own in Los Angeles. Sean and Christian quickly invited him (and his eager customers) into the McNamara/Troy fold.

It wasn’t long before Sean and Christian realized the reason Mike was so successful was because he was selling one of the few recession-proof commodities. He was selling sex, both in the form of vaginal rejuvenations and in the strongly implied sexy-time with his patients.

Pretty soon, Sean and Christian enlisted Kimber and jumped on the vaginal rejuvenation bandwagon. As soon as Kimber was on board, I assumed they’d be working on some of Kimber’s former porn star peers, but instead they co-starred in a legendarily cheesy infomercial with Mike (including freeze-frame high five) that resulted in a lone male customer who wanted to look more like Mike (and less like Sean and Christian). Honestly, if you took a shot every time Mario Lopez showed his abs, you could’ve had a decent drinking game on your hands.

Elsewhere, it turns out that Matt is a lot more interesting when he doesn’t talk. I had about the same reaction as Sean and Christian did when Matt told them he wanted to be a mime, but I actually thought that sequence at the beach was very effective (in its own bizarre way). We’ll see, if Matt continues to moonlight as an armed robber, but this foray into miming is (sadly) one of the more enjoyable Matt-related storylines in recent memory. (Props to John Hensley.)

Overall I liked the premiere. As I mentioned before, this stopped being a serious show a long time ago, but I still enjoy it. That being said, I’m glad we're approaching the final season. It makes sense that Sean and Christian are getting a little comeuppance after all these years, but I’m still hoping the show will go out with a bang without pissing off loyal fans. (See: the last season of “Oz”, where the writers basically decided to kill off a bunch of fan favorites just because it was the end.)

So what’d you think of this episode? Where does Liz’s blind lawyer asking Christian to masturbate in front of him rank on the show’s all-time weird scale? (Top 10, right?!) Is it ok to admit that you enjoy Mario Lopez on this show? Finally, when will Sean wake up from his sleeping pill coma?