Dancing with the Stars: Trying New Dances Four a Change

Last night was probably the most uncomfortable night in recent "Dancing with the Stars" memory.

The dancers mostly looked out of sorts with the new styles and appeared visibly uncomfortable for most of the evening. And that was the pros! So you knew it had to be awkward for the celebrities.

Despite the fact that the show didn't really NEED to introduce four new dances — I'd rather the celebs work on perfecting the ones that are already a part of the show — I was looking forward to seeing the four new styles on the show. I know they say, "If it ain't broke don't fix it", but I'm of the mind that there are usually improvements that can be made. That's probably why I keep tinkering with my 6-1 and 5-2 fantasy football teams. (Yes, this is probably the only DWTS recap that will reference fantasy football this year.)

Still, after last night's performances, I'd be surprised if we saw the salsa, Jitterbug, West Coast Swing or hustle outside of a results show.

Of course, not everyone struggled. Brooke Burke rocketed to the top of the leader board with a 29 and another top notch performance — this despite the fact that her pro partner Derek had to look up "how to do the jitterbug" on the Internet. (Full disclosure: I once looked up "Jive" on the Internet, but I looked at videos, which seems like a better idea.) The judges (as usual) LOVED Brooke's performance, but I was frankly more impressed with Derek's hair. This had to be the most subpar 29 in the history of this show. I know that scoring is relative to the people competing in a season, but Brooke's jive wasn't any better than Kristi Yamaguchi's seventh-best dance.

From a technical standpoint, the dance of the night belonged to Cody and Julianne (pictured, right), who also performed the jitterbug. It was a lot like Brooke and Derek's — only more interesting and with more charisma and fun. (The audience agreed, loudly booing the judges). A few weeks ago, I made a list of the people that could win this competition and I left Cody and Julianne off. If he can shore up his ballroom technique to match his effectiveness on the more disciplined ballroom dances, he could be a real contender.

From an audience standpoint the dance of the night belonged to Warren Sapp, who performed the hustle. I loved the way he traveled across the dance floor and his side-by-side moves with Kym. The big fella bounced back from last week's meh samba and brought the audience to its feet.

Then again, they may have just been snapping awake after Susan Lucci's snoozer of a hustle. Sure, it was cool to see that Lucci was actually in Studio 54 when the dance was popular (even if her current boobs weren't), but her dancing, once again, was too WAY too careful and dainty and the judges called her out on it. For extra fun, her partner Tony apparently thought it'd be a good idea to choreograph the dance in slow motion. I seriously thought I'd pressed the "Play" button on my DVR twice, which makes the TV go in slo-mo.

Still, the biggest disappointment of the evening had to be Lance and Lacey's West Coast Swing routine. I mean, it seems like the whole point of doing West Coast Swing on the show is to showcase one of DWTS' new pros! Instead, the judges slammed Lacey for showcasing herself at the expense of Lance, setting a tone of awkwardness for the rest of the night. Never mind the fact that, in West Coast Swing, the guy is naturally stationary as the girl twirls around.

I just didn't think that Lacey's "showcasing" of herself was any more egregious than what other pros have done in dozens of other performances. Sure, Lance is more talented than other celebs the pros have had to "hide" with their choreography, but I still didn't think it was a big deal. I was more disappointed by Lacey's song choice and uninspired routine. The fact that the best part was when Lance fell by accident is not a good thing.

Toni's trip to the West Coast wasn't too much better. She expressed a desire to break out and whenever a shy celeb does that, they almost always lay an egg. Bruno nailed her for moonwalking in the middle of her performance, but I was mostly bothered by the fact that Alec TOTALLY did a generic, ballroom-lite routine and tried to pass it off as swing.

Meanwhile, I've yet to agree with the judges on Maurice. His fun samba routine last week was, by far, my favorite. This week, his salsa had good energy, but was the opposite of hot and featured only adequate hip action. Of course, it earned a 27 from the judges. Huh?! Maybe they just gave him the high number for enduring Cheryl's wrath during rehearsal. She was frustrated at having to teach a dance she didn't know, but that doesn't mean she had to take it out on Mo!

By contrast, Cloris' dancing was partially a complete disaster, but much more entertaining to me than Maurice's salsa. For the first time, Cloris fused the "I'm actually trying" and "completely bats--t" crazy aesthetic of her "dancing" equally. The result featured some more uncomfortable boob grabbing from Corky in between some actual salsa moves.

That being said, I think Cloris is going home today. Or maybe I'm just hoping she goes home so we don't have to see her attempt a group hip hop routine next week.

So what'd you think of this episode? Could Brooke, Toni or Susan have any less personality on the dance floor? (Combined, they honestly have less than a quarter of Cloris' personality.) Will you miss Len next week/ How can you NOT moonwalk during a Michael Jackson song? Finally, who do you think is going home tonight?