NFL 2010 Week 5 Picks

Sorry, Michael Vick.

Last week in my picks column, I openly expressed my desire for Vick to tank the rest of this season after trading him away in my fantasy league at the height of his powers. I’ve spent the rest of the week wondering just how bad of a person I am for extracting a measure of glee after he got injured in the first quarter against the Redskins.

(Wait a minute – this is Michael Vick! F--- that guy, right?!)

That good fortune finally carried over to my picks (10-4 week, 25-21 season). Let’s see if we can keep it going.

JACKSONVILLE @ BUFFALO
People are picking Buffalo because this is one of the few games this season they have a chance of winning. I say if a team is bad enough that you say “there’s only a few games they have a chance of winning this season” you should pick them to lose until they win.

TAMPA BAY @ CINCINNATI
Although I’m concerned about their inability to stop the run, I’m taking the Bucs coming off their bye week. (The bandwagon hit a nasty speed bump against the Steelers, but all the wheels haven’t come off yet.)

ATLANTA @ CLEVELAND
At some point I’m going to have to pick a home team to win, right?

ST. LOUIS @ DETROIT
THIS seems like the perfect spot. I mean, there’s no way the Rams can win three games in a row, right? Then why am I doing this?

KANSAS CITY @ INDIANAPOLIS
Ah, HERE’S a home team we can believe in. The undefeated 1972 Dolphins will be popping their champagne much earlier than usual this year. (Have they even bought a case yet?)

GREEN BAY @ WASHINGTON
Both teams won ugly last week, but Aaron Rodgers won’t be nearly as timid as Kevin Kolb was last week in terms of challenging the Redskins’ pass defense.

CHICAGO @ CAROLINA
Tod Collins vs. Jimmy Clausen. You couldn’t pay me to watch this game. Well, you probably could, but I wouldn’t be very happy about it. First to 14 points wins!

DENVER @ BALTIMORE
The Broncos are terrific at passing the ball and not much else. Unfortunately for them, the Ravens are really good at stopping teams that can only do one thing.

N.Y. GIANTS @ HOUSTON
I’m expecting/hoping this will be a shootout (since I have 4 fantasy starters in this game), and if it gets to be a shootout, I like Houston.

NEW ORLEANS @ ARIZONA
How depressing are the Cardinals (and how nice of a guy is Kurt Warner)? This week he said he felt a little responsible for their struggles this year. Ouch. For the record, Warner has NOTHING to feel bad about – he announced his retirement in a timely, responsible manner, unlike certain other future Hall of Famers. Somebody send him the “it’s not your fault” scene from “Good Will Hunting” immediately.

SAN DIEGO @ OAKLAND
Isn’t there some sort of law that San Diego can’t have a winning record this time of year?

TENNESSEE @ DALLAS
The Cowboys are coming off a bye, but the Titans are coming off a tough loss against the Broncos. I’m going with the Cowboys because it seems like teams finally figured out that they should do everything they can to keep Chris Johnson from running wild and let everyone else on the Titans beat them.

PHILADELPHIA @ SAN FRANCISCO
Despite the fact that they’re in a horrible division, this is a MUST-WIN game for the 49ers. Sorry, but I’ve heard that one before.

MINNESOTA @ N.Y. JETS
Randy Moss is going to help the Vikings (a lot), but not just yet, and not against one of the league’s best defenses. (Now watch him go crazy on Monday Night Football, as he’s fond of doing.) Also, are you proud of me for not bringing up the Brett Favre sexting controversy? (Whoops!)