America's Next Top Recap: Making Music Beautiful

Well that was an eventful episode of "Top Model."

Tyra took time off from her ridiculously watchable talk show to actually teach the girls something, we saw the formation of a powerful new faction, the contestants competed in an interesting photo shoot, one of them went naked, and Claire (pictured, right) let us know that she’s worried about the breast milk she’s been pumping drying up.

Ok, so maybe it was a little too eventful.

I have to say, at first I didn’t really care about the latest fight-about-nothing in the "Top Model" house. This week it was perpetual Cover Girl of the Week Claire getting annoyed with Dominique for not shutting off her alarm clock (which went off a few hours too early) in a timely manner. This was the second week in a row Dominique — who weirdly looks like a manlier (and uglier) Portia di Rossi in the face — got into a fracas with one of the girls.

I was sort of tuning out all the ambient noise until awkward girl Lauren flipped out, jumped on a chair and started screaming at Dominique like a lunatic. She was quickly joined by Whitney (who Dominique brawled with last week), and it wasn’t long before the three girls ganged up on Dominique. The way this episode was edited made it look like Claire, Whitney and Lauren hung out together the entire time they were at the house — except, of course, when Claire was pumping her breast milk.

Later, the three of them behaved pretty cruelly toward Dominique, trashing her while she was lying in bed sick (though I don’t think they knew she was sick). Still, it would’ve been a lot easier for me to feel sorry for Dominique if she weren’t such an abrasive, delusional, egotistical psychopath. Honestly, the way this girl argues makes no sense. After Claire called her a bitch, Dominique comes back with "Would you call your husband a bitch if he didn’t turn off his alarm clock?" That doesn’t even make sense! Let me help you, Dom: the answer is no — Claire is calling you a bitch because you’re acting like, well, a bitch. Sorry.

That being said, it was disappointing to see Claire, Whitney and Lauren, three of the stronger contenders this cycle, dragged down into Dominique’s level. Then again, she’s so frustrating to "argue" with, that you just can’t help it.

Fortunately, things livened up considerably when Tyra showed up out of nowhere as the girls’ cabbie, ordered them to dress like sticks of red lipstick and schooled them on walking (allow three seconds for maximum fierceness).

If you’re a regular reader of this column you know that I love it when Tyra "acts," and we got to see her "skills" as she pretended to sprain her ankle to teach the girls to "think pain, but beauty." This entire session seemed to help most of the girls, who are sometimes unfairly chided for not knowing how to model, despite the fact that no one ever taught them anything.

Tyra had them act out several ailments, and the girls did a nice job for the most part. The only exception was Lauren, who was supposed to act like her hands hurt from patty cake (good luck with that one), but instead looked like a drug addict. I also could’ve done without watching someone do "Period Pain" (but beauty).

Anya and her "shoulder pain" was the challenge winner and, to be honest, this was the first time this season she’s ever stood out for me (other than vaguely looking like an alien with her bleached blonde hair and light eyes). Her reward was a vaguely creepy nude, I mean "timeless" photo shoot with noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker. Um, isn’t this more of a reward for Nigel.

Thankfully, Aimee wasn’t the recipient of this "reward". She once again reiterated her family’s Mormon convictions and her aversion to being photographed nude. The odd focus on Aimee (not in a positive way) pretty much signaled her appearance in the bottom two this week. I wish the editors of this show wouldn’t make it so painfully obvious who’s going to be on the chopping block after the photo shoot.

This week, the models had to pose as different genres of music, leading to some creative (and some not-so-creative) shots. My favorites were Whitney (great expression on her face) who was called first, and Katarzyna (her emo haircut was so convincing, it’s going to become permanent, even if Ms. J doesn’t know what emo is). My least favorites were Claire (though I’m not exactly sure who’s she’s supposed to be high fashion with such a ludicrous outfit), and Stacey Ann (lazy, predictable, and not really having anything to do with house music).

I wasn’t as high on Fatima and Anya’s pictures. I thought they were both predictably over the top, though it was nice to see Fatima loosen up this week (and not antagonize everybody). I also didn’t really get the praise for Dominique’s picture — the background seemed beatific, but her face, as usual, was too hard for the setting. Finally, I thought music snob Lauren’s "pop music" shot was ok (strong body pose), but nothing outstanding.

In the end, it came down to Claire and Aimee and, since Claire has a stronger body of work so far, Aimee got sent home for a not-that-bad R&B shot that reminded me of the cover for "Thriller." It was also slightly off-putting to see Claire jump up and yell "yes!" when her name was called — and another girl was sent home sobbing.

So what’d you think of this episode? Will her actions tonight her Claire’s chances as Cover Girl of the Week next time? What genre of music would you have liked to have seen? Why is Stacey Ann still around? Finally, did you feel any sympathy for Dominique?

American Idol: A Night For the Ages

One of the quirkier themes this show trots out there resulted in some surprising performances. I mean, it’s not like any of the contestants were jamming out to anything they sang last night while they were babies. I couldn’t possibly tell you what 1982 hit I’d sing because I was very young and had to be carried everywhere.

At least we didn’t have to watch the Idols butcher some more Beatles songs.

Anyway, let’s start with the surprisingly bad. Now, I emerged from four years of college (ok, five years, you got me!) and I think I’ve picked up a semi-extensive vocabulary. So why was the only word I could come up with to describe David Archuleta’s performance of "You’re the Voice" — a song apparently NO ONE has heard of — "gay". Actually, I apologize to all gay readers of this column for linking that word to David’s resoundingly lame performance. After this, I no longer felt bad for him that he was missing his prom. It sounded like something that should’ve been playing over the credits of Fern Gully 4: Save the Rainforest. Then again, maybe this turn of events isn’t so surprising, since he tends to fall flat on his face when he tries something other than a Delilah ballad.

Although Carly Smithson was considerably less brutal, I found her performance of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" disappointing. The cliché and predictable song choice was disappointing. The outfit was disappointing again (why is she determined to look as frumpy as possible). The final note was disappointing. Simon’s right in that she needs to lighten up. It seems to me like Carly thinks she looks like she’s having fun up there, but what we see at home is that go-to, crazy-eyed expression. The vocal, however, was strong and, unlike Randy, I liked the rocker edge to the song. Still, my favorite thing about this performance was finding out that Carly’s mom is basically an older and hotter version of Carly, who kinda looks like Lucy Lawless.

I was also disappointed to see Chikezie revert back to his lounge-y semifinal self last night. I thought it was smart of him to do a slower song because he certainly has the vocal chops, and three extremely upbeat songs in a row for him where he’s running around the stage like a mania might’ve been too much. Still, he has to find a way to update these slower songs and, as Simon and Randy said, show his personality here.

I’m actually picking Chikezie to be the one to go home tonight (please don’t make this so!) because some perpetual bottom dwellers stepped up their game last night.

Kristy Lee Cook (pictured, left) is certainly not the best singer in this competition, but she may be challenging Brooke White as the shrewdest. While singing "God Bless the USA" doesn’t exactly scream "current chart-topping artist", the song probably netted hear thousands of votes in the heartland. And honestly, how can any of the judges slam her for singing THAT song? Lost in the fact that Kristy is apparently an evil genius was the fact that she delivered her strongest vocal since her audition. I don’t even have her in the bottom three.

While Michael Johns seemed to surprise and impress everyone last night with his "We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions" mini medley, I wasn’t similarly blown away. It wasn’t a shock to me because the last time he was any good was also singing Queen, when he took on "Bohemian Rhapsody" during Hollywood Week. Still, like Kristy, he delivered his finest vocals of the finals and looked comfortable on stage. I just think that all he did was exactly what he needed to do to survive another week or two.

Same goes for Syesha Mercado, who I was happy to see deliver another strong vocal performance (probably one of the night’s two best) and build on her momentum from last week. She was equally good during the quieter and bigger moments of "If I Were Your Woman." I still wish that Simon weren’t so frustratingly lukewarm on her. He said that her performance "wasn’t incredible", and he may be right about that, but I’m not exactly sure what he’s looking for. I count three contestants (David A., Carly and Chikezie) who are better or just as strong as Syesha vocally, so where is this ceiling he’s trying to get her to reach?

She’s certainly better than "big voice/small package" Ramiele Malubay. Seriously, I can’t be the only one tired of hearing that from the judges. Nor can I can be the only one put off by Paula trying to shield little Ramiele from criticism by letting us know she was sick. Last night she sang Heart’s "Alone" (another overdone song on "Idol") and while her vocals were decent yet again, my girl Erica is right in that the performance got sloppy toward the end. She’s basically a less good, much less interesting Syesha Mercado, but she’ll probably hang around a little longer, since she’s never even been in the bottom three.

After trying to stretch last week (and mostly falling flat on their faces), Jason Castro and Brooke White went back to doing what they do best.

Jason brought his crutch, I mean guitar, back on stage as he sang Sting’s fragile. He seemed more comfortable with a foreign language than he did last week, but, again, it was basically the same performance again. Only this time, the judges seemed to notice too and called him out on it. That, combined with the "I don’t give a damn" vibe he gave off yesterday could actually land him in tonight’s bottom three.

