Project Runway: That Girl is Poison (Ivy)

I believe we just went from the most emotional, heartfelt episode in “Project Runway” history to its absolute nastiest in the space of a single week.

It was tense enough seeing Heidi square off against testy Mondo and Gretchen in the workroom, but things reached another level with the return of (SHUDDER) Ivy. (Anyone else get an instant sense of dread as soon as Tim announced that the designers would have “help” to complete the collections and realized that meant the return of former contestants?)

(Here’s a quick catch-up of my feelings on Ivy, in case you’re just joining this recap: whether she’s actually this terrible or the show is making her look that way to goose the drama, I hate her and think she’s pretty much the worst person in the history of EVER. That is all.)

It didn’t help that last night’s challenge was probably one of the most frustrating in the show’s entire run. In creating an active wear look for Heidi’s New Balance collection, the designers were severely limited in what fabrics and colors they could use. As if that weren’t bad enough, they learned halfway through that they’d have to create two additional looks.

The two designers who seemed to be having the most trouble were Mondo (who was deprived of his precious prints) and Gretchen (who disagreed with and resented the entire premise of Heidi’s dreary collection — she’s annoying, but she had a point). When Heidi stopped by the workroom to check on their progress, Mondo was giving off some serious ‘tude and I was glad to see Heidi call him out on it. Gretchen, meanwhile, gets offended by the very notion that someone wouldn’t find anything she’s created brilliant.

The reason Mondo is going to win this season and the reason Gretchen will fight it out with April for that third slot in the finals is because Mondo was able to bounce back and deliver for his client, while Gretchen petulantly completed the challenge and wound up in the bottom three.

The early workroom scenes also yielded two Ivy burns I thoroughly enjoyed before I realized she’d be popping up again. Burn #1: Heidi wondering aloud who was it that said that Michael C. couldn’t sew. (“Oh that’s right, she’s not here anymore.”) Burn #2: April saying that Mondo without his prints would be nothing…basically an Ivy design.

Speaking of April, I actually think she’s, arguably, the season’s biggest winner (besides Mondo). Any other season, April’s relentlessly scowly stank face and her complete unpleasantness would’ve branded HER as the villain. But with Ivy and Gretchen around, April has mostly sailed under the bitch radar.

Of course, that didn’t stop April from being the one person who patted Ivy on the back after she accused Michael C. of cheating in the sewing room. (Wait, wha?!?!)

I should’ve known something was up when Ivy struck up a conversation with Michael C., but the cheating accusation still felt like a bomb. (For the record, he stands accused of using a sticky material so that his models boobs didn’t fall out of his Jackie O dress a few weeks ago.) As if the accusation wasn’t bad enough, Ivy went on to accuse Michael of sabotaging other contestants (like who?!) and saying that his kids would be ashamed watching him. (Sure Ivy…it’s his family that will be ashamed.)

Tim, ever the voice of reason, came up to the workroom and basically said it was a he said/(that’s what)she said issue, and that it was dead because there was no proof and no cameras caught the alleged wrongdoing. (Curiously enough, no cameras caught Michael C. calling “the bitch of the show” either, which was Ivy’s previous accusation.)

The worst part of all this is that Ivy doesn’t get it. Besides April, every other designer (including Michael C. Sucks Club founder Gretchen said Ivy’s antics were counterproductive) seemed like they were rolling their eyes at Ivy, especially when she ran up to people and told them she took one “for the team.” (What team?!) What’s more, everyone who has worked with Michael C. so far (like A.J. last night) has said glowing things about him as a person, so why should anyone believe anything Ivy has to say. (At least the editors threw us a terrific bone last night by showing us Ivy talking about how she believes in karma and immediately following that up with her getting nailed in the eye while sewing.)

Anyway, let’s stop talking about the horrible person and get back to talking about the horrible challenge.

With six people left, Heidi declared a top 3 and a bottom 3. I’m convinced that April (who dared to branch out from black to gray this week) was in the top 3 by default. Again, it’s good that she has a point of view and that her aesthetic is instantly recognizable, but her clothes looked more like formal wear, resort wear (and lingerie) than active wear. That left Mondo (without his prints, he found a way to “thoughtfully” introduce shapes into his outfit with his headband accessories) and Andy to battle for the top spot with Andy (and his fun, funky prints) taking home the much-deserved win. (One of the few times this year’s we’ve been able to say that.)

The bottom 3 was comprised of Michael C. (whose time on the show is running out), Gretchen (“I disagree Heidi…”) and Christopher. Since the judges appeared to have more issues with Gretchen and Michael C.’s styling choices (Michael C. needs a Piperlime.com tutorial), Christopher (whose clothes was deemed “inexpensive” looking) was a goner. I’d love to say that he’ll be missed, but I didn’t mention him until this paragraph, so that’s just not true. Still, my girlfriend declared that the show got a lot less good looking with his departure.

Not going to lie — would’ve liked to see Gretchen get a bottom-two scare after her immature performance on the “Runway”, even if her brand of delusion (unlike Ivy’s) is actually kind of entertaining. I mean, it’s not possible that Gretchen’s design was bad…the reason she was in the bottom 3 is because Heidi HATES her.

So what’d you think of this episode? What other English words can’t Heidi say? (Although I’m sure her English is better than my German, I thoroughly enjoyed her misadventures with “hodgepodge.”) Which designer were you happiest to see back? (Altogether now: CASANOOOOVA.) Finally, is there anyone out there who’s actually on Ivy’s side?