Nip/Tuck/Thoughts: Cross(dressing) the line

Only on “Nip/Tuck” could an hour featuring Mario Lopez dressed in leather women’s underwear be considered the second-weirdest episode of the season. (This just in: we’re only three episodes in!)

Yet that’s exactly where we were, with Dr. Mike Hamoui following Christina’s advice and dressing up for his new girlfriend Kimber.

In an otherwise predictable hour, the one twist was that Kimber was actually into it and Christian’s prank backfired. Well, she wasn’t as much into the lingerie as she was into the idea that the seemingly-perfect Dr. Mike is insecure and loco enough to actually go through with something like that. (Apparently, he’s now a regular on Crossdressers.com.)

Once again, it seems like Mario Lopez’s insufferably douche-y character — undermining Christian in his own office during a consult WAS low — is leading a charmed life, but this is “Nip/Tuck.” We just KNOW something horrible is going to happen to him, right?!

It appears as if something horrible might soon happen to Annie, who appeared to be in her rebellious, “I hate everything” teenager phase. (My, how little Kelsey Lynn Batelaan has grown.) Annie came out west for a visit and rudely refused to remove her hat. It turns out she had good reason. Annie’s been ripping out her hair and eating it, resulting in the yuckiest moment of the episode for me (yes, even yuckier than the leeches) — Sean removing that slimy hairball during surgery.

Unfortunately, she’s not completely out of danger. She and/or Connor may turn out to be Teddy’s next victims.

Sean (who appears to be sleeping perfectly well now) and Teddy announced to the rest of the staff that they had eloped (I didn’t fully get Christian’s cranky reaction, but I loved the fact that he re-gifted he and Liz’s gifts.) Of course, we all know Teddy has her eyes on Sean’s $5 million life insurance policy.

I’m still having major troubles with Teddy this season. With Rose McGowan on board this year, they seemed to change her from a completely unstable chick to a more conventional character that really cared for Sean. Then, after Sean dumped her, she’s all of a sudden a crazed killer again who’s also money hungry? Whatever. I suppose I’ll take crazy Teddy over boring Teddy, not matter how little sense it makes.

It was pretty clear that plastic surgery addict Briggitte Reinhold — a sort of European Mrs. Grubman — was a goner as soon as she recognized Teddy from her Vegas days. Was Teddy wearing that creepy “Woman” mask creepy? Yes. Was it necessary? Not really, but I’m kind of ok with that. Thanks to Teddy we got our first death by leech in “Nip/Tuck” history.

Sean and Christian had made the mask for a male transsexual who wanted a woman mask to wear when he was in his female guise, whose name was Modesty. I suppose that’s why we never saw the end result. I was really curious to see if it actually looked believable or if we had another Buffalo Bill on our hands. (“I’d f--- me. I’d f--- me hard.”)

Drs. McNamara and Troy also had my favorite moment of the episode. Since Sean is an idiot so often, I liked the clarity with which he stated what we all know: Sean and Kimber are mirror images of each other. It probably won't be long before we see those two together again.

So what’d you think of this episode? Will Teddy get to kill either Annie or Connor? Will Liz figure things out first? How said is it that Matt’s mime/robber career is probably his best idea yet? Finally, are you looking forward to the return of Julia? (I weirdly miss the cracks in Joely Richardson’s “American” accent.)