Brooke fared much better on her stripped down cover of The Police’s "Every Breath You Take". In fact, things were going so well that Randy (who was surprisingly lucid last night) hit the nail right on the head when he said the performance got kinda ruined when the band joined in. As a result, this wasn’t as good as her stripped down version of "Love is a Battlefield", not as good as her piano-assisted take on "Let it Be", but it SHOULD be good enough to pass her through to next week.

Finally, David Cook certainly earned the prime closing slot the producers gave him last night. Sure, his take slowed-down take wasn’t as original as the judges would have you think (Ryan told us it was a Chris Cornell cover), but David C. still delivered a thoroughly dynamic and dramatic performance, as well as his strongest vocals of the season. It was good enough to make me overlook the fact that he looked like Lex Luthor when he was a baby.

So what’d you think of this episode? What was up with Paula’s gloves? Finally, I’ve got Ramiele, Jason and Chikezie in the bottom three (with Chikezie going home): who ya got?!

Dancing with the Stars: Ladies First

After the second week of Season 6 of "Dancing with the Stars" — and the first week with all 12 couples performing on the same night — I’m forced to reconsider a few things.

Maybe a woman CAN win this show after all. The ladies’ certainly stepped up their game last night, and I see four women with the potential to go far in this competition.

The best bet is obviously Kristi Yamaguchi, who came out and delivered another incredible strong and sharp performance. The editors tried to throw us off the scent by showing Kristi "struggling" to learn how to shake her groove thing, but she came out and delivered another lively and on-point mambo. That’s two straight sharp performances, and you just know she’s going to perform the hell out of the slower-tempo numbers because of her figure skating background. Most of all, I think she can win because, unlike other front-running "hot girls" in this competition, she’s got a YOOOGE female fan base from her skating days.

Also maintaining her momentum from last week (albeit to a much smaller-degree) was Priscilla Presley, who came out in a cougary outfit to do her mambo. Her dance wasn’t as good as last week — it looked like she actually screwed up or fell behind a couple of times, though that could’ve been by design. I’m actually gonna go with "she screwed up", which is ok because I think she’ll be much more suited for ballroom rather than Latin dances. Mostly though, as my girl Erica pointed out, she’s not just happy to be in this competition — she actually appears dedicated to trying to do well.

A pair of quickstepping ladies REALLY stepped up their game and convinced me that they deserve a spot in the competition for the next few weeks.

The only thing I liked more than Marlee’s (pictured, right) deceptively simple explanation about how she hears music — it’s being in the shower with the door closed and hearing music in the next room — and the look on her face in that picture above, was her surprisingly good footwork during the quickstep. I thought she was strongly decent last week (can you hear me holding back on using the word "good"), but after this week, I think she can really dance, and deserves to go far in this competition based on that merit instead of the kid glove treatment you’d think she’d get from the judges and even fans. Also, Henry "The Fonz" Winkler was in the audience to support her! A quick IMdB check tells me that she was married in his backyard (Random!)

Still, I have to give the "Most Improved" ribbon to Shannon Elizabeth. Coming into this thing, I thought she’d be more suited to the Latin dance, but, thanks largely to partner Derek Hough’s fun, creative routine, she looks like a natural ballroom dancer. She REALLY needed that performance because, since I don’t think Monica Seles is going home, Shannon was going to be my pick to be eliminated.

Instead, I have to go with Marissa to go home. After the most emotional rehearsal package I can remember (especially considering we’re just in week two), she delivered a decent, but unspectacular quickstep that actually suited her spazz-tastic nature (I liked the beginning near the stairs, and the end part where they spun away from each other), but, quite simply, was the fifth best female performance of the night.

Monica Seles, God bless her, is trying, but the girl just cannot dance. She tried to cut loose to some En Vogue, but scored a 15 for the second week in a row. And that’s only because the judges have obviously reached some secret agreement to not give out anything lower than a "5". All that being said, I think she’ll be around next week because her rehearsal packages are endearing and I think people want to see her dance well once. Unfortunately, I just don’t see it happening, and I think the most compelling thing about her is how much she looks like Celine Dion now.

So I’ve got four legit contenders on the women’s side, with Kristi having a strong chance to win. Unfortunately, I think she’s destined to join a list that includes John O’Hurley, Stacey Keibler, Mario Lopez, Joey Fatone and Mel B. — arguably, all the best dancers in the their respective years and all watched someone else hoist the awful crystal ball trophy. As my girl Erica astutely pointed out, the best dancer never really wins.

So, hello Jason Taylor! I actually though the judges over scored his mambo a bit last night (he seemed a little stiff with his solo movements), but he still looks like he’ll be a very good Latin dancer. Also, any deficiencies were covered up by Edyta’s characteristic lack of clothes and her electric and charismatic choreography, which recalled a Cuban nightclub (or at least "Along Came Polly")

The other strong contender on the men’s side, Mario, actually improved his score from last week, even while inexplicably wearing a sleeveless tuxedo jacket with a shirt fashioned from a scarf (ala Project Runway’s Carmen’s Tiki Barber outfit) during his quickstep. Unfortunately, all the votes from women who are into hot black guys are going to Jason, so I’m picking him as the "Sabrina Bryan Award" winner to go home WAY before his time. At least he got to hang out with Karina at the beach. I mean, if she’s not interested in indulging his obvious crush, why take him to the beach? Let Carrie Ann have Mario, seeing as how her assessment of his dancing was basically: (babble, stutter) "You’re hot!"

Whereas two women stepped up from last week, a couple of guys took significant steps backward.

Sure, Cristian improved his posture with the help of his military uniform (hokay), but he still hasn’t clicked yet. I love the pros’ random training tactics — it’s like, "you need to work on your flexibility, so I’ve brought in an anaconda for you to observe." I don’t know if it was him or partner Cheryl’s choreography, but she appeared to dance circles around him during their quickstep. I’m getting a vibe from him that he knows he’s good enough to coast right now without really trying or bringing it (which is probably true), but I still hope he picks it up soon.

Steve Guttenberg on the other hand remained as likable as ever, even while his mambo was a limey green (Steve) and sherbet (Anna) disaster to a song that sounded like "Mambo 4" (good one, Erica) Honestly, it was like watching an utterly delightful train wreck. Still, anybody who can claim that this show makes the world a better place and NOT come off like a nutcase is doing something right. (Excellent job by Tom with his quip about "changing the world, one low score at a time") Also, I don’t know if they’re both single or attached, but Steve should DEFINITELY hook up with Anna’s mom/ "Police Academy" fanatic. Imagine if Guttenberg had actually been in "Police Academy 7: Mission to Moscow."

The other major thing I’m not so sure about last night is that Adam Corolla is going home.

It’s not that he wowed us with his dancing. In fact, he seems to have given up trying to dance well, and is just out to entertain, which he did last night wit his "mambo". Jimmy Kimmel was there to support him, which should be good for an extra eight votes, but if Julianne had kicked him in the face as she almost did near the start of the routine, that would’ve netted the couple an extra thousand votes. Still, I’d put money on him to go home, since I still don’t see him winning over any new fans with his humor and his "Mitch" explanation for calling Carrie Ann a bitch was weak. In that instance, a sincere apology would’ve probably been the best thing, but, to her credit, Carrie Ann handled herself very well.

Mostly though, I’m not so sure that Adam is going home anymore because Penn has become so damn annoying. In addition to actually being a worse and clumsier dancer than Adam (Penn’s big feet + quickstep = disaster), his constant interruption of the judges and attempts to be funny are really grating. He’s making Adam seem low-key by comparison. At least we got the first voodoo doll-assisted performance in the show’s history.

So what’d you think of this episode? When (if ever) will Kristi see an "8"? Was Penn REALLY kidding when he tripped going up those stairs after leaving the judging panel? I’ve got Adam and Marissa going home — who ya got?

Lost: Open Mike Night

While last night’s episode wasn’t really what I expected, it was still a very solid outing and a nice way for the show to go out until it returns in a little over a month (ugh).

The show delivered in its promise to show us how Michael ended up as Ben’s spy on the freighter. While the events were almost disappointingly straightforward — turns out Harold Perrineau IS playing Michael, not Walt, and I kept waiting for a huge twist that never came — they were presented in a way that deftly dovetailed with many things we’ve see on the show before.

I also like that Michael’s story was presented in a fashion usually reserved for Desmond’s stories — the uninterrupted extended flashback. (How long was the guy that had been in the engine room with Michael/Kevin and left to go get a tool when Sayid and Desmond showed up gone?)

Before I get into that, I want to talk about the strong scenes on the Island. Locke, Ben and Miles revealed to the rest of their group that the freighter people had, indeed, been instructed to kill everyone on the Island once they corralled Ben. Do we believe them? I think it’s entirely possible that Ben and the equally rescue-phobic Locke concocted that story with Miles to keep them alienated from Jack’s group, the other freighter people and possible rescue. I know Miles said his mission was to kill everyone on the Island (and we saw the freighter was pretty heavily armed), but I don’t really see Faraday, Frank or even Charlotte as killers.

