NFL 2009 Week 4 Picks

With another solid week of picks behind me (11-5 week, 35-13 overall), I’m seeing things a lot more clearly now.

The catalyst was actually a horrific recent trade in my Yahoo Sports fantasy football league, in which one owner traded Roddy White (pictured, left) straight up for Larry Johnson. I know Falcons WR White is struggling a bit this year, but Chiefs RB Larry Johnson has been struggling A LOT for the past three years. Simply put, he’s one of the worst running backs in the league, and he plays for an awful team that will fall behind often and have little use for its terrible running back. White is a great receiver on a good team with an emerging superstar at quarterback. The only way a White/Johnson swap makes sense is if the owner getting Johnson also got “cash considerations” like in a baseball trade.

The best/worst part is that everyone else in my league is perfectly ok with this. That’s when I realized (like John Malkovich in “Burn After Reading”) that they were “a league of morons — they’re morons, and I’m in league with them.” As a result, I’m not stressing out anymore about what happens in that particular league, because that would be a complete waste of energy. I’m not going to tank it or anything — my lineups will be set, and I’ll always play my best guys (I’m 2-1 so far, by the way). I’m just going to take a completely laid-back approach because it’s now clear to me that no one there has any idea what they’re doing.

With that out of the way, let’s get to this week’s picks:

DETROIT @ CHICAGO
Whoa, break up the Lions! Seriously though, I think the Lions will still be a little buzzed from all the champagne they probably had to celebrate their first win in two years to go into Chicago and win. Put it this way: it took them two seasons to win two games — do we really think they’re going to win two games in two weeks?

CINCINNATI @ CLEVELAND
Cleveland made the switch to QB Derek Anderson this week - and it will make absolutely no difference (except that the ladies will get a better look at Brady Quinn now that he’s wearing a visor instead of a helmet).

SEATTLE @ INDIANAPOLIS
Peyton Manning is still doing his thing despite the fact that someone named Pierre Garcon is prominently featured in their plans. MVP??

N.Y. GIANTS @ KANSAS CITY
Watch this be the week that Larry Johnson breaks out for 120 yards and 2 TDs just to spite me. HAHAHAHA, sometimes I say silly things and crack myself up.

BALTIMORE @ NEW ENGLAND
Right now, the Ravens are the best team in the league. Pass it on.

TAMPA BAY @ WASHINGTON
The Bucs made the switch to quarterback Josh Johnson and I feel very confident that, unlike last week, they’ll get their first 1st down well before the third quarter. I feel less confident than they’ll win, but if not here, then when?!

TENNESSEE @ JACKSONVILLE
How many “the Titans HAVE to win this week” games can Tennessee lose this year? I say one more

OAKLAND @ HOUSTON
Houston is still the fraud I thought they were, but I bet people will be high on them again once they stomp on the pathetic Raiders.

N.Y. JETS @ NEW ORLEANS
My favorite game of the week, and an excellent “something’s gotta give” contest. The Jets defense has been spectacular, but so has the Saints offense. The Bills shut Drew Brees down last week, but they still won by 20 points. I’m going with the Saints at home because Drew Brees is pretty much untouchable indoors until further notice.

BUFFALO @ MIAMI
Last week I said I’d give the Dolphins one more week to get their act together – they lost to the Chargers on the road, and lost starting QB Chad Pennington for the season (and possibly for the career). So, yeah, I’m going with the Bills.

ST. LOUIS @ SAN FRANCISCO
How bad are things for St. Louis? People are excited and clamoring for the Kyle Boller area!

DALLAS @ DENVER
To be honest, I still have no idea if Denver’s any good. I know the Cowboys think they’re good (but are really hella mediocre), so I’m going to hope the Broncos are actually good and go with them.

SAN DIEGO @ PITTSBURGH
This pick has nothing to do with any potential fallout from Ben Roethlisberger hosting Monday Night Raw. It has everything to do with Pittsburgh missing its best player (that’d still be Troy Polamalu) and just not looking right.

GREEN BAY @ MINNESOTA
There’s no way Brett Favre will be able to help himself, right? It’s Monday Night Football, he’s facing his old team — he’s going to want to show them up. Which is why I’m going with the Packers, because (despite last week’s miracle win) the Vikings are still better when it’s the Adrian Peterson show. All his performance against the 49ers told me was that his arm is now going to fall off in late November, instead of early December.