Dancing with the Stars: Hustle and Flu

With Chuck Liddell’s elimination, the dancers who really suck are gone. (Sorry, Chuck.)

It’s happened just in time too. On Monday night, the dancers performed the Argentine tango and the paso doble, two of my favorite dances to watch.

Why don’t I just stop messing about and give you my stream of consciousness thoughts on all the couples, in order of appearance.

Natalie Coughlin & Alec: The judges touched on this and it’s absolutely true - Natalie DOES the choreography very well (as she did in her paso doble), but doesn’t seem to FEEL it. Her mild disdain for Alec is also not the most appealing thing in the world. Hopefully she’ll come back strong next week.

Aaron Carter & Karina: So basically Karina said what most of us probably already think – she’s a “cold-blooded bitch.” (I love the self-awareness.) I’m not sure if Aaron “turned her on,” but his tango was a definite improvement. Mostly though, he seemed relieved that there are some people out there who actually like him (who REALLY him) after he got positive reviews from the judges. His tango was tight, and he thankfully toned down all the other unnecessary nonsense. (Yikes, I sounded a bit like Len just now.)

Michael Irvin & Anna D.: Whatever works. I think Michael Irvin will continue to stick currency in between his butt cheeks as long as it makes for an amusing rehearsal package and gets people to vote. It might even buy him enough time to make his dancing significantly better. I still feel like Anna is letting him down with the lame choreography. He moved around more than usual in his paso doble, but it was still pretty plodding. At least he finally got a decent score. (It seemed like the crowd was REALLY rooting for him.

Mya & Dmitry: Their Habitat for Humanity field trip – more or less random than Joanna and Derek’s Dog Adoption adventure? I feel like not having Mya do the “Cell Block Tango” was a missed opportunity. Still, what they did was predictably awesome (they didn’t even have to set foot on the dance floor for the first minute), but Carrie Ann and Bruno are right about her being a bit on cruise control (which is completely understandable).

Mark Dacascos & Lacey: Apparently, Mark is more intimidating in his “Iron Chef” intros than he is in real life (according to Lacey, anyway). Their paso doble was VERY entertaining. You know the dancing was good because it wasn’t completely overshadowed by Lacey’s crazy get-up. (I especially enjoyed the fierce, puffed up faux-hawk). More importantly, Mark FINALLY brought it! (I knew it was in there somewhere.)

Donny Osmond & Kym: I’m surprised we didn’t get the ol’ “I’m not going to be allowed back in Utah” joke after Kym told him they’d be doing the passionate tango. (Instead, he busted out a new, amusing “I got five kids, what do you think”? joke when she asked if he knew what the passionate dance would entail.) As for the tango itself, I thought it was very good, but I didn’t COMPLETELY buy it. It was solid, I still feel like he’s pretending to be passionate instead of actually being passionate. (Call it faux-passion.) I was even more surprised than he was when he got those two 10s. Now all we have to do is stop him from faux-hitting on Bruno. (That being said, I’ll admit Bruno’s “Donnie Darko” joke got more than a chuckle out of me.)

Louie Vito & Chelsie: Apparnetly, “Vito Loco” is “Vito Suave’s” crazier cousin. Nice to see him re-focused after last week’s totally phoned-in performance. (Actually, today I guess the kids would say it was a “texted-in” performance.) His posture was a little bad during his tango, but these two are just kinda great together. The dancing wasn’t aces (Bruno is right that he steps instead of dances), but the character was definitely there.

Melissa Joan Hart & Mark: Could they not find an eliminated male pro to fill in when Mark was sick? Wait a minute - having Anna Trebunskaya fill in was pretty terrific. (One day she’ll make it past the halfway point of this competition.) Anyway, back to Melissa. I’m a fan of hers and she’s a nice person, but I still have to agree with Erica who breaks it down thusly – “she dances like an old lady.” Watching her slight daintiness and tentativeness in this week’s challenging tango, she kinda does! Sorry, but I still don’t see her as a serious contender to actually win this thing.

Kelly Osbourne & Louis: Louis needs to have an eye makeup intervention. I kind of love her for being the first celeb to step back and ask, “I’m a cape?!” during a paso doble. I also kind of loved the use of Ozzy’s “Crazy Train.” I don’t know why that snuck up on me – “Crazy Train” is actually the alternate title for this show. It helped that her paso was really good. Finally, I’m assuming that Ozzy was applauding the routine and not the slightly whacked out ballroom version of his classic song.

Joanna Krupa & Derek: And by Derek I, of course, mean Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Last week, I suggested that people were voting more for Derek than for Joanna, so that wasn’t a good sign for Joanna. Fortunately, they replaced him with the other most popular pro. The “Get Well Soon” balloon during the staged phone call to Derek was a nice touch. As for the dance, the same stiffness that makes Joanna look awkward in the Latin styles, served her incredibly well in the tango (so did her model-y long legs). In fact, I initially thought Maksim was the one who had visibly screwed up. Despite the stumble, this was my favorite performance of hers BY FAR.

Group Hustle (pictured, right): First the Muppets, now a Quincy Jones get up – I like seeing bandleader Harold Wheeler in the mix. I paid more attention to Louie’s sideburns than anything he did on the dance floor. The end of Melissa Joan Hart’s dip was botched, but at least she laughed about it. I can’t decide whose wig was more epic – Louis Van Amstel, Alex Mazo, Donny Osmond or Mark Dacascos? (Michael Irvin’s afro and Dmitry Chaplin’s mullet made a late charge) I’m not sure if Natalie was awake for her portion of the Hustle. This was certainly less about dancing and more about the costume department showing off – and I’m ok with that.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was up with Samantha’s hair? (I understand this question could be asked every other week, but still!) Do you enjoy the just-for exhibition group dances? Finally, who do you think is going home? (I’ll just say I don’t believe Natalie Coughlin inspired very many people to vote last night.)