Either way, Ben convinced his "daughter" Alex, an especially dorky-looking Karl and Rosseau to seek refuge in some sanctuary he had supposedly hidden away for a rainy day. Just writing that out now makes me realize how unbelievable and how obvious of a setup this whole scenario was, but for some reason I, like every other character on the show, actually went along with what Ben said. Ben is, quite simply, the man. As Miles pointed out, they had a gun to his head and two days later he’s eating pound cake.

Anyway, let’s get into the Michael stuff which was really a great showcase for Perrineau, probably the most underused actor in the show’s run. Sure, his character had become tiresome, but I blame the writers for not giving Perrineau more to do than run around the jungle like a maniac screaming "Waaaallllttt!!!" That being said, when the "previously on ’Lost’ segment" basically recapped Michael’s history on the Island, I realized how much I’d missed the guy.

I was slightly disappointed that we didn’t see him actually being rescued, but I understand that it would be difficult to have actor Malcolm David Kelley (who’s probably taller than I am now) appear in scenes where he’s supposed to look much younger as Walt. So all we got was a silent cameo in a window, because his voice is probably just as deep as mine too.

Well we caught up with him last night and he was in Manhattan and acting almost as suicidal as Beard-face Jack. As his flashback unfolded, we learned that he’s estranged from Waaaalllttt!!! after revealing to the boy how he’d killed two fellow castaways to get him back. Seriously — how crushed is Michael’s soul that he HAD to tell his young son about murdering two people? Personally, I’d like to think that that would be something I would be able to shield my young son from.

Now THIS was much more interesting stuff for Perrineau to play, and he brought it last night. With all the head-trippy twists and turns on this show, it’s important to remember that it also features some top-notch acting and last night was no exception. Perrineau’s portrayal of a man in deep despair was just as effective (and a hell of a lot less cartoony) than Matthew Fox’s in last season’s finale.

After trying and failing to kill himself by crashing his car — and on the verge of another suicide attempt — Michael was visited by Tom, who offered Michael a chance to redeem himself.

I can’t be the only one who gets a kick out of seeing dead characters come back in these flashback stories, and last night we had a quite a bit with Tom, Naomi, Minkowski, and Libby, whose first appearance in the hospital with those blankets was a LOT creepier than her second appearance on the freighter.

Tom’s scenes with Michael offered a treasure trove of information, namely that Michael can’t die. I’m making the leap and assuming that this is true of anyone who’s been on the Island and is now off. I hate to keep revisiting last season’s finale, but think of the scene where Jack was about to jump to his death — wasn’t it a little fishy that a car accident occurred right at that moment and had the doc spring into action and forget about offing himself? I guess you could say Sayid was almost killed during his off-Island life as an assassin-for-hire, but maybe he was in a lot less danger than we thought. (How cool was it to have Sayid be SO offended and angry at the thought of Michael working for Ben given what we know about his future?)

The show’s original Beard-face also set Michael on his course to the freighter. He convinced him that Charles Widmore was the man who faked the Oceanic wreckage (I don’t buy his story or his "evidence" for one second) and that he needed to stop Widmore’s freighter and kill the crew to save his friends. It gave Michael the opportunity to redeem himself and, as we all know, redemption is a huge theme on this show.

Unfortunately, it would’ve turned Michael into a hired gun again though, as Ben cruelly pointed out, he never ordered him to kill Ana Lucia and Libby. What a grand way to mess with his head! Have him kill a large number of people to save a large number of people (and to make up for killing two people). Of course, when the time came, instead of going boom, the bomb revealed a note that said "Not Yet." Sure, eternally-cruel Ben soon phoned (claiming to be Walt) and told Michael he was out to prove that he wasn’t a cold-blooded killer like Widmore (the people of the Purge beg to differ), but "Not Yet" implies that the bomb may come into play later.

Another way this episode nicely-paralleled a previous Michael outing were the "shocking" deaths at the end. Ok, it wasn’t so much shocking that Karl died. In fact, since the promos REALLY played up the death of a character, it was actually a little disappointing (seriously, who cares about Karl?) Rosseau is another matter. The same way Libby was surprisingly shot, I didn’t expect her to go down in such an unceremonious way. She’s been there since the first season and, although her story was mostly complete as she was reunited with her daughter, I was a little sad to see her go down.

So what’d you think of this episode? Were you surprised to learn that Tom was gay? (I guess his comment to Kate that she wasn’t his type meant exactly what we thought it did.) Who shot Rosseau and Karl, and are they definitely both dead? (At first, I thought it was Alpert, maybe Dr. Harper, and the rest of the Others who’ve been missing for a while, but they don’t kill people, right?) Finally, what the hell am I supposed to do with myself on Thursdays until "Lost" comes back? (Answer: "The Office" returns April 10!)

America's Next Top Recap: Not So Ghetto Fabulous

You just hate to see that happen (if you’re a fan of trashy reality TV at least).

You hate to see a contestant with such promise, suddenly and without warning, completely check out of the competition mentally before they’ve been eliminated, followed by them actually being eliminated.

It happened with AJ during cycle 7 of "Top Model" and it happened with Gene Simmons about two months ago on "Celebrity Apprentice."

Last night it was Marvita (pictured, right), who had actually shown tons of promise with the first few photo shoots this season, having a swift and unexpected meltdown. I guess one of Fatima’s many putdowns toward all the other girls in the house — this one being that Marvita was too ghetto as she and Lauren spilled a drink for their "homie" Amis — was bound to strike a chord.

It was slightly heartbreaking (but mostly hilarious) to watch Marvita looking in the mirror and saying to herself, "Maybe I’m too ghetto for this." That sounds like a great hip-hop jam from the 90’s that was never produced.

Still, Fatima was WAY outdone for the "Bitch of the week" crown (not nearly as coveted as the "Cover Girl of the Week" title) who engaged in a banal argument over something no one cares about. (For the two of you who DO care, Dominique blamed Whitney for missing out on a chance to talk to her kids on the phone.)

Somehow this led Whitney questioning Dominique’s education level, and Dominique reaching into her wallet and pulling out the race card. Whatever. All I know is that my favorite part of the "fight" was Dominique telling Whitney that she looked 30, but acted like she was 12 as she snuck away from the room. You’ve gotta love the fadeaway insult — especially when it comes from a draggy woman with a mom haircut.

Whitney didn’t exactly emerge unscathed. This week, the models met up with "America’s Next Top Recap" favorite Benny Ninja (who was disappointedly subdued this episode) and "Scandanavia’s Next Top Model" host (I’m not even kidding) Vendela. Not only did we find out that the girls compare Whitney to Anna Nicole Smith (ouch!), but, during judging, Vendela randomly questioned Whitney’s commitment to becoming a model. That was weird to me because, in my eyes, she’s one of the girls who seems to want it the most. Maybe Vendela’s been beaten up by one too many plus sizes. (The alternate title for this post, if Whitney had gone home, was "V for Vendela." Yes, I’m an idiot.)

During the week’s challenge, the girls split into two teams and tried to outpose each other with Benny shouted out the three C’s of posing — couture, commercial, and catalog — while being cheered on by a bunch of drag queens. I always thought that "catalog" and even "commercial" were things to be avoided on this show. Oh well.

Some of the highlights included Claire and Dominique posing it out to a draw, Whitney doing splits while Fatima stuck her unshaved crotch in her face (we’ll get into why I’m fairly sure it’s unshaven in a bit), and Claire leading her team to victory and goodies from a swag bag. Whitney again came off not so great, as she took a sip of haterade and protested Claire being singled out as the winner and scoring a trip to Bora Bora. I’m kinda glad I resisted the temptation to pick Whitney to become the first plus size model to win this show, since everyone in the house seems to hate her.

Anyway, this week’s vegan-friendly photo shoot went back to basics. Well, "basics" being a relative term when it comes to this show. The girls were shot in closeup while having paint dribbled on their heads and wearing what my girl Erica called a "see through fruit roll-up" and I called an "ultra-modern visor."

My favorites were Lauren (if this girl EVER learns how to walk, watch out), Dominique (ugh, I HATED that I liked her softer photo) Stacey Ann (nice facial expression), Katarzyna (who, unlike Anya, performed the "open squint" properly), and Aimee (probably my favorite). My least favorites were Marvita (too depressing, and, as Paulina said, "a little orphan doing modeling") and Fatima (who had a great face, but ARMPIT HAIR!)

I understand that women outside the United States don’t necessarily shave their armpits, but, if models really are supposed to be completely hairless, how did no one notice until last night?

In the end, it predictably (thanks to the way the show is edited) came down to Marvita and Whitney with Marvita being sent packing. It’s a shame. I didn’t really like her in the beginning, but I ended up rooting for this obviously damaged individual to put things together (as she had the first few weeks) and make a long run in the competition.

So what’d you think of this episode? Who’s going to get into an inconsequential "fight" next week? Finally, why the hell did Tyra take Lauren’s shoes?

Dancing with the Stars: Skate Expectations

After a thoroughly entertaining, but uneven debut for the men of "Dancing with the Stars" Season 6, their female counterparts took to the dance floor.

Near the beginning of each DWTS season, I think the women tend to have a slightly easier time because they’re being led by professional ballroom dancers (whereas the men have to, at least, appear as if they’re actually leading a pro dancer). As a result, I’d say the women had an overall stronger showing than the men. Too bad none of them can win.

