American Idol: Downloads Letdown

I give up.

Whenever I think a theme on “American Idol” is going to be a bust (Grand Ole Opry, Motown) it turns out to be a big success, and whenever I think a theme sounds promising (“Top Downloads”) it turns out to be last night — meaning a waste of time.

The fact that I seriously flirted with putting Scott McIntyre into my “Top 3” performances from last night is NOT a good sign whenever there are more than three singers to choose from.

Then again, I should’ve known that when you give free reign to a group of people who mostly have no idea how to pick a song (it’s not entirely their fault, they may still be trying to figure out who they want to be as people/artists) the results were going to be bad. And that’s exactly what last night was — unless the goal was to find new, suckier versions of The Fray and Usher.

Yet that’s precisely what we got from Matt Giraud and Anoop Desai, respectively.

It’s not that either of them were bad, per se. In fact, Anoop sounded no worse than Usher. The problem was that, as Kara pointed out, he played it kind of safe with the vocal and ended up coming off as a sort of Usher wannabe. I mean, if you’re going to do an Usher song — not exactly the peak of songwriting — you’d really better perform the hell out of it, instead of tentatively going from one side of the stage to another. Still, I think more emphasis should’ve been placed on the fact that he SOUNDED good, and less on speculation that he looked like some lost college guy. That’s why I can’t blame him for looking visibly pissed off after the judges’ harsh comments.

Matt, on the other hand, appears to be the only person who thinks he should be some sort of “rock” artist. I respect the guy for sticking to his guns, but his more rock-flavored performances are simply inferior to his more soulful, R&B-ish work. All of this wouldn’t be an issue if he had performed “You Found Me” amazingly, but his performance was basically a competent knockoff made slightly creepy by all those hands from the zombie-like fans he was surrounded by reaching up to grab him (yet not being allowed to actually touch him).

In fact, it seems the judges have very definite ideas as to what each contestant should be doing. Of course, it’s their job to have these opinions, but I still find it annoying that when one of the contestants dares to do something other than what the judges envisioned for them, Randy, Kara, Paula and Simon seem to hold it against them, instead of objectively critiquing what they just saw.

For example, they really wanted Michael Sarver to be a country artist. They also really want Megan Joy (Not Corkrey) to be the next Adele or Duffy. However, this funky chick is more interested in singing Bob Marley. Though the performance was pretty monotonous, Megan looked a lot more comfortable on stage this week and I didn’t think it was as bad as the judges made it out to be. It just seems like the judges saw she WASN’T performing “Chasing Pavements” or “Mercy” and automatically tuned out.

Meanwhile, the judges seem to want wardrobe approval on Allison Iraheta’s outfits and dress her up like one of those Disney tween stars. Last week, they all but ignored her blazing take on “Papa Was a Rolling Stone” because they were playing with crayons. This week, they were stuck on the faux-rock outfit she was wearing, despite the fact that she’s been dressing in a similar way pretty much the entire time. I mean, if they want to critique something they could’ve brought up the fact that her “axe” playing only extended to the intro to “Don’t Speak” or that she flubbed a lyric, and missed a note or two. Of course, even a weaker performance by Allison is good enough to be one of my top 3 for the evening. I just wish the judges would start paying attention to this girl.

On the flip side of that, Scott McIntryre finally got the chance to do what he and the judges have wanted— sing a Billy Joel song on the piano. Simon said, it was his best performance by “a country mile” and I totally agree. The only difference is that I don’t necessarily think that made it any good. Sure, it was an improvement, but one could argue drinking urine is an improvement over eating poop. Last night, Scott allowed us to drink urine instead of the poop he usually serves us with his performances. Finally, Billy Joel? “Just the Way You Are”? Could that choice have been anymore typical/predictable?

(Sorry if I’m a little cranky, but Scott just should NOT still be here, as evidenced by this exchange between me and my girlfriend Erica. Erica: “What more do you want to see from him? Me: “I don’t want to see ANYTHING out of him. He should be gone.”)

Remember how I said Adam Lambert put everything together and delivered one of the 10 best performances in “Idol” history? Well this week, he did the opposite of everything I loved about “The Track of My Tears” — except for the hair. The song choice was atrocious. (Why would you pick “Play that Funky Music” in an effort to prove you’re a relevant artist today — or in any era?) His over-the-top (yet on-point) screeching and howling made their return and drowned out the rest of song. Of course, he sounded great as usual. I just wish he’d use his powers for good, instead of for stupid. He’s MUCH better than this performance.

His fellow (former) front-runner Lil Rounds, on the other hand, can no longer hang her hat on the “she’s amazing singer” thing. Are we sure she’s any good. I know the judges have pounded her for “song choice” (and she really should hire a consultant), but for the fourth week in a row, she sort of butchered the verse, before getting to the LOUD ALL CAPS part of a song (“I Surrender.”) Only this time, the chorus wasn’t anything special (and the fact that she was styled like she could’ve been 45 years old didn’t help). Seemingly sensing one of their “pets” was in trouble, the show (Ryan) brought out her adorable kids and had the younger one hug Randy. Awwww — come on! Is there ANY way they don’t use the judges’ save on her?

Danny Gokey, the last of the trio of early front-runners, continued his steady course — which in itself is a disappointment. I think Danny has the tools to pull out a special performance, but seems content on getting by on his popularity and cruise-control-solid vocals. Once again, his take on “What Hurts the Most” was good. Not as great as the judges made it out to be, but good. It was nice to see him take a break from spazzing out all across the stage, but (though he’s no Lil Rounds-level verse butcher) I’d like to see him work the verses a bit more.

Finally, there was Kris Allen (pictured, left), getting the coveted show-closing spot and delivering a knockout with a re-tooled version (artistry!) of “Ain’t No Sunshine.” This guy doesn’t really miss a note vocally, and he even displayed some of the swagger Simon said had been (allegedly) missing. My only disappointment in his performance was that the judges held back from saying “Best performance of the night” and, instead, gave him the decidedly more tepid “Best performance we’ve seen from you.”

That’s the kind of crap you say to Scott McIntyre, not a guy who has a legitimate shot to win this thing!

So what’d you think of this episode? How did they define “Top Downloads” for this week’s theme? (What’s the number that makes a song a “Top Download”? I want to know!) Really, Kara? Studio 57? What’s it going to take for the judges to just critique/praise Allison Iraheta’s, um, SINGING? Finally, who do you think is going home tonight? I actually think it’s going to be Scott. His fans won’t think he’s in trouble and he’ll get to go out on top (for him 9th place IS “on top”). Let’s face it — he’s NEVER going to be as “good” as he was last night, right?