America's Next Top Recap: The Wrestlers

Tell me why we shouldn’t just cancel the rest of this season and crown Ann as “America’s Next Top Model.”

Whether you agree with the judges or not (more on that a little later), Ann has won top photo honors every single week. Sure, her walk is still shaky, and I don’t have a good feeling that she can carry a Cover Girl campaign, but with the stated emphasis on high fashion this year, if anyone other than Ann won (assuming she doesn’t get sick or have a mental breakdown) it would be absolutely absurd.

But before we get to last night’s results, let’s talk about the rest of the show.

I never fully drank the “Kacey is horrible” Kool-Aid (she’s more irritating than terrible), but that’s become the obvious theme of every non-modeling scene this season. To remedy this, Kacey decided to initiate a game to get to know everyone in the house. (Awesome job by Chris telling “Rudolph” to bring her reindeer games.)

Here’s what I learned: Jane’s father is a lung doctor (I have a feeling she knows what that’s called, but didn’t want to make the other girls feel dumb), and Liz (formerly depressed, pregnant and in a homeless shelter) is the only one who is in a recession. Thanks Jane, for gently straightening Liz out on that one — even if you’re probably the one girl who is NOT in a recession.

The week’s challenge was almost as crazy and nonsensical as the rollercoaster challenge…and just as entertaining. Of course, it probably wouldn’t have been half as funny if one of those girls broke an ankle walking on that conveyor belt runway, but everyone came out ok (hey, there was a mat!) so I feel good about laughing.

Pretty much every single girl stumbled in some way (Ms. J ended up with Kendal’s shoe), but I thought Lexie had challenge win (and that jewelry) in the bag for her relative composure. Instead, she lost out to her nemesis Kacey(‘s legs). Upon hearing of her victory, Kacey let out a scream that sounded even louder in the tunnel setting of the runway show and was 1-800-TOO-MUCH.

Before the week’s photo shoot, ALT and supermodel Karolina Kurkova stopped by for a healthy food/smoothie workshop that was mostly a waste of time. I mean, we can’t even get a look at Ann’s famous deep fried Oreos? FAIL.

Seeing as how the last two challenges haven’t made any sense, why shouldn’t the randomness carry over to the photo shoot? For some reason, the models were styled like 80’s punk rockers and had to pose in a wrestling ring with a bunch of “luchadores.” Father-son team Moshe and Eddie Brakha were the photogrphers, but they mostly yelled conflicting advice (along with Mr. Jay’s instructions) and confused the models. Also, my girlfriend Erica thought the son looked like a douchebag.

My favorite photos of the bunch belonged to Kayla (pictured, left, should’ve been the winner for her fierce, I’m about to punch you pic), Liz (I LIKED that she looked insane) and Ann.

Now, though I have Ann in my top 3, I don’t think she should’ve gotten top photo honors again. Her picture was intriguing at best and downright weird and off-putting at worst (she didn’t really interact with her partner or the chicken mask she was holding or anything else). The mini meltdown she had on set was discouraging. Then again, the fact that she was basically able to accidentally deliver a photo that made the panel have a judge-gasm pretty much means that she should win this entire thing.

There were more bad pictures than good ones, but the three worse ones came from Kacey (again with the weird lips), Jane and Lexie.

Jane and Lexie ended up in the bottom, and I was convinced that Jane was going home. Jane’s picture was worse, Ms. J had called her face “too academic” (whatever the hell that means) and Lexie was more likely to stay because of the drama she provides in the house.

That’s why I was surprised and a little disappointed to see Lexie get the boot, despite the fact that even though she has an interesting look, she has no idea how to model. Bye Lexie, I wish I could say that I’ll miss you, but I feel like you were a troublemaker in the house. (Notice that during the big fight in the house before the photo shoot, Lexie started an argument with Kacey, but somehow Liz is the one who ended up yelling and spitting in Kacey’s face.) I have a feeling the “I hate Kacey” sentiment is going to die down now.

A little.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was your favorite luchador name? (Gotta go with “Shamu Jr.”) Finally, did we need the models at the conveyor belt challenge? (Seriously, why were they there other than to remind us that Kacey is a bad, BAD person because of the shameless way she flirts with Shaw, despite having a boyfriend back home.)