Apparently, Olympic gold medalist Kristy Yamaguchi (pictured, with partner Mark Ballas) didn’t get that memo, as she came out and racked up a 27, the highest first-dance score in the show’s storied history. She was far and away the best female (and maybe the best overall contestant). She was incredibly sharp throughout her foxtrot with Ballas (who kinda looks a bit like an adult version of Shia LeBeouf).

Her awesomeness really shouldn’t come as any surprise given her figure skating background (giving her valuable performing and musicality experience), but she still surpassed my expectations. There’s no word on whether she surpassed my girl Erica’s sky-high expectations for her, since Erica is a huge early 90’s figure skating/Yamaguchi fans and expects her to do great things in this competition. I see her being the token female in the top 3, and probably losing in the final to Jason Taylor.

Now that I got my ridiculously early prediction out of the way, I’ll get on with the rest of the show.

While I figured Yamaguchi would be good, I had NO IDEA Priscilla Presley would be anywhere near as good as she was. She’s obviously going to have to work on her technique a little more, but the "most mature woman" (oldest) in the history of the show exhibited some natural ability and a flair for portraying a character, which was the biggest shocker for me, since I was convinced she couldn’t actually move her face.

I’m still a little scared to see her attempt a Latin dance, but it’s a good sign for her that she has Louis van Amstel as a partner, who will push and challenge her (trying something called a "death spiral" during the first week) with ambitious routines. I also cracked up at the fact that Louis was checking himself out doing dance moves in front of a mirror when Priscilla walked in.

In addition to Priscilla, I was also surprised by Marissa Janet Winokour — the only difference is that I’m surprised by how bad she was. Ok, maybe that’s a little harsh because it’s not exactly her fault that her partner Tony Dovolani (who after Jane Seymour and Leeza Gibbons must be thrilled to have a partner under 50) choreographed a cha cha cha routine that was about 15% cha cha cha. Still, she needs to tone down, well everything. She’s seriously challenging Steve Guttenberg for the title of "superfan", but she’s letting her hyperness creep into her dancing. Right now, she’s like a less good Sabrina Bryan.

I thought Monica "El Stiffo" Seles would be one of the more awkward contestants and it turned out to be true. The best parts of her fox trot were the beginning and the end — when she wasn’t really dancing. Right now, this girl just can’t dance (her partner Jonathan Roberts’ look of hopelessness during rehearsal was priceless). Still, I think she’s got potential (even if she doesn’t) to get better if she really wants to, and I think her reasons for entering the competition — she never got to be a girly girl because she was too busy traveling the world winning Grand Slam tournaments — will appeal to viewers.

That’s actually why I like her chances to last past next week more than Shannon Elizabeth’s. I mean, Shannon obviously did a better job than Monica last night, considering that, like Monica, Shannon is just not a natural dancer (how many times are we gonna hear the word "tomboy" from her?). Still, as her partner Derek Hough smartly pointed out "beautiful girls seem to go home early." I mean, honestly, why would another woman want to vote for Shannon (especially after she decided to not wear pants)? Her dancing was decent at moments (notably the sharper movements), but she’s not a very fluid dancer. Carrie Ann was right in that she could eventually become a threat if she worked on her flexibility.

Last, and certainly not least there’s Oscar winner Marlee Matlin. Like the show last night, I saved her for last (producers knew viewers would want to see how the "profoundly deaf woman did). And here’s the big revelation — she was pretty decent. Not great, not terrible, just pretty decent. I’d put her a notch or two above Shannon. Of course, the fact that she’s even performing in this competition is remarkable, and I loved that her partner (newbie/ Latin stereotype cartoon character Fabian Sanchez) threw in a solo for her where her back was turned to him. The judges claimed they wouldn’t give her the kid gloves treatment, but I don’t think they’ll have to worry about as much as they did with Heather Mills. I expect Marlee to get better as the competition goes on.

I also like how her translator is always there and shows up out of nowhere. He'd make a solid ninja.

So what’d you think of the female celebrities? Who was your biggest surprise and disappointment? Who do you think will be the first to go home? Finally, what was worse (or is it better)? The band’s rendition of Rihanna’s "Shut up and Drive" or Flo Rida’s "Low".

American Idol: They Should've Let It Be

Well, they always say the sequel is never as good as the first one (if that’s the case, how do you explain "Rush Hour 2"?)

Last night, that sentiment was confirmed thanks to a mostly disappointing redux of Beatles tunes. Oh no, wait — according to Ryan, last week was "Lennon/McCartney week", while Tuesday night was "Beatles week." Whatever.

Everyone — the judges, the contestants and, most importantly, me — were just not feeling it this week. Simon, in particular, appeared to be on his period as he was acting even crankier than usual.

For starters, he slammed my two favorite performances of the evening, courtesy of David Cook and Carly Smithson.

Actually, in David C’s case, I can see where he’s coming from. While I loved his version of "Daytripper", and I thought it was cool that he went to the voice box, I agreed with Simon in that Cook appeared to be getting a little smug on stage and was on the verge of becoming predictable. Personally, I believe (or I’m choosing to believe) that Simon raining on David’s parade was a way making sure he doesn’t get too full of himself and lose the drive to be creative each week. I Simon (who was amusingly bewildered when Paula mentioned the Geico commercial with Peter Frampton and his voice box) was trying to help Cook.

On the other hand, I can’t for the life of me figure out his criticism for Carly’s take on "Blackbird." It wasn’t perfect, but I’d rank it as one of the top two vocal performances of the night. She brought a great amount of heft to a pretty little song, but Simon called the song "indulgent" (like Carly had anything to do with the creation of the song). At least she acquitted herself quite nicely when explaining what the song meant to her and the other artists. If Simon really wanted to criticize her for something, he could’ve asked her why she dressed like a grandma.

Obviously, those two will (or should) sail through to the top 10 next week, as will five contestants who, in my opinion, are going through various stages of an identity crisis.

Jason Castro and Brooke White both looked incredibly awkward performing without their crutches, I mean instruments for the first time in a while. Both also admitted that they didn’t really connect with their songs and their performances were subpar, which means they’re both smart enough to know they’re able to phone in at least one week.

Brooke took on "Here Comes the Sun" (which could actually describe the moment right before she takes the stage). She did the thing where she began her performance by sitting on the steps (why do contestants do this? It’s not new) before getting up and unleashing some dorky dance moves and a wayward woo. The judges mostly slammed her for her performance, but I enjoyed it (I liked that her dancing was dorky). She admitted that following up "Let it be" from last week would be tough, but I’m glad that she tried something new.

Same goes for Jason Castro, who put down his guitar and sang "Michelle". Unfortunately, he didn’t appear to know what to do with his hand as he waved it around during the French portions of the song as if remembering the lyrics in his head, and awkwardly pacing around the stage. His vocal was also a little wimpy and nasal, but, like Brooke, this guy is just likable, and I admire that he at least stepped outside his comfort zone.

I wish I could say the same about Amanda Overmyer. If you read this column, you know I’m kind of over her — different week, same performance. I’m convinced that if you put your TV on mute and pumped in the audio from ANY of her performances on this show (this week it was "Back in the USSR) it would perfectly match with the video on screen. It’s always the same thing. At least she acquitted herself nicely after the performance by explaining that her goal is to show American what one of her shows would look and sound like (i.e., the same thing every time).

After last week’s disaster (which he smartly and charmingly acknowledged) David Archuleta was back in his ballad-y wheelhouse with "The Long and Winding Road." Here’s the thing: Archuleta makes every song he sings sounds like a Disney song (which isn’t necessarily a slam since I love Disney songs) or something you’d hear on a lite FM station during Delilah’s radio show.

Here’s where things get confusing. Simon called the performance a "master class", while encouraging Amanda to take more chances. Meanwhile, the judges scolded Brooke and Jason for not taking chances and encouraged them to do what they do best. So which is it? Take chances or do what you do best over and over again? (ala Archuleta). Personally, I like to see someone take a chance (ala Jason and Brooke) than a completely sleepy predictable performance that is technically superior (Archuleta).

Another person who took a chance was Chikizie, who brought a country twist to "I’ve Just Seen a Face". It wasn’t nearly as good as last week (which bought him at least another two or three weeks on this show), but I thought the performance was at least lively and interesting. Of course, all Simon could focus on was the "atrocious" harmonica playing that wasn’t really that bad.

Speaking of buying themselves another week on the show, Syesha Mercado did just that with her lovely and strong rendition of "Yesterday." While it was one of the night’s better vocals, I agree with Simon that it wasn’t exactly incredible. She won’t get the boost that Chikizie got for his work last week, but she should at least get one more week to show what she can do. She also wins "Best Dressed" of the evening.

That leaves Ramiele Malubay, Michael Johns and Kristy Lee Cook as your bottom three.

Ramiele certainly doesn’t win "Best Dressed" of the evening, seeing as how her outfit (especially the hat) didn’t make any sense. I also don’t remember a single thing about her singing "I should’ve known better" other than thinking it was one of those songs that become strangely fitting for a contestant to sing right after they’re eliminated. Still, I think she’ll return solely because she hasn’t really been in the bottom three in any previous week — I think that’s about to change.

