Dancing with the Stars: What's Your Story?

I know last night was “Story Night” on “Dancing with the Stars,” but I was mostly impressed by the OUTSTANDING(ly cheesy) set design for last night’s routines.

The ballroom (well, the steps anyway) were converted into a London street corner, a French café and a time machine.

My sources also tell me there was some dancing involved as well, so let’s see how the couples did with the samba, (non-Viennese) waltz, and foxtrot.

Jennifer Grey and Derek: Any celeb that attempts samba rolls always gets extra points with me. They also apparently get extra points from the judges, given that the consensus seemed to be that Jennifer and Derek’s effort was sloppier than their past work, yet managed to earn the exact same score. To me, it was a strong effort undercut by flashes sloppiness. Most importantly, will the “hot teacher” fantasy ever disappear?

Florence Henderson and Corky: Sure, the waltz set to “Edelweiss” was overly simple, but it was also absolutely lovely. Basically, I’m not going to be the guy who dumps on a dance dedicated to a woman’s dead husband. In other news, was anyone else a little weirded out that Florence’s eyes were open for most of her kiss with Corky. ?

Kurt Warner and Anna: I had a bad feeling about this foxtrot as soon as they announced that Kurt and Anna were dancing to “Bad Day.” (HATE that song!) Things didn’t get any better at the start of the routine with Kurt awkwardly sidling up to Anna. Fortunately, the beginning was the worst part, and the rest of the dance was an absolute delight. For the second week in a row, Kurt improved noticeably. Other than that, I hope to be invited to Kurt’s next tea party with his daughters, so he’s not the only overgrown buffoon awkwardly sipping imaginary tea in a tiara. Mostly, I’m a little obsessed with the gigantic umbrella he wielded during his dance. (Regular-sized umbrellas just don’t do it for me!)

Margaret Cho and Louis: Memo to Margaret: The gayest thing that ever happened on “DWTS” probably happened 3 or 4 years ago. I wanted to like her samba more than I did (the hip action was decent), but she simply ran out of gas halfway through and the whole thing became a mess. Also, if you have to explain what the story in your dance is, you probably didn’t do a great job of conveying it. Sorry.

Audrina Patridge and Tony: My girlfriend Erica has been on the Audrina bandwagon since the beginning, and last night I elbowed my way into a seat right next to her. This was definitely the best dance of the night, even if Audrina remains too vacant in the face for my liking. (Not a huge problem during a waltz.)

Bristol Palin and Mark: When I heard Mark was going to play a homeless guy, I let myself think it was going to be like the Billy Bell/Ade routine from “So You Think You Can Dance”, but it turned out to be much, MUCH worse. Like Florence’s, this routine was WAY too simple. The main difference is that Florence is 76 years old — what’s Bristol’s excuse for not pushing herself?

Brandy and Maks: Brandy basically spent most of her non-dancing camera time this week trying to convince us that she’s not a bitch. (Bad editing, BAD!) Of course, failing to take responsibility (editing didn’t point the finger at Maks for the ill-advised jive/hip-hop breakdown last week) only makes you look worse. In fact, the only thing worse was the way the “editing” made Maks look this week, as we got repeated shots of him smacking Brandy’s bottom. Here’s my take: if it doesn’t bother Brandy, then it really shouldn’t be a big deal. Unfortunately, now he’ll have to make a point of apologizing to Brandy, and round and round we go. As for Brandy’s samba — it was a definite improvement over last week, but I’m still seeing too much “early Erin Andrews” stiffness in her movements. Also, what the hell did the samba have to do with “The Bodyguard”?

Kyle Massey and Lacey: So, who ARE the Eagles? (Never mind, we’re not dancing to them anymore.) I obviously don’t know as much about dancing as Len, but I think this guy can dance and I enjoy watching him. (His footwork is “atrocious” Len? Really?!) I was impressed by the smoothness in his arm movement during the waltz and, if he gets any sort of fan base going, he could be a contender to win this thing.

The Situation and Karina: This was allegedly supposed to be foxtrot (looked closer to a paso doble or a tango at times). Karina received the music (“Boom, Boom, Pow!”), saw that The Situation simply wasn’t getting the dance and apparently called a smart audible — she decided to make this routine as crazy as she could. So we got a time machine, a sexy scientist, and a hopelessly plodding foxtrot that was over scored by the judges because it was undeniably, um, interesting.

Rick Fox and Cheryl: I like the idea of the inspiration for the samba being Rick Fox costing his team a game. (Even more, I like the idea of that news making the DWTS newspaper.) I enjoyed the dancing part of this performance (Rick is solid, but seems to have flattened out). Obviously, it’s not for me but I don’t think it was as sexy as the judges were making it out to be. I can appreciate the fact that Rick Fox is the one male who hasn’t succumbed to waxing his chest yet, but when he ripped open his shirt, I didn’t really buy it. It’s almost like it happened by accident. Make me believe it next time, Rick Fox.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was the point of building up Tony getting his legs waxed if they were only going to show a few seconds? Have we ever seen a couple get a second chance to correctly execute something they messed up, ala Jennifer and Derek? (And am I the only one who thought it was a bit obnoxious?) Finally, who do you think is going home? (Mike Sorrentino has a bit of a Situation on his hands, but I think it’ll be Bristol Palin.)