Michael Johns is going to run out of chances pretty soon. His "A Day in the Life" suffered from lack of cohesiveness (condensing a long song into a minute and a half), and he mostly looked lost out there. The vocal wasn’t strong enough either and the whole performance was kind of a disaster. Add in Paula trying to attribute his trouble to an in-ear monitor that Michael wasn’t wearing and you have, arguably the most embarrassing performance of the evening. Still, I think Michael will return because he’s still technically the "hot guy", and because people feel bad for other people when they’re embarrassed.

How else do you explain Kristy Lee Cook’s presence this week? (Over David Hernandez? ReallY?!?!) She wasn’t nearly as awful this week with "You’ve got to hide your love away" as she was with her psychotic performance last week. Instead she was her usual robotic, forgettable self, and I think she’ll get sent home.

So what’d you think of this episode? Was it a good idea bringing back the Beatles for a second week in a row? Do you like performers to take chances every once in a while or do the same thing they feel comfortable doing and are good at over and over again? Finally, who do you think is going home?

RIP Anthony Minghella

I only saw three out of the six feature films (not counting "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" coming soon) Anthony Minghella made before he died.

I didn’t even like his triumph, "The English Patient", though I didn’t hate it quite as much as Elaine on "Seinfeld."

Still, his passing at the age of 54 is a shame for a guy who made dramas for adults.

I think "Cold Mountain" is underrated (to the degree that a movie with seven Oscar nominations and one win can be underrated), but his real triumph to me was "The Talented Mr. Ripley."

Not only did it feature career-best work from Matt Damon and Jude Law (as well as a scene-stealing Phillip Seymour Hoffman), but Minghella’s stylish and suspenseful direction makes it a movie that’s stuck in my mind ever since it came out nearly a decade ago.

I’m very thankful for that and Minghella will be missed.

Dancing with the Stars: Taylor-Made For This Show

With "24" and "Heroes" shelved for the rest of the season due to the writers strike, I’d been struggling to find something to watch (and write about) on Monday nights.

Then again, if both those shows were on, I’d probably be complaining about having to write two different recaps on two shows that are on at the same time because I’d be up late to watching each episode and not getting enough sleep.

Anyway, last night it was "Dancing with the Stars" to the rescue! Since I only have to write one recap for a Monday night show, I get to focus all my attention on this cheesefest, which had, in my opinion, the most promising cast going into a season. And by "most promising", I mean this is the most number of people I’ve actually heard of before they participated on this show. I knew each celeb except for one (sorry, Cristian).

I hate to do this so early on and kill any suspense there may be, but Jason Taylor (pictured, right) is going to win this whole thing. I’ve never been surer of any other dancing celebrity. This show has clearly established that no woman can win — by the way, if Mel B. (who was back to fondle Tom Bergeron last night) didn’t win last year, that means NO WOMAN CAN WIN — and even when they do, they make them participate in a b.s. rematch (see Monaco, Kelly). He also appears to have the natural ability to win, but isn’t SO good and polished that people will question whether he belongs in the competition (see Mario and Bryan, Sabrina). Oh yeah, he’s also hot enough to draw comments about his looks from both partner Edyta and Len.

Taylor was probably the biggest question mark for me going on (other than how the hell Marlee Matlin is going to hear the music) and he delivered a crisp, elegant fox trot that was probably my favorite performance of the evening. It certainly had my favorite move of the night — the bit in the beginning where Edyta made like she was going to put her heel on his chest, but instead fell over and let Jason catch her. Hopefully, he’ll get over whatever hang ups he has about being an active player in the NFL and a future "Dancing with the Stars" champion.

Ok, ok, so maybe I’m getting ahead of myself handing the hideous crystal ball trophy to Jason. After all, Mario is the best male dancer and, unlike previous dubiously overqualified contestants, seemed genuinely happy to be there. It probably had something to do with his obvious crush on partner Karina Smirnoff (who somehow recovered from neck surgery in time to participate. He also won the award for best outfit, emblazoning the back of his shirt with his call-in vote number in sequins. Oh yeah, his cha cha cha was also creative, fun and heavy on interaction with his partner (who struck gold again with another talented "Mario" for a partner).

If there’s a dark horse, it would probably be Cristian de la Fuente. Apparently, Chile is the only Latin American country whose inhabitants can’t naturally shake their hips. Cristian seemed to solve that problem during his cha cha cha, but was slammed for his bad posture by the judges. Fortunately, that’s a fixable problem, but he’s going to have to step up his game if he wants to vie for the "hot guy" vote with Jason and Mario. He’s got Cheryl Burke as a partner, so I wouldn’t count him out, especially if they decide to "bang" each other, as Bruno suggested.

Not vying for the "hot guy" vote are Steve Guttenberg and Penn Jillette — they’re going for the "older guy" vote, and Guttenberg definitely has the edge after the first night.

Although I did a second (and third take) when Tom referred to him as "one of the biggest box office stars of the last 20 years" (really, is it Ford, Cruise, Hanks, Guttenberg?!), Guttenberg was impossible not to like last night. He’s seriously challenging Jane Seymour as the "most happy to be here" contestant in the show’s history. He’s SO nice. Sure, his fox trot, was a little sleepy, but I was impressed by the elevation he got on that jumping heel click move and I’m curious to see what he’d do with a Latin dance. I think he and partner Anna Trebunskaya (SO fun to say) will be around next week for me to find out. Finally, in a weird coincidence, last night Guttenberg reminded both me and Erica of Dylan Walsh on "Nip/Tuck."

Then there’s Penn, who went to the Billy Ray Cyrus School of Stomping for his first dance. Partner Kym "Boobs" Johnson smartly choreographed a fun cha cha cha that was heavy on gimmicks (disco poses, floor dives) and light on, well, cha cha cha. Still, it’s probably not a great sign that the best part of the routine was the bouquet of flowers he produced at the end (THAT was cool). Also, while I understand he’s trying to be funny, he could probably stand to talk back a little less to and stop interrupting the judges.

Speaking of talking back to the judges, there’s Adam Corolla, who came in with the evening’s lowest score (15). I actually didn’t think he was THAT bad (Penn was worse), just incredibly uneven. He certainly showed glimpses of potential, as Carrie Ann pointed out. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to stop him from calling her a bitch after she gave him a five (which turned out to be the same score he got from the rest of the judges). It’s probably bad that I thought that was kinda funny.

Adam is an even surer bet to go home next week (no one’s being eliminated this week before next week’s double ouster) than Jason is a sure bet to win. While I understand he’s got a self-deprecating sense of humor — I loved him telling Julianne that she’ll be able to promote her country CD early and apologized for breaking her winning streak — but he whines too damn much. Also, I don’t see his (bad) attitude winning over any new fans to vote for him.

So what’d you think of the first episode? Do you really think that the first time the dancers find out who their partner is when they walk into that rehearsal studio? Who do you think is going home? Finally, which female celebrity are you looking forward to seeing most tonight? (Too bad none of them can win.)

Horton Hears a Who! Review

I hadn’t been to the movies for almost two months before I went to check out "Horton Hears a Who!"

It’s not that I’ve been busy or anything — it’s that the first two and a half months of 2008 have been so uninspiring that "Horton" automatically found its way into my top 3 for the year. (Here’s the list: 1. "27 Dresses" 2. "Horton Hears a Who!" 3. "Cloverfield" That’s the list of movies I’ve seen this year.)

"Horton", from the creators of "Ice Age", is the latest adaptation of a classic Dr. Seuss story. This one centers around eccentric elephant Horton (voiced by Jim Carrey) who, after hearing a faint cry from a speck on a flower, discovers there’s an entire town populated by the Whos and their mayor (voiced by Steve Carell). Unfortunately for Horton, the bossy Kangaroo (voiced by Carol Burnett) strongly disapproves of Horton’s blind faith and overly-active imagination.

The last couple of adaptations based on Dr. Seuss’ work — the live-action "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (starring Carrey) and "The Cat in the Hat" — have favored over-the-top antics (though I actually enjoy "Grinch") in favor of strong storytelling.

"Horton" looked like it was headed in the same direction.

My girl Erica and I pretty much agreed that Jim Carrey was pretty grating as Horton during the movie’s first 15 minutes or so, and I thought the movie was going to work my nerves the entire time. Fortunately, the action shifted to Whoville and my boy Steve Carell. It’s possible that my incredible bias in favor of Steve Carell made me enjoy the Who segments a lot more, but I think it’s more likely the actor’s comparably subtle, flustered charms really did the trick.

Once a balance was established between the Horton and Whoville segments, I settled into the movie and enjoyed it (and Carrey’s performance) considerably more. Besides Carell, the cast’s other standout was the legendary Burnett, who made for one of the nastiest antagonists I can imagine — an overbearing know-it-all. Funny people like Seth Rogen, Will Arnett and Amy Poehler also turn up, mostly to amuse adults. I also really liked the weird, mute yellow creature — if you see this flick, you’ll know who I’m talking about.

Most importantly, unlike the two previous Seuss adaptations I mentioned, "Horton" does a nice job of maintaining the original story’s message(s) while updating it for the "modern" crowd.

So while we get funny, inspired touches like the mayor’s emo son and a slightly extended and wonderfully random parody of Japanimation, the movie never loses sight of its major themes — having faith in things we may not necessarily see or hear and the idea that "a person’s a person, no matter how small." By the end, I was genuinely invested in what happened to the characters — well, mostly the Whos. Horton? Not so much.

Horton Hears a Who!...B

Lost: Sun and Daughter

Has our opinion of anyone on the island changed more since the start of the show than our opinion of Jin?

Think back to season one, when his temper and haircut were both shorter and more severe — he was an overbearing jerk. My girl Erica — who saw about three episodes of "Lost" before deciding that it wasn’t her — still thinks he’s a jackass.

Cut to last night with Jin vowing to follow Sun wherever she went and, after finding out about her infidelity, tentatively asking her if the baby was his.

Although last night’s episode ended with, in my opinion, a narrative cheat, this was one of the more emotional episodes in a while, and probably Daniel Dae Kim and Yunjin Kim’s best work ever on this show (especially Daniel Dae Kim).

I like Jin and Sun, but I don’t usually get too excited about the episodes that highlight them because their flashbacks have little or nothing to do with the rest of the Island drama. Also, it’s harder for me to type out notes on my laptop while the episode is happening, because I have to keep my eyes on the screen the entire time to read the subtitles for their Korean dialogue. However, when it became apparent we’d be looking at the couple’s future — Sun going into labor — I became more interested.

After briefly conversing with Faraday, Sun became convinced the freighter wasn’t there to rescue the castaways and convinced Jin that they should join Locke’s camp. Juliet unsuccessfully tried to talk Sun out of leaving by reiterating that she and her baby would die if she stayed on the Island.

Even though the last episode focused on her character, I think Elizabeth Mitchell’s work was stronger in this one. While I can’t really blame Sun for not trusting her (I never really know where Juliet is coming from), Juliet convinced me that she genuinely cares for Sun’s well-being (at least on a doctor-patient level). Also, her blurting out that Sun had had an affair in front of Jin to stop her from leaving was the episode’s "holy shit" moment.

I don’t get the feeling that was necessarily the writers’ intention. I’m guessing the episode’s "shocking" revelation was supposed to be the fact that, while we were lead to believe we were watching Sun and Jin’s off-Island future, it turned out that Jin’s comical panda-buying adventures actually occurred in the past, two months into his marriage and while he still worked for Sun’s dad. Oh yeah, Jin is also dead.

Now, I enjoy a good twist as much as the next person — I LOVED that Jack’s apparent flashback was a flash forward and the end of last year — but this revelation truly seemed to come out of nowhere. Maybe, I’ll feel differently when I watch the episode a second time and pick up on clues to the twist, but right now it just feels like the writers blatantly made its audience believe that both characters were in the same time frame for the sole purpose of giving us the "shocking" ending we’ve come to expect in the last few minutes of an episode of "Lost." We learned nothing new about Jin during his flashback scenes, and their sole purpose was to throw us off the scent. In my opinion, that's manipulative, and this show is better than that.

Then again, I always thought it was a little unfair that Jin and Sun (two fully-realized characters) always had to share a "flashback episode", so it was kind of good to see each character going through their own thing. Especially in the case of Jin, who was probably remembering a time when he wasn’t the husband he is now. The only problem with that is that we were meant to think that he was missing the birth of his child because of some silly episode when, in fact, he was just doing what his job was at the time. Sure, he was a drone doing a menial task for a bad man, but it’s not like he was roughing anybody up (like he would eventually), so I don’t really get how he was being a bad husband then, especially since he wasn’t missing out on anything (as we were meant to believe).

Either way, with a little help from Bernard, (in a nice scene — I didn’t realize they were the only two married guys on the Island) Jin found it in him to forgive Sun. Usually, whenever Bernard or Rose show up and interact with a character, it comes off as a bit random and awkward, but this time it worked quite nicely.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Jin made it off the Island — the date of death was Sept. 22, 2004 (the day the plane crashed) on the grave Sun and Hurley visited. As we all know, that’s not true, so do we think he’s really dead or is he one of those people stuck on the Island that "WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!!!" for (according to Jack). Even though it’s difficult to imagine a scenario in which Sun would leave without Jin, I’m leaning toward the latter. They HAVE been separated before (Jin’s raft trip), and the way Sun weirdly called out for Jin during her delivery was slightly suspicious (and reminiscent of Jack demanding the hospital to get "his father down here" during his future freakout.)

Maybe Jin’s fake date of death is there to help keep up the appearance that the original castaways died when the plane crashed. We met the freighter’s "surprisingly forthcoming" Capt. Gault last night, and he revealed to Sayid and (a shocked) Desmond that Charles Widmore had hired his crew and that the world thought the passengers of Oceanic 815 had died thanks to the fake wreckage that’d been recovered. A wreckage, according to Gault, that Ben is responsible for. Maybe those 324 dead bodies in the ocean were extras they had lying around from the purge all those years ago that didn’t fit in that mass grave.

We also learned that Gault’s crew is suffering from some sort of cabin fever and apparently going insane. This was personified by upside-down reading crew member Regina. Here were my reactions to her scenes: "Hey, it’s Zoe Bell from "Death Proof." I like her, she’s cool. Whoops, that’s the end of her." I’m assuming we’ll find out what led her to tie a chain around her and drown herself, but my wild guess of the week is that she was Naomi’s sister. I’ve got nothing to back that up, other than the inscription on Naomi’s necklace ("N. I’ll always be with you, R.G.) and the fact that they both had vaguely Aussie accents. I’m also betting the "tell my sister I love her" thing was a code AND had a basis in reality.

I suppose the other holy shit moment was supposed to be the identity of Ben’s spy. But with actor Harold Perrineau’s name in the credits for most of the season, it was one of the worst kept secrets. Still, the scene where he —serving as the ship’s janitor — shuffles from one end of the hall to meet Sayid and Desmond was very effective (very nicely played by Perrineau and Naveen Andrews as Sayid). It looks like we’ll get Michael’s full story from next week’s preview, but my favorite idea floating around out there is that Perrineau is not playing Michael — he’s playing a grown-up version of Walt. I know he’s supposed to be a lowly janitor on the ship, but Michael/Kevin Johnson’s meek demeanor was a bit surprising.

So what’d you think of this episode? Did you see the Sun/Jin twist coming? (COULD you see it coming?) Does the Oceanic Six consist of Jack, Kate, Sayid, Hurley, Sun and Aaron or is there an additional member that’ll sub in for Aaron on that list? Finally, is Jin really dead?

America's Next Top Recap: A High Steaks Challenge

And I thought the homeless photo shoot from earlier this season, er, cycle was pointless and silly.

At least that featured a foundation that was helping homeless women go to college and reach their creative ambitions. This week’s photo shoot featured the wannabe models wearing meat panties and other accessories fashioned from beef because, um, yeah, I don’t really know.

So, like I said, pointless and silly. Then again, those two words can so accurately describe so many things that happen in a "Top Model" episode that the week’s bizarre photo shoot only helped matters (as did Mr. Jay’s comically feminine white jacket) and made this one of the season’s best episodes.

Things picked up right where they left off last week and if you thought Dominique (pictured, left) would be humbled by her placement in last week’s bottom two then, well, I’ll just let this cycle’s hot tranny mess tell you herself: "I was in the best freakin’ bottom two in Top Model history!" She also immediately started talking smack to the other girls, who were supposed to be scared that she was still around. Never has an underachiever with a mom haircut who almost got her ass sent home been so confident.

Also, it’s Wednesday night, so I guess that means Fatima must be picking a fight with one of the girls in the house, right? Fortunately, we were spared a sequel to the "Amis is a clown" tiff from a few weeks ago, and Fatima mostly kept her thoughts to herself. There was some additional "drama" later when Aimee tried to claim the shower, Whitney objected, and later Fatima and Dominique jumped in the fray, but there was so much shouting and choppy editing that I honestly didn’t understand what the fight was about.

Fortunately, there were more than enough interesting happenings away from the house (and that annoying Tyra Mail news crawl). The girls traveled to a fire station where Miss J. slid down the fire pole (thankfully not stripper style) and told the models they’d be practicing their quick-change and runway walking skills. I’m thinking a proper walking lesson might’ve been helpful BEFORE the fourth episode of the season. Oh well.

Aimee was revealed as the conservative/prudish one who felt uncomfortable being naked in front of everyone else (as well as sharing the shower/bathroom) I can’t wait till this comes up again during the inevitable naked photo shoot.

The girls put on a little show for a bunch of surprisingly average-looking firemen. Highlights (actually lowlights) included Lauren’s still-brutal walk, Amis skipping during her turn (perhaps an early sign that she’s not taking this too seriously) and Dominique’s strippery antics (which Ms. J expertly mocked).

It was all to get ready for Bryan Bradley’s Tuleh Fashion show, which was to be judged by a Seventeen editor whose name I didn’t really bother to note and cycle 8 winner Jaslene (noooooo!) Mercifully, Jaslene didn’t actually speak too much last night. Except of course when she tore into Lauren by asking her what she was doing there and if she really wanted to be a model. Again, Lauren’s walk is just brutal, but to me it was kind of odd the way Jaslene singled her out for such harsh criticism.

Amis’ walk was also brutal. I also enjoyed watching Fatima button her sweater incorrectly and then hope no one would notice (even though the white horizontal line along the bottom kinda gave her away). My favorites were Aimee (who I believe I noticed for the first time this week) and Whitney (for accidentally flashing some boob — and just going with it).

So, of course, Katarzyna won and invited Marvita and Amis (random much) along for a Lot 29 shoot. I love how Jaslene completely outshone the rest of the girls during their group photo, even sticking her elbow right in front of Amis’ face.

I already mentioned the fantastic ridiculousness of this week’s photo shoot. I was shocked that there wasn’t a vegetarian in the bunch to morally object to wearing meat carcasses. I personally enjoyed Mr. Jay saying things like "it’s not looking pretty" to young women wearing slabs of meat.

My favorites were Whitney (interesting face and body pose), Anya (probably my favorite) Lauren (channeling her inner killer) and Katarzyna (the only one who seemed to treat the meat as clothes). The worst were Fatima (too growly, according to the judges), Marvita (strong body, but the face was completely off — can she softer her look?).

Even though I don’t have her as one of the worst pictures of the week (she lucked out with a decent single shot) Amis was an absolute lock to go home, making for the least successful bottom two in recent memory. Sure, she’d flunked out her firehouse runway test and her photo like Fatima, but she put little effort in her appearance before the judging panel (a headband? Really?). Also, she has nowhere near as much potential as a model (or a reality show character) as Fatima was. Goodbye Amis. You may go back to being called Amy now.

So what’d you think of this episode? I know I’m a guy, but am I the only one who didn’t really notice any difference in Dominique’s hair after Tyra vowed to significantly change the color? Why did Tyra sing all the judges names as she introduced them? (As my girl Erica said, maybe she just began doing it and then ended up committing fully.) Finally, why does Claire keep winning Cover Girl of the Week? Nothing against her, I like her, why has she been a lock for that thing so far?

American Idol: Chikizie Does It

Well, thank God for Kristy Lee Cook. (There’s an expression I never thought I’d say.)

On a night where a few front-runners stumbled and a couple of under-the-radar contestants established themselves as serious contenders, the reason I’m thankful for the half robot/half human Cook (actually, it’s more like half robot/half awful) is because her country take on "Eight Days a Week" was so horrendously hideous that America has a CLEAR choice to send home after the first week of this season’s finals.

Seriously, that performance was the hottest of hot messes. I sometimes appreciate how Ryan looks out for contestants after unfairly harsh reviews from the judges, but I was annoyed last night after he tried to pin the disastrous results from countrifying the Beatles on Simon. When Kristy said she’d be doing country this week, I thought it was a smart decision because she kinda sucks and the "country vote" has been very powerful in past seasons. But I’ve gotta believe that there’s a way to countrify the Beatles songbook without making it sound like a weird polka performance from hell. I’m hard pressed to think of a worse finals performance. Also, I swear that I wrote in my notes that it seemed like something you’d hear in a terrible state fair before Simons said it two minutes later.

I’m sorry to have to lead with that because, other than a few missteps, I really enjoyed last night’s Beatles-themed episodes and even possibly maybe sorta started believing that his year’s crop may actually be as talented as advertised — at least when you’re talking about 1 through 11 (sorry Kristy).

If anyone non-Kristy person is in serious trouble of going home, I’d say it’s Syesha Mercado. She obviously wasn’t nearly as bad as Kristy, but she picked a tricky song ("Got to get you into my life"), was incredibly nervous during most of her performance and, as the first contestant, was pretty forgettable after two hours.

I would say that Ramiele Malubay (so SHE’S the one who pours the soy sauce into the little cups) is in trouble of going home, but I think she’s got one more week of uninspired disconnected singing before all the goodwill she’s built up goes away. Once again, her vocals were decent (at "Pussycat doll" level, according to Erica), but her performance of "In my Life" could rival Lunesta as far as sleep aids. Also, the standing on the stairs thing was kind of pointless since she ended up lifelessly walking toward the front center stage anyway. The most interesting thing about her performance was Randy’s reaction when he was asked if she’d done enough to stay another week: "I don’t know man that was pretty boring." Sorry, but she’s just not very interesting.

She wasn’t the only one who had trouble navigating Idol’s new spiffier, bigger stage. Unfortunately, David Hernandez felt the urge to try and cover every inch of the new digs during a spastic performance of "I Saw Her Standing There." When watching it, I couldn’t quite figure why I didn’t like it. Sure, as Erica and Randy pointed out (in that order), David H. was trying to do too much with his vocals, but when Simon called his performance "desperate", it was exactly the word I was looking for. When a big dork like me thinks you look dorky, you must be doing something really wrong. The biggest disappointment was no mention of his, um, stripperfic past during the interview segment on his pre-"Idol" life — unless, of course, pizza bistro = gay club when talking about his days as a server.

Since I have to talk about Michael Johns I will. I don’t have anything against the guy, but so far his singing is just meh. His "Across the Universe" was a nice bounce back after two vaguely train-wrecky performances. Still, he’s going to have to step things up.

Also, I apologize, but I’m just not feeling Amanda Overmyer. I know what she’s going to sound like (growly, angry and stompin’ on the floor) and look like (unnecessarily overdone and scary for a pretty girl) before she hits the stage. Also, every performance (this week it was "You Can’t do that") is merely a variation on the previous week’s. I guess she was ok this week, but I can’t get too excited. In past years (especially last year) I would’ve been happier to have someone like her in the competition. Unfortunately, her distinct style is not as necessary a changeup with this year’s talented finalists.

Why don’t I talk about that talent, since all I’ve done so far is complain?

I’ve gotta start with my man Chikizie (pictured, right) who made me look like less of a fool than I usually look. I’ve called the guys one of the top five vocalists in the competition and he delivered last night, not just vocally, but with a hip electrifying performance that no one could’ve seen coming. How could we after the tomato-red suit, and his easy R&B stylings. I liked the Marc Broussard-style opening (thanks for the name Erica) and I loved that he ended up rocking out. I’m not saying he’s a front runner (there’s still work to do), but coming into this week, I would’ve picked him or Kristy to go home — now I think he’s bought himself one or two weeks.

I also really enjoyed the work of Brooke White and Carly Smithson. When Brooke announced she was singing "Let it be", I kinda rolled my eyes, because it’s kind of overplayed. However, after being informed by Erica that it was perfect for my voice, and seeing Brooke’s emotional, engaging performance, I had to agree. Brooke is one of the smartest contestants (song choice, wardrobe, performance) I’ve ever seen on an "Idol" stage.

Carly, on the other hand, has been stronger vocally in the last two weeks, but during "Come Together" I saw her really having fun for the first time. It made her more appealing, which is important because, up to that point, I think people just sort of appreciated her as a great vocalist, but weren’t really able to put their arms around her. It was also, good to see "Come Together" taken a less predictable direction than the growly Amanda would’ve taken it.

Jason Castro could use a little more unpredictability. Again, he was solid vocally and performance-wise (but not as good as past weeks), but he seems to be stuck on a vaguely-melancholy, guitar-strumming, goofy grin loop. He’s right in his wheelhouse, but I’d like to see him change things up slightly (ala Brooke sitting at the piano).

I didn’t quite dig David Cook as much as the judges did. His "Eleanor Rigby" was solid. Actually, the last third of his performance was solid (the rest was questionable), and I was a little startled to hear Simon say he’s got a real chance at winning. He would know more about than I do, and I like David C., but I think he’s got more work to do vocally.

As you can see, like the show’s producers, I’ve saved the prime final slot for David Archuleta. The little guy came into the night as the show’s darling and the overwhelming favorite to wi (insert sound of needle scratching on record). Man was his performance brutal. I would say it was actually the second worst of the night (behind you know who). There were missed notes, forgotten lyrics. Even David knew he crapped the bed. At least, to his credit, he manned up and took the criticism instead of getting snippy, though you have to wonder if he can handle the more upbeat songs he’s sure to have to sing in the future. I bet he wished he hadn’t sung "Imagine" two weeks ago.

So what’d you think of the first episode of the finals? What’d you think of the fabulous new stage and graphics?! (Umm, I didn’t really notice too much of a difference other than the graphics being slightly crappier and the band being on the second level.) More importantly, who do you think is going home?

Lost: Everybody Loves Juliet

Well I've been calling for this season of "Lost" to give Elizabeth Mitchell's Juliet something to do, and last night I finally got what I asked for. (In fact, they even threw in a gratuitous bikini shot for good measure.)

Unfortunately, I also got the first episode of this fourth season that was, um, kinda bad.

I'm not giving the episode a failing grade or anything — if for no other reason than the fact that Juliet delivered what is probably my favorite line of the season. When Jack found out that Juliet had been in therapy on the Island, she responded (with a perfect delivery) that "It's very stressful being an Other."

My problem was that a significant portion of this episode hinged on a premise that I'm just not really buying — the idea that Ben, the in-control, calculating head Other had a major crush on Juliet, and got his widdle heart broken.

It just came completely out of nowhere for me. I'm going to have to go back to the tape (well, the discs, actually) and look for any hint of this. I'm not expecting to find something as obvious as the moment where his hand brushed uncomfortably against hers, and I realize that they seemed to have some sort of weird vibe/connection, but I never, ever thought it was love. The kind of love that makes a man take time off from leading a group of people on a mysterious island to make a ham dinner for his unrequited honey.

Then again, maybe it isn't love exactly. I thought that Ben's choice of words after revealing to Juliet that he arranged for her lover Goodwin's death was curious. He told Juliet "You're mine!" which made me think that maybe he's fond of her and possessive in a way that isn't exactly love. You never really know where Ben is coming from. Then again, this could just be me rationalizing what is, in my opinion, a completely outta-leftfield turn of events.

Let me backup to the beginning of the episode where we learned that Juliet was in therapy with a bitchy and high-strung woman named Harper, played by Andrea Roth, who plays the bitchy and high-strung ex-wife on "Rescue Me."

After Jack and his crew noticed Faraday and Charlotte were missing, they went looking for them in the jungle, where Juliet ran into a curiously ghostly-looking Harper. Harper told Juliet that Ben decreed that the freighter fiends needed to be stopped before they reached "the Tempest" station and released a gas that would kill everyone on the Island.

A couple of curious things about this scene, the most significant of which being Harper's presence? Was she a ghost or the Smoke Monster (ala Jack's dad and Eko's brother appearances on the Island) If so, would this mean Harper is dead? Or could it be a different phenomenon where a living person just appears in a place they really shouldn't be (ala Walt's appearance to Shannon and Sayid right before she got shot). I'm leaning towards the latter. Also, if Harper IS still around, it made me wonder where Alpert (the eternally youth Other) and the rest of the crew have been hiding out all this time.

Anyway, Juliet's flashbacks revealed the origins of her relationship with Goodwin, who we knew she was involved with before his impaling by Ana Lucia. What we didn't know was that their relationship was an adulterous affair because Goodwin was married to Harper.

Maybe the writers have something in store for future episodes, but I didn't really see the point of this revelation. Juliet and Goodwin feel no real conflict (and neither do we), because she was kind of a bitch from the beginning. Also, Ben's jealousy would've worked just as well (or not well, according to me) if Goodwin were single.

In the end, Juliet caught up with the Faraday and Juliet, and it turned out that they were actually trying to neutralize the threat of the poison gas (what is this, a James Bond movie?) which they did with a little over a second to spare (what is this, one of those silly Roger Moore James Bond movies — not like "Casino Royale")

Mitchell, as usual, gave a strong performance in the flashback scenes, as well as the Island portions. I liked her little speech toward the end about how Ben will inevitably win the war against the freighter people. She's the second person (after Sawyer) to recognize and acquiesce to Ben's mad skills. But then Jack decided to kiss her. Whatever.

We also got strong work, as usual, from Michael Emerson as Ben and Terry O'Quinn as Locke. (Certainly stronger work than we got from Sawyer, Hurley and Claire, who were seemingly thrown in so the actors would have something to do in this ep.)

I loved Ben asking Locke is his breakfast rabbit had a number on it, and his needling of Locke about his leadership skills. This is always good stuff, but I love that Locke had a trump card to play, revealing to Ben that he knew about Miles' blackmailing scam and giving him a dollar to get him started. Very nicely done.

In the end, it seems like Ben won out again, manipulating Locke into releasing him back among the rest of Locke's crew by promising to reveal the identity of the man who hired the freighter. And that man is Charles Widmore. Could this be another trick by Ben? Sure. But I'm actually inclined to believe him, especially since we saw Widmore just last week apparently showing an interest in the Island by spending top dollar for Black Rock's ledger.

His identity was revealed through footage taken, I'm guessing, by Ben's spy on the freighter. By the way, Michael is SO Ben's spy on the freighter. I don't dabble in theories, but I'm guessing when Ben sent Michael off the Island and gave him that specific bearing to follow, he was somehow sending him to a time in the past where he could easily infiltrate the freighter on gather information for Ben.

So what'd you think of this episode? I'm not the only one who thought the Jack/Juliet kiss was slightly forced, right? Does Kate HAVE to do something stupid every week? (How could she let Charlotte sneak up behind her like that?) Where is Ben going to get the rest of the $3,199,999? Why would Ben want the gas to be released and kill everyone on the Island now? (I understand why he did it in the original Purge that included his dad.) Finally — and the biggest mystery of all — why does Hurley kick Sawyer's ass at, well, everything?

America's Next Top Recap: Live and Let Dye

So with "Top Model" being set in New York City now, I expected photo shoots and challenges at the usual places: Times Square, the Washington Bridge, Walmart.

Really, "Top Model"(?!) Walmart is the place where you take your contestants for this episode's makeup challenge? (which Claire won) To be honest, I didn't even know there were any Walmarts in NYC. Then again, I guess that's pretty much the only place that would be open at 5 a.m., the time you woke the models up because they need to be ready at a moment's notice.

Up until last night's episode, I wasn't really feeling the contestants this year. The most interesting thing about this cycle had been the addition of Paulina. But last night, I started caring about contestants other than the ones that have been showered with excessive screentime.

I'm talking about you, Fatima. The African passive-aggressive wonder struck again after the girls received apple bottom jeans and she remarked that Allison's ass looked particularly big, but that was ok because she was a bigger girl. Allison got visibly upset and responded, "say that to the anorexic girl" before storming away. Apparently, Fatima didn't get the memo that Allison was anorexic. Actually, I didn't get that memo, since I'm pretty sure this is the first time that's come up.

Later, Allison exacted her "revenge" by playing with a black and white doll, and stuffing the white doll's butt with paper. Apparently, that wasn't enough, so, as the black doll/Fatima, she basically implied that Fatima (and black women in general) like to take it up the, um, backdoor. This was so ridiculously out of leftfield and unnecessary that it actually made Fatima look sympathetic. I mean, where did that come from? It reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld where George had a big comeback ready for an annoying guy ("The jerkstore called and they're running out of YOU"), and when the guy brushed it off, he resorted to ("Well, I had sex with your wife!")

Oh yeah, did I mention that this was makeover week? Usually, this is a major event in a Top Model season, and I knew it was coming from the previews, but it didn't feel like that big of a deal last night. That's probably because the girl's were surprisingly receptive to their new looks (which Tyra smartly kept secret until the big reveal). Only Fatima (surprise) teared up, but even she ended up liking her Iman-like new look.

The highlight for me was the square "Tyra Vision" box with the host giving her kooky commentary (and imitating a horse). I wish I had the "Tyra Vision" option on certain DVDs. You can't tell me you wouldn't turn that feature on while watching "Casablanca."

I thought the makeovers themselves were overwhelmingly good. My favorites were Fatima, Whitney, Marvita (sporting the Tyra-invented horse mane weave) and Katarzyna. My least favorites were Claire (pictured, right, in the middle of her makeover and whose shorter hair makes her look manly, I actually like her original haircut a lot more), Anya (who my girl Erica rightly pointed out looks like an alien), and Dominique (who looks like a mom).

This week's photo shoot had the contestants modeling Elle McPherson's lingerie line on a boat with the New York skyline in the background. McPherson herself showed up and instantly became everyone's favorite person because of her helpful advice. I'm guessing that's a veiled shot at Paulina last week who told models they looked like a tranny or too "High School Musical" without really offering any help to fix the problem. The feeling was mutual, and Erica even started a running joke that it seemed like Elle McPherson would definitely go gay for the contestants.

My favorites shots this week were courtesy of Lauren (I like the awkward pose, and she's like a worse version of last cycle's awkward Heather) and Marvita (hella fierce), and Katarzyna, who's clearly not afraid of sticking out her booty. I know in actuality it's not a good high fashion shot, but it's still one of my faves. Even Erica acknowledged that it was like the John Ceballos special. The worst were Allison (completely dead in the eyes) Dominique (not a good job with her lower body) and Fatima (who, Erica rightly pointed out, didn't move her legs too much because she's probably super duper conscious about the lower half of her body as a result of her female circumcision).

Other than imploring Nigel to feel her ass, the judging panel was mostly uneventful. Well it was mostly uneventful unless you're Allison and you refuse to say "thank you" after Tyra "compliments" you by saying your looks is a lot softer and prettier after the makeover. Allison, who didn't sort of look like Sarah Silverman anymore after the makeover, kept talking about all the experience she had, but it turned out to be too much experience, as she overpracticed before her shoot. Her time in front of the camera DID yield my favorite exchange during the photo shoot: Photog (to Allison): "Are you cold?" Mr. Jay: "No, she's posing."

It came down to Allison and Dominique, with Allison (and her dolls and crappy attitude going home). I was rooting for Dominique to stay because, despite the mom haircut (which Tyra vowed to alter), I think she has more potential. Also, the producers allegedly made a special slot just for her in the final selection during the premiere, so it'd be kind of a waste to get rid of her so quickly.

So what'd you think of this episode? In this competition, is it worse to look like a tranny or a mom? Isn't the new "Tyra Mail" delivery method awful? Where the hell did Allison get those dolls? Finally, what was your favorite and least favorite makeover?